- guy is the hell out of me

[bugeyes]

So I don't date very much because of my culture. Had a few crushes in the past that have come and gone and had a few dates with guys from the same culture as me which have never really worked out for various reasons.

 

So I start at a new place at work, me and the guy are both new but he is more "senior" than me.

 

Day 1 - I notice him looking but have no feelings/attraction whatsoever

 

A few months pass I see the guy around as a "face"

 

Month 2- I start working in his area - with all the other new starters he showed them around and trained them in certain things but he just ignored me/ didn't talk to me - I assumed he thought I was incompetent

 

Despite that he would always be around me i.e. sat next me etc

 

My boss then made him supervise me for certain things which is the only full interaction we ever had - but he was friendly and we had a laugh until he tried to touch me and I moved away. (I'm not a touchy feely person and I do this to most people when they tried to shoulder pat etc) I could see he was taken aback but didn't think much of it.

 

Month 4 - He then goes back to ignoring me except every now and then he would pass comments that are compliments I suppose but very insightful ones e.g. a certain part of work I find difficult and work extra hard on but no one else would really notice

 

It was around this time I would constantly find him making eye contact, smiling, but never starting a conversation. I smiled back and left it at that.

 

At this point he definitely had my attention. But then again he never made conversation, or if I tried it would be one word answers. But then he would start up group conversations about things I knew about, or my cases but never directly to me.

 

Month 5 - I gave up after a few weeks of this and stopped trying to talk to him. He carried on the staring, but now would always be there at my lunch break, once I changed the place I had my lunch and he followed me down there, sat next to me and didn't talk.

 

Month 7 - Randomly he started talking to me - I returned his efforts but it was stilted and honestly I just found him awkward now. I asked to be moved from his area of work which I think he noticed.

 

Month 8 - Now he doesn't look at me so much anymore, but always has an angry expression on his face when I'm around. It makes me feel I can't go to certain areas when he is on shift now.

 

Did I miss something here? Is this some weird form of attraction? Does he hate me?

 

What should I do from here? We're a small department and we're all good friends and I would like the same with this guy.

 

Also this guy acts like a normal friendly human being with everyone else including other female co workers.

 

TL;DR Guy at work, lots of staring, following me around no conversation, now being awkward.

 

Btw could a mod please edit the title - not sure why words are missing.

Edited May 19, 2017 by bugeyes

[preraph]

I mean, the touch was what kicked off the awkwardness. He shouldn't be surprised by that since he's at work. Maybe he thought you liked him that way and that's why he changed when you rejected his touch. But honestly, now he's mad, so all I think is you need to just try to stop focusing on him and be polite when you come across him but nothing more. Have a plan at hand if he should get bold and touch you or ask you on a date and know what you want to say so you're not caught offguard.

[act00]

I'm not sure what you're asking. Are you interested in him romantically, or you just want to have better platonic, coworker rapport with him? This is a dating forum, so I'm assuming you were somewhat interested in him, in which case, you certainly didn't put forth any interest, and your actions suggested quite the opposite.

 

You physically recoiled from him. Did you follow that up with a laugh and "Sorry, that startled me," or "Sorry, I'm not much of a touchy-feely person." He made efforts to talk to you at some points, but it seems you're a bit closed-off (?) so difficult to talk to? I'm not sure what impression I'm getting of you. You tried to talk to him with one-word responses, yet he made efforts to sit near you and converse with you at lunch, so it's hard to say what he's doing. I don't know why he would speak with others freely but not so much to you, but also made efforts to sit near you at lunch and start conversations. It's a little odd how you describe his behavior and difficult to read.

 

But then you asked to be moved from his area. Did you ask to be moved from the area in general, or did you ask to be moved away from "that guy," specifically? If you mentioned him specifically, do you think he may have suffered some ramifications from this request, like some "counselling" with the boss regarding office behavior, particularly with the women? I can certainly see him being angry at that and avoidant towards you. It is rude and unprofessional to scowl at you, and if he is your superior, worse, but asking to be moved from him, specifically, is not going to go over well, and if I was on the receiving end of even a hint of inappropriate behavior (that I did not do), I would be avoiding that person like the plague.

 

I would say to just go about like normal. Say hello when you see him like you would anyone else, and talk to him in a work capacity as necessary, and make the best of it. Hopefully things will smooth out.

[bugeyes]

No, I didn't ask to be specifically moved away from him, just that area - which happens normally anyway.

 

It probably is partly my fault, I don't handle awkwardness well.

 

I made the effort at the beginning to talk to him and include him in group conversation but it never worked. I am not a massively outgoing person but I can hold a conversation even if it's a boring one lol.

 

He would come and sit right next to me, not look at me, and speak to someone else in the room, if I spoke to others in the room, he would go quiet...

 

There was attraction at some point working together at the beginning but that quickly disappated with the weird following me around and not tallking issues.

Edited May 20, 2017 by bugeyes

[act00]

Thanks for clarification. Being asked to move in a general sense - it sounds like he took it personally. Is there any way he could have found out it was personal? I know that ultimately he's the reason, but he shouldn't know that, so his behavior is childish. He sounds strange.

[smackie9]

Take it from someone who has worked with many different personalities for almost 27 years...in time things usually smooth out, people get over it and everyone gets along again. Try not to focus too much of your time on this.