good_vibes Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I don't want to stay in my current location and the main reason I haven't moved yet is there are no jobs in my field. I find it is hard to find men to date here because even though it is a mid-sized Midwest city, people here tend to be very small-townish in their thinking, most here want to get married and have kids and settle down and stay here forever. I am very non-traditional, I perhaps would get married someday but don't want kids, I'm liberal, not religious, want someone who wants to travel the world and I eventually want to move back to the west coast. Basically the complete opposite of the culture here. When I go back to the west coast for visits I meet tons of guys I could see myself dating for a long time. I come back here and find very little. However, it seems like with online dating it would be REALLY hard to get to know someone long distance. You can talk very well together and seem like you like each other but then you meet each other and it's over in the first few minutes, because there is no chemistry or attraction in "real life." With local people, you can just go home and no harm done. With long distance, there could be plane tickets, loads of time spent on the phone, and other such things wasted just from that first meeting. I have also not been happy in long distance relationships I have had offline in the past as well. Because my online profile is apparently being used in an ad, I am getting emails from around the country and some sound very interesting. I have gotten one or two from around here, one said just "whassup, isent your profile interesting" (I'm not joking) and the other one was some very old man. Does anyone have any experience with this online dating from a distance? I have online dated before (local/regional only), but have always ended up in a relationship with someone I have met offline.
alexlakeman Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 You might as well wait until you move.. NO guy is going to do the LTD thing when freshly meeting someone and stay without cheating.. Kinda tough to have to wait, but in my case, which I am looking for a LTR , I would have to pass up, b/c I am not relo'ing for a relationship, and not looking for anything short Good luck... maybe when you know where you are going to relo to, put the match location as that location..
meerkat stew Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I have such experience, and wouldn't do it until you have firm plans to move. If guys are willing to travel to you, though, sure why not?
sagetalk Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I've run into a lot of girls online with this same thought process. It turns me off completely no matter how attractive they are. You have a great profile, but what you posted in the first few paragraphs will destroy any chance of getting a decent, honest guy. Those paragraphs you typed are the equivalent of dumping ice water down the pants of a long term relationship minded guy. The guys that just want sex won't care though. I tried talking to a girl from a long distance once, she ended up dating a guy that lived near her. I'd imagine that's extremely common.
Author good_vibes Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 Yeah, it's just a tough situation because I have no idea when I would find another job, or even where. I thought I would try this place out maybe 6 mos - 1 yr and then find something else out west. I needed a job at the time and the best one was here. I didn't know that the economy would take a nosedive and newspapers would tank even faster than they already were... so I am now close to being here almost three years as a result and there is still nothing worthwhile jobs-wise out there. So I would hate to just sit around and say I'm not dating anyone and then end up being here five more years or whatnot. I own a house that I am renovating now, and need to be close to family due to some issues going on with them, so it's not like I'm talking moving in a two weeks anyway. As another example, I did meet someone a couple weeks ago who is from California and wants to move back there eventually. So perhaps I should just keep it local and just be open with people about what's going on and maybe I will meet someone with similar plans as what I have. I am flexible to location. I just want to be back out west. A few months back, I met a guy for a story I was shooting who was doing a PhD in architecture who was moving to Alaska upon graduation. He was cute too and another creative! Unfortunately I met him the week he was leaving I would be OK with meeting someone here if they would be OK with eventually relocating. I don't ever lie about my desire to move away from here with people anyway, so they would know that from the start. I guess after thinking about this more, that is the better plan. Doing something long distance online from the start seems too troublesome and unrealistic. It seems better to meet someone here *sigh, not sure if that is possible due to culture differences* and then just be up front about goals. I can't be the only one that wants out of here... I am very slow about relationships anyway and believe good ltr's take time anyway. Although ltr would definitely be the end goal, I'm not one to jump into one instantaneously. I am just getting back into dating after taking a long time off to heal from a previous relationship, so some of it is just getting used to "being back out there" and shaking out the kinks of dating again as well. I guess in a fantasy world, I could meet someone that lived a distance away, we could hit it off really well (in real life and not just online obviously) and that would give me a reason to move as well. But perhaps that is not too realistic!
westrock Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 people here tend to be very small-townish in their thinking, most here want to get married and have kids and settle down and stay here forever I would be OK with meeting someone here if they would be OK with eventually relocating. If you were to meet a similar minded person in your current location, would it then really matter to you what is the mindset of the other people in your current location? What would then be the need to relocating?
