pinksparkle Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 Joseph and I dated for 15 months. I went to K- State and he went to NC State. We managed to stay together the whole time and we were deeply in love. We were together all summer and I stayed home so that I could go to school with him. My parents wouldnt let me go, so I stayed in VA, and he went to NC. Well, last week, he told me he wanted to break up. I miss him so much. He called me the day after and when I talked about getting back together he said he would think about it. He also said I had to come and get my own stuff, and that he hasnt taken my pictures down. I went down this past weekend, and we talked about everything. H said he wants to get back together but it might be a few weeks, and then we slept together. Big mistake. I dont want to be the girl that he can do that with. Im going down again in two weeks and we are supposed to talk again. Am I doing the right thing? Is it possible that we will get back together? I love him so much!!
sundrop Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 What was his reason for wanting to break up?
Author pinksparkle Posted September 28, 2005 Author Posted September 28, 2005 At first, he said that he was tired of our relationship, and since we were fighting a lot he didnt want to deal with it. But when I went down to see him, he said that he was confused. He hates his major and he thinks that we are too young and too serious. He apologized for saying the other things, cause he said he loves me and that he wants to get back together.
sundrop Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 IMO, I would give him some space, as hard as that is going to be for you. Our first reaction is to run after the, but all that will do is somther them more and push them into a corner and they come out swinging. Give him a little breathing room so he can sort out his confusion. You two are at a very stressful time in your lives, so just try to calm down give him some space, for the next few weeks until you see him again. As far as the sleeping with him thing, again as hard as it is, try not to, unless you are in the commited relationship again. Best of luck.
Author pinksparkle Posted September 29, 2005 Author Posted September 29, 2005 At work today, my co-workers kept getting on me about hanging on to the hope that he will come back. So did all the patients, I work at a physical therapy clinic. I got kinda freaked out, and thought that they were right, that I am someone who can do better and can make things go my way. So I called him and was going to tell him that. However as soon as I heard his voice, I could not say the words. He was in the middle of something, so he said he would call me back. He did, and I still could not say what I thought I had to say. I instead said that I need him to show me that he really wants to get back together, even though he needs the space. To show me something so that I will know that holding on is going to be ok. He said ok, and I havent seen anything since. But I told him that I do not know how long I can hang on. I mean I need to get on with my life at some point. He said that he's thinking and that he's hoping to get this over with quickly. We talked on AIM later, and we are going to talk tomorrow about everything. He said he hopes he has everything worked out, but is doubtful, but he said that he loves me and that he misses me. I love him so much. I hope I am doing the right thing
sundrop Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 I hate to say this, but it doesn't sound like he is being positive about trying to work things outa nd if you are not positive about the relationship than how can it possibly work out? Sounds like to me either he is trying to string you along to let you down easy or trying to make you frustrated and have you finally end the relaionship and not make him look like the bad guy. I say take some time for yourself, so you can clear your head and decide whats right for you... Best wishes.
Author pinksparkle Posted September 30, 2005 Author Posted September 30, 2005 We talked last night. I told him how I felt about everything. He said that we are not going to be getting back together anytime soon, he needs to find out who he is, and what he wants to do. I know that we are both young, I'm 19 and he's 21. He says that he still loves me, but he doesn't think that anything is going to happen anytime soon. I am still going down in a week. I am seeing other friends, but staying with him. I told him nothing could happen, and he said he knows but its going to be hard. He still hasnt taken my pictures down, and has stuff of me on his computer. I am a firm believer in signs. I know that he is the one for me. I feel something deep inside telling me that. But there is nothing I can do to make him see that. I know that I can't wait around. I have to live my life. But is it okay to always hope that he'll recognize what he had was it? And I am still going to go to school down there next semester, and he says that we are going to revisist our relationship once I get down there. Is that a positive thing? I know that we both need to grow. Maybe this is going to be a good thing. I just know that we are supposed to be together, as crazy as that sounds. I am not going to contact him until the day before I go down so that I can see who is going to let me in to the facility. I guess I am hoping in that small amount of time that maybe something will spark.
sundrop Posted September 30, 2005 Posted September 30, 2005 Pinksparkle , You sound like a very smart lady. There is nothing wrng with having hope. Hope is what keeps us alive, keeps us going and keep our dreams alive. If you didn't have hope I would think something is wrong. Sometme when people hope for something, they put the rest of their life on hold and can focus on nothing else, but it doesn't sound like you are doing that and it sounds like you are heading in the right direction. Best of luck to you when you go down there. I hope it will work itself out for you and it will be a good visit. I know the feeling well about felling the he is the one for you, I feel it in my ex as well, I just hope one day soon he will wake up a see it as well. Again best of luck.
