NewfieEd Posted August 4 Share Posted August 4 I started seeing a girl in February, we started off with very casual dates getting to know each other and taking it slow because she ended a relationship in which she was engaged, 7 months before. I worked a job in which I was gone away for 15 days and home for 13. I also have some sick family, about an hour and a half from the city I live in, and when I was home I spent a lot of time with them. It was great when it was casual because we were both living our lives with minimal expectations. Around mid May we made it an exclusive relationship, started to hang out more, sex and feelings came into the relationship. One of my best friends died in July and I spent most of my time on my days off in the small community I grew up in with family and friends, she was supportive but also got frustrated that I spent most of my time there, which I understand because I was only an hour and a half from the city and should have been making time to see her. She became upset and told me the issues with the lack of time we get together. So my next days off came and I was spending a lot of time with my sick relatives again and not with her, she again expressed concern about the lack of time together. So last week the last few days I was home, we hung out, hiked, had sex, etc. I was supposed to go back to work and she wrote me and said “I absolutely adore you but there are too many differences in our lifestyles and I believe we have different wants and needs, with you going away for work it seems like every time we hang out we are starting over because we never get enough time together and I have to end this for the both of us as I feel we are drifting apart”. I respected her decision and told her I understand. I was trying to get a transfer with my company to be home to allleviate some of these issues. This past Friday my company finally decided to give me the transfer, she is starting a new job soon 4 hours from the city and we had talked about if I had this job at home I could spend a lot more time with her when she moves. But we had already made the decision to break up when I got my transfer this week. She was out of town for the weekend with a prior commitment and I didn’t want to bother her. Would it be ok to maybe write her? Could I send her flowers possibly congratulating her on her new job? (As I am very proud of her). Should I give her some space then write her maybe in a months time? Or just leave it? I really like her and looking back, I understand her frustrations with me, I wasn’t there enough but I was also trying to be there for my family while My dad battles Alzheimer’s Disease, but I also understand now that I needed to have better priorities surrounding the relationship side of things. She told me “you always said you would try to make more time for us but your actions didn’t align with your words” which I cannot disagree with either. Any thoughts are appreciated. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted August 5 Share Posted August 5 Please don’t pursue again someone who broke up with you because you had to spend time with sick family and honor a friend who has died. I’m sorry, but she is either a very selfish person or she simply doesn’t really love you. Possibly both. You should find someone who’d support you during tough times. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 5 Share Posted August 5 I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how tough this is for you I do believe that we need to make time for our loved ones in times of adversity - after all, one of their roles is being there for us. So for context, just how often were you seeing her during July? I totally understand that you may not have been up for fun dates, but did you see her for quiet nights in? Did you ever take her to the other town while you were visiting? I'm asking so that my comment isn't based on assumptions. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 5 Share Posted August 5 7 hours ago, NewfieEd said: Would it be ok to maybe write her? If you are going to convey the news that you got a transfer, pick up the phone and call her. Don't write. If she doesn't answer, sure, send a message letting her know your circumstances have changed and you may be able to close the distance now and would like to try. If she isn't open to that, well, then this is where is really ends. Please don't send flowers. I once received flowers after I had broken up with an ex and it was awkward and I felt guilty receiving them. I am sorry you're going through such a tough time. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts