john 07 Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 (edited) so 2 weeks ago i met this girl through a friend at a bar. Had a great time talking and getting to know each other. Held hands but that was all. Overall good night. She gave me her number and set up dinner the following friday(which was last week). She said she got in trouble and her dad grounded her from going out so she canceled(shes 22). we reschedule for the next day saturday. literally one our before the date my parents give me a surprise visit and this time I had to cancel which I felt really bad about. I called her and she was cool about it so we rescheduled for this friday(today). 6 hours before our date, she tells me her and her friends planned a last minute trip for 2 days. shes says "im sorry i keep delaying out dinner, next time we go out Ill buy you dinner, im very sorry". I replied with a simple ok ill see you next time. Now i dont know if shes genuine with her sorry but i would never let a girl buy first dinner. Well what do you guys think.....Should i contact her again?? or wait for her to say hi......im a bit frustrated Edited August 20, 2010 by john 07
carhill Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Here's a key tip: When you called her to regretfully cancel, did you attempt at that time to reschedule? IMO, this is a sign of both politeness and interest. When she called to cancel, same. What happened, exactly? These are measures of interest and compatible styles of interaction. There are many, but you have little to work with at this point. IMO, if a woman (or a man) is insufficiently interested in pinning down a date/time when they call with regrets, I would write them off. This doesn't apply to established platonic friendships with history. The expectations are different. Common courtesy is always appreciated, regardless.
Author john 07 Posted August 20, 2010 Author Posted August 20, 2010 Here's a key tip: When you called her to regretfully cancel, did you attempt at that time to reschedule? IMO, this is a sign of both politeness and interest. When she called to cancel, same. What happened, exactly? These are measures of interest and compatible styles of interaction. There are many, but you have little to work with at this point. IMO, if a woman (or a man) is insufficiently interested in pinning down a date/time when they call with regrets, I would write them off. This doesn't apply to established platonic friendships with history. The expectations are different. Common courtesy is always appreciated, regardless. i just asked her simply is tomorrow ok. the second time i asked is next friday ok...just kept it simple like that
CaliGuy Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 She is new. She isn't sure yet. Don't pressure her and don't put all your eggs in THIS basket. Have options available so: a) You aren't upset if things don't work out with girl A. b) You become more relaxed in general. c) You'll have more fun on dates. Get it? If you have options open then you don't become stressed when plan a isn't working the way YOU want it to work. Life is full of options when you keep the doors open to opportunity.
carhill Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 i just asked her simply is tomorrow ok. the second time i asked is next friday ok...just kept it simple like that OK, now what did *she* do when she called to cancel the last time? As your post has shared, things happen and life events are fluid. This is normal. It's how one deals with them which helps define the dynamic. At this point, neither of you are that important to each other. You had some nice times one evening. Mutual interest can take it from there. In 'mutual', there is a balance point. I've shown you where mine is. I was a lot more 'permissive' and unbalanced when I was younger. Women got a lot more leeway in behaviors I now no longer tolerate. That's a *choice*. Cali's advice is good. *Accept* the dynamic. Enjoy your options.
Author john 07 Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 OK, now what did *she* do when she called to cancel the last time? she just said she came home very late the night before and her dad wont let her out on friday which was out date. her dads very traditional. so i asked her if tomorrow ok. and she said she doesnt know if here dad will let her out. around 5pm she gets back to me saying she can go out. which then i had to cancel
phineas Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 She's 22 & has to get her dad's permission to go out? Seriously? Even if it's a "his house, his rules" thing do you really want to deal with the BS of having your adult plans ruined because your date is treated like a child? what if you buy tickets to an event & she's grounded?
that girl Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 How much do you like her? If you really like her, try to reschedule. If you're lukewarm, let it go.
lso802 Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 If she comes through with buying dinner, it's a definite go. I'd wait for her to contact you back and schedule something, since she's the one going away. Other than that, keep your options open.
westrock Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 I don't think she flaked on you. literally one our before the date my parents give me a surprise visit and this time I had to cancel which I felt really bad about. Did you at least tell your parents upon their suprise arrival that you met a great girl and you have a date with her in one hour? Most parents would understand and want you to be happy and insist you not cancel your previously arranged plans. Instead you cancelled on her? Maybe she thinks you flaked on her.
carhill Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 I found the timeline somewhat confusing but it appears that, six hours prior to their most recent agreed-upon date, the young lady called and canceled and apparently offered no reschedule and the OP said 'ok, see you next time' in response. That was the end of the discourse. Who gets grounded at 22?The young lady who depends on her parents for housing and support? If the choice is giving your parents the finger and abandoning the relatively easy life of living at home, some people decide to take a few lumps and continue on their way. Or, she could've made it up. It's unknown.
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