Treasa Posted September 30, 2005 Posted September 30, 2005 I've been in your situation. Take my advice and do NOT stay with him if you go down there. In fact, limit your time if you do see him at all. Trust me, he needs to miss you, and he can't do that if you're staying with him, calling him, emailing him, etc. I've been there so many times. If it's meant to be, you have to release the choke hold and just let it happen. If you're so sure he's the "one" (and after 30 years of living I don't believe there is such a thing anymore, even though I'm very happy in my relationship), then just let him go and let him miss you. He needs space. That means no calling him. You're broken up, so treat him as such. Enjoy your time with your other friends and see what happens.
Author pinksparkle Posted October 1, 2005 Author Posted October 1, 2005 What happened to you when you were in my situation? I am all ears. I know that the possibility that we are going to get back together is slim, but I am hoping against hope that it is going to happen. It seems silly to say, since I am only 19, but I am so picky about who I date and who I let in to see the real me. He is the only one that I have ever done anything with. I take these as signs.
Treasa Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 I had similar "signs" when I was your age. Remarkable things that I took to mean that he was my true love. I went to visit him after we broke up, and while we slept together while I was there and had fun, it only pushed him further away, because he needed space. Stop asking about the relationship and if you two will get back together. Stop thinking he's "the one". You're very young, and will be doing yourself a disservice if you don't try to see past the "signs". Go visit your friends, but limit your time with him, if you see him at all. He broke up with you. He won't ever regret that decision if you stay with him, because it shows him that he can do whatever you want, and you'll still be there. It will push him further away. Do a search for posts by SadAndLonely. When my current boyfriend broke up with me, I left him alone. I didn't call, I didn't talk about "us", I didn't try to see him once I got my head together. I think it's only because I let go and focused on myself that he actually came back. P.S. - He's the only one you've ever "done things with". That isn't a sign. I understand how you feel. I was 19 once. And 22. And 25. Trust me, I've had more "love of my life"s than I can count on two hands. And I was POSITIVE that every single one of them was the love of my life. Ironically, I've never felt that way about my current boyfriend, but he's the one I'll probably marry.
Author pinksparkle Posted October 1, 2005 Author Posted October 1, 2005 I read your story and I am inspired by your situation. Joseph said those same things to me, that he wants to be with me, but a bigger part of him doesnt, and that he needs time to think. I haven't talked to him since the night we talked about everything, two days ago. We have AIM and it is hard not to start talking to him, but I haven't. When I go down, I plan to be all together. I do not want him to see any weakness in me. I went down the last weekend and stayed with another friend. We ended up going to his party that night and we got into a fight so later I had to go apologize. And this is where he said that I was doing a good job of making him feel like I did not like him. I guess I am hoping that by not contacting until Thurs, to see who is going to let me in, and by getting my act together he will see that throughout the weekend. I think he is going to need more time, but I can still hope, right? Your story gives me have hope, you sound just like Joseph and I.
CityGirl88 Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 Pinksparkle: You need to back away from and give him some space and time to think and miss you. Do not stay with him and do not sleep with him. Your chances are better if you give him some breathing room.
Author pinksparkle Posted October 2, 2005 Author Posted October 2, 2005 I am not going to sleep with him on my trip. I am staying on his couch, and I am not going to be around very much. I have plans every night with my girlfriends, plus he has to work. I do not want to hang around him and have him think I am at his beck and call. I have things to do and people to see while I am down there. I was told by one of my guy friends that I need to show him that I appreciate him and that I care for him. Joseph already knows that. I am going to show him that we can be friends, and that if the time is right, we will get back together. I am not going to hound him, pester him, or beg him to take me back. I am going to be myself and have tons of fun.
