curlygirl40 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Because we're taught to do that at a young age. Remember that video we all had to watch in like the 5th grade? Well the girls video included a portion that went like this: Men like competition, make them chase you Men don't like women that are easy Men don't like the low lying fruit, they like the big shiny apple at the top of the tree Men like to pursue, if they don't have to pursue they get lazy and won't like you so much Play hard to get If you throw yourself at a man he'll think you're desperate Always leave the ball in his court Men don't want what is too readily available Men like to conquer Any other questions? (Sorry, hope you take this message as intented. Half serious, half joking)
ConflictedGuy27 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 oh yes, there's an end game to it. I'm going through that hard to get stuff with a girl I've been seeing these past 6 weeks. I like the chase though; less at sometimes than others, but it's pretty fun. it's the game of attraction and it ends with "the talk". the game stops when one person decides the game's over and they want to be with you or not. in my situation, we danced around each other for weeks, going here, flirting there, holding here, kissing there; but never any action between the sheets. I think that's what hard to get is all about - keeping attraction levels high enough to determine whether you're some kinda match, or not, before jumping the gun & getting all emo over some person who isn't good for you. anyway, IMO, end game stops after "the talk" which defines your relationship. Till then, game on.
AverageJoe Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Hard to get is all about destroying relationships. Eh? There is no relationship yet, thats the reason for the chase.
Angel1111 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Fine. The chase will prevent a relationship from ever happening. Don't kid yourself, most men love the chase. History has proven this over and over and over again. But as I stated above, sometimes a woman isn't actually playing hard to get, she's really serious. If a man is persistent, sometimes.....well, a lot of the time, this can turn a woman's head because it shows something about his nature. These 'games' between men and women are hard-wired into the sexes. I predict that they won't end anytime soon.
curlygirl40 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 oh yes, there's an end game to it. I think that's what hard to get is all about - keeping attraction levels high enough to determine whether you're some kinda match, or not, before jumping the gun & getting all emo over some person who isn't good for you. QUOTE] I agree with this. I have heard other friends of mine say that the longer 'the pursuing' goes on, the best chances you have of being in a relationship in the end. Because during the pursuing/chasing part, the guy is realizing just how much he likes the girl, and that will sustain the beginning of the relationship. If the girl chases the guy and doesn't give him his space, then he doesn't have the time to miss her and realize how much he likes her, because she's smothering him. Therefore he may get tired of her instead of missing her and realizing how much he likes her. I have heard that men need that distance to create that attachment. They have the distance if/when the girl is playing hard to get. Just a thought, take it for what it is
curlygirl40 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Sorry I'm still trying to figure out how to quote!
InceptorsRule Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Women play hard to get so you won't think they're "easy." If it's too easy for you to get them in the sack, then you're going to think that they jump into bed with any Tom Dick or Harry.
curlygirl40 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 And Angel is right, she might not be playing, she might just 'be'. And also agree with Angel on the part where it won't be changing anytime soon! Men are the hunters.
ImStunning79 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Men are natural hunters...and we know that.
Angel1111 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 That's wrong. The hot jerks love the chase. Since they date 10x as many women as most other men, it may seem like they are the majority of the men when they are really not. The "hard-wired into the sexes" is complete bs. The people who love the chase just used that as an excuse to defend their behavior. If I'm persistent, even by calling 2x before they call, I'm automatically branded a stalker. Persistent only works for some men and I'm not one of them. Right.....
MrNate Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Here's a better question: Why the need to play games in the first place? Why does anyone need to chase anyone? Why can't we all just be normal and talk/recriprocate. Chasing anything can make anyone look desperate. There should always be a point when you should tell yourself 'enough is enough, I'm not going to continue putting effort into this'. I don't believe in chasing anything, but I do believe in reciprocating.
MrNate Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Men are natural hunters...and we know that. I don't remember hunting anything. Initiator, sure no problem, but after that no hunting, only reciprocating.
Cracker Jack Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Here's a better question: Why the need to play games in the first place? Why does anyone need to chase anyone? Why can't we all just be normal and talk/recriprocate. Chasing anything can make anyone look desperate. There should always be a point when you should tell yourself 'enough is enough, I'm not going to continue putting effort into this'. I don't believe in chasing anything, but I do believe in reciprocating. Best POV on the matter. I don't even fully know what "chasing" means in the dating world.
AD1980 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Please! women know how easy the begining stages of the dating game are for them so they make excuses to keep that power like men are natural hunters they dont want to look desperate blah blah its BS Both sides should put in equal work and decide if they think the other person is worth trying to pursue,why should i "chase" somebody i hardly know?How do i know there worth chasing in the begining? I dont know how a women showing equal interest correlates to looking desperate or having to sleep with a guy right away,thats moronic logic
Angel1111 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Here's a better question: Why the need to play games in the first place? Why does anyone need to chase anyone? Why can't we all just be normal and talk/recriprocate. Chasing anything can make anyone look desperate. There should always be a point when you should tell yourself 'enough is enough, I'm not going to continue putting effort into this'. I don't believe in chasing anything, but I do believe in reciprocating. I think people need to define what they mean by 'playing hard to get'. To me, it doesn't always mean that the woman is running away and the guy chasing after her - figuratively or literally. Yes, sometimes a guy can be extremely interested in a woman and she's not in the least bit interested in him. But his persistence, in a respectful manner, can actually end up changing her mind about him. But there can also be the instance where two people just happen to meet, go out and end up liking one another. Even in that case, the woman is better off not getting involved too quickly with a guy. First impressions are first impressions - and she needs to get to know him and make sure he's right for her. Women are wired differently where we tend to become connected with someone we sleep with - it's a scientific fact. So by our own natures, we should be protective of ourselves and protective of who we allow into our lives. Now, based on the number of broken hearts on this site alone, I think we all know that women aren't always as cautious as we should be. But that really is more what it's about - being cautious about who we're with. Not to mention the number of men who will judge a woman for being 'too easy'. That's still alive and well today.
