Throwawayacc677 Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 I met an amazing person in August last year. Lets call her Ariel. She was amazing... She cared about me like no one ever has before... she was so kind, so loving, so accepting. She was a soft spoken good person who didn't get into drinking drugs or stupid trouble... but I was blind and stupid. I won't suger coat and pretend I didn't do anything wrong anymore. I kept doubting her, suspecting she was secretly a fake person. She was always kind and patient with me. I made up lies about myself to her, lied about having certain illnesses to test her if she really cared. I lied about having a personality disorder and faked switching into a demonic personality, where I belittled her and called her names... She still loved me... never once suspecting me of lying. Ariel had her own personal struggles too. She was starting a new life away from her father who sexually abused her... one day she broke down to me about it and what do I do? I get fed up and tell her I need space. And I just leave her crying on the stairway all alone. How screwed up am I right? On new years day, we were at a party... I got jealous of her making new friends so I cut her off for it, and immediately moved on to another girl in our friend group, thinking she would be better. I made her cry on new years day. What the hell is wrong with me...? I thought things were better with the new girl... she was cool, liked the same music as me, liked drinking. I thought it was better, since Ariel was a completely different person than me. Then the new girl ended up leaving me mid January... the same way all girls usually leave me. Ariel found someone new around the same time and they have been together since. How screwed up am I... I regret leaving Ariel so much.. She looks happier with the new guy. I want her back... She was the only person who didn't leave my side... I regret everything Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 (edited) 43 minutes ago, Throwawayacc677 said: I met an amazing person in August last year. Lets call her Ariel. She was amazing... She cared about me like no one ever has before... she was so kind, so loving, so accepting. She was a soft spoken good person who didn't get into drinking drugs or stupid trouble... but I was blind and stupid. I won't suger coat and pretend I didn't do anything wrong anymore. I kept doubting her, suspecting she was secretly a fake person. She was always kind and patient with me. I made up lies about myself to her, lied about having certain illnesses to test her if she really cared. I lied about having a personality disorder and faked switching into a demonic personality, where I belittled her and called her names... She still loved me... never once suspecting me of lying. Ariel had her own personal struggles too. She was starting a new life away from her father who sexually abused her... one day she broke down to me about it and what do I do? I get fed up and tell her I need space. And I just leave her crying on the stairway all alone. How screwed up am I right? On new years day, we were at a party... I got jealous of her making new friends so I cut her off for it, and immediately moved on to another girl in our friend group, thinking she would be better. I made her cry on new years day. What the hell is wrong with me...? I thought things were better with the new girl... she was cool, liked the same music as me, liked drinking. I thought it was better, since Ariel was a completely different person than me. Then the new girl ended up leaving me mid January... the same way all girls usually leave me. Ariel found someone new around the same time and they have been together since. How screwed up am I... I regret leaving Ariel so much.. She looks happier with the new guy. I want her back... She was the only person who didn't leave my side... I regret everything Im sorry but you're very immature. .and what is with the constant lying and manipulating..and then getting jealous cutting her off and moving on to another. Maybe you wont find another like her. But tough i guess! You can only hope you dont screw over the next one 😐 Edited May 25, 2020 by miranda561 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 Therapy.. you need. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 Regret what? Not having the chance to torture her some more? This behavior was despicable and messed up. It's really concerning. People with these types of tendencies seldom change their behavior. Perhaps with some sort of therapy it might help you work through your issues? I don't know? If nothing else, I'm glad there was a happy ending for Ariel in all this. Many other people who get caught up in toxic relationships take years to work through the damage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gamon Posted May 26, 2020 Share Posted May 26, 2020 You made her cry on New Years Day. Would it have been ok if it was just a typical weekday? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Steph92 Posted May 26, 2020 Share Posted May 26, 2020 I don't think the lie about having a personality disorder is actually too far from the truth. All I can suggest is therapy to identify what makes you do this to the people you supposedly care about. 1 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kballer Posted May 26, 2020 Share Posted May 26, 2020 I think it was in Ariels best interest that things worked out the way that they did. You.... are not in a position to help her... Is that a polite way of saying that? I hope so. I'm not trying to rain on your parade but Ariel needs a type of love, and support, that I don't think you were capable of giving her. That's not a slight on you, it's just a fact of the matter based on what you say has happened to her in her past. It is going to take years (potentially) of counseling in order for her to feel "whole" again. You, apparently have your own problems to deal with. Again, not a slight against you as we ALL have internal demons that we are dealing with. Step 1 is realizing that you have those demons and then deciding to take a positive step towards addressing, and correcting, them. I don't think you are quite there yet. My thoughts on the matter... Ariel is where she needs to be right now.. Your only role from here on out is supporting her in healing, and wishing, and praying, every night that her future is better than her past in every single way. Take