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Some deeds come with a price to heavy to pay


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Jordan's thoughts

First and foremost let me thank everyone who helped me in my previous posts (Help is this normal and the update) u have no idea how much it meant to me...

Now allow me to share the story of my best friend’s aunt and the consequences of her actions, as I think it’s beneficial to people who assume “the grass is greener “ on the other side and do forgive me if it doesn’t sound consistent at times as I try to remember the finer details and what my best friend told me......(Best friend is female by the way) anyway here goes

 

 

Her aunt and uncle have been married for 10 years and were wedded in their early 20’s,by all accounts they seemed to have a normal marriage although her uncle was an introvert where her aunt was more of a free spirit and seemed to live for the moment most of the time....This Obviously got her a lot of attention in most circles and made her quite popular, to my best friend’s knowledge although her aunt was playful she was always loyal to her husband but that all changed when she met her OM...

 

They worked for the same Real estate firm but only got to know each other at an office Christmas party, apparently he was just as much of a free spirit as she was and was always the center of attention....They instantly clicked at the party and soon began talking more in the office and meeting up for “work-mate lunches”...They exchanged numbers and the conversations started turning flirty, it was at the point in time she let him know she was married and happily so but this seemed to inspire him to try harder and he began to break down her wall the more time they spent together at work

 

As u probably figured out by now she was in an emotional affair without even realizing it and when he gave her a surprise kiss at one of their “work-mate lunches” she knew he had her...The affair turn physical and seemed to be going full speed ahead as they continued their office romance meanwhile things at home began to unravel....Her husband noticed a change in his wife’s behavior as she seemed to be getting cold with him and wouldn’t be as intimate as before and even their conversations were short as she seemed irritated for some reason....He was Suspicious when he noticed purchases for lingerie that she had never shown him (he is an accountant btw) as well as other questionable transactions..

 

He tried to ask what was going on and if their marriage was in trouble but she convinced everything was fine and the purchases were for a relative she was helping, he did not have no reason not to believe her as she was faithful to him for the past ten years so he took her at her word and left it like that..At this point all she could think about was the OM and how much more they had in common...He was leaving the company and move across country and wanted her to go with him, at first she refused but as history as shown he had a way of convincing her so she left her husband who was completely devastated by this and moved to start a new life with her OM....

 

Her mother and sister begged her to go home to her husband as he is a rear find among men and this road she is on will only lead to tragedy, but when you high on emotions you never see the wisdom in good advice and you always choose to go against it...Some time after she moved in with him his behavior towards her started to change, he wasn’t as passionate about her as before and was even looking at her as if she was a bother sometimes....

 

One day she gets home early from her job hunt only to find him in bed with a prostitute, Her immediate reaction was rage but his response was indifference...He wasn’t shocked or scared but he was indifferent to being caught, when she asked why he said it was because she was suffocating him and he was surprised she was even married for all this time with a character like hers....Humiliated, ashamed and jobless she moved back to her mother’s place..

 

Her husband tried to convince her to go to counseling as they had invested 10 years and built a life together but her guilt and shame for throwing away a good marriage for a cheap thill was too much so she choose not to go....A little while later on she started getting sick and had a persistent cough for more than a month,she went to the doctor who confirmed it was tuberculosis and advised her to go for an HIV test...The test came back positive and this shattered her as a person...

 

Her husband also took an HIV test but his came back negative, She seemed to be drowning in depression and this speed up the rate of infection to full flown AIDS...she was soon hospitalized but her husband paid for a private room for her and an all round the clock nursing services..He would and still does also visit her to wash her hair for her and sometimes her feet, during these times she would also cry and never look him in the face as her shame was overwhelming...The last my best friend went to visit her aunt she asked to used her private toilet,she must of forgotten her niece was there because a nurse rushing into the room and questioned her on my she was skipping her medications

 

She told the nurse that she wished death would come faster for her as she believes it is the only way to free her husband of a wicked woman like her,she also told the nurse how she knows for a fact he won’t touch another as long as she was still breathing and this was her gift to him that would allow him to find a woman more worthy then herself,one who would make him her world as he would her, my friend ran out the toilet crying and came to my place to tell me about it...

 

Sorry it was soo long I just it’s important to share this story and know that sometimes “the grass is not greener” but may actually be a poisonous swamp and thank you for reading

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I think of this world as a classroom of sorts. Every soul who enters has a lesson they need to learn. Some lessons are harder than others to learn... I think this is why there are no perfect people on this planet. Even millionaires, people who the rest of us think should have perfect lives, surprise us by choosing suicide to end their pain... On whatever level, this woman is learning whatever lesson she was put here to learn... also goes for her husband and children and anyone else who knows her. Heck, it even inspired you to post her story here, and who knows if someone who eventually reads it will maybe benefit from it as well. The world is small and we all touch each other in some way...

