How often do people text in a new relationship

[Sammygirl]

Hello.

 

I was dating someone for about a month until they ghosted after a little bit of a discussion of me wanting him to talk more as he would just not text me for a week at a time and we didn't see each other often.

 

He recently came back into my life a couple months later and I told him that I was a bit skeptical because we were fine before then he kind of just left.

 

Anyways, he's been trying real hard to see me often and text me all the time and it's been great. I dont need all of that all the time but it's been nice.

 

He has deleted all his dating apps and says how he only wants me and wants us to work out and what not..

 

My question: we just started seeing each other again and I know he has an insane work schedule. Does not text at work and works almost every single day. We only see each other once a week or once every two weeks....so how often should we be texting. Because he was texting me every single day for hours on end. If I didn't respond he would keep texting again and again. Now it's been silence for 2 days... Is that ok? Not sure how to have the convo with him on what he seems appropriate in terms of texting... I feel like it would get me to stop worrying.

 

How often do you text someone your dating that you don't see very often ? Or how often do you think is necessary

[manfrombelow2]

Seems like your guy really knew how to manipulate you, and his behaviour (taking you for granted at first and now texting non-stop) is quite weak, beta and feminine behaviour.

 

Let's just say nobody is ever too busy to text the person they really love and care about. You either want to text your partner, or you don't, there's no BS in between.

 

From a man's perspective, I'd say texting too much is not healthy for the relationship. Instead, the guy should initiate real life date and only focus into that.

[Garcon1986]

If you think its important you should be on good enough terms to request it from your date. People text random amounts - but if his schedule is difficult he should be able to work in the few minutes to text.

[SophieG]

When I started dating my bf, we would text ALOT in the first two weeks, then he slowly reduced the frequency as the relationship become more secure. At the time, we were seeing each other only on weekends. Now, 6 months in, we sometimes exchange 3 or 4 texts, but we talk on the phone every night. However, we never went a day without at lease a few texts.

[manfrombelow2]

Excellent post.

 

"Secure" is a precise term to describe the state when the intensity of texting back & forth cooled down to something more stable and calm. Your bf is a very centered man since he was able to lead things that way, congrats.

 

When I started dating my bf, we would text ALOT in the first two weeks, then he slowly reduced the frequency as the relationship become more secure. At the time, we were seeing each other only on weekends. Now, 6 months in, we sometimes exchange 3 or 4 texts, but we talk on the phone every night. However, we never went a day without at lease a few texts.

[SophieG]

Excellent post.

 

"Secure" is a precise term to describe the state when the intensity of texting back & forth cooled down to something more stable and calm. Your bf is a very centered man since he was able to lead things that way, congrats.

 

Well, at first, it made me insecure. But I questioned him and he took the time to explain to me that since we were actually developing a relationship, the need to « hook me » wasn't really there anymore. Moreover, since we talk on the phone every night, if we text too much, we have less to talk about in the evening ahah.

[manfrombelow2]

Exactly. And by slowing down the texting game on purpose, he "saved" your relationship in the long run. Your bf knows his game pretty well, which is a wonderful thing.

 

Well, at first, it made me insecure. But I questioned him and he took the time to explain to me that since we were actually developing a relationship, the need to « hook me » wasn't really there anymore. Moreover, since we talk on the phone every night, if we text too much, we have less to talk about in the evening ahah.

[alphamale]

texting is not appropriate communication in the early stages of a relationship. you either talk on the phone or talk in person. with texting it is easy to have miscommunication and you don't want that

[SophieG]

texting is not appropriate communication in the early stages of a relationship. you either talk on the phone or talk in person. with texting it is easy to have miscommunication and you don't want that

 

I’m a big texter and I don’t really like talking on the phone, especially with someone new. I’ve never been in a relationship where there wasn’t communication via text. I guess it wouldn’t really work for me.

[preraph]

Sit down with him and agree on how often you'll text. And try to remember if you tell each other everything in text, you will have ZERO to talk about once you're together. And you can talk on the phone instead and have a better conversation. But just say, Hey, let's decide how often we should be texting so it's not too much or too little. Then also let each other know when you turn it off and go to sleep so no one waiting up butthurt.

[Malin889]

You said it’s been silent for 2 days? So he was texting you nonstop -about what?— now, nothing? Have you heard from him today?

[Lotsgoingon]

You talk and/or text as much as you want and as much as you need to stay connected, to feel valued, and to keep the bond strong in the relationship.

 

A nice text can take less than a minute to compose--in the bathroom, at breaks ... anytime. Doable no matter how "busy" someone is ... The only exceptions would be like the situation of a buddy of mine who works for an intelligence contractor that handles a lot of classified information ... He and his coworkers have to hand over personal cell phones upon entering work each day. So he literally can't text during the day.

 

But he can text at night!

 

I cannot imagine dating someone these days without connecting with them, at least briefly by text, every day.

[Insoc]

Texting will cause issues at some point if the other person or yourself has poor text etiquette, that is if you ghost, disappear without saying anything like "got to go" or "goodnight, talk more later" and etc. Also things said can be misinterpreted by you or the other person, which can cause fights and well break it off fast.

 

I texted some local woman for a few days, or a week, then we talked on the phone, texted a little in between, a few are really bad, ghosting or not responding to what I said.

[fieldoflavender]

Thing is with phone - you can't really multi -task and sometimes you have a lot of stuff to get done. I like phone once in a bit, but not necessarily every day.

 

But texting at least once a day as a check in is nice. I can't imagine being in an exclusive relationship and not even checking in once a day. But I'm still trying to get a feel for things too.

