Is there a point in falling in love?

[zengirl]

A friend of mine once told me that what keeps alot of people together is hope. Simply because that no matter what someone goes through with someone as long as they have hope for a better outcome then its worth the risk even if its all for nothing.

 

As for the reality thing. Well. In my opinion. People have control over their lives. As well as people surrounding them have control. So to say thats just how life is. It allows some people to be comfortable with their wrongs. Or the wrongs people done to them. Nothing wrong with being comfortable with it. But to shrug it off as if thats just life well...

 

But hey. i guess all people are irrational. Being completely logical isnt part of the human system. But it seems the irrational things are what makes life fun. That is the impression im getting so far.

 

And as for the sex thing. its the only thing i coulda have thought of at the moment. At least dealing with love. But I do mean more to it then just that. I notice alot of people want love for many reasons. lonely, insecurities, gaining security, ideals match. or whatever. But in the end. At least from what i seen. It fades for whatever reason or another. Some move on. Some dont. Alot of people are willing to risk pain by falling in love. But is the pain really worth it? And i dont mean just emotional pain cause it can hurt you in other ways. Friends, work, school, religion, whatever.

 

I do believe that sometimes it may be worth it but in this day and age where few people start out with caring but instead start with games. Its just wierd to me. Im not trying to come across as someone who looks down on people in relationships or anything like that. But sometimes i just laugh at it. Cause when people are supposedly in love. Well. They lose themselves. in a sense. It just seems to me that when you love someone. You will only come later on down the road asking yourself. How did that happen and why did it happen.

 

Of course there are exceptions. More so than not.

 

I don't think love has to be as difficult as many people make dating. Most of the difficulty in dating actually comes from people actively trying to avoid love on some level----even people who claim to want it, many just want it to "happen" to them. They see love as some massive external sign and not something within themselves.

 

So, I don't think all the pain or problems are caused by love at all, and giving up on love doesn't change the pain and problems. And it seems like her the real question is, "Why bother with pain and problems?"

 

And my answer to that would be: Pain and problems are a part of life, but it should be minimized. Pain need not become suffering, and problems need not spiral out of control. There's absolutely no reason to bother chasing pain and problems -- both will find you -- and every reason to learn to deal with them and get over them quickly.

[zengirl]

I'm not fully arguing for your lifestyle, honestly I'm not entirely sure what it means to be devoid of "serious" relationships in lieu of bachlor life. I'm not even sure you are saying that either.

 

What is known is that Marriage is NOT the key to happiness, nor is having children. Then why do people do it ? Some argue it's that we simply make mistakes (to boil it down). Yes marriage and exclusive pair bonding could function as a mechanism to control women and vice versa, though it also does benefit people in many other ways including society as a whole.

 

There is no "key" to happiness.

Happy marriages do make some people happier. I have seen this. Anything that's right for an individual could make them happier, I suppose.

 

Anyone looking at any sociological concept as a "key" to happiness is a bit of a moron.

[NYCmitch25]

being in love can be the most wonderful feeling in the world, until you get your heart smashed to bits,then it's horrible. So it's not worth it in my opinion

 

So not taking risk in life is coming from a SKY DIVER!??? You can't make this stuff up ... too funny...

[NYCmitch25]

There is no "key" to happiness.

Happy marriages do make some people happier. I have seen this. Anything that's right for an individual could make them happier, I suppose.

 

Anyone looking at any sociological concept as a "key" to happiness is a bit of a moron.

 

Well if you want to take liberty in nitpicking my words to bolster your own justifications/feelings, knock yourself out.. Glad to have helped.

 

So sure, argue away, your whole response is weak despite it coming from your alleged "zen like" and intelectual background.. (look I spelled intellectual wrong, what an idiot, use it in your retort).

 

It's poor because you are doing exactly what I said people do here, they take anecdotal examples from their lives or some other irrational crap and thrust it on everyone else as if it's gospel. There is so much bad advice here. At least I'm well read and am making informed assertions opposed to asking Aunt Gene who spent a lifetime married and raising babies if her life was worth it.. Hmmm surprising, she said yes. She said yes to the only life she knew.

 

PS> not trying to be a d-bag but if you are going to call me a "moron" the gloves are coming off.

