Author Forget About Her Posted August 22, 2010 Author Posted August 22, 2010 But...I am tending to side with Fire's view on this situation a little more. I think he might be seeing what I'm seeing.
Fire Salamander Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 But...I am tending to side with Fire's view on this situation a little more. I think he might be seeing what I'm seeing. Frankly it doesn't matter who's side you're on. As long as you get the results you want in life and happiness is all that matters. Good intentions bad results, can't blame 'em.
tornandmarried Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 eh, i think your looking too much into it....too much conflict and confusion in a new relationship, destin to fail...your better off just taking it easy, get to know each other one day at a time...dont expect anything or try to push it into anything...just chill and have fun together...so she couldnt keep a date, say ok maybe next time...youll figure it out in a few weeks/months if its gonna work or not...next time meeting an awesome, beautiful girl just play it cool...and be real, take it for what it is...dont look at her and think oh your LTR material...see her for who she is and enjoy whatever time she shares with you
Jeff M Stevens Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 The whole thing boils down to you trying to push the envelope WAY TOO SOON. I'm all about affection and romance for a woman I'm ESTABLISHED with but when you said she had long term "keeper" potential, how could you know? You were only a date in with her. Problem in dating for a lot of guys is they try to do too much, too soon with women. Listen, a woman wants to get to know you SLOWLY. Most every guy on the planet wants to call right away, spend all sorts of time with her and make her the girlfriend within 2 weeks. Problem? Women feel crowded when you do that and they naturally recoil because you are a STRANGER. They may say they want all sorts of attention, and that is true. What women don't tell you is they want all sorts of attention from the man they are really into. They are not going to get really into you if you, as a complete stranger, blow up their phone with "I'm here, you can have me" type of messages, which is what you're doing when you are contacting them multiple times too early on. Simply put, you short circuit them falling in love when you are in their face too soon with texts, dates and calls. I want a woman to wonder what I'm up to when I'm not around. I want her to anticipate the next date with me. If I've texted her a bunch of times between date 1 and 2 then there is no anticipation. Plus, do you really want to get into a relationship with someone where you have to text multiple times per day for the rest of your life? I certainly don't! As far as long term potential, I tell guys all the time, YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HER AT ALL until you hit at least 10 dates or 2 months. I believe NOTHING in that time frame as to what kind of person I am dealing with. Simply, it takes that amount of time for me to get to know her and vice versa. If she accepts all your dates in that time frame, gets more and more affectionate as time goes on and you see she is a good person, then you can consider her for long term potential. You will treat her right that whole time. Be a gentleman, display class, make her laugh, do not tread into heavy subjects with her (remember, dating should be FUN in the early stages). One more subject, there should be NO EXES floating around in the background. If she is still in contact or hung up on her exes, there is no long term potential there, period.
Lorelai Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 (edited) Okay, so I got a little update that may or may not change some people's views. We were texting back and forth for a while, I told her that I had a good time, blah blah. The conversation was going well, so I asked her if she wanted to go to a football game next Friday. She said, "I'll get back to you." WTF????? So I got a little sarcastic and basically told her: Me: "Yea, okay, you just go ahead and let me know, I'll be waiting by the phone." Her: "let me know if someone takes the spot before I give you an answer so I don't have to sit around contemplating for no reason...k thanks". Me: Riiiiight. Consider the spot taken, but you can continue the contemplation if you like. Her: You filled it that fast...cool Me: Nah, but we haven't been chillen long enouh for drawn out acceptances of date offers. I think your an awesome chick, but time waits for no man (or woman). I have to agree this was a passive-aggressive conversation, but I'll say it's on both sides. Her "sit around contemplating" played right into your sarcasm, so you were both equally at fault here IMHO. Now, one thing I'll say -- texting absolutely SUCKS for conversations. I won't do it, but maybe given that I'm 30 and have a crappy phone, I'm old-school about things. I'll chat over IMs of various types, but that's because I type 85 WPM and I can communicate just about as fast in writing on a keyboard as I can speaking (or at least close enough). But texting, IMHO, is only really good for relaying information in a situation where you can't talk voice or get on the computer. You might do better and be able to read each other better if you talk voice. But I'm an old fart, so take that as you will. Edit to add: I of course mean this as advice for future relationships, not this one, since it seems like you've pretty much made up your mind about this girl -- I'm not sure if you're right or wrong there, but thought the suggestion could be helpful for other girls you find hard to read. Edited August 22, 2010 by Lorelai
phineas Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I personally wouldn't think a woman that snuggled up to me on the first or 2nd date was LTR potential. I'd think she was just looking for a cuddle monkey. The OP letting her into his bedroom & not trying to get into her pants told her he had the potential to be led on. I would of also just went & slept on my couch if i couldn't get her out of the bed. I mean seriously, what kind of woman sleeps in a guys bed that she just met? It sounds like to me she was looking to fill the void left by her ex-BF but not really interested in the OP. Just the attention he paid her. If she asks him if they could just be friends then we will know for sure but she probably won't contact him again because he made it clear he wasn't going to be led on.
carhill Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Good analysis Phineas. I think the OP titled the thread appropriately. Enjoy *dating* other *single* ladies. They can sleep over when they're having sexual relations with you.
moman Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 The woman saying "I'll get back to you" means she's not interested. These responses indicate some level of interest: "Sounds like fun, let me see" "Might have to work but I'll let you know Tuesday" "I already have plans but I'll take a raincheck" OP: Good job shutting this chick down.
SadandConfusedWA Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 You did the right thing OP. I am a girl and dated a guy recently that pulled this kind of s$it. Me: Let's get together sometimes this week. Him: Sounds good. Me: I am free on Friday night, does that work for you? Him: Today has been hectic. Client A said blah blah (blatant change of topic) Me: So are you OK to meet on Friday night? Him: I will get back to you Me: No need to..enjoy the rest of the week ---------- rinse and repeat the next week when I finally ditched him. Why do people say "sounds good" but then don't want to commit to a date? Why do they say "I will get back to you" - why not just say I am busy without a reschedule if not interested. I hate all this indirect conversation where you have to read between the lines.
Recommended Posts