Should I make the move?

[jazzymin]

I dont really know how to start this post but i guess i'll start by talking about my ex and i. My ex and i were together 2 years and broke up almost 6 months ago. Its been a rollercoaster since then. I want to say im at a point ive accepted the break up but i still get sad once in a while.

 

About 2 weeks ago, i met a guy and we had that instant connection. However, i feel like i was caught off guard since im not completely okay yet. I guess emotionally, i feel like im still all over the place. I met this guy through a friend and that night we met, he already told me he likes me. I couldnt answer back because i was so confused. He knows about my ex and was asking me a lot about him throughout the night. He brought the whole ex thing up first. Anyway, I felt like i was starting to like the guy but i was so confused about my feelings. I was so used to liking the same guy for 2 years (my ex) that i couldnt believe im starting to like someone else. Anyway, that night he asked if i could give him a kiss and i said i dont know. I told him i feel guilty because even though im single i feel like im cheating. Because i know a part of me is still in love with my ex but it doesnt mean im not gonna date and find the right guy for me. At the end of the night, he asked if he could kiss me and i said, "no im sorry, i dont know if im ready. im so confused right now, i need to figure out what this is im feeling." I really regret not letting him kiss me.

 

Anyway, i felt really bad for turning him down and now i regret it. I saw him with my group of friends 2 more times and then he took a chance and asked me out on a date a few days later. I finally told him "i feel really bad about the other night. I didnt want to make u feel like i was using you" and he said "i know and i dont want u to feel bad." We went to dinner and I thought the date went fine. I wasnt completely opening up yet and the same goes for him. We did have a conversation all through out the night though. Then again, our dinner date wasnt all that long. After he took me home, he said that he'll call me the next day. But he didnt. Honestly, i wasnt expecting any follow up. But when he said he'll call, i got excited. Since he didnt, now i keep overanalyzing thinking every single thing i said and did that night. Shuldve said this, shouldve done that. If he didnt say he'd call, i probably wouldnt be overanalyzing this whole thing.

 

I have a feeling that he mightve seen some of my actions as being "not interested" and it makes me sad because i totally didnt mean to appear like that. I guess a part of me is kinda guarded still because im scared to get hurt again but i really like this guy that i want to take my chances. I texted him 5 days after the date just to ask how he's doing, however, he didnt respond. But there's always the possibility he didnt get my message since some of my friends arent gettng my messages either. I got the chance to see him online on facebook the other day so we started chatting. It wasnt long though. We were talking and suddenly he signed off without saying bye. I was annoyed and thought that was rude, but then facebook chat is gay and signs people off on its own. I found out from a friend i was talking to at the time that i was the one signing on and off. So now im thinking, maybe for the guy's part, i was the one who signed off. All these possibilities.

 

My friends are telling me to call him but i dont know if im brave enough to do that. I was thinking maybe texting him again or messaging him on facebook if i were to try to contact him. What do you guys think? Should i make the move or let him do it and just wait? I just want another chance if i did come off as being not interested.

 

Sorry for the long post. Im just sad. Im actually thinking about this guy more than i think about my ex. Im barely thinking about my ex now so i know that i really am or if i dont already, do like this guy.

Edited August 22, 2010 by jazzymin