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Ladies. I'm a guy asking for some input on this.


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Hello Ladies,

First of all, I want to thank you for reading this and offering whatever advice you can to help me with this issue I seem to be having.

I recently decided (at least in part to the current state of the world right now) to give online dating another shot.  But I knew if I was going to do so, I was going to have to do a different approach than what I was previously.  I wasn’t one of those guys who sends inappropriate pictures, or tries to sexualize things too early, it’s just my approach didn’t work.  
 

After some thinking, I did come up with a Tinder profile (that considering has no pictures in it) that has actually done rather well. Before you think I’m catfishing, or something.  The best way to catch a catfish is to have them take a picture of them touching their ear with their pinky finger.  I mention this in my profile as well. 
 

I do share pictures of myself when asked in regards to the conversations I have as well.  I’m not trying to hide anything, be secretive, etc.  I’m simply trying a different approach, since my previous approach simply failed miserably.

Here is where I am running into a problem and this is where I need your input.  I’m trying to be as absolutely objective on this as I can.  It seems like that the conversations I am having (which are quite a few at a time and please note I’m not in a relationship right now and haven’t been for almost 18 months) are fizzling out after a few weeks.

I want to share with you what I’m doing in regards to my approach for conversation so that maybe you can see something that I’m not.

I have an opener (and yes I always message first, unless my match beats me to it), that has been rather successful and it does allow for us to get to know each other and play a game to have fun doing so.  
 

Now depending how engaged my match is in the game and all that, I will proceed to ask about getting a phone number to move the conversation off Tinder.  Again this depends on how I feel things are going.  
 

Once a match and I have moved off of Tinder.  I make it a point to try and do the following things:

NOT be sending multiple texts in a row, without the first one being responded to. Obviously this isn’t a good thing to do and I’m more than aware of that.

I make it a point that if I’m sending a good morning message, that there is variety and not the same good morning/how are you all the time.  It might be a random picture of something funny, or just something that was good to see.  
 

I also make it a point on some days (without outright saying so) to hold off on doing so and ideally encouraging my match to say good morning, or be the one to initiate a conversation first.  I don’t have a problem starting/carrying a conversation.  But I also don’t feel that either person should have to start every conversation either.  
 

I am also the kind of guy who wants to keep things light and fun, but also get to know someone more at the same time.  
 

The best example of why I’m getting a little frustrated is the one I’m about to share with you.  There was a woman who I had been talking to for a few weeks and things were going quite well.  I wasn’t having to start every conversation and there was seemingly genuine interest being expressed on both sides.  This past weekend she (without any mention) disappeared for the weekend (without any notice ahead of time).  So I did send a message Saturday morning (before I knew she was going to disappear, which she had done once before early on and mentioned she needed a phone break).  I didn’t send others after that and I know Sunday was Mother’s Day, so I wasn’t expecting to hear from her on that day anyway.  She then did message me Monday morning explaining things and I said that was fine.  I then after some conversation had asked if we could talk later that night (because there were some things I wanted to talk to her about). I haven’t heard a thing since.  
 

Before you give input on my situation.  I’m only looking on what I potentially need to improve on, change, etc.  I can’t change what others do/don’t do and that’s not the point of this post.  I know some people (men included) suck at communicating.  
 

I seem to be getting way more matches/quality conversations than I’ve ever had before.  I’m just trying to get opinions on where maybe I am going wrong.

 

Again ladies, thank you for your help with this. 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
Cookiesandough

My thoughts are that I would not talk to a guy who has no pictures on Tinder, as I’m actually serious about dating/meeting with people and that seems like a good waste of time...

Profiles without pictures seem very sketch to me. It seems like they are hiding something. 

 

I feel that although it appears that you are generating more interest with your strategy, you are actually just attracting the time wasters/people who have insecurities, as well. So they dip when the next thing comes along..

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Emilie Jolie
On 5/14/2020 at 2:50 AM, Improver said:

It seems like that the conversations I am having (which are quite a few at a time and please note I’m not in a relationship right now and haven’t been for almost 18 months) are fizzling out after a few weeks.  

 

Hi Improver

 

At what point do you suggest you guys meet in 3D? Weeks of talking is good if you want to develop friendships, but I think meeting sooner is best. This might be why they fizzle out after a while. 

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