JoeyArnold Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 (edited) I started liking my best friend that I talk to on the phone about an hour each week since I met her in person August 2010. She lives 591 miles away. I told her March 9th 2012 that I like her over the phone: then I wrote her a four-page letter & mail that to her. When she got it in the mail, I asked her to read it to me. As she was reading the first paragraph to me over the phone, she stopped & said that she wanted to continue reading it alone just in case she started getting embarrassed. So I let her continue reading it on her own. She actually used the word "Embarrassed" but I cannot exactly tell what she exactly meant when she was saying it but I didn't want to argue or question the source of the embarrassment. I just wanted to give her space & be nice to her. She is either embarrassed because she likes me or because she doesn't like me. Well, I guess she may not know what she feels for me. I want to know what embarrassment means to different people & why. I want to study & better understand all the different versions of embarrassment so that I can better understand my situation better. Edited April 1, 2012 by JoeyArnold Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 You need to provide more information to get a more informed answer. How did she react when you told her you had feelings for her? Did she say she felt the same? Based on what you wrote, my thought is that asking her to read it to you put a lot of pressure on her; her reaction was very normal. Anyone would be embarrassed in that situation. First of all, it makes a person feel obligated to say something they may not be ready to say and secondly, I think most people like privacy when they read a letter like that. They need time to digest it and decide how they want to respond. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoeyArnold Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 How did she react when you told her you had feelings for her? Did she say she felt the same? She was shocked, overwhelmed. I think she said she became light-headed or something at one point where she didn't know exactly what to say or do since we have been long-distant phone friends since August 2010. I'm the person she goes to when she needs to talk to somebody. She tells me things she doesn't tell other people. She asks for advice. She always opens with, "How are you?" & sometimes it feels like she really wants to know how my life is doing & yet other times it seems like I'm just just a person she can dump things on. But I'm not against that. I just started liking her & wish she would also like me too. I told her that I've always wanted to fall in love with my best friend & just did. She thought that was romantic & sweet. She said she needed time to think about it. That was when I told her over the phone March 9th 2012. March 30th, I ask if I could visit, & she asks, "But only as friends, right?" I said yeah. She said, "Don't worry, I'll visit you someday." I then say that I want to visit her church. She suggest I bring a friend when visiting & that I let her know when. Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 She is either embarrassed because she likes me or because she doesn't like me. Well, I guess she may not know what she feels for me. I want to know what embarrassment means to different people & why. I want to study & better understand all the different versions of embarrassment so that I can better understand my situation better. I can offer a third possible reason. It's difficult to explain, but sometimes just being the object of strong emotions evokes feelings of shyness which is akin to embarrassment. It's self-consciousness. This happens to me sometimes. I don't want to be focused upon, regardless of who is focusing, and I'll actually regress into an 8 year old. In the situation you described, perhaps she just wanted that space in which to absorb the letter, privately, think about it, without your "prying ears" , your presence taking her in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoeyArnold Posted April 2, 2012 Author Share Posted April 2, 2012 Sometimes just being the object of strong emotions evokes feelings of shyness... I'll actually regress into an 8 year old... she just wanted that space in which to absorb the letter... Agreed. Yet, she wanted me to work at the camp she was going to work at last year & yet the camp didn't hire me. She also said she wish I lived in her city, especially since it would be easier for her to explain her life to me if I were able to be "An extra pair of eyes" for her, she says. It's easier to communicate in person. Yet, after telling her I like her, it seems like I've ruined her desire to be near me. I mean, I think she only wants to be friends & she must be scared that I might try to make a move on her or something. Yet, I promised her that I will not let my feelings betray our friendship. I'm just praying that she can trust me when I say this & let me at least visit her just as friends & nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Yet, after telling her I like her, it seems like I've ruined her desire to be near me. I mean, I think she only wants to be friends & she must be scared that I might try to make a move on her or something. Yet, I promised her that I will not let my feelings betray our friendship. I'm just praying that she can trust me when I say this & let me at least visit her just as friends & nothing more. Yes, I think you're right about the bolded. I hope she comes to trust you too, JoeyArnold. It's a difficult thing to keep a friendship intact once romantic feelings have entered. But, I trust you can and will honor a friendship, if she decides romance isn't a good idea. Best to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoeyArnold Posted April 2, 2012 Author Share Posted April 2, 2012 I trust you can & will honor a friendship, if she decides romance isn't a good idea. Agreed: thanks: I'm praying that she gets what is best: even if that's not me. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 She is either embarrassed because she likes me or because she doesn't like me. Maybe neither. I think being asked to read a four page letter aloud to someone who had written it would be awkward. It's a pretty strange request, to be honest. "Embarrassed" might not have been a completely accurate description of her feelings, just the most easily expressed one. If I were in her shoes, I'd feel lots of emotions - embarrassed, awkward, pressured, confused, and mostly, "I just don't want to do this. It's weird." I mean, I think she only wants to be friends & she must be scared that I might try to make a move on her or something. March 30th, I ask if I could visit, & she asks, "But only as friends, right?" I said yeah. There's your answer. So, yes, she does only want to be friends with you. How do you feel about that? Do you still want to be her friend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoeyArnold Posted April 2, 2012 Author Share Posted April 2, 2012 It's a pretty strange request. She's read even her testimony to me several times. She tells me everything. She knows how to say no too. Actually, I remember now, that she asked me if I wanted her to read out loud or not & I told her she should do whatever that she thinks she should do. Regardless I care about her so much that I will remain just friends with her forever if that is what she wants. Because it is not about what I want. Link to post Share on other sites
FredRutherford Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 As she was reading the first paragraph to me over the phone, she stopped & said that she wanted to continue reading it alone just in case she started getting embarrassed. So I let her continue reading it on her own. She actually used the word "Embarrassed" but I cannot exactly tell what she exactly meant when she was saying it but I didn't want to argue or question the source of the embarrassment. I just wanted to give her space & be nice to her. She is either embarrassed because she likes me or because she doesn't like me. Well, I guess she may not know what she feels for me. I want to know what embarrassment means to different people & why. I want to study & better understand all the different versions of embarrassment so that I can better understand my situation better. Hey, Joey, What you did may not really be that unexpected for a young man like you. As you're new to dating, you're gonna make some mistakes. And she, as a woman, shouldn't be naive not to think a man won't show interest in her. Personally, I think she's handling this wrongly. You two have communicated over the phone for a long time. It's normal for one of the people in a relationship that long to want more out of it. So don't feel bad about anything you did. Don't be so hard on yourself if you do make a mistake. If you do see her in person, work into the conversation how you both are new to dating and are both going to make mistakes --- and that it's not uncommon for people in a long term relationship to want to move that relationship to another level. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoeyArnold Posted April 20, 2012 Author Share Posted April 20, 2012 If you do see her in person. I will let my charm do all the talking, if we meet in person again. Link to post Share on other sites
FredRutherford Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 I will let my charm do all the talking, if we meet in person again. That's a good plan, turn on the charm. However, wouldn't advise going too overboard with it. If you try to be something you're not, it'll come out. Remember in an early date my date asked me what was wrong. Perhaps I was nervous. Tried to lighten the mood by saying something humorous such as "....Nothing. Just first date nerves...." She laughed and we continued our conversation. So humor can often lighten the mood. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoeyArnold Posted July 1, 2012 Author Share Posted July 1, 2012 She laughed and we continued our conversation. humor really has to serve purpose in order for it to go anywhere. i am against meaningless small talk. i am against meaningless humor. however, it is possible to have meaningful small talk and meaningful laughs Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 As she was reading the first paragraph to me over the phone, she stopped & said that she wanted to continue reading it alone just in case she started getting embarrassed. She got emotional while reading, and that almost only happens when you're attached to the person who wrote the letter. You did the right thing respecting the way she felt, not putting any pressure on her. You can't tell whether it was because she likes you or not. It's just getting emotional over something/someone. You can get that even about a best friend, where there's nothing sexual/romantic about it. You need different input to get more insight on this. But in general, it's more likely that there are some feelings involved, even if only platonic. Link to post Share on other sites
FredRutherford Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 humor really has to serve purpose in order for it to go anywhere. i am against meaningless small talk. i am against meaningless humor. however, it is possible to have meaningful small talk and meaningful laughs But you need to engage in some of that to get closer and become "more emotionally connected" with women... A pain, I know, and you may not feel so sincere, but try to make the conversation less meaningless and act like you really care what she says (as you likely do care). Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoeyArnold Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 but try to make the conversation less meaningless i agree fred. try to make the conversation less meaningless Link to post Share on other sites
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