Jump to content

Found out about 9 year old affair

Recommended Posts

I’ve been with the mother of my two children (3yrs and 1yr) for 11 years. About 9 years ago she admitted that she had one night where she went out with her girlfriend and met up with another guy and that they all made out and were kissing. On a separate night with the same girlfriend, she admitted to making out with a different guy in a pool. She said she had had a crush on this guy for a while, and had pursued him, which led to the situation in the pool, but when she eventually saw him making out with her girlfriend that night, she got turned off and left. I believed her, and even though it was weird, I came to terms with this and accepted it and moved on. 

Last week, all of a sudden, these events resurfaced in my mind, and I felt compelled to ask her again, after nine years, if anything else indeed happened. She admitted that in the pool event, she had ended up in a bathtub with her crush, and received and gave oral sex. Also in the previous event, both her girlfriend and the other guy gave her oral sex. 


At this point, I’m essentially insane. With vivid mental pornographic movies playing in my mind about these situations, torment and abdominal pain overwhelming me to the point of paralysis, intense rage and anger wash over like lava, I’m confused and shocked. No one wants to picture their special love of their life leaving to go give it all away in some ******** bathtub. But that’s what I’m imagining over and over and over again.

I love her still so much, but I’m so angry at her for the fact that her actions have invited such tormenting mental images, jealously, destruction of self worth, suspicion of not getting the entire story.

We have two really superb and sweet children together now. 

I feel consumed with confusion and feel like every way forward is painful. 

I know every situation is different, but has anyone else out there found out about an old affair and how have you dealt with it?

Any advice on how someone in my position can move forward?


thank you,


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry this happened. It was so long ago, and your life since hasn't changed and has always been great. Sometimes counselling could help wonders to unload all those feelings of uncertainty and hurt. That could be your first step to healing. Clearing those emotions, and thinking clearer will help you finalize your decision to end it or work on rebuilding your relationship. But please do not carry around resentment and relive this in your head...do something about it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Should have kicked her to the curb when you originally found out, now you wasted years on a deadbeat.  Like the saying goes, can't make a ho into a housewife.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Create New...