darkbloom Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I feel everything you said so much. Especially the bolded part! I was always just waiting for something, some "proof" that he loved me since I knew I would never hear it. I finally started to really feel it and I was finally happy with him. We talked about almost everything in the beginning so I knew a lot about him and his past relationships as he did about mine. Looking back now on those conversations I see many reasons why I should've run. But I thought he was just with bad people back then. Now I realize it was HIM who was the bad person and drove those relationships apart. Boy was I ever blinded by my feelings for him. Sorry about your situation. It sounds so very similar to mine at least in what we were trying to get out of our relationships with them. My mind is making me nuts! Is he in "No contact" because I broke it off with him? Does he even care that I did? Does he even care that I am not contacting him? Is he surprised that I am stronger than he realized? Is he surprised that I have gone all weekend without contacting him? Is he hurting because I broke it off? Is he hurting because I didn't contact him? Is he giving me some time to cool down before he reaches out? Is he thinking "Thank God" she is finally gone? WHY DO I EVEN CARE?? I know I shouldn't BUT I DO! On one hand I want him to reach out so that I know he is at least thinking of me. How sad is that though? He treated me terribly. He should be the last person I want to hear from. But I do. I do so very bad. I want him to tell me he made a mistake and he is sorry. I want him to say that he should have talked to me about it instead of treating me like dirt. I want him to admit that he took me for granted. I WANT HIM TO BE SOMEONE HE ISN'T. That is the bottom line and it is not reality. I have got to remember that. It sounds like we fell in love with who we wanted them to be. Not who they actually were. It is completely normal to want to hear from him. It's only been a few days. Think of it as a good thing that he has not contacted you because you would probably respond in anger. You know (deep down, maybe deep deep down, buried underneath your hurt and devastation) that he is hurting too. Unless he is a complete psychopath the situations is having some impact on him. You know this. And that should help ease your suffering bit. My ex was hot and cold... When he was nice to me, it was over the top. I justified his bad treatment of me with those moments. He cheated and then tried to blame me for it. That was the last straw. Just because he is emotionally ****ed up and his logic is way off base, doesn't mean I have to internalize those things. I am not the problem, he is. HE HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL THOUGH. Sigh. I will not fall in love with someones potential again. I ****ing miss him though. As flawed and messed up as that is. It's true. I know he is not healthy enough to be in my life. Doesn't ease the ache though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilTears Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 It sounds like we fell in love with who we wanted them to be. Not who they actually were. It is completely normal to want to hear from him. It's only been a few days. Think of it as a good thing that he has not contacted you because you would probably respond in anger. You know (deep down, maybe deep deep down, buried underneath your hurt and devastation) that he is hurting too. Unless he is a complete psychopath the situations is having some impact on him. You know this. And that should help ease your suffering bit. My ex was hot and cold... When he was nice to me, it was over the top. I justified his bad treatment of me with those moments. He cheated and then tried to blame me for it. That was the last straw. Just because he is emotionally ****ed up and his logic is way off base, doesn't mean I have to internalize those things. I am not the problem, he is. HE HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL THOUGH. Sigh. I will not fall in love with someones potential again. I ****ing miss him though. As flawed and messed up as that is. It's true. I know he is not healthy enough to be in my life. Doesn't ease the ache though. I agree. We fell in love with the idea of them but not their *****y emotionally abusive ways. The silent treatment is so mentally draining and just downright MEAN! And immature. And damaging not only to the relationship but to the person on the receiving end (me). I will say that it does ease my suffering a bit to think that maybe he is suffering too even though he did this. Thing is, I apologized. I did all I could do. That is helping me get through this struggle knowing that I tried everything. I gave him many opportunities and many "warnings" that I was getting closer to leaving. His response (or lack thereof) proved to me that he either didn't believe me or he didn't care. His ego is bigger than the entire internet. If I am honest with myself I know that it would KILL him to reach out to me. Look how angry I made him by calling him an a-hole. He's probably so appalled that I would dare break it off with him (and mean it) and stop contacting him. He probably doesn't even realize what the big deal is (why I couldn't take it anymore). Or maybe he does realize it. Who knows with him. I really don't. Mine was the same with the hot and cold. So hurtful. And I was so good to him anyway. I cared for him so much. I hope he realizes it one day when I am no longer there to care for him and his well-being anymore. I'm right with you on knowing it isn't right for us but my heart. My poor heart needs to learn that as well. We didn't deserve it but it still hurts so bad. I'm a basket case. Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I think we all turn into basket cases when we are in love. It's like we throw our self respect and logical thinking out the door. I let my phone die today so I wouldn't be tempted to even start a text to him. Not good. I feel like I have two personalities. The rational one that knows he's not Good and knows that I put NC into place to save me from myself. And then there's the lovesick side that's telling me to put aside my pride and talk to him. Because lord knows his pride is big as well. I go back and forth and it's driving me crazy. I'm just having a bad day I think. I've been doing better for weeks. Why do I care? He should mean nothing to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilTears Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 I think we all turn into basket cases when we are in love. It's like we throw our self respect and logical thinking out the door. I let my phone die today so I wouldn't be tempted to even start a text to him. Not good. I feel like I have two personalities. The rational one that knows he's not Good and knows that I put NC into place to save me from myself. And then there's the lovesick side that's telling me to put aside my pride and talk to him. Because lord knows his pride is big as well. I go back and forth and it's driving me crazy. I'm just having a bad day I think. I've been doing better for weeks. Why do I care? He should mean nothing to me. Sundays are tough. Weekends are tough. Leave it to me to start no contact at the start of a weekend. I had reached my breaking point though and thought I better go now with my dignity before I unleash my fury and look like a fool. I feel as though I have two personalities as well. I talk to myself in my head trying to justify it all. Honestly, even if we had a chance to sit down with them and interview them asking every question we want the answer to, we still wouldn't have all the answers. I wish we didn't allow men to do this to us. I wish we didn't go back and forth and make our brains hate us. But we loved and we loved hard and because that love is now gone we are suffering. AND IT SUCKS!! Here's to better days for us both. Tomorrow is DAY 3 of no contact for me. And it's also a Monday. So instead of sitting home and obsessing I will be sitting at work and doing more of the same. Hope you have a better tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilTears Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 (edited) Day 3 of no contact The one thing I cannot get out of my head more than any other thought is WHAT IS HE THINKING?? Does he think maybe he made a bad decision by punishing me for so long that I finally gave up? Now that he realizes I was serious about ending it does he think maybe he overreacted? Is he sad? Is he happy? Is he missing me? Is he tempted to reach out? Is he just giving me a few more days to cool off? It's driving me nuts! We have never gone a day in 8 months without contact. We always stayed in touch. This is heart wrenching. Edited March 2, 2015 by AprilTears Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Try to get out of his head. It won't make you feel better even if you know what he is thinking because it's over. You ended it. You did it for your emotional health and well being. Being in his head will just continue the lovesick side of you. I am struggling with the same thing though. It makes me feel better to give advice, even if I am having a hard time taking it. My thing is that I KNOW he is struggling. And I know he has probably typed out a million things to send to me but hasn't sent a single one. He told me the last time that we talked that he had a million things to say and nothing to say at all. And he couldn't figure out what to do so he went with nothing. I can't fix him. He screwed up. He is stuck in a dark hole that I decided I no longer wanted to be a part of. I got what I wanted. My life and my happiness and my freedom back. It still hurts like hell. I want to be able to zap him out of my memory. I was fine before him. I can be just fine after him. WHY CAN MY HEART NOT CATCH UP WITH THE REST OF ME???? AH Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilTears Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 Try to get out of his head. It won't make you feel better even if you know what he is thinking because it's over. You ended it. You did it for your emotional health and well being. Being in his head will just continue the lovesick side of you. I am struggling with the same thing though. It makes me feel better to give advice, even if I am having a hard time taking it. My thing is that I KNOW he is struggling. And I know he has probably typed out a million things to send to me but hasn't sent a single one. He told me the last time that we talked that he had a million things to say and nothing to say at all. And he couldn't figure out what to do so he went with nothing. I can't fix him. He screwed up. He is stuck in a dark hole that I decided I no longer wanted to be a part of. I got what I wanted. My life and my happiness and my freedom back. It still hurts like hell. I want to be able to zap him out of my memory. I was fine before him. I can be just fine after him. WHY CAN MY HEART NOT CATCH UP WITH THE REST OF ME???? AH I'm going around in circles in my mind. I have many thoughts and many waves of emotions from good to bad, happy to sad even RELIEF THAT IT IS OVER. Yet I am struggling anyway. I made it through the entire weekend and that says a lot for me. I must keep strong and luckily my job is busy and keeps me traveling often. I am leaving tomorrow for a business related trip. A distraction that is needed so very much. I miss hearing from him. I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilTears Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 Today I am angry. I am angry at myself that I ignored ALL of the red flags. He**, he even told me he had issues and I stuck with him anyway. I'm angry that I put up with all of his mental games/mental issues and accepted him as he was. He upsets me one evening, I snap and yell at him and that was enough for him to decide that I have issues and he can longer be with someone like me. Apologies, explanations - not enough. He instantly sees me as someone different. Someone he no longer cares for. I gave him what he wanted and I walked so why do I feel so guilty, worthless, depressed? Knowing me like he does he knows I am likely suffering but he does not care. I must keep reminded myself of this. He does not care about you!! Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Anger is good. It makes you not want to talk to him. It will help keep you NC. Sometimes I wish the anger would stay because it makes me feel better than the sadness and the loneliness. Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I felt that same anger in the beginning too.... now it's dissolved into hopeless longing for him, even though he couldn't care less. I hate my heart. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I hate to be Mr. Negative here, but is it possible he just wasn't that into you and used this as an excuse to end things? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilTears Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 I hate to be Mr. Negative here, but is it possible he just wasn't that into you and used this as an excuse to end things? Anything is possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts