Ex owes me 1000 dollars

[Lorelai]

I'm not suggesting one bury anger at all. I'm suggesting actively work through it and let it go. Getting all, "Why? Why? Why?" about things just keeps you angry.

 

But I don't think it takes that long to deal with most anger caused by most break-ups, nor do I think reveling in it is healthy either. In your case, there are a bunch of other issues listed here that have occupied your energy. I understand that.

 

You're right on that, for sure -- asking "Why?" is pointless. It happened. It sucked. It still sucks sometimes, especially when I'm looking at my paycheck where the deduction for my 401k loan comes out. But yeah, once I was able to actually deal with things beyond putting one foot in front of the other, I still had to process it. Hammering pennies really does help, especially with creative visualization.

 

Break-ups suck. When people hurt us, we get angry. I think most people hold onto anger far longer than necessary and think either they're learning something or they're hurting somebody else, but anger is poison and the life it poisons is usually the angry person, not the person who's caused the anger. Best to work through it best and fast as you can.

 

I think most anger people feel is magnified. I don't think people have to get as angry as they get. I don't know. . . I think resentment is just caused by a lack of acceptance of how things are. Which is pretty much what causes most unhappiness in the world.

What I resent (the rational part, at least) is that he felt he had to handle things the way he did. I don't want to go into the whole thing, but basically he was dishonest when he didn't have to be. But those feelings only come up when I'm reminded of things, and not always even then -- I took it as a sign of healing when I realized I had driven past his place of employment without even thinking about the fact he worked there until several blocks later. For a long time I'd deliberately altered my driving patterns to avoid it... difficult in a small town when they work on a thoroughfare.

 

One thing I can say, though, is that torturing yourself looking at Facebook or other networking sites is simply that.... torture. There are enough daily reminders of the fact things suck after a breakup -- no need to add more to it. It doesn't help at all in actually getting over it.

 

Even if they owe you money.

 

If the OP is going to try small claims court, that's what they need to do, IMHO.... let all future correspondence be in the form of legal papers. Otherwise.... there's no need wasting energy on a person who obviously is not man enough to pay what he said he would pay. Put that energy to some other use, like maybe taking a tax preparer's course so you can make enough money in the spring to pay off the debts.

[zengirl]

You're right on that, for sure -- asking "Why?" is pointless. It happened. It sucked. It still sucks sometimes, especially when I'm looking at my paycheck where the deduction for my 401k loan comes out. But yeah, once I was able to actually deal with things beyond putting one foot in front of the other, I still had to process it. Hammering pennies really does help, especially with creative visualization.

 

Hammering pennies sounds just find to me. Active things are usually best (at least this is what I find) as they get us out of our minds and our egos. Our bodies are extremely helpful. So is movement. The first time I ever really remember experiencing happiness, it was through dance. So this might just be me, but many other people throughout time have observed the phenomenon.

 

What I resent (the rational part, at least) is that he felt he had to handle things the way he did. I don't want to go into the whole thing, but basically he was dishonest when he didn't have to be. But those feelings only come up when I'm reminded of things, and not always even then -- I took it as a sign of healing when I realized I had driven past his place of employment without even thinking about the fact he worked there until several blocks later. For a long time I'd deliberately altered my driving patterns to avoid it... difficult in a small town when they work on a thoroughfare.

 

Of course I understand this as human nature. You're right not to list what he did, as it's irrelevant. I'm sure you have your reasons for judging him, and judgment itself is not resentment --- someday you will hopefully have the judgment without the negative feelings that could harm you. The judgment is, of course, crucial to making a better life later! At least I think so.

 

It sounds like you are actively trying to diminish and work through your anger. Not a circumstance my words were intended for. I understand that everything takes practice and some people happen to be luckier than others at being introduced to healthy habits earlier, or at a more beneficial time, or having natural talents or a set of circumstances that helped them. My point was that everyone can practice releasing anger. And some of the things shadow is doing happen to seem like precisely the opposite. I don't really say this to judge, so much as to question. If she feels she is releasing anger by doing what she does, then go about it, and see if it works.

 

One thing I can say, though, is that torturing yourself looking at Facebook or other networking sites is simply that.... torture. There are enough daily reminders of the fact things suck after a breakup -- no need to add more to it. It doesn't help at all in actually getting over it.

 

Yes, this is more what I mean in this case.

[Lorelai]

 

Yes, this is more what I mean in this case.

 

And I really wasn't trying to hijack the OP's thread, but more to share an experience since it sounds like things were at least somewhat similar in the owing of money department, and how I'd gotten past it. There are times when I could really use the money he still owes me. But I weighed the effort it would take to actually get him to pay up vs the sheer amount of hell it put me through to have to deal with him enough to nag him into paying.... and decided it wasn't worth it. I found ways to make ends meet. And I think the OP will too.

 

And even if a nasty entry ends up on her credit report.... it'll only be there seven years, sometimes less if you seriously investigate credit repair and put the effort into it. Most negative entries are inaccurate in one way or another, and most collection agencies operate on the bare edge of the law. If you know the laws well enough, you can even get some debts forgiven in exchange for not suing them for their violations of it. (A violation of the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act is worth $1000 statutory damages -- some states have stricter laws than the federal ones.)

 

Mental health is worth more than any amount of money.... and trying to make someone who won't own up to their responsibilities pay what they owe is often an exercise in crazy-making. I feel her anger and her stress.... but in my case I decided the money simply wasn't worth the hassle.

[shadowplay]

Because everything Jilly said on the 1st/2nd page is completely accurate. I'm amazed how LS sometimes will enable insane behavior in the spirit of being a supportive community.

 

She's stalking him. There's no 2 ways about it.

 

Shadow, you really do seem like a nice person and don't deserve to be stiffed. But you need to TONE DOWN THE CRAZY. Stop trying to contact him. Dont send his parents letters, dont wait for him outside of a building, dont contact his work. Just stop. Because even now I'm sure you're searching for alternate names he's under on facebook. Place your claim, and be done with it.

 

WTF. I haven't stalked him. I sent him two emails. I never tried to approach him in person. I thought about it briefly, but decided not to. I tried to look at his facebook account. So the f what? A lot of people do that with exes. I don't think that's a big deal.

[shadowplay]

Your making this personal when it shouldn't be anymore shadow and that could also hurt your chances in court ide think. Think about it all he has to say is your stalking him and there goes your creditability. You need to take a step back calm down stop trying to contact him or his acquaintances either directly or indirectly.

 

Use that time to get your duckies in a row and get ready to settle this in more professional way looking at his fb or his okc isent going to get your money back is it? Unless this isent really about the money in the 1st place but just a attempt to keep a dirt bag in your life?

 

Ugh...I wasn't. I wasn't trying to contact him. I noticed that his friend disappeared from my friend list. And then I saw he had disabled his profile.

[shadowplay]

Seriously, Star? Even though she has something in writing in which he agreed to split the costs?

 

 

 

Well, chances are they both still have accounts, but changed their names so that you wouldn't be able to find them so easily.

 

I don't think he thinks you're dangerous, but you have to admit this part is pretty funny.

 

I mean, you keep saying how crazy it is that he must think YOU'RE crazy, yet you keep posting about how your cyber-stalking of him keeps hitting road blocks, which only proves he was right to go underground, as he knew you would continue to stalk a bit.

 

Personally, I'd be rather concerned that my previous actions would cause someone to go to such lengths to avoid me. That's another takeaway from this.

 

Agreed he's a massive douche, though. Screwing you on the money is totally uncool.

 

I called him once (when he first cut off contact and I discovered his number was gone), and sent him two emails about the money. I hardly thinks that constitutes as stalking. I noticed his roommate dropped from my friend list, and I found out from there that both had disabled their accounts. I had no intention of contacting either at this point.

 

And nothing I did precipitated his craziness. It was entirely out of the blue and over the top.

