sweetblubrry Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Okay so my boyfriend isn't exactly the greatest communicator with me, especially with his phone. Actually I think that goes for everyone he talks to, not just me. He sometimes is very slow at answering texts, and his calls and texts are very random when he does. He left this morning at 645am for the airport to go home, and it is 10pm and he hasn't called or texted me at all. I mean, a girl would want to know her bf made it home okay is that so much to ask? Do guys just not think about this stuff? Things are great between us... but I wish he'd keep in touch more as far as what goes on everyday. Some relationships are constantly in check and others maybe not so much like mine. Are guys just not in tune to checking in like we are? I am not being the desperate girlfriend trust me, but it would be nice to hear from him more ya know? Any other girls have the same prob? BTW this is a new relationship, only 2 months. Maybe I'm just weird, my last relationship I spent with the guy 24/7 pretty much (we worked together) so I'm used to that.
Pyro Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Being together 24/7 will lead to bad results. If I were him I would have called. I like to keep close contact with my SO, especially if one of us is traveling.
Author sweetblubrry Posted August 20, 2010 Author Posted August 20, 2010 Oh trust me.. the 24/7 thing is bad. I know that now and would never do it again. Yeah that is what I thought... should I talk to him about communicating when he gets back? (probably ever guys nightmare) or just leave it be? I don't know how to hint at it. I'm not upset, but it would have been nice to hear from him.
Pyro Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 just let him know that you were worried about him and ask if he could call you from now on. It shouldn't be an issue at all.
BiAxident Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Agreed. IMO, returning from a trip is a situation in which one "should" contact their SO, simply out of courtesy, to let them know that they have returned safely.
USMCHokie Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 ...I wish he'd keep in touch more as far as what goes on everyday. Communicate this to him. Let him know that you want a little more contact from him. Communication is essential in relationships...even communication about communication...don't wait for him to figure this out on his own or assume that he will even figure it out on his own...if you care about him and want the relationship to work, then voice your grievances...if he is worth a damn, then he will listen...
zengirl Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Okay so my boyfriend isn't exactly the greatest communicator with me, especially with his phone. Actually I think that goes for everyone he talks to, not just me. He sometimes is very slow at answering texts, and his calls and texts are very random when he does. He left this morning at 645am for the airport to go home, and it is 10pm and he hasn't called or texted me at all. I mean, a girl would want to know her bf made it home okay is that so much to ask? Do guys just not think about this stuff? Things are great between us... but I wish he'd keep in touch more as far as what goes on everyday. Some relationships are constantly in check and others maybe not so much like mine. Are guys just not in tune to checking in like we are? I am not being the desperate girlfriend trust me, but it would be nice to hear from him more ya know? Any other girls have the same prob? BTW this is a new relationship, only 2 months. Maybe I'm just weird, my last relationship I spent with the guy 24/7 pretty much (we worked together) so I'm used to that. When I travel, I always message my family and SO to let them know I arrived as planned. (Friends can find out via FB or through each other.) To me, this is pretty basic. That said, I've met people who just wouldn't think about it; it's usually because their family doesn't do this or they never had family members traveling. I think this is a habit we pick up, like everything else. If you want him to get into the habit of it when he travels, I'd suggest asking him (not attacking him for NOT doing it, of course). In terms of "talking about what happens every day" I'm not really sure what you mean. At 2 months, with most of my SOs, we were talking or in some kind of contact most days. Not always a long time each day, and not every single day, but some. Is he going days without calling or texting or contacting you? Or is it more he's not contacting you throughout the day? Some people just can't do the constant text conversation. I've had fellows who wanted me to text them more and I just can't. . . I try my best to make them understand they are important, but I cannot be in a constant text-conversation with someone. It just stresses me out. I cannot experience the world if I'm forced to continually chatter with someone who's not present at the moment. At any rate, it's important to get your views out there, ask him about his, and communicate in general. Communicate this to him. Let him know that you want a little more contact from him. Communication is essential in relationships...even communication about communication...don't wait for him to figure this out on his own or assume that he will even figure it out on his own...if you care about him and want the relationship to work, then voice your grievances...if he is worth a damn, then he will listen... Or what USMCHokie says. I agree with this.
