emi Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 Hi guys, I am no longer with my husband since 2 months now. We have been together for 10 years. Marriage lasted around 8 years. I have known him all my 20s and moved to another country to be with him. In the midst of all of this, i am kinda concerned about how i will tell my parents. I have a job, i can support myself. I dont have children. But the problem is i dont want to make them worry. Im kinda scared to be here alone by myself, but i cant move back so easily. After all, i have been gone for almost a decade and feel foreign in my own country. I have been trying to function normally the last 2 months, taking care of the basic stuffs, but im getting nervous, if my soon to be ex-husband starts posting pictures of his new girlfriend on the internet and my family can see it. He didnt do it yet, nor he needs to care what my family think. I just wanna avoid the problem.. to be honest, im pretty exhausted, and wonder if i should let abit more time flies by. I cant seem to sort out everything. His family knows... Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 (edited) Just let them to know it isn’t working anymore. I’m sure they would rather know than not know. see an attorney to understand how the split will work out and you have info to help yourself. Edited May 13 by S2B 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 @emi I would be very very sad if my child didn't tell me that their marriage broke down, and I'd be even sadder that they hadn't come to me for a supportive ear in the lead up to the separation. Kindly, they aren't children and don't need to be protected. It's their job to care for you and be a support - even if it is only from a distance. I agree to just let them know that it hasn't worked out. If you're not sure how the future will look, it's OK to say that you're still figuring things out and to share your reasonings with them. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted May 14 Share Posted May 14 Call your parents today and tell them what's happening in your life, you need the love and support at the moment and I'm sure they'd be hurt if they knew you were carrying this on your own to save their feelings. Maybe not telling them is part of you refusing to accept the finality? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author emi Posted May 14 Author Share Posted May 14 4 hours ago, MsJayne said: Call your parents today and tell them what's happening in your life, you need the love and support at the moment and I'm sure they'd be hurt if they knew you were carrying this on your own to save their feelings. Maybe not telling them is part of you refusing to accept the finality? Kind of. Im trying to avoid reality as much as i can. I have alot of personal belongings i didnt throw away yet... it takes toll to deal with all of that Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted May 14 Share Posted May 14 1 hour ago, emi said: Kind of. Im trying to avoid reality as much as i can. I have alot of personal belongings i didnt throw away yet... it takes toll to deal with all of that Yes, a really difficult time for you, but I’m sure if you can bring yourself to tell your parents it’ll lift a bit of the weight from you and help you take a little step forward. Are you hoping that he might come back and your parents need never know? You mentioned he has a new girlfriend, was that the cause of the separation? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 14 Share Posted May 14 Unfortunately there's no way around it, you just have to tell them. It's understandable to take some time to process things and get through the grief, especially if your relationship with your parents is such that you know you can't rely on them for emotional support (i.e. they usually just make things worse when you tell them). But 2 months is a really long time, and they're bound to find out, so I'd just let them know. If you want, you can schedule the conversation for a time when they know you'll need to leave soon (job etc) so you have a good excuse to make it brief. Do you have friends who can support you through this time? You shouldn't feel obligated to go back to your home country just because you're separated. You've lived in this country for 10 years, so if you like your life here, it's practically home for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emi Posted May 14 Author Share Posted May 14 4 hours ago, MsJayne said: Yes, a really difficult time for you, but I’m sure if you can bring yourself to tell your parents it’ll lift a bit of the weight from you and help you take a little step forward. Are you hoping that he might come back and your parents need never know? You mentioned he has a new girlfriend, was that the cause of the separation? I am actually not hoping for anything, nor do i really have the nerve to do it. The last few weeks have been really stressful. I needed a new place to stay, a new car. And after all of that i still go to work. Im basically broke after all the things i need to pay. There are many reasons for the break, but his new girlfriend wasnt the original reason, it just helped making thing dead and done faster. I hope things work out well for him, no matter if i like it or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emi Posted May 14 Author Share Posted May 14 2 hours ago, Els said: Unfortunately there's no way around it, you just have to tell them. It's understandable to take some time to process things and get through the grief, especially if your relationship with your parents is such that you know you can't rely on them for emotional support (i.e. they usually just make things worse when you tell them). But 2 months is a really long time, and they're bound to find out, so I'd just let them know. If you want, you can schedule the conversation for a time when they know you'll need to leave soon (job etc) so you have a good excuse to make it brief. Do you have friends who can support you through this time? You shouldn't feel obligated to go back to your home country just because you're separated. You've lived in this country for 10 years, so if you like your life here, it's practically home for you. Thank you for your reply. I dont feel obligated, im just abit scared. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 14 Share Posted May 14 5 hours ago, emi said: Thank you for your reply. I dont feel obligated, im just abit scared. What do you feel scared of (besides the parents finding out)? Link to post Share on other sites
Author emi Posted May 14 Author Share Posted May 14 (edited) 1 hour ago, Els said: What do you feel scared of (besides the parents finding out)? If i tell them, i need to tell them also i will be ok. Im not sure about it. Sure i will survive, but the future is making me kinda anxious. I cant sell them something that i am unsure about. I dont have any relatives here btw. I need a plan. I dont have one right now. Edited May 14 by emi Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 14 Share Posted May 14 42 minutes ago, emi said: If i tell them, i need to tell them also i will be ok. Im not sure about it. Sure i will survive, but the future is making me kinda anxious. I cant sell them something that i am unsure about. I dont have any relatives here btw. I need a plan. I dont have one right now. Do you have friends that you can rely on? You could tell them that you're staying with a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Oldenuff2know Posted May 14 Share Posted May 14 47 minutes ago, emi said: If i tell them, i need to tell them also i will be ok. Im not sure about it. Sure i will survive, but the future is making me kinda anxious. I cant sell them something that i am unsure about. I dont have any relatives here btw. I need a plan. I dont have one right now. This is why it would be better to tell your parents now so that they can be supportive and help you navigate this difficult time. Can you also talk to a therapist to help you through this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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