Ex owes me 1000 dollars

[carhill]

meerkat can advise, but my lawyer just sends a demand letter, registered mail with return receipt, demanding payment. That becomes, along with the payment agreement and/or contract and collection notes, part of the process of suing. Then, if/when you file a court action, those documents are served upon the respondent so he gets to paper his whole refrigerator with stuff from you

[WintersNightTraveler]

$1000 is not worth further entangling this man in your life.

 

Everyone can debate ad nauseum, but over $1000 the small claims decision will depend on what side of the bed the judge woke up and who is lucky enough to pick the better lawyer out of the yellow pages. If you lose the case you will also end up with lawyers's fees (or at least a crapload of wasted time and anguish if lawyer works on contingency).

 

There are many other ways to get $1000 temporarily in a way not to harm your credit (family, friends, debt renegotiation, sell your favorite organ, the craigslist used panty exchange, etc). You need to find the best one for you and forget about this guy. Cut your losses so you can concern yourself with your peace of mind before your credit rating and also avoid throwing good money and time after bad.

 

It sounds like a very tough situation though. I'm sorry.

Edited August 23, 2010 by WintersNightTraveler

[meerkat stew]

I'm very hesistant to do anything at this point that could be construed as harassment. Knowing my ex, he would probably try to file a restraining order if I contacted his parents, and I don't need that on my record. Actually, I'd be surprised if he hasn't looked into it already.

 

Unless he mentioned getting a TRO, it's unlikely he is considering it unless you have been contacting him more than you let on here. Trying to get a man to pay his half of abortion costs is not harrassment at the level of contact you have described. The law gives private citizens very broad latitude to collect personal debts, unlike the highly regulated (possible Fair Debt Collection Practices Act ramifications) type environment that Carhill has to navigate through as a business owner using a lawyer or collection agency to collect debts.

 

If a small claims judge got a whiff that he had sought a TRO against you in those circumstances where you were just trying to get your money, that's instant judgment for you from any judge I've ever had experience with or heard of.

 

If he did get a TRO, just tack a defamation charge on your small claims complaint up to the small claims court maximum in your jurisdiction and see how he likes that. If a judge hears that he put a TRO on you after refusing to pay his half of abortion charges, my guess is you will get a chunk of the defamation money you ask for in addition to the abortion costs. People can't just go around abusing TROs and damaging reputations to avoid their creditors. He may also be subject to a criminal referral to the DA for fraud if he uses a TRO to avoid your attempts to collect.

 

Disagree that it is not worth pursuing. You suffer only filing costs ($80 in my jurisdiction) and the time it takes to fill out the simple complaint form. Do suggest that you call the parents first or send them a copy of a demand letter. Carhill is correct in how a business collects debts, I was inhouse counsel for a large finance company with 1000+ suits going on at any given time, and the process he describes is exactly how it works. It is simpler for private citizens though. If you want the money, start taking action to get it.

 

If it were just a regular old debt that your ex is avoiding, I would be inclined to agree with some others who say it's not worth it, as the results are uncertain. Because there are public policy issues involved with abortion, and the potential for undue influence, you have a stronger case than a regular old debt. Unlike people who just avoid debts, there is more stigma attached to shirking abortion costs once there is a promise to pay.

 

The above is not specific legal advice to you because it is impossible to know all the facts necessary in order to give adequate counsel, and with anonymity in place here, no way to ascertain the specifics of what law may or may not apply in a specific jurisdiction. It is just a hypothetical discussion of general legal issues on an internet forum based on a summary of a fact pattern that may or may not even exist. As such, no attorney client relationship is created nor should be assumed to exist, and nothing I have posted in this thread should be considered specific legal advice to you. The best source of legal advice is a lawyer in your locale who is licensed to practice in your jurisdiction.

[Green]

If he never got a TRO placed on any one before what makes you think he will start with you. I say you tell him you are going to contact his parents about the 1000$ and how he talked you into an abortion unless he gets you the money fast. The parents might just pay you off it comes to that. Personaly if my gf screwed me out of a 1000$ I would not let a TRO scare me like it does you. but thats just me

[WintersNightTraveler]

I say you tell him you are going to contact his parents about the 1000$ and how he talked you into an abortion

 

No no no no.

 

Can't you see how this is really hurting SP? How do you think that conversation will make her feel? My god, I can imagine talking to an exes's parents about something like that, it would tear me up. Just the subject matter to start, and then you are talking to parents who maybe she was close to during the relationship and now that's gone, ugh ugh.

 

Money problems can always be solved by finding a way to get some more money. SP is a smart cookie, she can figure that out.

 

The emotional stuff is what's really hard in life. If money can be spent (or in this case, let go) to make that easier, that's always a good investment.

[meerkat stew]

Can't you see how this is really hurting SP? How do you think that conversation will make her feel?

 

The distinction here is whether she can compartmentalize her role as exGF versus her role as creditor. If she can detach herself emotionally and just go after a debt owed her as a creditor, I don't see the harm you speak of. Whether she can or not is a matter we can't help with. Also consider that the money owed may arise in her mind from time to time, and that could extend unwanted, even painful memories into the future longer than they need be extended.

[WintersNightTraveler]

If she can detach herself emotionally

 

Are people even reading the same thread I am?

 

This is money from the abortion related costs

 

I'm too scared to do this. I'm honestly scared of him.

 

I think I'll try to confront him in person with the printed out ims. Restraining order be damned

 

I've been on the verge of tears all day about not getting that money back.

 

 

Here, I will tell a personal story that I hope makes my point. When I was younger, I was once in a position that I feel is similar. It wasn't a lover, it was a family member, and it wasn't abortion costs, it was funeral costs. But like SP I was vulnerable emotionally and felt trapped monetarily.

 

My uncle had paid for my father's burial, and then later cancelled the check as part of a twisted power trip control game. So a week or two after burying my father and committing my mother to a medical institution, I have funeral homes calling me up hounding me for thousands of dollars. I'm dead broke at the time.

 

I probably could have made some kind of small claims effort based on verbal promises and the check signature, or gotten everyone in the family to call him up and hound him for the money he promised (in fact some did this to no avail).

 

That would have been a poor choice. Who knows if I would have gotten the money, and I certainly would have had more anguish piled on top of anguish.

 

So instead I just never talked to the ******* again, and borrowed the money from my boss. At the time I was well past the verge of tears and embarrassed to have to be so vulnerable, so needy. But I paid the money back in full a year later, and to this day my old boss is like my family. I haven't spoken since to my uncle.

 

So Shadowplay, find someone else who can help you, or take a second job for a few months or something. And just never talk to that ******* again. I really feel you will be better off for it. The debate in this thread is just squabbling over dollars and legalities. You should do what's best for your life, not your wallet.

Edited August 24, 2010 by WintersNightTraveler

[meerkat stew]

OP says she is on the verge of tears about not getting the money back. The title of the thread is "Ex owes me 1000 dollars." My contributions to this thread are based on that alone. I have no way of assessing OP's exact emotional state nor do you.

 

Will wager that if she did recover the money, though, she would feel better about the whole situation than she does now.

 

OT, in your shoes, I'd have gone after the uncle with everything I had, but not condemning you for not doing so. This thread is about choices and advice, I certainly don't bear any animus towards those who think she should drop it, they make good points. I think I make good points also.