This girl told me she would be suspicious if a guy paid for every date with a......

[Jeff M Stevens]

I always say that it is good if you find out now whether or not you are dealing with someone with no LTR potential in the early stages.

 

For her to question your financial integrity early on, without knowing you, is not a woman that is going to be sweet or supportive in the long run.

 

NEXT

[dispatch3d]

Well, call me crazy... but I'd notice and I'd be cautious/concerned too. I understand some people always pay with a CC for miles/bonus points purposes, and the like, but if that and other things caused me to think he was living beyond his means, I'd be concerned and might say something.

 

It may be a good idea to also drive by his house and see what kind of car he drives and how large his house is. Inquire about the kind of vacations he takes and guess how much they cost. He'll probably tell you what kind of job he has too. Then you can ask him about leaving college and whether he had to find a job immediately or not (figure out the college debt). I think with a little detective work you can figure out - without him even noticing - what his net worth is then act accordingly.

[Star Gazer]

Here is a deeper question. Why would you be cautious or concerend to begin with at all? Its just a date. Crazy.

 

Why would I be concerned about whether a guy I'm dating, and thus exploring the potential of a long-term relationship with, lives beyond his means?

 

Are you really asking that question as if you don't know the answer??

[lso802]

The receipt is usually inside something that you put your CC inside of and hand to the waiter

 

She wouldn't see it between you opening that tab and putting your CC in? Seriously, I don't think the girl is in the total wrong for questioning someone who does. It's definitely something you and a couple of other posters wouldn't want a woman to do/assume. Like Jeff said, just next a girl like that should you come across one.

 

For me, it wouldn't bother me. I'd understand where a girl like that is coming from. My eyes would bug out too, if a girl I was dating went into a retail store, piled stuff on the counter and proceeded to hand the cashier a CC. It's her business and all, but for an LTR, I'd be weary myself.

[Star Gazer]

For me, it wouldn't bother me. I'd understand where a girl like that is coming from. My eyes would bug out too, if a girl I was dating went into a retail store, piled stuff on the counter and proceeded to hand the cashier a CC. It's her business and all, but for an LTR, I'd be weary myself.

 

It's really no different.

 

And it's not like I'd become concerned after one, two, or even three dates. But beyond that, yes. If he's always plopping down a CREDIT card, as opposed to a check/debit card, I'd be concerned.

 

But I'm 32, not 23, and not looking for Mr. Right Now, but Mr. Right. So maybe the perspective is different.

[AverageJoe]

Why would I be concerned about whether a guy I'm dating, and thus exploring the potential of a long-term relationship with, lives beyond his means?

 

Are you really asking that question as if you don't know the answer??

 

I do know the answer, and I am happy to know you do as well and admit it.

 

Paying with a credit card on dates provides absolutely no evidence of that potential behavior. None.

Does it happen? Sure, but no reason to rush to a snap judgement on a date.

 

Again, my company affords me a company credit card for expenditures I use sometimes. I must be financially irresponsible, right?

[sweetjasmine]

but if that and other things caused me to think he was living beyond his means

 

What other things, though?

 

If it were just him paying with a card all of the time, I wouldn't think anything of it, absent any other signs of financial problems. Now that I think about it, my SO always paid with a debit/credit card, but nothing else about him or his behavior made me suspicious of financial irresponsibility or issues. And now that I know pretty much all the details of his financial situation and the way he deals with money, I can see that he never misled me or gave off the wrong impression about his behavior/situation.

[Star Gazer]

I do know the answer, and I am happy to know you do as well and admit it.

 

Paying with a credit card on dates provides absolutely no evidence of that potential behavior. None.

Does it happen? Sure, but no reason to rush to a snap judgement on a date.

 

Again, my company affords me a company credit card for expenditures I use sometimes. I must be financially irresponsible, right?

 

Key word there.

 

We're talking about everytime, all the time, using CREDIT to pay for meals out.

 

You telling me it wouldn't concern you if I went on a weekly shopping spree on credit?

[dispatch3d]

Key word there.

 

We're talking about everytime, all the time, using CREDIT to pay for meals out.

 

You telling me it wouldn't concern you if I went on a weekly shopping spree on credit?

 

where do you draw the line with this kind of ****? Like honest, I realize my last post was poking fun but it was a serious post. You don't believe in your own ability to assess whether a guy isn't a bum? Does he have a good job? Is he ambitious? All WAY better questions than, does he pay for meals with a credit card? Seriously, I would not hesitate in dumping any girl who looks at the last one.

[Star Gazer]

What other things, though?

 

If it were just him paying with a card all of the time, I wouldn't think anything of it, absent any other signs of financial problems.

 

Here's an example: He rents an apartment or drives a crappy car because he can't get a home/car loan.

[Star Gazer]

where do you draw the line with this kind of ****? Like honest, I realize my last post was poking fun but it was a serious post. You don't believe in your own ability to assess whether a guy isn't a bum? Does he have a good job? Is he ambitious? All WAY better questions than, does he pay for meals with a credit card? Seriously, I would not hesitate in dumping any girl who looks at the last one.