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Jordan's thoughts
On 11/17/2019 at 11:02 PM, Poutrew said:

I think of this world as a classroom of sorts. Every soul who enters has a lesson they need to learn. Some lessons are harder than others to learn... I think this is why there are no perfect people on this planet. Even millionaires, people who the rest of us think should have perfect lives, surprise us by choosing suicide to end their pain... On whatever level, this woman is learning whatever lesson she was put here to learn... also goes for her husband and children and anyone else who knows her. Heck, it even inspired you to post her story here, and who knows if someone who eventually reads it will maybe benefit from it as well. The world is small and we all touch each other in some way...

Sorry for the late reply....I appreciate the way u put it and the insight given and yes it inspired me to share her story simply because of the lessons it had...My best friend has asked me to accompany her to visit her aunt this evening and i’ll Try to post an update of my Experience

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Jordan's thoughts

The Promised Update 

 

I recently went to the hospital with my best friend as moral support and simply be her shoulder as she needed while she paid her aunt a visit.We went with her aunt's mother and sister,we arrived to find her husband drying her hair (he had just washed it).He had brought her scented soap and her favorite shampoo, normally this would up left anyone's spirits but she had such a far-away look in her eyes coupled with her bone like weight loss it was like looking at a moving  corpse.

 

It took her a good minute or so to  recognize our presence in the room and she greeted us with a small sad smile.We also exchanged greetings with her husband as he thought to excuse himself in order to give his wife  privacy with her family,her sister  suddenly rushed after him to speak about something.They were just outside the  private room and probably assumed we couldn't hear them but that that day I learned how  quiet   hospital wards  and private rooms are because sound seems to travel  more effortlessly there than anywhere else ..

 

Her sister asked him how he was  coping and if he needed anything to  never hesitate to ask, then asked the question she seemed to always want an answer to "WHY ARE YOU NOT ANGRY".At that point her mother tried to distract her but she weakly raised her thin arm and told her mother she wanted to her his answer , to which he said "I wish I knew, I know I should hate her and my  anger would be justified but watching her suffer makes me want to take her pain away. I just want to hold her and let her know it's going to be ok".

 During the exchange  I couldn't help but stare at my best friend's aunt. I noticed tears running down her  sunken cheeks as she listened to the conversation and muttered to herself "I'm such a fool".

 

She turned around lefted her pillow and I saw two wedding photos (one was a group picture and the other was just her and her husband) as well as three  envelopes.She said that these are letters she wrote.One was for her mother and sister,the other was for her husband but the last was to go to the woman who will marry her husband after she was gone.Her mother was taken aback by the last statement but she assured her that she didn't want to cause any more  misery that should be hers alone but this was her way of  contributing and possibly protecting her husband's future happiness.She also told her mother that there's not a day that goes by that she wishes she didn't go to that office party (the night she met her OM),that she should of stayed home that night and shared a cup of tea with her husband like he wanted....

 

 

 

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Super Phantom

If I was him I wouldn't have paid for nothing for her. Sometimes you have to be done. I know first hand. My ex wife lied about money and not being able to have kids. She came from a better economic background. Her mom helped her set up a match profile and while I worked 2 jobs she went out on dates. We divorced and months later had a baby. If she had a terminal illness she could die and no help from me. It's not that I hate her but when you do me dirty once I just refuse to have anything to do with you

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Super Phantom

Men have to stop this sucker stuff. It happens on both sides but as a man I'm speaking in regards to men. These days women committing infidelity seems to be given a pass. Look at the female celebrities that cheat and nothing much said. Let a man do it and he's scum of the earth. Women do it and people will jump to her defense men and women. If we want people to do better we really have to start going hard about shaming and ostrasizing people that do despicable behavior on both side not just one. I see this and am reminded about my situation that happened to me and how what my ex wife was seen as innocent and I was scum of the earth even though I never cheated. Like I said if it had been me she never would have got help from me and I would have taken pleasure in watching her die

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Pleasant-Sage
4 hours ago, Super Phantom said:

Men have to stop this sucker stuff. It happens on both sides but as a man I'm speaking in regards to men. These days women committing infidelity seems to be given a pass. Look at the female celebrities that cheat and nothing much said. Let a man do it and he's scum of the earth. Women do it and people will jump to her defense men and women. If we want people to do better we really have to start going hard about shaming and ostrasizing people that do despicable behavior on both side not just one. I see this and am reminded about my situation that happened to me and how what my ex wife was seen as innocent and I was scum of the earth even though I never cheated. Like I said if it had been me she never would have got help from me and I would have taken pleasure in watching her die

 

He truly loves her would be my guess. True love is supposed to be unconditional. I know that sounds incredibly naive to say but that's how it typically works for our parents and children. Does it not?