[skydiveaddict]

So not taking risk in life is coming from a SKY DIVER!??? You can't make this stuff up ... too funny...

]

 

I take risks

[Mangomonkey]

In case there is any confusion. I am not a her. Im a he. In case i come off as femine. Im like conversation. so F*** yall.

 

And i just like to let some of yall know i really appreciate your input.

[AverageJoe]

What is known is that Marriage is NOT the key to happiness, nor is having children. Then why do people do it ? Some argue it's that we simply make mistakes (to boil it down). Yes marriage and exclusive pair bonding could function as a mechanism to control women and vice versa, though it also does benefit people in many other ways including society as a whole.

 

It benefits the females. There are many studies that show, the female lifestyle goes up after marriage. Including, the lifestyle of many females degrading after divorce. Conventional wisdom is marriage provides prosperity for a myriad of reasons.

 

I am going to throw this out there. Some may agree, I fear many will not.

 

Education level is a good indicator of a persons willingness to get married. High education, high income, city dweller less likely to get married.

Poor, uneducated, more likley to get married. More people get married it seems to save money on rent, to save money on expenses.

If you are smart and have money, things to protect, the case can be made you are less likley to get married than people with less education and less money.

[NYCmitch25]

It benefits the females. There are many studies that show, the female lifestyle goes up after marriage. Including, the lifestyle of many females degrading after divorce. Conventional wisdom is marriage provides prosperity for a myriad of reasons.

 

I am going to throw this out there. Some may agree, I fear many will not.

 

Education level is a good indicator of a persons willingness to get married. High education, high income, city dweller less likely to get married.

Poor, uneducated, more likley to get married. More people get married it seems to save money on rent, to save money on expenses.

If you are smart and have money, things to protect, the case can be made you are less likley to get married than people with less education and less money.

 

I can see how you might assert that monetarily, men, who traditionally make more . could be a benefit to married/divorced woman but there are some tradeoffs and catches with that. One, I was talking women who were in a long terms (but single) vs. those who get married and have children. Hence so it's a wash. Two, there is a study I read that stated how the demands on a married woman to cook, clean, on top of working, is an unfair load balance and they are more likely to be unhappy. So I would assert that since what I read shows men AND women lose in marriage over this other type of relationship, it's all moot.

[zengirl]

Well if you want to take liberty in nitpicking my words to bolster your own justifications/feelings, knock yourself out.. Glad to have helped.

 

So sure, argue away, your whole response is weak despite it coming from your alleged "zen like" and intelectual background.. (look I spelled intellectual wrong, what an idiot, use it in your retort).

 

It's poor because you are doing exactly what I said people do here, they take anecdotal examples from their lives or some other irrational crap and thrust it on everyone else as if it's gospel. There is so much bad advice here. At least I'm well read and am making informed assertions opposed to asking Aunt Gene who spent a lifetime married and raising babies if her life was worth it.. Hmmm surprising, she said yes. She said yes to the only life she knew.

 

PS> not trying to be a d-bag but if you are going to call me a "moron" the gloves are coming off.

 

Huh? I was actually agreeing with you. . . you'd already said it was not the key to happiness. You were not the moron in question. Way to get angry.

 

I just don't think there's any easy route to happiness or any universal key. And most people realize this, as they live. That everyone has a different version of happiness. (If they're not morons.)

Edited August 20, 2010 by zengirl

[skydiveaddict]

I can see how you might assert that monetarily, men, who traditionally make more . could be a benefit to married/divorced woman but there are some tradeoffs and catches with that. One, I was talking women who were in a long terms (but single) vs. those who get married and have children. Hence so it's a wash. Two, there is a study I read that stated how the demands on a married woman to cook, clean, on top of working, is an unfair load balance and they are more likely to be unhappy. So I would assert that since what I read shows men AND women lose in marriage over this other type of relationship, it's all moot.

 

 

I don't believe I've ever seen anybody on this website that talks so much and says absolutely nothing of substance

Edited August 20, 2010 by skydiveaddict

[AverageJoe]

I can see how you might assert that monetarily, men, who traditionally make more . could be a benefit to married/divorced woman but there are some tradeoffs and catches with that. One, I was talking women who were in a long terms (but single) vs. those who get married and have children. Hence so it's a wash. Two, there is a study I read that stated how the demands on a married woman to cook, clean, on top of working, is an unfair load balance and they are more likely to be unhappy. So I would assert that since what I read shows men AND women lose in marriage over this other type of relationship, it's all moot.

 

Hmm I am not sure I completely follow what you are getting at, but I think the bottom line is, why bother with marriage? If that is what you are saying I would you agree with you, including the reasons you listed and other reasons of my own.

Speaking from a male perspective, there is no benefit for a man to be in a relationship or even marriage.

 

My apologies to Monkey, I think we have hijacked his thread.

[Woggle]

Falling in love for a man is like betting everything you own on a lottery ticket. The rare few win but most just end up in misery.

[AverageJoe]

Falling in love for a man is like betting everything you own on a lottery ticket. The rare few win but most just end up in misery.

 

 

Well, alot of people are very unconfident about the idea of living alone. They think somehow it indicates they are failures, they are going to be lonely, and actually these are people that dont know themselves well enough.

[skydiveaddict]

Falling in love for a man is like betting everything you own on a lottery ticket. The rare few win but most just end up in misery.

 

 

I agree with this. I've never won out

[robdrm32]

Whats the point to climbing a mountain? It's SO steep and such a pain in my ass to get to the top.

 

Whats the point to playing basketball once a week, when the next day my legs and back kill me.

 

Because when I get to the top of that mountain, or I make a good play on the court, i'm happy.

 

And when i'm in love I feel like i'm on top of the world. All of my relationships have ended in extreme pain but I understand the potential behind true love, and having tasted that I would do it all over again.

 

Alot of bitter people on this site, don't take things for granted.

[AverageJoe]

Alot of bitter people on this site, don't take things for granted.

 

Thats a very lovely story and you tell it so well. With such enthusiasm.

 

Who is bitter?

[zengirl]

Whats the point to climbing a mountain? It's SO steep and such a pain in my ass to get to the top.

 

Whats the point to playing basketball once a week, when the next day my legs and back kill me.

 

Because when I get to the top of that mountain, or I make a good play on the court, i'm happy.

 

And when i'm in love I feel like i'm on top of the world. All of my relationships have ended in extreme pain but I understand the potential behind true love, and having tasted that I would do it all over again.

 

Alot of bitter people on this site, don't take things for granted.

 

I'd take this a step further and say, despite the extremely hard work of climbing a mountain, I like it not just too feel proud and happy at the top but because the climbing of it makes me happy. It is work I enjoy. A relationship should be the same. Now, sometimes, maybe I trip and scrape myself on the mountain or feel a bit too tired the next day -- there are problems and there is pain -- but these are minor parts of it and not what I really remember from the experience.

 

People who don't enjoy the process of dating and relationships and are only seeking to get to the hope at the end are bound to be unhappy. Enjoy what you do. Dating can be fun at times. Try to let the positive experiences in everything in life stick with you moreso than the bad ones.

[carhill]

Is there a point in falling in love?

 

Not really, IMO. It's far more efficacious and profitable to appear to fall in love but not really do it.

 

BTDT a couple of times, with one marriage, and offer this as a non-bitter, very pragmatic viewpoint. Seriously, care less. It will work for you in life. However, hug your cat

[Mangomonkey]

To sum up what everyone is saying. Keep on trying to and your end up lucky and happy one day even if it aint easy...

 

I already found my own answers for this question but i just wanted to know what other thought on this subject. And from what i can gather. Your all trying to be positive on the subject as to not let it bring you down. Which is good. I guess

 

Zen your real insightful

The other guys your real insightful to

and carhill. yea. I will go hug my cats and i do everyday thank you very much

[Confused100]

I'd take this a step further and say, despite the extremely hard work of climbing a mountain, I like it not just too feel proud and happy at the top but because the climbing of it makes me happy. It is work I enjoy. A relationship should be the same. Now, sometimes, maybe I trip and scrape myself on the mountain or feel a bit too tired the next day -- there are problems and there is pain -- but these are minor parts of it and not what I really remember from the experience.

 

People who don't enjoy the process of dating and relationships and are only seeking to get to the hope at the end are bound to be unhappy. Enjoy what you do. Dating can be fun at times. Try to let the positive experiences in everything in life stick with you moreso than the bad ones.

