itteloc Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Well I've been seeing this girl for over a month now and we click perfectly. She has the qualities of everything I ever looked for in a girl. I can envision taking it the next step into a "real" relationship in the near future but I must say I have an insecurity and it's really holding me back from getting 100% be involved in this and I'm holding back the opportunity to open my heart up 100% to her. She always says how open minded her parents are but I feel deep down I may not be good enough for them. See I am able to take her to nice restaurants and stuff so I'm not sure if she really knows the true financial background I come from. She never asked. She must have a clue b/c she sees my car which is not a brand new mercedes or bmw, but a '07 acura lol. And I don't have stories or world travel or anything else much luxurious. See I come from a middle-class working family. We were far from poor but far from rich growing up. Right now my job has been slightly shaky over the past few months due to the economy but I am still getting by thankfully. She probably makes the same or a little less than me per year as far as our salaries go but the the thing is she always has access to mommy and daddy for financial support. I don't know about that lifestyle, I've had to earn everything I have on my own. She grew up rich, like houses all over the world, butlers, basically they are millionaires. She has an apartment way more expensive than mine in one of the most luxurious complexes around here that is so expensive I'm sure her parents must help her foot the bill because there is no way she could afford it on her own. My apt. is in a nice area but I have to say I am embarassed to bring her to it b/c it's in a regular middle class working neighborhood a few cities over. So I always avoid going to my place and we end up at hers. I can tell she has dated guys from the same upbringing as her obviously. Guys who were rich, went to boarding school than ivy colleges type of guys. Guys who had mommy and daddy to help them out always. Is this normal for me to feel inscecure like this? Is it me or am I making to much of an issue out of this? We both say the chemistry we have together is amazing. But I feel I am not going to be good enough in the "long run" for her and her family. If you've been through this or have any advice it's much appreciated!
lso802 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 If you don't think she may not be good enough for you, since she might've always had her parents help her out her entire life, I don't see why you would think you might not be good enough for her. Although I see why you'd feel insecure about it, you've gotta give yourself more credit for being able to support yourself and earn everything you have.
meerkat stew Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 It's perfectly normal to have some insecurity over this. It's also normal for parents to think no one is good enough for their children, especially daughters, to marry, and that's not necessarily financially motivated. Keep focus on how she treats you, how you feel about each other and support each other. I will take a woman who will have my back and treat me well over a million dollar dowry any day, and if she's smart, she will feel similarly.
Author itteloc Posted August 22, 2010 Author Posted August 22, 2010 If you don't think she may not be good enough for you, since she might've always had her parents help her out her entire life, I don't see why you would think you might not be good enough for her. Although I see why you'd feel insecure about it, you've gotta give yourself more credit for being able to support yourself and earn everything you have. Interesting, I never looked at it like that before.
alexlakeman Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 What country is this? You sound young... just go with the flow, she and her family should act accordinly... if you can only invite out to a movie and a $30 dinner, and she accepts it great... if she doesn't then she wasn't for you.. But I know easier said than done.. good luck
BubbleFreak Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 I think it is normal to be insecure about this because it affects your social circles, and you can always ask her if it matters to her. Just remember that you being hard working and self-sufficient are great qualities to have.
Eeyore79 Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 I once dated someone who was extremely wealthy, and I was never good enough for his family. He had been brought up with a lot of airs and graces which I simply didn't have in comparison to girls with the same background. Throughout our relationship I was made to feel uncomfortable by his friends suggesting I was using him for money and gossiping about my lack of wealth and land ownership. His family moaned about everything from my accent to the fact that I didn't play a musical instrument. In the end he dumped me; I think his family and friends influenced the decision at least partly, because I wasn't good enough to marry. I can't say the same will happen with you, but I think you should be alert for signs of problems. Maybe your gf and her family are much more decent than my ex, and will respect a decent man even if he isn't wealthy. Just the other day there was a news story about a fisherman who married a billionaire's daughter, so I guess there is always hope http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/7952445/Mackerel-fisherman-returns-home-in-100m-super-yacht.html
Ruby Slippers Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 A long-time friend of mine has multi-millionaire parents, and she married a guy making barely more than minimum wage. Her partners before him kept trying to sponge off her money. The guy she married was a drummer in a band scraping by who didn't care about her money and things, but cared a lot about her. Her strongest desires were for loyalty, an emotional bond, and all that good stuff, not old money to prop the guy up. I find that a lot of rich people really enjoy the company of people who are not in those money shackles and can speak freely and honestly, really be themselves. You can be the spicy guy who makes his own fortune (however large or small), and rocks her world.