Author good_vibes Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 That is a good point, westrock, but I don't believe you can live your life around one person. I miss the outdoors access I had on the west coast (I'm passionate about outdoor sports). I miss the culture there - to me it's better to live around like-minded individuals, then always feel like the odd one out in every way or that you "just don't get" the people around you. I also would like to be closer to my best friend (Denver) and only sister (Seattle). Also, my current job is lacking in several ways and we're a one newspaper town.
westrock Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 good_vibes... thanks for clarifying. The additonal information gives us some more perspective into the situation. Since you said that you have not been happy in long distance relationships in the past then that is probably not the way for you to go. You're in a bit of a bind until you until you are able to make your move. Although it's hard to predict the timing of when an opportunity for you would arise to move, I don't think that should stop you from still looking around locally. I think if you focus on finding someone who shares the similar goals you have expressed (ie. moving, outdoors, etc.) then you never know... you just might meet someone locally with somewhat similar goals as you. I know that's easier said than done.
Author good_vibes Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 Thanks all for the comments. I truly hope I won't be "lonely in KY" for a while though, which is what a local search is probably going to draw. Not being uber-conservative, not having "traditional Midwest family leanings", enjoying international travel, being fit and very much into the outdoors are uncommon here. I haven't gotten many replies to my profile (at least, not from people around here) and I think that is why. Yikes. It makes me want to leave here even more...
meerkat stew Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I truly hope I won't be "lonely in KY" for a while though, which is what a local search is probably going to draw. Yikes. It makes me want to leave here even more... George Clooney is from Kentucky. Have you considered that there may be men in your current geographic radius who feel rather out of place also? If they are there, the internet is the best way to find them. Try looking at profiles within a 100 mile radius and proactively mailing to men who seem to share views similar to yours, and your results from online dating should improve drastically over reactively taking whatever comes your way. Take the reins and write some outbound emails, you are paying for match, might as well use it to its fullest.
Author good_vibes Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 I posted my profile online yesterday but have not received that much response locally. Which is odd because in other places that I have lived (or even visited, once I was in Seattle for three weeks and posted a similar profile) I had so many responses I couldn't keep up and I met TONS of great guys. I am on a three day trial and am considering stopping after the three days if things don't improve. I don't know why I should pay for something that seems to be more affected by where I am living than anything else. Still, I guess it expands my reach and I could just leave the profile up, even if all the hard core right wing religious people who think anything beyond the limits of this town is strange that view my profile don't like it . Maybe someone new will move to town from Cali and think this place as odd as I do. I am considering changing my location to Cincinnati. I live in KY just across the river, downtown Cincy is five minutes away, but maybe it will change my search and visibility results for the better. I dunno? I don't think it is inaccurate because I could literally walk across a bridge and be downtown.
meerkat stew Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Oh hell yeah, change it to Cinn., can't believe you didn't do this from the start. Center your match profile where you would like to do most socializing, your home address is really irrelevant. I live in a suburb 30 min outside a metro area and use the metro zip when on match, because that's where I work and socialize, not my bump in the interstate suburb.
Author good_vibes Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 I changed it earlier today, but saying Cincy isn't much better (it's all the same metro area, same attitudes etc). I guess I got a couple more emails. This place is weird, it's like the Twilight Zone. Anywhere else I've done this I've been inundated with replies. Not here, it's like the dust bowl for dating. I've heard that from other people though. Most single people leave this place for that reason. On top of that I feel like I'm diametrically opposed to most that live here. AH well, I tried, LOL.
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