 

Very well said.

 

Humans are naturally social creatures. We've known that since Aristotle's time (although some political philosophers like Rousseau would have you think otherwise...). Thus, we seek and desire companionship and friendship. Just look at all the health studies done on loneliness. A lack of quality relationships is detrimental to a healthy body and mind. Falling in love is the apogee. Finding someone with whom we can share our deepest emotions. Hell, check out Plato's Symposium--there are some beautiful stories in there. The dialogue goes through a handful of different interpretations of what love is.

[JohnnyBlaze]

I been reading story after story of everybodies opinions and events. It seems to be the idea of love is pointless now and days. Seriously. Whats the point? People dont care much about the effects of casual sex anymore so the ultimate reward for love is well. wasted.

 

Plus people seem to enjoy being single and play so much games while dating. It seems like relationships only cause problems and people make being in one WAY overated.

 

Well from a guy point of view. If you into a girl and gonna get laid regardless at some point without a commitment why bother falling into a deep state of love. And lets face it. Everyone like sex. If you dont then something is wrong with you. (no offense to some)

 

And for a girl why bother having a man if having one obvious causing problems for you whether it be something physical or your ideals.

 

After reading numorous threads. just wondering. why bother?

 

I agree with you on many points. If the ultimate goal is sex, then yes, there's little need for love in this day and age.

 

Love causes a whole encyclopedia of problems. It can cause financial ruin, physical trauma and emotional collapse.

 

Love has caused people to do everything from watching Sex & The City to committing murder or suicide.

In practical, logical terms, love is probably the worst thing that can happen to a person.

 

But that's the beauty of love. It isn't logical or practical. It isn't about numbers or status or orgasms or any of that stuff. It's about that feeling that you get when you think about that special someone. It's about thinking "I know she may not be the greatest person in the world, but she's the greatest person in my world."

 

For all the problems it causes, I still feel that the butterflies are worth it.

[edgeofdarkness]

I agree with you on many points. If the ultimate goal is sex, then yes, there's little need for love in this day and age.

 

Love causes a whole encyclopedia of problems. It can cause financial ruin, physical trauma and emotional collapse.

 

Love has caused people to do everything from watching Sex & The City to committing murder or suicide.

In practical, logical terms, love is probably the worst thing that can happen to a person.

 

But that's the beauty of love. It isn't logical or practical. It isn't about numbers or status or orgasms or any of that stuff. It's about that feeling that you get when you think about that special someone. It's about thinking "I know she may not be the greatest person in the world, but she's the greatest person in my world."

 

For all the problems it causes, I still feel that the butterflies are worth it.

Love doesnt do anything, screwed up people thinking theyre doing sumthing in the name of love, do all this.

 

love isnt the cause of everything you have said, but if people are messed up they dont think straight, people think neediness obsession, jealousy and possessiveness is love, it isnt, true love liberates, crap love ties u up in knots.

[SarahRose]

This is a really sad and depressing thread.

 

I believe in love and it is very worth it.

[edgeofdarkness]

the best love u can give is the nonconditional lov u give yrself, cos if u cant love yrself completely how can u love anyone else selflessly. we always bring an agenda and baggage into a relationship, and then expect the other person to help us carry it, thats not fair.

[torranceshipman]

I been reading story after story of everybodies opinions and events. It seems to be the idea of love is pointless now and days. Seriously. Whats the point? People dont care much about the effects of casual sex anymore so the ultimate reward for love is well. wasted.

 

Plus people seem to enjoy being single and play so much games while dating. It seems like relationships only cause problems and people make being in one WAY overated.

 

Well from a guy point of view. If you into a girl and gonna get laid regardless at some point without a commitment why bother falling into a deep state of love. And lets face it. Everyone like sex. If you dont then something is wrong with you. (no offense to some)

 

And for a girl why bother having a man if having one obvious causing problems for you whether it be something physical or your ideals.

 

After reading numorous threads. just wondering. why bother?

 

What a weird question. There is SO much more than sex to being in love and if you don't know that, then it means you've never experienced being in love - so I guess that is why you are questioning the point of it! Who cares what the point is...falling in love makes you feel amazing and puts a shine on every singly part of your life (maybe thats the point!).