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He thinks I cheated


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My ex boyfriend thinks I cheated on him. I still maintain my innocence that I never cheated. This past Sunday he saw a message written "Hi Love". He went and read all the messages. He saw that I wasn't responding romantically. 

 

Now he says I was flirting. Which I never did. If I did want to hide the messages. I would have waited for him to board the flight and read the messages. But, I opened the messages in front of him. I knew I had nothing to hide. That's when he saw the message. I would like to hear your opinion on this matter. Did I cheat or not?

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basil67

Unless you left out pertinent information, of course you didn't cheat.   

Now at the risk of stating the obvious, he's your ex-boyfriend.  What comes up on your phone is none of his business and you don't owe him any explanations.  If he pulls a stunt like this again, just tell him to F off.   

Get rid of this idiot so that you can keep your options open for a good guy.

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Acacia98

Why is your ex-boyfriend still hanging out with you when it is clear he hasn't moved on?  And why on earth are you still justifying yourself/defending yourself?

If you have a kid together or work together, it is understandable that you may have to interact. But he shouldn't be reading your messages, and you should not be discussing your private phone communications with him. If you live together, one of you needs to move out. And you need to set very strong boundaries.

Oh, by the way, he can think whatever he wants to think about anything. It's his mind. It's not your job to care what he thinks. And it's not your responsibility to fix it. If he wants to believe you cheated on him, don't stop him. Just shut the door on him so that you can focus on your actual life and the real problems (everyone has real problems) that I'm sure you should be focusing on.

Edited by Acacia98
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Posted (edited)

Guys I labeled him as "ex" because immediately after he read the messages, he dumped me

Edited by CanHam
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Acacia98

That clarifies things considerably.

As someone else mentioned, if you haven't left any pertinent information out, then it sounds like you were not cheating. In that case, he can't have valued the relationship much if he ended it over a non-issue. It sounds rather like he was looking for an excuse to break up with you. 

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Gebidozo

Let me get this straight. Your then-still-boyfriend read a text message from you to another man, in which you addressed that man as “love”. Even though your then-still-boyfriend read the message in context and saw that the actual content wasn’t romantic or sexual, he decided that was cheating and broke up with you?

Well, what can I say… He is an idiot. Normal people don’t break up over such a thing. Of course it wasn’t cheating. If he was uncomfortable with the way you address other men, he could have gently asked you to change the tone somewhat. Instead, he just went ballistic on you. I’d say “good riddance”.

Edited by Gebidozo
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mark clemson

Agree with I think most above that you are better off without this BF. Overly jealous and controlling and probably not emotionally reading for a normal, healthy relationship.

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5 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Let me get this straight. Your then-still-boyfriend read a text message from you to another man, in which you addressed that man as “love”. Even though your then-still-boyfriend read the message in context and saw that the actual content wasn’t romantic or sexual, he decided that was cheating and broke up with you?

Well, what can I say… He is an idiot. Normal people don’t break up over such a thing. Of course it wasn’t cheating. If he was uncomfortable with the way you address other men, he could have gently asked you to change the tone somewhat. Instead, he just went ballistic on you. I’d say “good riddance”.

The Hi love message was from the man. Which I never responded. I didn't even see the message. It's my still then boyfriend who saw it. All I saw was the company pictures that the man had sent. Then he asked me to be their company marketing manager. 

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5 hours ago, mark clemson said:

Agree with I think most above that you are better off without this BF. Overly jealous and controlling and probably not emotionally reading for a normal, healthy relationship.

Yeah, this is coming from someone who once told me to find a boyfriend, in one of our arguments. If we fight, he brings the past up. Next day he forgot what he said. He used to compare me with his ex. Now that he dumped me. He says I am the same mess as his ex girlfriends. I overlooked the red flags from the relationship. It's now that, I see that I tolerated his BS a lot. 

I do miss him, I won't lie. But painting me as a cheater, whilst I have never cheated in any of my past relationships. He has the nerve to say, it's because they never caught me. That's why it seems like I never cheated 

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basil67
13 minutes ago, CanHam said:

He says I am the same mess as his ex girlfriends.

There's another thread here with the same theme, but with genders reversed.  I'll tell you what I told him: When someone tells you that all there exes are (negative words), it's a giant red flag that the person you're talking to is the constant.  Don't ever date a guy who broadly disparages all his exes

And just like the other thread, this guy is now going to add you to his list of girls who are a "mess".   And his next girlfriend will also get added to the list no matter how lovely she is

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Gebidozo
3 hours ago, CanHam said:

The Hi love message was from the man. Which I never responded. I didn't even see the message. It's my still then boyfriend who saw it. All I saw was the company pictures that the man had sent. Then he asked me to be their company marketing manager. 

So it wasn’t even you who said “Hi, love” to a man, it was a man who said that to you?

Your ex is an even bigger idiot than I thought. Good riddance, indeed.

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ExpatInItaly

Don't ignore the red flags next time, girl. 

Get rid of men like this the first time they show you that they are jerks. 

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Gebidozo
7 hours ago, CanHam said:

Yeah, this is coming from someone who once told me to find a boyfriend, in one of our arguments.

Big red flag. In most cases, people telling their partners to “find someone else” are just looking for excuses to sabotage the relationship.

 

7 hours ago, CanHam said:

He used to compare me with his ex.

Another big red flag. Never date anyone who compares you to an ex. Unless you’re actually discussing past relationships and you’re interested to learn more, of course. 

 

7 hours ago, CanHam said:

Now that he dumped me. He says I am the same mess as his ex girlfriends.

In retrospect, another big red flag was him badmouthing his exes in the first place. 

 

7 hours ago, CanHam said:

But painting me as a cheater, whilst I have never cheated in any of my past relationships. He has the nerve to say, it's because they never caught me.

It’s a good thing that this pathetic jerk is no longer in your life. I think congratulations are in order. 

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On 7/11/2024 at 1:53 PM, Gebidozo said:

Big red flag. In most cases, people telling their partners to “find someone else” are just looking for excuses to sabotage the relationship.

 

Another big red flag. Never date anyone who compares you to an ex. Unless you’re actually discussing past relationships and you’re interested to learn more, of course. 

 

In retrospect, another big red flag was him badmouthing his exes in the first place. 

 

It’s a good thing that this pathetic jerk is no longer in your life. I think congratulations are in order. 

Well, yesterday around 3:58am. He texted me, I have blocked him on my socials.  I forgot to block him on messenger, anyway I did block him after I replied his message.  His intention is to, make me feel guilty. He is blaming me, that he has gone back to his mental health medication.  He still swears that I am like his exes. Now he is being racist towards me. He is white and I am black. 

 

Anyway, I want to appreciate the advices you gave me. When I replied, I was using my head not heart. 

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stillafool
On 7/14/2024 at 7:15 PM, CanHam said:

Now he is being racist towards me. He is white and I am black. 

I think this is over.  When it gets to this point you should not want him back.  Just move on and heal.  Sounds like he was just looking for any flimsy excuse to end it with you.

Edited by stillafool
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8 hours ago, stillafool said:

I think this is over.  When it gets to this point you should not want him back.  Just move on and heal.  Sounds like he was just looking for any flimsy excuse to end it with you.

I believe so too, him being racist is too low. Says a lot about him. This has tortured me emotionally.  I am now filled with regret on why did I date him.

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