 

Then you don't have to worry about dating me, and vice versa. That said, many times you wouldn't even GET to dump the girl, because you'd never know she had even been paying attention.

 

It's simply one of many things I pay attention to. I'm observant.

[dispatch3d]

Then you don't have to worry about dating me, and vice versa. That said, many times you wouldn't even GET to dump the girl, because you'd never know she had even been paying attention.

 

It's simply one of many things I pay attention to. I'm observant.

 

you're doing it wrong. You are checking for the horse to see if the cart is there. You should be checking to see if the cart is moving and assume the horse is in line. If you are looking for a SO, you shold be looking for characteristics that make for successful individuals, especially if money is important to you. These characteristics should gaurentee that the guy is successful and basically good with money. Everything should be supplied for. Looking at whether he pays with a credit card IS ****ING STUPID.

[PhillyDude]

Because of women like star gazer there will alwatys business for match.com and eharmony because of the things most women focus on.

 

What if I have a house and a nice car and bisexual? Would be that be ok?-lol

[sweetjasmine]

Here's an example: He rents an apartment or drives a crappy car because he can't get a home/car loan.

 

Those things would make me wonder, obviously depending on his age, job, educational background, situation, etc. Someone driving a brand new Mercedes or Lexus when their occupation suggests they can't afford it would also be a sign.

 

This is a sort-of-related issue, but in my family, we don't do car loans and opt for buying used cars instead. My brother makes good money, but he drives a 10 year old car that he paid for up front in cash. It's not important to him to upgrade to something fancier, and he spends his money on vacations, outings, and flying the small plane he bought with his friend. So I personally would hesitate to use someone's car as a metric for determining their financial situation unless it were a complete bucket of rusty bolts, but those are just my own priorities, and other people might see it differently.

 

In any case, I think paying with a card all the time, in and of itself, isn't enough to make me wonder about someone's financial stability/situation/behavior. Combined with other behaviors or details? Yeah, it could be a red flag of sorts. And I totally agree with you that it's an important question if you're looking for a LTR.

[meerkat stew]

"I'm just a little uncomfortable with a man who always uses a credit card to pay for the things that I expect him to buy for me." :laugh:

 

Remember guys, tables turn, you will be dating their nieces one day. They will be feeding their cats.

[AverageJoe]

This is a pretty telling thread so far.

 

Guy goes on date, pays with card, he thinks things went well.

 

Women goes on date, he pays with a card all the time, does he rent or own, is his card paid for? Oh dear, what if he rents god forbid. Is he still paying high interest on that card?

Oh wait he drives a crappy car. He cant afford it, or credit is shot.

 

Ever thought, maybe he is driving a crappy car in order to afford a nice car later on. I myself have done this, I drove a crappy car for a long time, it was sacrifices I made so I live like I do today. And it has paid off. Any women that gave me crap like that, they were out! Guess what, someone of them have now called me back up and have asked how I was doing. Ever get that call? lol

Lots of assumptions out there. By the way, it was just a date, wasnt it?

[Star Gazer]

You're right, Joe. It is a very telling thread. Me thinks you're projecting your insecurities on me. No worries, man. We aren't dating, never will be.

[AverageJoe]

You're right, Joe. It is a very telling thread. Me thinks you're projecting your insecurities on me. No worries, man. We aren't dating, never will be.

 

You are welcome to think what you like. That post wasnt directed at you completely.

 

Although, I have a feeling if you saw my wallet now, based on your post, sniff sniff you could smell it from over there. And I do use a credit cards to pay for many meals, my cpa keeps very good records. So basically you have become a tax write off.

 

Win win.

[phineas]

Since the separation I don't own a credit card.

I'm strictly cash er debit card.

If i don't have the money, I don't buy it.

I use my debit card for 99.9% of my purchases.

 

Why?

Because I don't like a carrying around a lot of cash.

[Star Gazer]

Joe, I'm not talking about the size of a man's wallet. I don't care about that, as I out earn most of my dates anyway. What I'm concerned about is FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY. I'm sorry you don't seem to understand the difference, but I'm not going to argue with you.

[AverageJoe]

to argue with you.

 

 

There is no argument. And this post is directed at you, now.

 

You said this.

 

 

Here's an example: He rents an apartment or drives a crappy car because he can't get a home/car loan.

 

How do you arrive at that conclusion? And then your conflict and concern over using a CC on dates. Dates. You would be alarmed, so to speak.

 

Its no ones biz on a date what I earn or do not earn. Not my assests, not my savings, not my annuities. Absolutey none of your biz.

 

Your concern should be about getting a quality date and have fun, rather than what is, as you say FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILTY.

 

Gentlemen, here is a prime example.

