Genital herpes

[basil67]

@despairingbuttrying  Bringing this back on topic, where's your thought train at regarding this woman who you're interested in?   Have you been in contact since writing this thread?

[despairingbuttrying]

11 hours ago, basil67 said:

@despairingbuttrying  Bringing this back on topic, where's your thought train at regarding this woman who you're interested in?   Have you been in contact since writing this thread?

Hopefully later this week, for a few hours, we're about a couple of hours away so don't see each other that often unfortunately.  But yes, we have been texting as usual every day but we haven't touched on any of this and not since the time she disclosed.  Thankfully the panic has eased and I am calmer than I was when she first told me as inevitably I feel I would. I just hope perhaps as I get to know her more and spend more time with her, I come to a point where I can feel at peace with her condition and contemplate a potential future with her.

I have booked a therapy session but on standby currently as I think it's time that I had someone to talk to again on a more regular basis.  

[Gaeta]

59 minutes ago, despairingbuttrying said:

I just hope perhaps as I get to know her more and spend more time with her, I come to a point where I can feel at peace with her condition and contemplate a potential future with her.

Have you told her about your hesitations?

[despairingbuttrying]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

Have you told her about your hesitations?

Not over text, no because I'd rather do that in person but I will at some point.  I'm not sure how I will feel when I next see her, first time really since I've had a bit of time to process everything. 

You are right about one thing, I do feel like my perspective of hers has shattered somewhat and yes that is partly due to my own hang ups and insecurities around sex, virginity, femininity and so on but I do have to come to a point where I can be totally comfortable being with her and WANTING to be intimate with her (at least in my head) like I did before she told me.  At least to the point where the herpes isn't even an issue.  Do you think that's possible? 

[Gaeta]

42 minutes ago, despairingbuttrying said:

Do you think that's possible? 

No.

I told you in the first page to end this. Not because of the hsv2 but because you are not the right candidate for her with your history and your general view on women, sex, religion & hang ups, l truly beleive this woman is not for you.

Also you are borderline using her as a guinee pig in some personal challenge. This is not right. Since she told you you did not share with her your fears so she is thinking everything is alright. You never spoke about her feelings in this thread and that's also not right.

Edited Thursday at 04:54 PM by Gaeta

[Els]

17 hours ago, despairingbuttrying said:

Where have I said I had unprotected sex? I shouldn't have used the term one night stand, what I meant was I hooked up with them for the evening, and we had some fun, received oral from a few of them but at no point did my penis enter their vaginas.

I realise sometimes oral sex can transmit stds which is why I've had tests done and they've all been clear. 

Oral sex is sex... it's in the name. And yes, if you have oral sex without a condom or a dental dam (for cunnilingus), then you had unprotected oral sex. You can get HPV from this, which there is no reliable test for in men, and when you have unprotected vaginal sex in the future it's possible for you to transmit that.

Quote

I started the thread to discuss how to navigate the news of a partner disclosing that they have a STD and how to deal with the emotional and psychical challenges of someone in that situation. 

Yes, and a big part of these challenges is apparently your "Christian" view of sex, which your girlfriend having herpes apparently conflicts with. We're trying to explain to you that your perspective is skewed and that these "challenges" could just be your anxiety spiraling out of control.

If you truly have been completely chaste, then I suppose it's understandable that you might be scared by the idea of your girlfriend having had a previous partner and getting herpes. But if you've been having unprotected sex (again, remember, oral sex is sex) with strangers repeatedly, then can you not see how you are blowing this wildly out of proportion? You hooked up with strangers SEVEN times, and out of those seven times not once did it seem to bother you that you might pick up an STD - because you did it again and again. You literally did not know these people - they could be HIV positive for all you knew - and you still had unprotected oral sex with them. But now that you're dating this woman, all of a sudden it's a big deal? How does that work?

I do agree with @Gaeta that you should break up with her, though. Also, please tell her about your past. Not everyone needs to do this, because most people already know that their partner has past sexual history of some sort and they don't care. But considering the context of your relationship, religion, and your views on sex... I don't think it's fair for her to not know that. She deserves to be able to make an informed decision about carrying on in a relationship with you, just like how she was upfront with you about hers.

Edited Thursday at 05:38 PM by Els

[despairingbuttrying]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

No.

I told you in the first page to end this. Not because of the hsv2 but because you are not the right candidate for her with your history and your general view on women, sex, religion & hang ups, l truly beleive this woman is not for you.

Also you are borderline using her as a guinee pig in some personal challenge. This is not right. Since she told you you did not share with her your fears so she is thinking everything is alright. You never spoke about her feelings in this thread and that's also not right.

I did say I haven't yet because I haven't seen her in person since she told me and had the opportunity to really talk this through properly. At the time yes I did voice my fears and concerns but not in major detail because it was a shock and I was trying to process it. And I'm still trying to do that now. Making a snap decision with an anxious and fearful mindset is something I have done before and that was awful. Now I'm calmed down a bit I think more rationally. 

I did disclose some of what I've done but not in major detail in the same way she didn't either, i.e. numbers etc. But like I said in my OP that was something I was prepared to accept.