 

I was kind of in your boat with my ex wife for a few years. She never got a pass except from her own family. I learned the importance of forgiveness and that kind of ties into my religious beliefs. Forgiving her freed me up from a lot of negative emotions. So, it's a win-win. I can't see myself ever falling back in love with her tho. 🤣

 

Hate doesn't really punish the other person but it does kind of put you in a cage. My wife sent me an empty apology this morning. Said she thinks I hate her. I didn't respond to that because I'm doing the whole 180 thing. Truth is I don't hate her. If we end up divorced before this time next year, I won't hate her then either.

Edited by Pleasant-Sage
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Super Phantom
On 12/16/2019 at 2:46 PM, Pleasant-Sage said:

 

He truly loves her would be my guess. True love is supposed to be unconditional. I know that sounds incredibly naive to say but that's how it typically works for our parents and children. Does it not?

 

I was kind of in your boat with my ex wife for a few years. She never got a pass except from her own family. I learned the importance of forgiveness and that kind of ties into my religious beliefs. Forgiving her freed me up from a lot of negative emotions. So, it's a win-win. I can't see myself ever falling back in love with her tho. 🤣

 

Hate doesn't really punish the other person but it does kind of put you in a cage. My wife sent me an empty apology this morning. Said she thinks I hate her. I didn't respond to that because I'm doing the whole 180 thing. Truth is I don't hate her. If we end up divorced before this time next year, I won't hate her then either.

I don't hate her but I'm not going to help her. I'm not rewarding bad behavior

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On 12/16/2019 at 4:57 PM, Super Phantom said:

Men have to stop this sucker stuff. It happens on both sides but as a man I'm speaking in regards to men. These days women committing infidelity seems to be given a pass. Look at the female celebrities that cheat and nothing much said. Let a man do it and he's scum of the earth. Women do it and people will jump to her defense men and women. If we want people to do better we really have to start going hard about shaming and ostrasizing people that do despicable behavior on both side not just one. I see this and am reminded about my situation that happened to me and how what my ex wife was seen as innocent and I was scum of the earth even though I never cheated. Like I said if it had been me she never would have got help from me and I would have taken pleasure in watching her die

Clearly you haven’t forgiven whom ever it was that hurt you..i for one think he is a  unique man for not only forgiving but also taking care of her,I would kill for a man to be this  loyal to me unlike some of my exs..Tho i have forgiven them i just cannot see myself with them..

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On 12/16/2019 at 4:57 PM, Super Phantom said:

Men have to stop this sucker stuff. It happens on both sides but as a man I'm speaking in regards to men. These days women committing infidelity seems to be given a pass. Look at the female celebrities that cheat and nothing much said. Let a man do it and he's scum of the earth. Women do it and people will jump to her defense men and women. If we want people to do better we really have to start going hard about shaming and ostrasizing people that do despicable behavior on both side not just one. I see this and am reminded about my situation that happened to me and how what my ex wife was seen as innocent and I was scum of the earth even though I never cheated. Like I said if it had been me she never would have got help from me and I would have taken pleasure in watching her die

I kinda have agree with u one this one, me ex  fiancé not only cheated on me but left me for some drug dealing junkie.We we’re together for six years engaged for three and she threw it away for who what ever needs he apparently forfills that I don’t,funny thing is exactly one month after she left me her new  man stole her laptop plus her rent money for drugs as well as pass round pictures and videos their sexual activities.It got to her dad who is a former Military man so he basically disowned her then just yesterday she showed up at my job in tears  begging to come back but i just passed her like she didn’t exist...Wont lie it felt good

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Pleasant-Sage

Some are definitely not deserving of unconditional love IMO. However, that's up to the individual to decide who is worth their time and compassion while we sit back and judge.

 

The Christian Bible speaks of this kind of love. Not just for lovers but friends and whatnot. Jesus washed Judas feet knowing he was going to betray him. I'm not looking for a religious debate. Just making reference to the scripture.

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Haileysunshinelady

I hope she learns to forgive herself first and foremost, and appreciate the time she has left  with her husband.At the very least she is kinda owning up to what she has done and finding some form of peace 

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Super Phantom
9 hours ago, LeoS said:

Clearly you haven’t forgiven whom ever it was that hurt you..i for one think he is a  unique man for not only forgiving but also taking care of her,I would kill for a man to be this  loyal to me unlike some of my exs..Tho i have forgiven them i just cannot see myself with them..