[zengirl]

WTF. I haven't stalked him. I sent him two emails. I never tried to approach him in person. I thought about it briefly, but decided not to. I tried to look at his facebook account. So the f what? A lot of people do that with exes. I don't think that's a big deal.

 

Here is a very simple question:

 

Is it making you more happy or more unhappy to do these things?

 

It's not really about what anyone else does, or anyone else's judgments (not his, not mine, not any other poster, not his friend, not your friends, not ANYONE). It's about your personal happiness --- but your long-term happiness (it's like health; we make bad judgments in the moment, like eating junk, sometimes, but they don't make us healthier or happier long-run, usually). Pretend for a moment that is all that matters in the universe. Are these good actions to take?

 

(This is not to say don't take direct, clear action to get the money back, but accept that it may not happen.)

[Lorelai]

WTF. I haven't stalked him. I sent him two emails. I never tried to approach him in person. I thought about it briefly, but decided not to. I tried to look at his facebook account. So the f what? A lot of people do that with exes. I don't think that's a big deal.

 

Looking at publicly available information on the Internet, to me, doesn't count as stalking.

 

But it is crazy-making, because it's tough enough dealing with a breakup when you wake up every day alone -- no need to torture yourself with seeing what they're up to. (Unless you hear through the grapevine that they're going through a rough patch, then it can be a bit satisfying.... heh. Yes, I'm evil.)

 

Honestly, to me it sounds like he isn't going to pay unless forced to legally. You can try guilt or nagging, and that might get you a bit of money out of him, but is the $25 or $50 he might cough up really worth the effort? If it is.... do it, I understand -- the reason I nagged my ex until after Dad's funeral was that the little bit he did pay when I nagged was what was putting gas in my car.

 

But I do have to say I've been happier, if poorer, since I basically told him that if he was a man he would pay up, and gave up.

[shadowplay]

Hammering pennies sounds just find to me. Active things are usually best (at least this is what I find) as they get us out of our minds and our egos. Our bodies are extremely helpful. So is movement. The first time I ever really remember experiencing happiness, it was through dance. So this might just be me, but many other people throughout time have observed the phenomenon.

 

 

 

Of course I understand this as human nature. You're right not to list what he did, as it's irrelevant. I'm sure you have your reasons for judging him, and judgment itself is not resentment --- someday you will hopefully have the judgment without the negative feelings that could harm you. The judgment is, of course, crucial to making a better life later! At least I think so.

 

It sounds like you are actively trying to diminish and work through your anger. Not a circumstance my words were intended for. I understand that everything takes practice and some people happen to be luckier than others at being introduced to healthy habits earlier, or at a more beneficial time, or having natural talents or a set of circumstances that helped them. My point was that everyone can practice releasing anger. And some of the things shadow is doing happen to seem like precisely the opposite. I don't really say this to judge, so much as to question. If she feels she is releasing anger by doing what she does, then go about it, and see if it works.

 

 

 

Yes, this is more what I mean in this case.

 

I had a small epiphany the other day when he first cut off contact with me. This was before I realized he wasn't going to pay me back, so the epiphany got buried in anger and distraction. The epiphany was that I can choose not to care.

 

I realized that often when somebody mistreats me I choose to revel in anger or hurt. It's like a habitual thing, where I almost feel that I should be angry, I need to. It's like turning on a tape and letting it play.

 

I suddenly realized that there's an alternate path. I can just decide I'm not going to turn on that tape.

 

I keep reminding myself of this whenever I start to diverge in the wrong direction.

[shadowplay]

Here is a very simple question:

 

Is it making you more happy or more unhappy to do these things?

 

It's not really about what anyone else does, or anyone else's judgments (not his, not mine, not any other poster, not his friend, not your friends, not ANYONE). It's about your personal happiness --- but your long-term happiness (it's like health; we make bad judgments in the moment, like eating junk, sometimes, but they don't make us healthier or happier long-run, usually). Pretend for a moment that is all that matters in the universe. Are these good actions to take?

 

(This is not to say don't take direct, clear action to get the money back, but accept that it may not happen.)

 

No, I agree it's unhealthy. And I won't do it again.