[meerkat stew]

I was dating a woman once, had been exclusive about a month. We were at a party and ran into a friend of mine, a single guy (mid 30s) I have known for 15+ years, tall, good looking, laid back, level-headed normal guy from a very respectable family. I suggested that my GF hook him up with one of her single friends there.

 

She laughed at me and said, "She wouldn't date him, I know of him and he still rents." Realizing that the handwriting was on the wall with that one, we were broken up within the month. I could retell this story in various forms all the way back to high school, where my first GF looked at me plaintively one night and asked, "Why don't you get a BMW or Mercedes?"

 

Will make this complaint gender specific, because despite the fact that I find men and women are equally financially ignorant, men keep quiet about it out of embarrassment, while women display their ignorance with characteristic aplomb in addition to being the prime movers of the consumer culture, luxury-addicted lifestyle that is on the verge of destroying our privileged way of life (maybe that's for the best actually). Most men I know would be comfortably content living a modest lifestyle, devoid of luxury brands, haute cuisine, lavish homes and furnishings. It is only when we start dealings with the fair sex that we become dragged and entrapped into the endless commercial that American life has become.

 

Despite the marketing that we are showered with, and despite the fact that the government socially engineers home ownership with tax cuts, houses are very often not the best place to invest one's savings. This is a fact, not my opinion. Besides the fact that this point has been made -crystal- clear to millions of homeowners over the last three years, it is true generally as well.

 

If you want to invest well STAY LIQUID. Don't run out and sink a lion's share of your income into a mortgage or especially a car. Keep in cash. That way, when a truly promising opportunity comes along, you can seize it, instead of looking around the too large rooms in your too large house and then driving away in disgust in your too expensive car because you don't have cash to take advantage of a situation that is almost certain to double your money in a year or two.

 

Sure, buy real estate, but charge RENT to TENANTS to cover the mortgage, don't make the mistake of ever investing everything in -your- home or -your- things. Invest in things that others will "pay for" for you. Same applies to vacation real estate, club memberships, and especially toys. Don't even -think- about such until you are wealthy.

 

Lesson two USE LEVERAGE! don't fear it. I have a credit card with a fixed permanent 4% rate. I use the HELL out of that thing, and if I am lucky to find another one when that one gets full, I will use the HELL out of the next one. Using other people's money as cheaply as possible is how people get rich. I will take as much unsecured debt at 4-7% as I am lucky enough to be offered simply because I can invest money to achieve a much greater after tax return than 4-7%.

 

This is the most fundamental kind of investment advice, yet sails right over most people's heads. Yes, I'm a bit sensitive about this, as I have been judged wrongfully myself in this very way. I can -panhandle- my monthly mortgage if it comes down to that, and the women who have seen this as a flaw in my lifestyle are either bankrupt at the moment, or chasing idiotic men who are WAY upside down in a gigantic mortgage.

 

Rather than looking at whether he is using a credit card to pay for a meal, look at his lifestyle. Is he living modestly overall? Then perhaps he is using the card because he wants to make a good impression on YOU, but of course with women, there is no happy medium. We are either cheap or spendthrift, no middle ground.

 

I bought my truck brand new in 2005 for $15,000. It is now paid off with maybe 120,000 miles of useful life left. It is clean, shiny and undented, plain, utilitarian reliable and very comfortable transportation but women invariably sneer at it in comparing to the other guys they are seeing with monstrous leases or car payments. They act like its cool or novel at first, and then when I see what -they- drive, it's usually a gas guzzling Mercedes convertible or a rolling tank of an SUV.

 

The supreme irony in this is that all these women who have judged me in this way profess to be interested in "green" political interests :lmao: :lmao: Giant luxury houses, luxury cars, large pretty yards with lots of ornamental shrubbery are many things, but environmentally "green" is not one. I hoohaa at their recycling bins where they separate everything out dutifully, then laugh as I take a shower in their gigantic tub with extreme water pressure, look at their monumental dry cleaning bills and take a dump in their giant bowled $500 toilets.

 

Yes please, let's all buy big houses, fancy cars, club memberships and get a second electric car so we can feel "green" about ourselves.

[JohnnyDrama]

That's crazy talk from her. In fact it's wise to use your credit card for things when you don't want to carry a lot of money. You can build up your credit rating and that's important when potentially buying a home etc.. In my case I don't have a bank card or debit card. I usually carry no more than 60-70 dollars on me if a date costs 90 what the hell am I going to do tell her to throw in 30-40? No I would just pay with my credit card.

[BobSacamento]

Only a true lunatic would notice something like that. Honestly, she's doing the guy a favor. Better to find that kind of stuff early.

 

I would actually look at it a different way anyway. If a guy pays with a credit card then you'd have to imagine he's not close to his credit line. There is nothing more embarrassing then your card being rejected because you exceeded your limit. It shows he's paid off his card.

[jadedone]

What's wrong with renting? I'm single and have a nice loft in the city. I don't own because I don't like being chained to my residence. I laugh at all the poor suckers that are now upside down in their Mcmansions.