I did but I am in no way rewarding bad behavior

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I not sure I would do the same if my man did that to me and Wound up terminally ill but with that said I still respect him for still caring for her Despite the immense pain you must be in, just shows he’s got more humanity than most of us..

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Super Phantom
On 12/20/2019 at 3:23 PM, Pleasant-Sage said:

Some are definitely not deserving of unconditional love IMO. However, that's up to the individual to decide who is worth their time and compassion while we sit back and judge.

 

The Christian Bible speaks of this kind of love. Not just for lovers but friends and whatnot. Jesus washed Judas feet knowing he was going to betray him. I'm not looking for a religious debate. Just making reference to the scripture.

None of us are Jesus. 

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Since people already made religious references...She needs forgiveness. Judas hanged himself in self-punishment. Peter came back seeking forgiveness and got it.

The husband is a saint and she knows it. It only adds to her own senses of regret.

 

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I remember a quote on Law and Order once, paraphrasing here 'Even the wicked get more than they deserve'

The Aunt did a bad thing but that bad thing did not mean she deserved what happened. This reminds me of a quote from the film Unforgiven 'Deserves got nothing to do with it'

We are all just trying to figure out what the heck this thing called Life is all about. The fragility of Life both scares me and fascinates me. 

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I don't think I could find fault with the husband whether he hated her or took care of her. It is his choice just as I get to make my own choices. I enjoyed reading the story although I hated the subject matter. It was thought provoking. 

 

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RecentChange

Uff what a terrible story - husband sounds like a hero for taking care of her. 

I am surprised to hear about HIV advancing to fatal AIDS so quickly with all the treatment available today. Did her affair partner also pass away?

I grew up in the 80's/90's in the San Francisco Bay area - the dangers of unprotected sex where pounded into us.  On this board I often talk about how flabbergasted I am that people have casual sex / affair sex etc without condoms. Beyond unwanted pregnancy, beyond treatable STDs - HIV is still a threat. 

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I’ve read this story five times already and I swear i cry every time I do...to live with such  misery as a consequence  because of a mistake...i’ll say it again i’d kill for a man to this  loyal to me and i do hope she finds peace with the time she has left

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Cookiesandough

That’s a horribly sad story. I feel for everyone involved. I wish she had got help sooner.  Yes she did the wrong thing by cheating yes she made a mistake by not being safe and who she chose, but she does not deserve that 

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Jordan's thoughts
On 1/8/2020 at 1:31 AM, RecentChange said:

Uff what a terrible story - husband sounds like a hero for taking care of her. 

I am surprised to hear about HIV advancing to fatal AIDS so quickly with all the treatment available today. Did her affair partner also pass away?

I grew up in the 80's/90's in the San Francisco Bay area - the dangers of unprotected sex where pounded into us.  On this board I often talk about how flabbergasted I am that people have casual sex / affair sex etc without condoms. Beyond unwanted pregnancy, beyond treatable STDs - HIV is still a threat. 

From what I last heard about him, he discovered his status in  hospital well being treated for a beating he received  from an  angry husband who caught him in bed with his wife ( old habits die hard it seems).  He also has full blown AIDS aswell but unlike my best friend’s aunt he doesn’t have the same support around him and was being sued by the husband that caught him for  vehicular manslaughter ( not sure of the  legal terminology ) because the husband also tested positive for HIV..That marriage didn’t  survive and ended in  divorce .

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SaltPalpitation
On 1/12/2020 at 11:15 PM, Jordan's thoughts said:

From what I last heard about him, he discovered his status in  hospital well being treated for a beating he received  from an  angry husband who caught him in bed with his wife ( old habits die hard it seems).  He also has full blown AIDS aswell but unlike my best friend’s aunt he doesn’t have the same support around him and was being sued by the husband that caught him for  vehicular manslaughter ( not sure of the  legal terminology ) because the husband also tested positive for HIV..That marriage didn’t  survive and ended in  divorce .

I feel no sympathy for this man. He is the cancer of humanity. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Wow thats an unbelievably sad story, i hope her husband wins the lottery or something because i must say he damn well deserves it where as the OM it may sound evil but i'm kinda glad his suffering aswell..

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Looking for a way

This is an incredibly sad tale, it makes me appreciate the forgiving heart my husband has for my own indiscretions...tho my consequences are catching up to me 13 years later they pale in comparison to this woman......And I must say There is a certain satisfaction in knowing that her OM is suffering too..(tho my opinion this might be bias..

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