sickandtiredOfex Posted September 11 Share Posted September 11 was in an abusive relationship with a man I had dated since I was 16, he was abusive towards me, hitting me stopped me from seeing friends. I ended up meeting someone online, we got chatting and spent 24/7 chatting and talking it got sexual over 18 months.. During that time I had an abortion, online man said hurry up get that out you and I'll put mine in you. We met up a few times then he dumped me..I was broken. begging pleading and all the time he was verbally abusing me. he even met me to show me videos of him having sex with someone else. We met again in 2014 for sex then he ghosted me again, he said he didn't go with women with kids, I had 2 kids. I begged and pleaded even worse when he was sending me texts asking me for sex and he just made fun of me this time he had a new gf and she was joining in with the abuse. He said i was rubbish in bed, made fun of my pubic hair, I was fat and ugly and old even got her kid to call me an old lady and that She was better at everything. I changed my number. A while later I started online dating then he started on me on those while he was still with her this went on almost 3 years, things like want sex, you're mine, I'll have you anytime I want or how he had lots of girls on his arms, I'd reply well go get them or I'd ignore and block him I just got done with it. He catfished me to get my kik name as well. send me messages I'd stonewall, I never blocked him just deleted his chats until I got fed up and binned that too that was in 2018. 2022 I got an email from him was spammed right away but June was different I got an email from a random account, I've never communicated with , I replied it was him. Since all the don't cares from me on dating sites he didn't let much slip said he was single though wouldn't give me his number. Gave him a chance thought 10 years has passed maybe he's grown up, we met, he insulted me called me a slut, then wanted sex, didn't have full sex we got interrupted. He has been dangling me for 3 months. Told me he got rid of old videos of me but was specific to what I was wearing. Stood me up after saying he was coming to see me, day before was fine sent him videos of what he asked, he got my address to come to mine, no communication afterwards sent him 3 messages on app and 1 email went no chasing him, next morning called me a rat, I had mental health issues ect. . I was just a toy and he didn't care what I wanted, then he'd switch and be all nice in mail, apologised typing stuff like I can do better than him, it wasn't working how he hoped how he wished me well.. Then He arranged to meet me, everything was OK we were messaging each other then Saturday before we talked, he said he thought about me sometimes while with other women, then he brought up my abortion and I chatted to him about it,He read my message then next day messages me he couldn't get it up since he put on weight and has ignored me since. I've asked him to talk to me.. He's ignored me except email saying just let it go. I've deleted my email address and no longer chasing him for answers. I never forgot about the baby i aborted, it was a choice I didn't take lightly, I had to I was being hit all the time by my ex partner and I trusted that man with my secret. I forgot all about the bad things he did to me and let him do to me..why did he come back into my life when I done everything I could to keep him out for years because of this treatment towards me. All I know is he was seeing someone round my area that I could feel him smirking while telling me, is this why he wanted my address because he knew he'd do this to me and I can't delete my address.. I'm literally broken with these kind games. He didn't reopen wounds he stabbed them open. sorry it feels jumbled my heads a mess I'm so stupid how could I after years of avoiding and blocking him allow him to do this to me again? I'm at my lowest Quote Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 12 Share Posted September 12 Do some counseling to find out why you would stay in contact with ANY abuser! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted September 12 Share Posted September 12 Why are you participating in this? You go to quite a bit of effort to put yourself in abusive situations. It's obvious that you do not care for YOURSELF. Please call a battered women's hotline in your country, they are easy to find. Please do this. They will be able to guide you to get help that you need. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted September 12 Share Posted September 12 What a repulsive pig of a male. I won't call him a man, real men don't abuse women. Please delete anything this creep has sent you, block his number/email/social media. Then look up on the internet where you can go for counselling, or speak to your doctor, or any doctor, about domestic violence and what you've experienced, and they should be able to point you in the direction of some support. Counselling can help you to learn how to protect your boundaries and avoid getting involved with abusive males. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author sickandtiredOfex Posted September 12 Author Share Posted September 12 6 hours ago, MsJayne said: What a repulsive pig of a male. I won't call him a man, real men don't abuse women. Please delete anything this creep has sent you, block his number/email/social media. Then look up on the internet where you can go for counselling, or speak to your doctor, or any doctor, about domestic violence and what you've experienced, and they should be able to point you in the direction of some support. Counselling can help you to learn how to protect your boundaries and avoid getting involved with abusive males. I know why I get involved with abusive men a therapist doesn't need to tell me what I already know. My dad was abusive to me as a kid so I don't know how men should treat women. I was strong for years with this man holding him back blocking ignoring him ect. He was cyber stalking me too and says he still has old videos of me promised he deleted them but I think he's lying. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 12 Share Posted September 12 Why have you been chasing after this man all of these years so he can continue to abuse you? Why are you doing this to yourself as well as your kids? Why are you having such a hard time staying away from this man? If you changed your number once how was he able to contact you again? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author sickandtiredOfex Posted September 12 Author Share Posted September 12 6 minutes ago, stillafool said: Why have you been chasing after this man all of these years so he can continue to abuse you? Why are you doing this to yourself as well as your kids? Why are you having such a hard time staying away from this man? If you changed your number once how was he able to contact you again? I chased him years ago because I loved him and thought he felt the same way, a week before he dumped me he was showing me a picture threatening to jump if I didn't talk to him. He dumped me and I chased him for weeks he'd ignore me then send me text messages and it would have me chasing him again. eventually I stopped responding and changed my number after I got abuse. I just went MIA. Months later I went on dating apps it wasn't long before he was on them pretending to be other people, I'd block, hed make another profile up, I gave up them too. that's how he was contacting me. I blocked and done all I could, when he sent me an email in 2022 I binned it right away. In June an email from unknown person I replied to turned out to be him. I didn't chase him then.. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted September 12 Share Posted September 12 6 hours ago, sickandtiredOfex said: He was cyber stalking me too and says he still has old videos of me promised he deleted them but I think he's lying. Keep any texts, emails, messages, etc, that this POS has sent you. If he's threatened, or even jokingly suggested, that he'll put these videos online you should let him know that you'll go to police. Stalking is a serious criminal offence and he's also teetering very close to blackmail. Keep records, and if he contacts you again let him know you're keeping evidence of what he's been doing and that you will hand it over to police. I'm sorry to hear you had an abusive father, that does tend to set women up for future abusive relationships, and again, a counsellor could really help you with learning how to avoid getting into those type of relationships. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted September 13 Share Posted September 13 If you're tempted to give an abusive person another chance because you "think they have changed," DO NOT. Even if they have changed, you have not, and the two of you will surely go back to your same patterns. Isn't 10 years of your life enough to have devoted to this mess? Do you realize that you're modeling how to treat others and how to accept being treated for your own children? I'm sure you don't want them in a situation like this in their futures. Please STOP. Yes, you are a victim of abuse and it's not your fault that he or any other many you've been with isan abusive pig, but your choices to chase and to keep stepping right up to receive abuse over and over is your own responsibility. Again: Please STOP and if you need help to do that, get the help. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author sickandtiredOfex Posted September 13 Author Share Posted September 13 17 hours ago, MsJayne said: Keep any texts, emails, messages, etc, that this POS has sent you. If he's threatened, or even jokingly suggested, that he'll put these videos online you should let him know that you'll go to police. Stalking is a serious criminal offence and he's also teetering very close to blackmail. Keep records, and if he contacts you again let him know you're keeping evidence of what he's been doing and that you will hand it over to police. I'm sorry to hear you had an abusive father, that does tend to set women up for future abusive relationships, and again, a counsellor could really help you with learning how to avoid getting into those type of relationships. Not your fault my dad did what he did. I don't want another relationship. I'm just trying to get my head everything. He was nice then nasty then nice again. He stood my up and next day called me a rat, I don't understand. Why he treated me that way. even in his last email it was nice let's forget it x. I don't know my heads a mess. He said he was impotent a few weeks ago but he was fine said it wasn't my fault. But few weeks earlier asking for videos then called me a toy and he didn't care what I wanted. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 13 Share Posted September 13 Block him on everything and make up your mind to stay away from him no matter what. Can you do that? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted September 13 Share Posted September 13 How can we help you? There are Domestic Violence Prevention hotlines on the Internet with professionally trained counselors. They can listen and offer ideas, and they can refer you to someone local to you who can help you get safe and move forward. They can access resources not generally know to the public that can assist with plans and finances. Consider starting here: Domestic Violence Prevention Organization 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author sickandtiredOfex Posted September 13 Author Share Posted September 13 Yes I can, I've done it before and I will do it again. I've blocked private numbers which he called me on, I assume the arse hole is not single. I have deleted email addresses, he can't get to me anymore. But not without forwarding 1 email that proves he's a pervert. The last 1 I sent he asked for a picture of my private parts...give him enough rope to hang himself 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted September 14 Share Posted September 14 As long as you keep encouraging and engaging in all of this nastiness, you can be sure it's not going to stop. This is why you are being urged to get help from people who know how to help women who are enmeshed in a cycle of abuse. The ONLY thing that will change your life is YOU changing YOURSELF and making yourself completely unavailable for any of this kind of thing, ever, from any other human on earth. People have a lot of agency over whether they play into the hand of others who are looking to abuse somebody. Even those of us who have had terrible trauma in the past. YOU can change your life. Do you want to do what would be required? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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