 

I was just offended that people were accusing me of stalking, but I guess you're right that their judgment doesn't mean much.

[Jilly Bean]

Yeah, but Shadow, c'mon. Be honest with yourself.

 

He told you to leave him alone, and never contact him again.

 

So, you immediately call him, send him emails, check out his FB and OKC accounts, and contemplate blitzing him outside work. Then you're even more upset that all of these things have been disabled, so that he could protect himself from you contacting him.

 

But, you don't somehow see the irony in this?

 

He knows you very well, apparently. That once he told you it was over, you would try to make contact in a variety of ways. He clearly was so concerned that he went underground to make himself invisible so you couldn't contact him.

 

Wouldn't surprise me if he's left his job. lol

 

And your prior behavior did precipitate his reactions, Shadow. Even if you choose to remember things as him being an active participant in your post-breakup friendship, the lengths he has gone to to ensure you can't contact him proves otherwise. You see it as excessive, but he sees it as purely necessary. This shows a serious disconnect between how you see yourself and your actions, and how others perceive them.

 

Pay attention to that. I'd be highly concerned if someone went to that extent to avoid me.

 

I'd still file in court. As I said earlier, many people will settle in advance, just to avoid the hassle.

[zengirl]

No, I agree it's unhealthy. And I won't do it again.

 

I was just offended that people were accusing me of stalking, but I guess you're right that their judgment doesn't mean much.

 

Good. And you worry way too much what other people think about you. Really, it doesn't matter that much. Before I consider whether or not I care, even in the slightest, what somebody thinks, I always consider what I think of them. If I don't think much of them -- like they're a scumbag ex who left me under murky circumstances and owes me money -- then their opinion is completely irrelevant.

[shadowplay]

Yeah, but Shadow, c'mon. Be honest with yourself.

 

He told you to leave him alone, and never contact him again.

 

So, you immediately call him, send him emails, check out his FB and OKC accounts, and contemplate blitzing him outside work. Then you're even more upset that all of these things have been disabled, so that he could protect himself from you contacting him.

 

But, you don't somehow see the irony in this?

 

He knows you very well, apparently. That once he told you it was over, you would try to make contact in a variety of ways. He clearly was so concerned that he went underground to make himself invisible so you couldn't contact him.

 

Wouldn't surprise me if he's left his job. lol

 

And your prior behavior did precipitate his reactions, Shadow. Even if you choose to remember things as him being an active participant in your post-breakup friendship, the lengths he has gone to to ensure you can't contact him proves otherwise. You see it as excessive, but he sees it as purely necessary. This shows a serious disconnect between how you see yourself and your actions, and how others perceive them.

 

Pay attention to that. I'd be highly concerned if someone went to that extent to avoid me.

 

I'd still file in court. As I said earlier, many people will settle in advance, just to avoid the hassle.

 

the truth is a lot more complicated than that.

 

He was a very active participant in our friendship, and he sent me a lot of confusing/mixed messages. It's true that immediately following the breakup he wanted us to not contact each other for a bit, but he always said that it was a temporary thing and he wanted to be friendly after that point.

 

A few weeks after the breakup he said to me: "shadow, can we please be friends." I was reluctant, and he knew it, but agreed. At one point I considered ending contact with him and he told me he couldn't be my friend if I was going to ever do that. And he had to know that he could trust me as a friend not to break contact with him out of the blue. Pretty ironic in retrospect.

 

When we were on im he was always the one to contact me first. He constantly invited me to do things. He came to my place and brought me a birthday gift a couple of days before he changed his number. He took me out to eat on my birthday, and said it was one of the best days he'd had in a long time. The day before he changed his number we had a really nice hike that ended with him asking me for a hug. He constantly volunteered that he loved me or loved me "so much." This included the last day we saw each other.

 

I could go on and on.

 

The point is this really was totally unprovoked. His behavior doesn't tell me that others' perceptions of me are different from my own. It tells me his are, because he's cracked, and a coward. The inconsistency in his behavior, and the fact that he isn't paying me back, shows me how psychologically unsound he is, and as Zengirl pointed out the perception of somebody like that doesn't mean much.