yourself out of the equation. If you see her-wish her well. If you hear about her-be thankful for whatever positive things are happening to her, and for her. Do not in any way insert yourself in her life going forward. She deserves so much better than what you gave her. Again, not a slight against you, just that someone else failed in bringing you up properly, and loving you enough in a way that would have allowed you to open your heart and help her. She bared her soul to you... and you had no answer. You don't realize it yet, but one day there will come a time when you realize how powerful a moment that could have been for both of you.. and you failed her. Not because you wanted to.. But because someone else failed you. For all the pain, and rejection, and fear, and loathing, and whatever other negative emotions you may experience in this life... Shield Ariel from that.. She has had it far worse than you, and at the same time, deserves so much better. You both do. I suggest that as others have posted.. Seek counseling. I don't say that from a "I'm better than you" position.. I say it from I want you to be able to love, and support, someone in the way that you apparently never were as you grew up... It was not fair to you.. and it won't be fair to your kids, or future wife, if you can't give to them what they can, and will, give to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 26, 2020 Share Posted May 26, 2020 (edited) Quote ...she was cool, liked the same music as me, liked drinking. You were a fraud and manipulator, so better for her that you blew it. Was you primary criteria for a healthy relationship music and drinking? Hmmm...as someone else said, you sound immature and not ready for a long term relationship. Back to the drawing board. Hopefully your standards are higher than the recent girl and find what you lost. Good luck. Edited May 26, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 26, 2020 Share Posted May 26, 2020 19 hours ago, Throwawayacc677 said: I made up lies about myself to her, lied about having certain illnesses to test her if she really cared. I lied about having a personality disorder and faked switching into a demonic personality, where I belittled her and called her names... Surely you recognize that isn't the rational behaviour of a well-adjusted adult? Your thought process there needs professional attention. Leave this girl be, but focus on getting yourself the care you evidently need. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted May 26, 2020 Share Posted May 26, 2020 On 5/25/2020 at 11:16 PM, Throwawayacc677 said: I want her back You cant have her back. And she will NEVER want you back after what you put her through. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted May 26, 2020 Share Posted May 26, 2020 (edited) Well hopefully you learned something and grew from this situation You sound young and immature. You went off of assumptions, not how the person was. Maybe now you will be in a better place for when the next Ariel comes into your life and you will be ready for them Unfortunately you may have to wait a while as people like you describe do not come around all that often A rare thing indeed Ariel wants nothing to do with you, I can guarantee you that if she is as good a person as you say Good people do not put up with crap like you did, they learn and move on I wish you the best Edited May 26, 2020 by Juha 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Calmandfocused Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) Having previously been on the receiving end of this sort of behaviour, im struggling to empathise with you op. You have no idea the level of harm this sort of behaviour causes others and you have no right to treat people this way. If you still feel anything at all for Ariel you will leave her alone. It sounds like she is happy and she is with someone who recognises her worth. Good on her! Recognise that it’s in Ariel’s best interest that you stay as far away from her as possible. That is her life, not yours! The fact that you have regrets does not make it ok. Right, now to you: It wouldn’t surprise me if you do indeed have a personality disorder - on the emotionally unstable and/ or narcissistic spectrum. You may want to consult a psychiatrist to check that out. I can tell you that the behaviour you describe above is not normal. However you do it for a reason. I think you enjoy feeling powerful over others and having (what you believe to be) the upper hand. You lie to portray a different image of yourself and to make you feel better about yourself. Not healthy at all and you are unfit to be a relationship with your current level of functioning. But at least you have some insight and remorse .... Get yourself to a shrink ASAP. Edited May 27, 2020 by Calmandfocused Link to post Share on other sites
Soul Bear Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 Gotta put yourself in her shoes. Cos I’m pretty sure if it was the other way around you would have run already. It was you who left her side , all you did was show her that you’re not ready for a relationship with anyone but yourself at this time. You need to now be happy for her and let it go. This pain and humiliation is good for you- it’ll help you grow My advice to you : learn from it. There’s a big lesson here for you to carry into any future relationship with anyone in the future. Second lesson - always put yourself in your other peoples shoes. Perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) Well, now you know--that was a really stupid thing to do. No one likes to be manipulated... she may have had the patience of Job, but she was also smart enough to kick you to the curb and find someone far better. Quote I want her back... Ha! Well, you and only you made dag-gone sure that will never happen. Congratulate yourself--you accomplished your goal. Edited May 27, 2020 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 You need to put yourself end of therapy with a real psychologist and just find out why you are punishing and others. there's some reason you're acting out like that and you need to learn exactly what it is so that you can stop doing it because you're probably misdirecting all that on to people who don't deserve it because someone in your past did deserve it, someone from your childhood. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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