curlygirl40 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Not long ago a guy and I had a 'thing', I wasn't sure where it was going but it was fun, flirty, etc.. Then all of a sudden I realized for about a week or two, I was initiating all of the contact. It went from 50/50 to about 70/30 (with me being the 70) to me being 100%. When I contacted him he would text back or take my call. But he NEVER initiated contact anymore. I stepped back. A friend of mine (who is a guy) said 'you're game playing' (which he is very much against) and I said 'No I'm maintaining my dignity' There's a difference in my book. In the beginning there was no gameplay, no chase. Just he and I enjoying each other's company. Then it shifted. And I wasn't going to chase. Not because of 'the game' and hoping he would chase me. But because I have respect for myself and wasn't going to throw myself at him once I saw him losing interest. He's moved on. Which was inevitable I think once I noticed the shift. But at least I maintained my dignity at the end and didn't embarrass myself. No games. Just self respect.
Cracker Jack Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Can one of the women here define "chasing" for me, please? I'd appreciate it.
Angel1111 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Please! women know how easy the begining stages of the dating game are for them so they make excuses to keep that power like men are natural hunters they dont want to look desperate blah blah its BS Both sides should put in equal work and decide if they think the other person is worth trying to pursue,why should i "chase" somebody i hardly know?How do i know there worth chasing in the begining? I dont know how a women showing equal interest correlates to looking desperate or having to sleep with a guy right away,thats moronic logic The famous author and relationship counselor, John Gray, must be a woman then because he pushes this theory harder than anyone. You might want to write him and tell him how dumb he is.
AD1980 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 The famous author and relationship counselor, John Gray, must be a woman then because he pushes this theory harder than anyone. You might want to write him and tell him how dumb he is. Well you win if John Gray says so then it must be gospel Once again how does showing equal intrest and a women letting a guy know shes attracted to him and woud like to get to know him better as well automatically equal having to sleep with him right away? That makes no sense
curlygirl40 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Cracker Jack - you ask a good question. I think 'chasing' is subjective. It might mean something different to one person than the other. I don't think of it like one is 'chasing' while the other is running and saying 'you'll never catch me!'. I think of it like the guy is pursuing and the woman is being cautious. Not being needy and clingy. Not sleeping with him right away. Having her own life and not waiting on the guy to call. I like to mirror his actions. If he calls I'll call back. If he texted me first yesterday to say good morning, then I'll text him today to say good morning. Early on, I personally don't like to put myself in the position where I'm being too available. And by that I don't mean shooting his phone call to VM or ignoring a text. I just mean I'm not throwing myself at him. And I do that to protect myself, not to tease or frustrate a man. I'm a pretty independent woman and I'm too fearful of scaring a man away by making him think I'm going to attach myself and not let go. So I seem to be more cautious of not doing that. Even if I really like a guy I try to play it cool in the beginning. But for me, this does not mean running away completely and making him think I'm totally uninterested. I will give back the attention, the flirting, etc. so he knows I'm interested but yet I'm not clinging to him either. For me it's survival. If I really like a guy I'm too afraid that if I get myself attached too soon then I will get hurt. Like maybe he didn't really like me he was just wanting to have sex with me, and I did that too quickly and now I really like him but he's moved on because I was too easy. Or that's all he really wanted in the first place. Call it what you will. I call it being cautious and not losing my dignity. I'm sure someone else will describe 'the chase' differently.
meerkat stew Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Lots of quacks like Gray and Phil McGraw make lots of money and sell lots of books, nothing new there. Incidentally, though this is not dispositive of him being a quack, he has no kind of accredited post-secondary education whatsoever, which is not odd for someone who is an innovator in a field or entrepreneur (Bill Gates), but very odd for a therapist or counselor. "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus," is hack tripe IMO, but the masses love their tripe and simplistic platitudes. Most if not nearly all of the time, what is called "playing hard to get" is really just a woman showing lack of interest in a man's attention. Men rationalize it as "playing hard to get" rather than just facing the music that she just isn't attracted to them.
Angel1111 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Well you win if John Gray says so then it must be gospel:laugh: What I'm saying is that John Gray has way more experience with relationships than we do. He has seen a lot. He has seen what works and what doesn't. He is incredibly wise. My own personal experience has also taught me that most men do like to chase. I have never pretended to be disinterested in a guy when I wasn't, but if I'm genuinely not interested in a guy, he can see it as game playing when I really just don't want to have anything to do with him. And most of the time, he can't change my mind about him either. Oh, and John Gray is a man. Go figure.
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