BaileyB Posted July 7, 2020 Share Posted July 7, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Disillusionment373 said: Many posters are commenting and judging my bf's parenting skills because I'm moving in. We love each other. I'm moving in. That action does not equate to him being a neglectful father. I'm not the first gf to move in with her bf and his child and I won't be the last. This isn't some world ends scenario because I'm moving in with my bf. The fact that this man is asking his girlfriend to move in is not what concerns everyone on this board. You are not the first girlfriend to move in with her boyfriend and child but you are perhaps the first to move in having spent less time with the child than one would spend with her hairstylist when getting a cut and colour. We are clearly not going to change your mind. You have made your decision and you will deal with the consequences, as we all do. But, let’s not try to normalize something that nearly every single person who has commented on this discussion has said is not a wise or particularly reasonable thing for a parent to do. Edited July 7, 2020 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted July 7, 2020 Author Share Posted July 7, 2020 (edited) 11 minutes ago, BaileyB said: The fact that this man is asking his girlfriend to move in is not what concerns everyone on this board. The fact is that this father is moving his girlfriend into the home who has met his child ONCE. You could be the most wonderful woman in the world, it is still a very questionable decision. Having been in a similar situation, I would never move in to live with a child I had met once. It quite literally blows my mind that you are planning to do this and don’t see the problem here. My partner didn’t want me to move in for three years - because he valued the time he spent alone with his child and he didn’t want his son to feel threatened by our relationship. When the time came, his child’s comfort with the changed living situation was his primary concern. I agree with the poster who said that your relationship has a much better chance of surviving if you slow this down and do this well. We are living happily together because we took our time and made the transition well, in my humble opinion. We are clearly not going to change your mind. You have made your decision and you will deal with the consequences, as we all do. But, let’s not try to normalize something that nearly every single person who has commented on this discussion has said is not a wise or particularly reasonable thing for a parent to do. Your idea of normal is different from mine I didn't meet him once. I met him 3 times...not that it's a big difference though My bf knows I'll be good to his son. He's a really sweet kid. When I'm around him I'm endeared to him and all my fears about his son slip away. I'm much more open to the idea when I'm around him than when I'm not. I think that's a good sign. You moved at a glacial pace with your bf. It's not wrong or right. Just not my style. And again I don't see what waiting another year would do for anyone. I think it would actually do a lot more harm than good for his son despite what everyone says. If I can't deal with living with his son what's the point in waiting another year to figure that out? It would actually hurt everyone more if we waited. More time invested and more connected relationships won't help anything if I can't hang. Especially for his son. He would be even more attached to me at that point. Why is no one considering that view point? Edited July 7, 2020 by Disillusionment373 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 7, 2020 Share Posted July 7, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, Disillusionment373 said: It would actually hurt everyone more if we waited. More time invested and more connected relationships won't help anything if I can't hang. Especially for his son. He would be even more attached to me at that point. Why is no one considering that view point? Because by waiting 6 months to a year, using that time wisely by spending entire weekends or even a week here and there at his with his son, spending quality time, sleeping, experiencing the day to day together, it gives you time to determine if you can "hack it" before uprooting your life, and turning his son's life upside down by moving in. And then moving out if you decide you can't hack it. You say you've met his son three times. Have you ever spent an entire weekend at your bf's with his son there? Or a significant period of time, to determine if he will disrupt your sleep or infringe on private time with your bf and your own, if you can tolerate the noise, and all the other concerns you have which is the reason you created this second thread? No one is judging you. You created this thread expressing your fears and feeling "freaked out," and we are giving you our opinions. I'm sorry you don't like or agree, but that does not mean we are "sad" or "judgmental." Just honest, and if you would stop being so defensive, you might recognize that we actually care and want what's best for you and your bf's son long term. Best of luck. Edited July 7, 2020 by poppyfields 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Snow_Queen Posted July 7, 2020 Share Posted July 7, 2020 You’ve received some pretty solid advice from people who have both biological and step-children. It’s very realistic. It’s been almost a year since I’ve been a part of a blended family who brought two children into a family. We have all just now started to adjust. Even I didn’t except it to take that long. You have not yet experienced life with children. It will be even more challenging. At least it’s one child in the picture. There are numerous primary concerns we were simply trying to make you aware of. Overall, what people are saying is, if you go into this without being fully prepared, it could be a major shock. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 7, 2020 Share Posted July 7, 2020 On 7/4/2020 at 2:50 AM, Disillusionment373 said: His son is on his TV playing video games allllll day...They might go outside for one or two hours but that's it. I think that's super unhealthy for a child. You are getting defensive now, but people are responding to what you wrote. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted July 7, 2020 Author Share Posted July 7, 2020 5 hours ago, Snow_Queen said: You’ve received some pretty solid advice from people who have both biological and step-children. It’s very realistic. It’s been almost a year since I’ve been a part of a blended family who brought two children into a family. We have all just now started to adjust. Even I didn’t except it to take that long. You have not yet experienced life with children. It will be even more challenging. At least it’s one child in the picture. There are numerous primary concerns we were simply trying to make you aware of. Overall, what people are saying is, if you go into this without being fully prepared, it could be a major shock. I think it might take a year to adjust too. Especially since I don't have kids. I'm trying my best to prepare for what lies ahead. I do think it's going to be very difficult and a tough adjustment but I'm ready to do it Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 30, 2020 Share Posted July 30, 2020 On 7/7/2020 at 1:13 PM, Disillusionment373 said: I think it might take a year to adjust too. Especially since I don't have kids. I'm trying my best to prepare for what lies ahead. I do think it's going to be very difficult and a tough adjustment but I'm ready to do it Hey Dis, thought I'd bump this thread to check in how you're feeling? You'll be moving in with boyfriend in a couple of days? Are you nervous? You must be. Have you spent any more time with his son? Hope you're well, and let us know how it's going! xoxo Link to post Share on other sites
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