 

I don't know what you're trying to accomplish with your posts, since they're just making me feel worse, and they are starting to seem like kicking someone when they're down. Also, you don't know the details of what went on in our friendship, as I haven't shared many of them on here.

Edited August 20, 2010 by shadowplay

[Jilly Bean]

Yes, but Shadow, you're trying to blame him for flaking and going MIA, when you already knew he was a dick.

 

After the breakup, you should have been 100% NC at that point. Period, end of story.

 

You were fully entitled to every sympathy in the world when he broke it off so suddenly. But, everything that came after that, including this final ending, is on you, I'm afraid. He showed you who he was, and what he was capable of, so in reality, none of this is surprising, you know? And even you can't be shocked he has behaved this way, really.

 

If you're "feeling down" after this, it's because you're mad at yourself for re-engaging with him at all.

 

I don't disagree that he's a coward, but you have to admit he's gone to some pretty involved lengths to keep you from reaching him, and that is because he knew you would try a variety of sources, which you have. So yes, it appears he was justified in being so over the top, because you did try to contact him through many avenues. You think he's crazy for doing this, yet he thought you'd be crazy enough to try to reach him all these ways, and he was right.

 

I hope you realize that when someone treats you like he did with the initial breakup, that you continue on with NC. This should be a non-negotiable for you, going forward. I dont think anyone advised you to enter into a friendship with him, and numerous times you said that you were mad at yourself for getting reinvolved with him, when he would act up.

 

The real questions you should be asking isn't why he did this. But why you were still allowing him in your life, when you know it was pretty certain he would hurt you again.

 

You have to take responsibility for your actions for everything that happened after the breakup. Yes, people will be cruel and heartless. But, when we know this, we cut them out of our lives, rather than keeping them around, you know?

 

Figure out why you would keep this turd around, what you were getting out of it, and how you would handle it differently in the future.

 

And file in small claims court.

[shadowplay]

Yes, but Shadow, you're trying to blame him for flaking and going MIA, when you already knew he was a dick.

 

After the breakup, you should have been 100% NC at that point. Period, end of story.

 

You were fully entitled to every sympathy in the world when he broke it off so suddenly. But, everything that came after that, including this final ending, is on you, I'm afraid. He showed you who he was, and what he was capable of, so in reality, none of this is surprising, you know? And even you can't be shocked he has behaved this way, really.

 

If you're "feeling down" after this, it's because you're mad at yourself for re-engaging with him at all.

 

I don't disagree that he's a coward, but you have to admit he's gone to some pretty involved lengths to keep you from reaching him, and that is because he knew you would try a variety of sources, which you have. So yes, it appears he was justified in being so over the top, because you did try to contact him through many avenues. You think he's crazy for doing this, yet he thought you'd be crazy enough to try to reach him all these ways, and he was right.

 

I hope you realize that when someone treats you like he did with the initial breakup, that you continue on with NC. This should be a non-negotiable for you, going forward. I dont think anyone advised you to enter into a friendship with him, and numerous times you said that you were mad at yourself for getting reinvolved with him, when he would act up.

 

The real questions you should be asking isn't why he did this. But why you were still allowing him in your life, when you know it was pretty certain he would hurt you again.

 

You have to take responsibility for your actions for everything that happened after the breakup. Yes, people will be cruel and heartless. But, when we know this, we cut them out of our lives, rather than keeping them around, you know?

 

Figure out why you would keep this turd around, what you were getting out of it, and how you would handle it differently in the future.

 

And file in small claims court.

 

I agree with you that my major mistake was keeping him in my life after the breakup, and that is something I deeply regret.

 

But as for contacting him. I only tried to do that once about something other than the money, when I called him after he sent me that text. I think sending him those two emails about the money was totally legit. It's not true that I tried to contact him through multiple avenues. I had NO intention of contacting him when I looked to see if he had disabled his account. It was curiosity to see how far he had gone, when I realized his friend had dropped off my list. Yeah, it was a waste of mental energy, but I think it's understandable even if unhealthy. It was the first time since I deleted him as a friend after the breakup, that I even looked at his facebook. I'm not going to spend time doing stuff like that again, though.

