My ex is the worst person I've ever known

[Fresh_Start]

18 minutes ago, HadMeOverABarrel said:

I'm going to play devil's advocate here and suggest that perhaps she mistrusted you because she felt you did not represent yourself honestly or authentically from the beginning. She probably tried to look past it as she liked many of your good qualities, but in the back of her mind it was always nagging at her.

I will reiterate something that I said in my OP:

If she'd had these trust issues since the very beginning, she should have never planned a future with me, talked about marriage and me being a stepfather to her kids, invited me out for a vacation, invited me out to live with her, given me her debit card and pin number to go buy things for her at the store (which was also the code to her garage), financed the balance of my car on her home equity line of credit because it carried a lower interest rate than what the dealership could have offered, introduced me to all of her friends and family, and had me living at her house for about 50% of every month when her kids were at their father's house among other things. Those aren't the words, actions, and behaviors of someone who distrusts another.  

Do I condone not being fully honest with her about the total amount of time I'd had to live at my mother's residence while pursuing a disability claim, as a grown man and formerly successful business owner, who was not only ashamed and embarrassed, but had also literally just had to endure her paranoid freak out over nothing all because we happened to share a lot of uncanny things in common?  No.  It was something that I took accountability for, apologized for, and assured her would never happen again.  And it didn't.  Ever.  It was a mistake that I owned and didn't repeat.  It was frankly a mistake I would have never made in the first place had my circumstances been different.

I noticed that you made no mention at all of her own deceptive tactics, for the exact same reasons (she was embarrassed and ashamed), when it came to giving me pictures that completely misrepresented her physical appearance.  Why is that, I wonder?  And do the ends really justify the means when it came to her invasion of my privacy?  Are you actually condoning someone committing a second degree misdemeanor? 

32 minutes ago, HadMeOverABarrel said:

I think she didn't want you too cozy with her kids because she wasn't sure about the longevity of your relationship given the dishonesty factor.

Ditto everything I said above and why the double standard?  A compassionate person such as myself can be understanding, empathetic, and forgiving of someone who might not offer full disclosure or be fully honest about an embarrassing or humiliating situation in their life provided that they take accountability for it as such, offer an apology, and tell me that it will never happen again.  She never took any accountability for anything nor ever apologized.  

It's interesting to me that you have nothing at all to say about any of her deplorable conduct and instead want to pin it all on something I said in the first week of getting to know her.

[Fresh_Start]

38 minutes ago, Ellener said:

This seems to be a LS pattern, wonder what it means?

The guy who recently got mad with me I told him I'm not overweight ( I'm not, though I have been at various times in my life like most people ) but he seemed obsessed with seeing me in person, even though it's a pandemic and we were becoming close in our conversations and somewhat sympatico before he forced the issue...I did think what would it matter if I was overweight? 

If a man falls in love with a woman and she subsequently gets fat ( or ill or pregnant or disabled or old etc etc ) what does that mean, he never really loved her, the love was conditional on checking off various boxes? Forever???

Did you read the rest of my post where I talked about how I chose to overlook her weight and continue to love her for who (I thought) she was?  I loved her and poured my heart and soul into that relationship despite her appearance.  It was more about the fact that she sent me pictures that completely misrepresented her appearance so that I was anticipating meeting someone who looked significantly different.  It was a shock and a disappointment, but it was one that I made the conscious decision to overlook because of the person inside.  I did not fall out of love with her because of her weight issues and frankly felt compassion and sympathy for her.  This is not at all the same thing as me falling in love with someone and then falling out of love because she gained weight.  That would be incredibly shallow on my part.

[Fresh_Start]

2 hours ago, HadMeOverABarrel said:

If you are brave and share vulnerabilities

Right.  Because I didn't do that at all and haven't done it throughout this thread as well.  Every woman I have ever dated has known all of the details of my life at some point, with my ex being no exception, so I resent both comments about my alleged lack of bravery.

My ex knew my entire life's story by the second week of getting to know each other.  She knew that I was in the process of finalizing a disability claim with the Social Security Administration.  She knew all about said disability and all that it entailed.  She knew I had lost everything (my house, my car, my business, my wealth) and was temporarily living with my mother due to the unfortunate and unanticipated amount of time that it took to finally get a favorable ruling.  The only thing she didn't know was how long I was living with my mother. 

Why tell her every little detail of everything else only to not be fully honest about the amount of time I'd been living at my mother's residence?  Because of the constant grilling, the exchange of our life's "autobiographies" from birth to the present via email within the first week or two of getting to know each other per her (transparent) request, and her paranoid freak out and subsequent baseless accusations (a pattern she would come to repeat over and over again in time) about *me* being a cyber stalker who was somehow accessing her private information for the simple fact that we had an uncanny amount of things in common only for her to go on and actually cyber stalk me.  It was too much, too early on.  Recall that I told her, "I think it's time for me to move on".  I wish I had.  As I explained to another poster: getting to know someone should be an organic process over time, not a forced info dump within the first two weeks of meeting someone.  It was the very next day or shortly thereafter when my ex asked me the question about how long I'd been living there, where I told her the month but not the year.  I did not feel comfortable.  It was wrong and I have owned that repeatedly, but let's not lose sight of the circumstances leading up to it.    

I'm sorry, but I'm losing patience with responding when I'm having one person quote me out of context to misrepresent what I actually said in my OP (making an assumption that was the exact opposite of what I did say) and now some of the things that you have said as well.  Once we go down that road, folks, it's no longer a productive conversation and it too closely mimics the crap I just got done dealing with for the final time with my ex.  I've seen this happen before where someone quotes something out of context and then the entire conversation devolves into debating or contesting things that the OP never actually stated.  I've said my piece, I've gotten it all off my chest, and would like to just move on without having to keep discussing it.  

I do appreciate you taking the time to read and reply even if I don't agree with everything that you had to say; however, I was wanting to have this thread closed to further discussion even prior to SumGuy bumping it through no fault of his own.  I just hadn't had the time yet to figure out how to close a thread or request it.

Take care and no hard feelings.