Cuccoon Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Ok, so if any of you read my last thread, you know that I am newly back in the dating scene after being married for nine years, had a great date with someone and never heard back. So I'm at it again. I'm on an online dating site. I've emailed back and forth with quite a few guys and gone on a few dates. There's one I guy I really liked the profile of. More than most. I emailed him. The next night - he sent me an invite to chat! Only slimeballs have invited me to chat so far, never I guy I liked! For some reason, when I clicked "yes" to chat with him, the chat window was blank. Then a minute later, he was offline. Got his message in my inbox "Thanks for writing me" Don't know what happened... So I gave him a short reply message "you rang?" That was last night, haven't heard a reply since. I did see that he logged on tonight, but didn't respond. So here I go again - do I contact him a second time? Send him another message? Or is that too much? Do I wait? How long? Ack - double contact didn't work for me last time, but I'd at least like to strike up a convo with this guy as his profile seems like somebody I'd like to get to know - and not to mention he's hot!
alexlakeman Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 His wife or gf almost busted him, so he likely had to shut down quickly. Just wait and I'm him when he's online, don't email him again. I've never I'm'ed a woman I saw online in match, guess I should try it. I just imagine each woman online has 5-6 chat windows open @ once with different guys lol
Author Cuccoon Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 I like the first piece of advice, the second not so much. Why in the world would a married man put up a profile saying he has no girlfriend to share romance with? So waiting for him to come online...that's getting old, however!
SadandConfusedWA Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I like the first piece of advice, the second not so much. Why in the world would a married man put up a profile saying he has no girlfriend to share romance with? So waiting for him to come online...that's getting old, however! Seriously?? :lmao:
apolo1512 Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Don't chase him. He dissed you clearly. I agree with you. (dating) Lonely Singles, Singles Dating, Speed Dating.
Ilovecake Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I like the first piece of advice, the second not so much. Why in the world would a married man put up a profile saying he has no girlfriend to share romance with? So waiting for him to come online...that's getting old, however! You really don't know why? He's trying to get some on the side.
Philetus Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Yes, Virginia. Married/involved men do put profiles up on online dating sites. In situations like this, I do want works for me. Did I like them? Is it possible there's an explanation other than they don't like me? I usually give people the benefit of the doubt because I have nothing to lose by contacting them. Everyone gets ONE freebie, however, I'd have little expectation of anything happening. This is why it helps to maintain a sense of humour and take every experience as a chance to learn for the next time. If you write him, take control of the situation. Be specific and clear. "Hey, I see we got cut off from our chat. If you're still interested in talking email me (or phone me, or give me your number so I can call you). If I don't hear, I'll assume you've changed your mind. If that's the case, all the best."
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 My online dating advice (gleaned from experience): Cast a wide net Grow a thick skin and learn to dismiss rejection from strangers - kind of like a salesperson must Conversely, be prepared and able to walk away quickly from people you meet online or in person who are not appropriate for you - be kind but swift and move on! Don't get carried away about ANY prospects too early - maintain your own emotional boundaries with YOURSELF. Beware of establishing a false intimacy through intense IM's, phone calls, emails, sharing, etc before a REAL relationship has formed
EasyHeart Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 My online dating advice (gleaned from experience): Cast a wide net Grow a thick skin and learn to dismiss rejection from strangers - kind of like a salesperson must Conversely, be prepared and able to walk away quickly from people you meet online or in person who are not appropriate for you - be kind but swift and move on! Don't get carried away about ANY prospects too early - maintain your own emotional boundaries with YOURSELF. Beware of establishing a false intimacy through intense IM's, phone calls, emails, sharing, etc before a REAL relationship has formed Online dating sounds sad, lonely and depressing.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Online dating sounds sad, lonely and depressing. I found it to be so, in many ways. Like the OP, though, I had come out of a long marriage and I needed to experiment with dating. Going to bars was not an option and my very full life did not put me in contact with appropriate men. Casually meeting men who sparked my interest and learning not to make a huge deal out of contacts which were actually insignificant in the real world was good for me. Also, I ended up meeting a great man and falling deeply in love. I sure hope to never date online or any other way again, except with my guy.
Author Cuccoon Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 Yes, I think the best way to meet people is naturally, however, my husband left me and found someone to date right away. So I feel after over a year now, it's my turn so it's a way to be proactive. And yes, I do need a thick skin = why should I take it personally if they aren't in to me?