 

I also think he's going to these lengths because he doesn't want to pay me back, and he wants to make sure I can't reach him about it.

 

I think I'm going to give him until the first week of Sept. to pay me back before I file the claim. That's when he was supposed to, and I'm still hoping he'll find a way of giving it to me.

[Jilly Bean]

Yes, I guess I keep hammering on you on this, so that you do take responsibility for keeping him in your life. If you didn't, then this kind of thing would be ripe to reoccur. I'm hopeful if someone does you dirty in the future, you won't give them a chance to repeat it.

 

Well, if you think he is doing all of this to avoid paying you the money, then why wait to file?

 

You don't owe him the courtesy of time to get his finances in order, Shadow, even if you had a loose agreement for him to pay in September. He pretty much just changed the rules of engagement, and I would file TODAY.

[Star Gazer]

Sorry, but the above is incorrect:

 

1. The decision to have the abortion itself is not the only possible form of consideration here. Just one example would be BF's agreeing to pay half in exchange for OP's forebearance in asking her parents or his parents for the money. Could come up with several other prospective sources of consideration, but won't because:

 

BUT no such example exists here. This isn't a law school exam where you argue potential sources of consideration. It just doesn't exist. He offered to pay, without any consideration of any form. That's an illusory promise, and you know it.

 

2. Magistrate (small claims) courts generally have broad equitable powers, in other words, you needn't have a technically legal case to recover, especially in cases such as OP's. This is why the television court shows are even possible, the judge can play Solomon and decide who's right and set a remedy without formality despite the unavailability of a legal remedy. In a case such as OP's, equitable theories such as promissory estoppel or unjust enrichment might have to be stretched a bit, but if there is a type of case where a small claims court will stretch for a remedy, OP's case is it.

 

Not stretched a bit, changed entirely. Sorry, but you're 1000000% wrong given the facts here.

 

That said, if Shadow were to file a small claims lawsuit, she'd have a PUBLIC RECORD that she went after him to recoup money for an ABORTION SHE RECEIVED.

 

Would that be a smart thing to do? Sure, she had plead it as a "medical procedure" that he agreed to pay for, but it's not hard to put two-and-two togethe. To have that be a matter of public record? I know I sure as sh*t would never want that out in the public...

[Star Gazer]

As for the FB thing, I doubt he actually removed his profile so much as (1) hid it from public search, and (2) blocked Shadow specifically from seeing him.

 

I've done this with several people, who all now think I no longer have a FB, when I in fact do.

[meerkat stew]

BUT no such example exists here.

 

Are you sure OP's summary in this thread contains all the pertinent facts? We both know it likely doesn't, and imagine there is plenty of consideration reflected in the totality of the facts. Ironic you mention law school exams, as it is in exams, not real world practice, where consideration is strictly construed with respect to small claims cases such as OP's.

 

Small claims courts love to impute or find implied consideration in disputes between unsophisticated, non-business entity parties in cases where contract theories are being applied to promises to pay, am surprised you are even continuing to argue this.

 

There are other theories I left unexplored because they weren't dealt with in your orginal reply such as a very likely outcome (IMO) of the judge treating BF's oral promise to pay and any supporting communications as evidence of a liquidated debt, not a contract, obviating the need for contract or equitable analysis altogether.

 

He offered to pay, without any consideration of any form. That's an illusory promise, and you know it.

 

I don't know this and neither do you. I hope you don't apply that kind of conclusory analysis to your clients' matters.

 

Not stretched a bit, changed entirely. Sorry, but you're 1000000% wrong given the facts here.

 

How wrong is that exactly? One million percent? Am not going to explore the finer points of promissory estoppel or unjust enrichment here, but suffice to say if OP changed position even a little in reliance on BF's promise, her case for equitable relief is likely made given the subject matter and venue, same with unjust enrichment.