Author pinksparkle Posted October 4, 2005 Author Posted October 4, 2005 After tons and tons of thinking (that is all I do now), I have scared myself. I keep thinking that maybe he has found someone else, and that when I go down this weekend, I am going to find him with her and I am going to be so devastated. I haven't talked to him in about a week. Is that bad? Does that mean he isn't thinking about me? I wish he would call, but then I wish he wouldn't. Is that wrong? I miss him so much, and I really do. Everyone has said that maybe you just miss the 'being in a relationship', but I really miss him. I went through my box of his stuff the other day and cried at all the cards and simple things I collected. He still has his box too, he told me last week. Am I still hoping too much? Should I expect anything this week-end? I do not know what to think.
sundrop Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 Pinksparkle, Quit driving yourself crazy. My ex lives on a main road and I drove by his house today, and saw a car(he has three of them) moved in an odd position, that he never used to park that way, it was out of the car port and he has a three car carport. So I started thinking, what if he had to move his car for another girls car, what if he has someone staing with him now, what if, what if , what if......... Well, what if? There is nothing I can do about it and I am not going to make myself sick over it...... Don't stay with him this weekend, if you are so worried about all this. It's not a good idea anyway. Don't sneak up and surprise him. Call him, let him know you are in town and set a time to go get your things and take it from there. But you can't over annaylis all the what if's, you will make yourself sick, trust me.
Author pinksparkle Posted October 5, 2005 Author Posted October 5, 2005 So, we talked tonight and he initiated it. I pulled my knee recently and I ice it every night. So my away message was: icing my knee. When I came back, he started to question me about my knee, asking why I was icing it, how I pulled it and whatnot. Although that was the extent of the conversation it is something. He still cares about me. He did not say anything about this weekend, but I think he knows that is coming later in the week. Is this a good sign, or am I reading too much into this?
Author pinksparkle Posted October 16, 2005 Author Posted October 16, 2005 Well, I went down for Fall Break. Friday night I went to pick up his keys and I let myself in to his apt, and waited for him to get out of work. When he came home, he was so excited to see me. He talked and talked, kept coming up with conversation. The bad news is that we did end up sleeping together, and I know it wasnt supposed to happen. After, things were awkward and I felt like crap. Saturday, things were fine. He played video games and I did hw. He kept looking at me when he had a break in the game and when I asked why he was doing that, he said that he likes to keep contact with the people that are in the room with him. But I noticed that he didn't do that when there were other people in the room that night or the night after that. My friend and I went out Sat night and had a good time, and then we both got drunk. Which is why I said some things that I probably shouldnt have said. I called him names and said that he was leading me on. He was actually hurt. He said that he never meant to do that and that he misses me. He said that he misses everything that we do together, all our talks and just me in general. Everything was fine Sunday, we watched a movie on the couch together. Monday he had class, and I went to the mall. Tuesday we did lunch and then I went home. I hate to say it, but I cried before leaving and he saw. He said that this is why he tries to push me away, because he knows that it hurts when I leave. He acted happy. Is this his way of trying not to show me how sad that he is that I am leaving? Or is he truely over me and ready to move on? But he did make a comment that left me feeling weird. He said that there arent many single girls at State, so he wont be dating for a while. I said ok, so that means I am going to be dating before you. When he realized that I had switched it around he got quiet and said he didnt want to talk about it anymore. Is this a good sign? I left Tuesday afternoon and he said to call him when I got home to make sure I got there safely. I called when I got home and told him that I left some DVD's. He said i know, and when I asked if he would mail them back to me, he said if he ever gets around to it. Well, today he IMed me and asked for my address, so I know he mailed them, or is planning on it. I also asked if he was mailing anything else to me, any of my other stuff, and he said no. Why does he still want my pictures and my stuffed monkey. I also have one of his bank cards, wouldnt he have asked for that by now? Am I reading to much into this, or is there a chance of us getting back together? I do not know when I am going to go down again, except for in January when I got to school there full time. I just want to know if there is a chance
Author pinksparkle Posted October 17, 2005 Author Posted October 17, 2005 I have been talking to my friend Elisa the past couple weeks. Joseph broke up with me and then her boyfriend broke up with her last week. She called me crying and to be honest, I did not know what to tell her. I mean, I know that I am going through the same thing, but I couldn't put anything into words. However, I talked to her tonight and her and her boyfriend got back together. She said that he missed her and that he was stupid and basically apologized for everything. She then started asking me about Joseph and what is going on. I told her the truth, nothing is going on. Yesterday he asked me for my address so he could mail me my DVD's, and that was it. I gave it to him because I want them back. But he said that was the only thing he was mailing. Not my monkey, or my pictures, or my shirts that smell like me. She thinks that he wants me to date other people so that I will know for sure if it is him that I want. But shouldn't he trust me for that? She also brought up the thought that maybe he wants to wait till I am down there full time before we start our relationship again. Why wait? The longer you wait the more possibility there is of finding someone else. I dont know. I am so confused by him. Ok, so I think this is long enough. I would just love for him to come back.
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