[damni]

He is not that into you.

 

You gave him a second chance AFTER he ghosted you and would rarely see/contact you.

 

He has now resorted back to past behaviour. Never give men who have treated you bad, a second chance. It never works.

 

You can text him...but is this a relationship you want? a man who has no time for you. No it isnt, which is why you ended it the first time. You are not in love with this guy, move on.

[GTR King]

I usally message My Girlfriend (Dating 2 months & a bit) once in the morning (If I am up first) or she will message me first (If she’s up first) Few times during the day (Non if she is on night shifts) then usally we will talk on the phone for 15/20 mins in the evening (Before her night shift at 7 or after day shift about 7.30)

 

Some days we won’t speak on the phone, Usally see each other 1-3 times a week depends on her shifts etc...

 

Not good to text 24/7 as won’t have things to talk about but few times a day will be fine

[MaleIntuition]

I usally message My Girlfriend (Dating 2 months & a bit) once in the morning (If I am up first) or she will message me first (If she’s up first) Few times during the day (Non if she is on night shifts) then usally we will talk on the phone for 15/20 mins in the evening (Before her night shift at 7 or after day shift about 7.30)

 

Some days we won’t speak on the phone, Usally see each other 1-3 times a week depends on her shifts etc...

 

Not good to text 24/7 as won’t have things to talk about but few times a day will be fine

 

I’m always confused when someone describes 24/7 texting, and then follows it up by saying that they don’t want 24/7 texting?

[SophieG]

I’m always confused when someone describes 24/7 texting, and then follows it up by saying that they don’t want 24/7 texting?

 

There’s a difference between sending a few texts during the day and doing only that. I use to date a guy that would literally text me none stop, as in NON STOP. If I didn’t wait a bit to answer, we’d have pages and pages of texts in a day... so that is texting 24/7.

[MaleIntuition]

There’s a difference between sending a few texts during the day and doing only that. I use to date a guy that would literally text me none stop, as in NON STOP. If I didn’t wait a bit to answer, we’d have pages and pages of texts in a day... so that is texting 24/7.

 

Well, that’s clearly something close to madness and far from the norm.

 

A “few” text per day and a routine good morning/good night still sounds like pretty much constant contact to me, no matter how you spin it. What are those texts even about?

[SophieG]

Well, that’s clearly something close to madness and far from the norm.

 

A “few” text per day and a routine good morning/good night still sounds like pretty much constant contact to me, no matter how you spin it. What are those texts even about?

 

I don't really remember, but it was about so many different topics... he just wanted to be in constant contact. I was not working at that moment since it was summer (and I work in schools), but it felt like a second job. I didn't understand how he could get any job done.

I usually answer right away so he just fired back with another topic or questions. It was exhausting. To me, that is 24-7 texting.

Four or five texts throughout the day isn't (for me).

[Wallysbears]

This guy isn't that into you.

 

If he was - he wouldn't have ghosted you in the first place.

 

You are a "fall back". The second he meets someone that he considers a better 'catch' you're going to be ghosted again.

 

I'd drop him now.

 

 

 

*men that aren't truly into women don't play bullsh*t games like this. If they do it is because they are indecisive and weak. And you don't want to deal with that nonsense either. If a man likes you, he makes it clearly obvious and wants to spend time with you.

[olivetree]

What damni and Wallysbears said.

 

Never give a second chance to someone who ghosts you.

He put on a show to get you back and now he's back to his old ways.

 

He's not only just not that into you, he's not a great catch.

[RedHead5]

Something is off with this guy. You don't just go from being an absent texter and ghosting to texting 24/7 to 2 days with no texts. There's more to this. He is coming on too strong for someone who walked away. He probably does have someone else/got ditched/etc.

 

For 2 people who are not texters, like my bf and I, we can definitely go a whole day with like 4-6 texts in the evening or sometimes less and be fine. If we go several days apart, we will add a phone call or two. No good mornings and no good night's except on occasion, not even once a week most of the time. We see each other about 4 days most weeks but sometimes more or less. We have been dating 6 months.

 

All I'm saying is, your communication style is your style. This guy has switched up too much. My bf and don't communicate in our off time as much as most couples I think but we have always been this way. Nothing changed except it gradually increased to the level we are at now. (Yeah, we were worse before )

[I'veseenbetterlol]

When I started dating my bf, we would text ALOT in the first two weeks, then he slowly reduced the frequency as the relationship become more secure. At the time, we were seeing each other only on weekends. Now, 6 months in, we sometimes exchange 3 or 4 texts, but we talk on the phone every night. However, we never went a day without at lease a few texts.

 

I don't need excessive 24 hour contact, but I enjoy texting my bf everyday. We also talk on the phone several times a week. He has never gone more then 6 hours between texting me other then when he went on vacation and was at sea for days at a time. He doesn't sound like a stable partner TBH and it would be best for your emotional health to stay away.

 

To me ghosting is unacceptable and once someone does that, they are gone! If he cared for you that much, he would have never ghosted.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

There’s a difference between sending a few texts during the day and doing only that. I use to date a guy that would literally text me none stop, as in NON STOP. If I didn’t wait a bit to answer, we’d have pages and pages of texts in a day... so that is texting 24/7.

 

Omg, I'm in the same boat. I love texting my partner. Before him though I had a guy who wanted 24/7 texting, that was EXHAUSTING! Especially since there was nothing to talk about. There is a big difference between texting your partner cute texts, funny news etc. Something much different having to text your partner every second because if you don't, they get upset.