Swegen Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 So I (M22) have been seeing this girl (F19) for about a month. We’ve been on 7-8 dates and I really think we have good chemistry. Im debating asking the ‘relationship’ ‘be my gf’ question soon but my previous experience with girls has led me to believe that I require a more objective view on this matter. So, essentially, lots of green flags, very nice family, motivated, etc . The problem lies in the fact that she regularly talks to lots of other guys on social media, specifically snapchat. Even when we are hanging out she is sending pics of herself and chatting up guys , usually she has like 50 unopened snaps. She claims that she is “addicted to snapchat”. Am I overthinking it, is she just immature, or are these just a bunch of meaningless, dry conversations? Im just so sick of being in relationships where I feel like im super committed to a person and them seeming like they have 100 back up plans. I had an emotionally abusive ex a few years ago who used to regularily, flirt, call, and sext with guys online while we were hanging out. As a result of this , I believe I have a very reflexive sort of overprotectiveness/jealously. Would love some input. Why would she need to talk to all of these guys if im special to her. It just makes me feel so insignificant and replaceable. Am I just insecure, is there any women out there that dont do this in the ubiquitous social media culture we live in? Tl;dr Seems like a great girl but also seems like she isn’t committed to me and is ‘keeping her options open’ Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 (edited) It's a month and you're not committed. She sounds like she enjoys the attention of speaking to multiple guys online, which is an understandable thing to many people in the age of social media and especially if she is single. Snapping when you're on a date with other men? Yes, if boyfriend did that he'd be an ex-boyfriend or any other man that I was on a date with for that matter if I were single. It doesn't sound like she's really making you feel special. She did forewarn you that she is addicted to snapchat. I don't have snapchat or even whatsapp but I know it's super hard for some people to totally transform yourself and throw away your old habits, which you really can't expect from someone if that's what they have been used to for years. It's not something that you're into personally, and that's totally okay. There are women out there who don't over engage with other guys online by sending them dozens of photos and chatting up other guys when you're on a date. Edited August 14 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 You're not being jealous or over-protective, the whole thing is a red flag with red flags on it. Maybe have a talk to her about it, let her know that you'd like to be a couple but that her need for the attention of other guys bothers you, give her the opportunity to choose whether she wants a relationship with one person or needs 24/7 attention from a host of lecherous strangers. She's not addicted to social media, she's addicted to attention and compliments from men, social media is just the vehicle she uses. If she knows you're seeing these online interactions, that's where the real red flag is waving at you, it's dismissive and invalidating towards you. She may have the point of view that since the two of you aren't official she's still single and can do what she likes, and that's true, but if she was really into you why would she do something that, for many people, would be an instant romance-killer? If you were in a relationship with this girl would you trust her? I wouldn't. Are you sure she's not running an OnlyFans page? Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 Dude she's 19, still a child. It's normal for someone her age to be addicted to taking selfies etc. The other guys though, that tells me she is not in any place to be someone's official gf right now. She is enjoying her life and she's not going to stop that any time soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 (edited) 8 hours ago, Swegen said: Im debating asking the ‘relationship’ ‘be my gf’ question soon 8 hours ago, Swegen said: Why would she need to talk to all of these guys if im special to her Seems like a great girl but also seems like she isn’t committed to me and is ‘keeping her options open’ It feels like you're putting the cart before the horse a bit here. You two aren't even exclusive yet - she's single, therefore she's acting single. Why would you be "special" to her when you two don't have a relationship yet and she doesn't even know if you WANT a relationship? Of course she isn't committed to you and is keeping her options open, if 8 dates have gone by and neither of you knows if you are actually in a relationship. That being said, I do agree that texting other people constantly (regardless of content of texts and gender of the receiver) while on a date is somewhat poor manners and quite unattractive, so I wouldn't blame you for moving on based on that. But in the future, if you want a partner to act like they are in a relationship with you, you have to actually ask them to BE in a relationship with you... Edited August 14 by Els 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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