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I've developed a fetish for transwomen while in a long term cis relationship

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OP, you got together with your partner when you were very young. 

Had you had any sexual experience before her? 

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On 9/15/2023 at 6:03 PM, HankHatfield said:

I [30m] have been with my partner [29f] for 14 years, high school sweethearts. I love her and still want to be with her, but i really want to experience a night with...

How is your relationship overall? Do you live together? Do you have similar goals as far as marriage, family, future,etc.? 

How is the romance and intimacy? Are you two in a rut or has the bedroom gotten boring?

Are you trying to undermine the relationship? Do you want to cheat or open the relationship or just want a free pass to explore your fantasies?

Have you become increasingly involved with increasing extreme porn rather than building intimacy with your GF?

If you want to explore whatever it is you're fantasizing about, do it on your own time at your own risk.

Don't ask your GF to participate or drag her through this so you have a security blanket while acting out your fantasies.


Edited by Wiseman2
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10 hours ago, HankHatfield said:

Thank you all for your input. I needed a day to review the comments and seriously question myself which was extremely emotionally distressing. If I'm here questioning whether or not to act on these urges then i seriously had to question if any of your comments ring true. 

Couple things that shook me


This is the first time i really questioned whether or not there is a problem in my relationship and whether or not this need to act on my desires is just a desperate cry for change or help. While my attractions to transwomen are true, i think my recent uptick in desire to actually act out on them are indeed stemming from unhappiness. Ive other major stressors, so I'm not sure how much of my unhappiness stems purely from my current relationship but its enough for me to question sex outside our currently monogamous relationship. I think my unhappiness, need for change, and sexual fantasies have collided in a desire for escape by seeking out a new and exciting experience, and i realize I've been willing to risk my long term relationship by talking to my partner about it.

I feel like I've gotten a better direction and handle on what's going on compared to a few days ago, but now what i thought was a very stressful isolated issue now might be far deeper than i thought and I'm terrified. Im gonna go see a therapist before talking to my partner about anything. Id like to add more, but I'm still uncertain in my thoughts. 

I would say im attracted to all women, cis or trans assuming they check all the personal flavor boxes. Would be fine dating a transwoman. For sex in this situations context won't lie functional penis is the appeal  however I would like to think in a relationship i wouldn't care. However i understand the irony of the statement since here i am talking about sex with someone else because my current partner doesn't have a functioning penis.

I'm not knocking you for having these thoughts but you owe it to your partner to be honest with her and communicate about this situation.

You might be afraid to lose her, but she deserves to know that you're considering other possibilities.

You're essentially contemplating seeking her permission to pursue a relationship with a transwoman or to potentially engage in a threesome. These desires are yours, not necessarily hers. It's unfair to put her in a position to make a decision that could ultimately affect her life and relationship just because of your own unspoken desires.

Edited by Alpacalia
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10 hours ago, HankHatfield said:

i think my recent uptick in desire to actually act out on them are indeed stemming from unhappiness.

I doubt it.  Most people who are unhappy in their relationship or marriage don't decide that the key to their happiness is to now find a partner whose genitalia is different than the current one.  I think it you should leave your current partner and seek what you really want which is a transwoman.

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6 hours ago, stillafool said:

I think it you should leave your current partner and seek what you really want which is a transwoman.

Maybe, but transwomen, like most people, would prefer to be in relationships where they are valued  for who they are in their entirety rather than being the object of a sexual fetish.

To that end, the OP can seek sexual encounters with professionals or sexual adventurers  who are transwomen without crossing any of those type of lines. 

In any case, yes.  Leave your current partner.

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