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Narcissist Emotional Abuse


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've been with someone i think may be a narcissist for a year...known him several years before as on off friends, lovers etc. We got engaged fall last year, broke up and he moved out of my place march as I had rage side effects from anxiety medication i was on, he moved out..he originally asked me to take the meds so I'd stop worrying about him when he works late...because I'd call a lot...after we broke up, we see each other again over march and say we are going to repair our relationship....I see msgs in his tablet to other girls....all on days he claimed he couldn't talk to me on the phone cause I argue too much. But he found time to flirt. By May, he's needs money for an emergency, I can't give it to him. So he sleeps with his ex to convince her to give him money (he was with her as fwb for years for money and he and his brother said he was never attracted to her).. He tells me after. I forgive him because we are technically broken up still....but I blow up at him in person about the tablet messages to girls and scratch his arms. He ignores me after. I apologize many times.

Before he moved out originally in march, I did sales. I started dancing in late may to get more money after losing a job

We make up in June and have sex.

The same day we make up and agree to work on us, he sleeps with another girl because again he has another emergency and wants to sweet talk her to give him money that I don't have.

He tells me we aren't technically engaged at the moment (this was june) and because I worked as a dancer it's the same as him sleeping with girls. I said it's not because I don't have any sex...oral or regular. He insisted dancing is the same as what he does....sleeping with exes who loan him money.

Eventually he admits he's wrong and we move in again end of june. I gave up my place for him. We say we're engaged again...we put up new Facebook pics. He says he deleted instagram instead of adding me.

He loses his job mid summer 2016, I help him out numerous occasions with money from my dancing. He starts to disappear for three days at a time doing his new driving job he gets, ignoring my calls not calling, and barely texting and returning each time explaining he has to stay with friends because I argue too much. A cycle begins where I blow up into extreme fits of rage over my frustration...over what he put me through. Each time he disappears and comes home, I blow up because he's gone. He says my blowing up is a reason he has to leave for 2-3 days each time to go to his guy friends.

Eventually I stop blowing up, he still leaves every week for several days saying he doesn't like to be controlled or told when to come home, I say if he wants to marry, he needs to answer to someone, especially because he keeps saying he wants me to get pregnant and have his baby...the main reason he sees me as his wife and gave me a ring back in fall 2015. To move in with him, I gave up my apt, so i have nowhere to go. Three months go by until Oct 2016 where he leaves every week for several days...always saying he can't be controlled...but still wanting me physically...still wanting me to wear my ring...still saying he dreams of me having his child. I finally leave Nov and go out of state to live with my mother. He texts me randomly throughout the month accusing me of being with guys because I don't text right away. I tell him he has no business saying that cause I moved because he abandoned me, refused to answer the phone when I lived with him, and came and left as he wanted. During the time he did this back in august, I found dinner receipts charged under an exes name. I screamed at him over all the lies. He insisted I'm crazy and it was just to pay her back. I felt like I lost my mind that day,..scratched him...hit him.

This past month Dec, I ask if i can stay at his place on the couch to look for jobs, since I quit dancing and want to do sales jobs again. He says he's ready to get our marriage certificate and agrees with my previous suggestion from a month ago, that we hold onto it for a few months to motivate us to go to therapy and get help until right before it expires and then get married if we can fix our relationship. We go get the marriage application. He loses half the day he could have worked getting it. Next day his car glass gets shattered. He uses his car for work. He calls me asking for money because rent is due the next day. I say no at first because I lent him money many times over the summer and he disappeared for days after, and I'm down to a low amount of money because I'm not dancing anymore...esp since he said he didn't like it and that's why he disappeared all summer. He gets upset and says he'll have to visit friends all night I break down at the end of the convo offering money but he talks over me and hangs up. He doesn't come home that night...he doesn't come home three days....so i go back to my mothers out of state....he admits he saw another friend he slept with and convinced to give him money.

I am furious. He doesn't seem to care at all when just a few days before we got a marriage application ready to sign when we make it official a few months later and he said he wanted me to have his child.

I told him I understand he has no family to turn to like me in emergency money situations and the last day to pay rent was the day after his car glass was broken and he uses his car for work, but it's not acceptable to just sleep with exes and get money from them when he has a fiance...that we could have found another way to get the money for rent together.

I told him I dont want to see him again unless it's in therapy.

He said sorry once in text, has not called once, and only texts me. He said that he feels bad I'm affected so much by his actions. Other than that, not much accountability.


Ugh. I don't know...is therapy worth it? I'm broke and have no income, a going on interviews for day jobs, don't want to dance anymore, i can put aside a day to go to therapy each week with him, but I have to go out of state to go with him because I plan to move back there in my own place when I get more money.

I asked him why he hasn't called since I last saw him and he always acts too busy. I told him if he can't even call, how can he say he loves me. He never liked calling and says he won't call cause I argue too much....we have to plan phone calls ahead. ..this is how it's always been...ugh


Is therapy even going to help...if he even goes with me?

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Is therapy even going to help...if he even goes with me?


He doesn't need therapy for lust. YOU have yourself a man who cheats on you all the time, who lies at the drop of a hat and who can't manage his money - you can't make a father and husband out of that.

I suggest you do not even try.

He doesn't call because he doesn't want to, I guess he is done.

Stay with your mother and do some self reflection.

Why do you allow this man to treat you so badly?

And don't say "love".

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you don't love this man, you have a dysfunctional bond with him based on your own issues. He is a cheater, a liar and a user. A little therapy isn't going to change that and frankly he doesn't even want to change. If you wanted a puppy would you go buy a cat and then take it to therapy to make it act like a puppy? Because thats' what you're trying to do with this guy. You want to turn him into something he is incapable of being. He is what he is, a cheating liar. You have to face reality.

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I appreciate the input. It's nice u take the time to respond.


I found his instagram online last night and confronted him, as he said back in July it was deleted. He refused to ever add me on it the whole relationship.


He responded in text I'm reaching and searching and that my controlling behavior makes him realize he doesn't want to marry me.


I said that I only search because I don't trust him after he slept with another girl who loaned him money for it.


He said he's been single since I broke up with him in early december because of the girl and reactivated his instagram .


I told him he said he deleted it...not deactivated and that if he wants to throw me away over my trust issues and not go to therapy as we planned he doesn't love me because I was willing to go to therapy...even after i broke up with him a few weeks ago because he cheated with someone who loaned him money.


He won't text. Oh well.


At my mom's, still going on day job interviews. I do love him, but I feel he only loves me with a piece of his heart. What I do is enough to not speak to me even though I don't sleep with ppl like him.


I will go to therapy with or without him. I know I need it.

Edited by Anne1199
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