Author sweetblubrry Posted August 20, 2010 Author Posted August 20, 2010 (edited) We do have contact everyday for the most part but not throughout the day. It is mostly casual and random. We do great in person though... it is just when we are away from each other. He hasn't said anything this morning either. I'm thinking of texting him later in the day... I'm starting to get kind of upset that he wouldn't have let me know how he is by now. I will for sure be calling him tomorrow cause its his bday. Should I wait until he gets back to talk to him about this? Not sure if I should be talking to him about it on his birthday lol Edited August 20, 2010 by sweetblubrry
zengirl Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 We do have contact everyday for the most part but not throughout the day. It is mostly casual and random. We do great in person though... it is just when we are away from each other. He hasn't said anything this morning either. I'm thinking of texting him later in the day... I'm starting to get kind of upset that he wouldn't have let me know how he is by now. I will for sure be calling him tomorrow cause its his bday. Should I wait until he gets back to talk to him about this? Not sure if I should be talking to him about it on his birthday lol I would treat this as 2 separate issues. I would perhaps mention the flight thing on his birthday: Call to say happy birthday, as you would. Then, mention lightly, "I was worried I hadn't heard from you that you'd landed safely." This is not odd, needy, or an attack. It is normal human behavior. Immediately brush past it. Don't allow him a moment to be defensive. Say something else directly after, preferably something positive, "I hope What-You-Traveled-For is going well/was fun/etc." This does several things. It slips in your feelings in a way that are not at all an attack or even a criticism or complaint. It is just a statement of truth. It sandwiches the issue between positive statements, and, as such, negates any potential defensiveness to the issue, any "Well, I don't have to! You can't make me!" feelings that we all have deep inside the parts of us that are still 4 years old and want to act in a contrary way to even normal, reasonable requests. Also, it introduces this topic as a very particular subset of the communication issue. . . linking the two too much is going to produce flawed results. One is a direct complaint. Another is a broader conversation. The second issue is the broader conversation. I would only have that in person. You also need to really think about what you want that you are not getting communication-wise and how important it is. "I am not happy with our communication" is a criticism---as such, it is not helpful, not going to make him inclined to do any better, and not even terribly useful. Better to say what you do want. Highlight strong points -- "usually, we talk every day, and I like that" -- and lay down no ultimatums or even direct requests. Best to decide if you're trying to increase amount or quality of contact. If you are inclined to say, "Both," (as so many people are---I want it all, darn it!) consider which you think is most important to increase.
carhill Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 OP, is this communication style global? IOW, he communicates with everyone this way? If so, it's his style and you're unlikely to change it. If other, ask for what you *want* in a positive way. 'I'd love to hear from you when your plane lands. You know how your voice always makes me feel (whatever the feeling is) bla bla' If he's calling his mom when he lands and not you, dump him
Author sweetblubrry Posted August 20, 2010 Author Posted August 20, 2010 I believe this is his communication style with everyone. He just isn't good at answering text messages and plays phone tag a lot with family, other friends, etc. However, he does a very good job considering how he is, with me. Generally we talk everyday and I see him quite often. He is always making plans with me. He just gets into these funks every so often where I am not happy with the communication. There are also times where he has even forgotten his phone. He just isn't that attached to it. Everything is just great in person, communication is great! Just outside... I know guys don't need to 'check-in' as often as we do and I shouldn't judge our relationship based on the phone but in person. But I am still annoyed lol
carhill Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 So, it is a style which you shall have to come to accept, IMO. Throw it into the mix of the rest of your styles and see how it rates. If everything balances out and you feel positive, continue. Good luck
Serenitynow Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 (edited) Do guys just not think about this stuff? No, just YOUR guy doesnt think about it. Mature responsible guys do. I bet there are plenty of other irresponsible things he does that you may or may not notice. How old are both of you? Too many women talk among themselves and think, "oh thats just how guys are" or "hes a guy what do you expect". And the situation is put to bed. Take control and communicate with guys instead of coming on forums and speculating over the issues. Women empower the stupid behavior of guys and just let it go on and on. They'd rather complain about it to their gf's than actually confront the guy and solve the problem. . . Edited August 20, 2010 by Serenitynow
Sphere Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 What you are demanding is not unacceptable. Talk to him about it. If he is doing something you dislike or you find irksome, then tell him. Why are you telling us, there is nothing we can do about it. Just sit him down and explain what you would like him and see if you two can come to some sort of compromise.
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