threebyfate Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 The best way to gauge fit would be to meet her family and observe her family dynamics, between her parents with each other and also, the dynamics between her parents and her. If her family dynamics and attitudes are alien to you, especially when it comes to the languages of love, it won't be a good fit. Both my husbands came from similar upbringings and socio-economic backgrounds. For both, when it came to the day-to-day, life was and is pretty easy in that we didn't and don't fight about trivialities. We shared and share similar concerns, with similar perspectives about life.
Hopeful30 Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 If you REALLY want to know what to do, tell her. Don't tell her you are insecure, because she will just reassure you. To see how she really feels, tell her about your financial situation, how much you make etc... and see how she reacts. She probably hasn't asked because it doesn't matter to her, or she hasn't notice anything "financial" about you that bothers her. If it hasn't been an issue so far, then it probably isn't at all. But there's no harming in expressing it to her.
ascendotum Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 I agree with the above. I subtly would bring up the issue of your financial standing with her just to gauge her views on it. Most likely she would not be phased by it, if she knows what you do for a living and what suburb you live in (or does she?). I can understand the reasons for your insecurity over this though. Later situations with her parents and or her brand name obsessed friends could test your comfort levels though...as with Eeyor79s experience. Try do your best to not show them that you feel awkward about your background or unworthy of their daughter or that you give a f**k that her snooty bmw driving friend thinks your acura is quant. A truck driving buddy of mine broke up not so long ago with a woman from a wealthy family. (she split from him) and it came about a year into the relationship. He was a little vague about the split but I wonder, as it came after he started to spend more time with her family. Just be yourself it is working well so far. Good luck mate.
phineas Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 It really depends if her parents are pompus asses with their noses in the air (snobs from old money) or they are new money & still remember life when they had to live pay-check to pay-check.
horsegirl Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 My dad was a workaholic trial lawyer who married a doctor's daughter, so I was brought up travelling, music and language lessons, private school etc. It all depends on the girl. Some of my friends from school only care about showing off whatever fancy crap their bf's buy them, look at my new camera, look at my super expensive xxx-brand luggage, etc. Me, my dad came from a middle class military family and built a legal empire through hard work and smart investments. He believed any smart, focused person could become a multimillionare in this country. As I was growing up we saw friends of ours make a lot of money quickly and then blow it all on booze, cars, airplanes, jewlery and crap and end up broke (right where they started). I nickname those people "shooting stars" and are a type to avoid in a relationship. Also saw friends of mine, the trust fund babies, come of age, get their inheritance, spent all the money on cars and crap within a few years and end up broke. That is another type of person to avoid making relationships with. How much money a man has is not what I look for.... its how they spend whatever money they have, what they spend it on and their philosophy on investing for the future. Are they stupid investors, chasing trends & bubbles, or smart investors, looking at the long term potential. You also have the rich guys who are smart enough to hold onto their money, but dumb enough to go chasing lots of women, and that is the third type to avoid. They generally chase after girls willing to trade self-respect for a credit card to show off to their jealous friends. I was raised to look at how smart, hardworking, and focused a person is, not on how much money they have at the moment. Losing money is the easiest thing to do in the world. Holding onto it, investing wisely, while remaining a decent and loyal man to ONE woman is like finding a needle in a haystack. I'm sure your GF is aware of this, so don't assume they are judging you badly because you don't have money now. It's your spending habits (your credit score will say a lot about this), if you plan to go to for a graduate degree, and future potential they could be evaluating carefully.
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