kristinpea1979 Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Ok, so if any of you read my last thread, you know that I am newly back in the dating scene after being married for nine years, had a great date with someone and never heard back. So I'm at it again. I'm on an online dating site. I've emailed back and forth with quite a few guys and gone on a few dates. There's one I guy I really liked the profile of. More than most. I emailed him. The next night - he sent me an invite to chat! Only slimeballs have invited me to chat so far, never I guy I liked! For some reason, when I clicked "yes" to chat with him, the chat window was blank. Then a minute later, he was offline. Got his message in my inbox "Thanks for writing me" Don't know what happened... So I gave him a short reply message "you rang?" That was last night, haven't heard a reply since. I did see that he logged on tonight, but didn't respond. So here I go again - do I contact him a second time? Send him another message? Or is that too much? Do I wait? How long? Ack - double contact didn't work for me last time, but I'd at least like to strike up a convo with this guy as his profile seems like somebody I'd like to get to know - and not to mention he's hot! Well, Cuccoon, it looks like we are in this together! haha. First of all, to comment on this guy - I do not think he is married or has a girlfriend. You really never know what the circumstances are, but I highly doubt it is anything personal!!! After all, he did IM you...Maybe write him a message asking him a few ice-breaker questions? Do you have match? They have that feature where you can see if someone read your message or not. I don't have it because I would let it drive me nuts! haha. I DEFINITELY need to grow a thick skin myself - you saw in my post how freakin' crazy I was over a guy I'd know for a few days. haha. Actually, I did get a response from him (I'd written him asking just for some answers to help me move on, since it was so abrupt - and also to prevent me from making the same mistakes I may have made. I just don't want to believe he was a player!). He actually apologized for leading me on, and said we did talk too much beforehand. He said he kept carrying out our date because he really wanted to have it work, to feel the level of chemistry he'd wanted, but it just didn't happen. Fair enough, I guess! I was going to send you a private message so we could compare notes, but apparently I do not have those priveleges yet (newbie!). Best of luck, and I will be keeping an eye on your posts...I myself hope to not need to post anything else anytime soon, but you never know! haha....although, my latest interest on match, come to find out, is the ex boyfriend of a girl I am friends with on facebook (only acquaintances, really, we never see each other or talk....but I did recognize him from seeing him in her photos!) Funny thing is, a couple years ago, last time I tried match, this SAME girl's ex-fiance contacted me! Strange! It's truly a small world! Good luck out there, and keep us posted!!! :-)
Author Cuccoon Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 Well, Kristin, I did send the message that PHil advised me to send. I like his straighforward approach. I can see that he read my message, but I haven't heard anything back yet. As for you, I admire your courage to talk to the guy afterward. I left my previous date a text (also advised by Phil) and never heard back so I just left it at that. My questions remain unanswered, but I didn't have the guts you had to ask him "why"? I just tell myself he's a player too
kristinpea1979 Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Well, Kristin, I did send the message that PHil advised me to send. I like his straighforward approach. I can see that he read my message, but I haven't heard anything back yet. As for you, I admire your courage to talk to the guy afterward. I left my previous date a text (also advised by Phil) and never heard back so I just left it at that. My questions remain unanswered, but I didn't have the guts you had to ask him "why"? I just tell myself he's a player too Haha yes, I like to create my own realities sometimes too, what does it hurt!? Who really cares anyways, once it's after the fact!? I still maintain that he is a player, even after his explanation. NO ONE drags a date out for 7hrs when they knew in the first 10 minutes that they didn't feel the chemistry (which I still don't buy). This guy is confused, and I actually have started to pity him! He wouldn't know a good thing if it was right in front of him! :-) Whew, it is promising that I have come this far in a week... Everyone says the online dating thing is "fun," lol. So far, seems a little stressful to me! I am willing to give it a shot though - I have met all my past boyfriends in my 20's the "normal" way, and those didn't turn out so hot either, clearly, so why not try this?! Although my thought process was that "at least the guys on match, etc WANT a relationship, otherwise why would they be there?" Ha...might not be the best way to look at it :-) I am starting to work on thickening my skin today - it's my day off :-)
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 NO ONE drags a date out for 7hrs when they knew in the first 10 minutes that they didn't feel the chemistry Well, evidently they do. There's that guy with the other dating thread who did just exactly that, and he has received plenty of confirmation from other fellows that he did nothing questionable. Hm. I am just happy that I am all elderly & have a nice boyfriend by now. I hope I don't have to cross paths with any men (more like boys, I think, even if they are middle aged - no wonder they're single) like that. I hope you don't have to either! Keep the faith ... the online dating did work for me, though there were some very rough patches. FYI, my boyfriend was at it for FIVE YEARS, with breaks, before he and I met and it "worked."
Author Cuccoon Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 Ugh! Five years? I'm tired after five weeks! I keep trying shout outs to guys onlin.e just to make myself get out there. I must say it's quite discouraging - if they want a relationship so much, why don't they answer back much? Anyhow, I do hear from people who find love online I guess it's worth a shot. And yes, if they don't know they have a goodie on the first date - their losses! Seriously, must be a blessing
Author Cuccoon Posted August 28, 2010 Author Posted August 28, 2010 Well I'll start a new thread if anything comes of this...but after being discouraged with the online dating scene, I met a nice guy who's in a show with me. It's rare to find a straight man in my city who does theater! Anyhow last night after the show I got my confidence up and asked if he wanted to grab a drink after the show. We talked for quite a while. I like him. He's very nice and very talented. I will see him again next weekend when the show closes, and if he still seems interested, I'm hoping for some more hang out time. Wish me well!
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