 

As far as abortions and public records go, this isn't the sixties (1860s), and no one is going to stamp a scarlet letter on OP merely for having an abortion. But if this is in fact a concern of OP's, it's possible for civil court records to be sealed on motion in many cases depending on applicable statutes, rules and the judge's discretion.

 

In order of my estimate of the particular theory's likelihood of prevailing:

 

1. State statute or municipal ordinance dealing specifically with abortion (if such exists, no idea if they do but wouldn't be surprised if they do in some jurisdictions) These are listed first as they would have presumably lower or shifted burdens associated with making a case.

 

2. Simple liquidated debt

 

3. Breach of contract

 

4. Equitable theories of promissory estoppel and unjust enrichment (quasi contract)

 

All should be pled in the alternative. Bet there are even more I haven't thought of.

 

The analysis most certainly does not begin or especially end with a conclusory pronouncement that BF's promise to pay is illusory consideration.

Edited August 20, 2010 by meerkat stew

[zengirl]

That said, if Shadow were to file a small claims lawsuit, she'd have a PUBLIC RECORD that she went after him to recoup money for an ABORTION SHE RECEIVED.

 

Would that be a smart thing to do? Sure, she had plead it as a "medical procedure" that he agreed to pay for, but it's not hard to put two-and-two togethe. To have that be a matter of public record? I know I sure as sh*t would never want that out in the public...

 

While, I think you're likely right on the legal stuff, though really, it could go either way. (A case in action is not its legal merits.) This is the bigger issue.

 

Honestly, I am pro-choice, and I think there shouldn't be any stigma for having an abortion in this day and age, but we cannot deny that there is one in many parts of society. Before you file shadow: Think about all the things you might possibly want to do with your life, and then from a broader picture, think if having this on public record could ever cause a problem for you. Not if it should, but if it could.

 

Then, think if scrambling for the money now and finding a way to work it out -- maybe even having your credit take a hit, though likely there's a way around that -- is really more difficult than the difficulty that could come later. It's all about self-interest and what's best for you. Getting something just because someone owes it to you -- if it will be at great personal cost in some other way -- isn't worth it.

[shadowplay]

So, I was walking with my friend downtown today, and guess who passes us on the sidewalk with his mother? Yep. I looked straight at him, didn't say anything, and when he saw me he literally hid behind a small group of people walking in front of him. Maybe I should have said something, but I decided it wasn't worth it. What a pussy.

[Pink Cupcakes]

That was the opportune moment, to confront him about the debt in front of his mom, making sure that it was mentioned that it was for a "medical procedure."

Of course, he could always claim to his mother later that you're a nutcase and you made it up to humiliate him.

THIS guy is the nutcase!

[shadowplay]

^I don't know. I feel like I want to extricate myself from the drama. I didn't want to cause a scene, particularly with my friend right there. I could care less about what his mother thinks, though. It would have just riled me up and led nowhere.

 

I'll admit I'm getting a tiny sadistic thrill out of imagining him cowering in a corner in his house, blinds shut, door locked, afraid to step outside lest he run into me again. I bet it's not too far from the truth knowing how he is.

[meerkat stew]

If you want to get your money, don't waste time. Every day that passes means it is less likely you will eventually recover. Stop fantasizing about him bin ladening in a cave somewhere, didn't do us a whole lot of good as a country now did it?

 

Have been thinking about this, and in light of the new information about him ducking and hiding, the first thing I'd do in your shoes is call his parents directly and tell them you haven't involved your parents, the community at large or the courts yet, but that you are very serious about his promise to pay half of the abortion expenses, and ask them directly if they intend to see that their son meets his obligation.

[shadowplay]

If you want to get your money, don't waste time. Every day that passes means it is less likely you will eventually recover. Stop fantasizing about him bin ladening in a cave somewhere, didn't do us a whole lot of good as a country now did it?

 

Have been thinking about this, and in light of the new information about him ducking and hiding, the first thing I'd do in your shoes is call his parents directly and tell them you haven't involved your parents, the community at large or the courts yet, but that you are very serious about his promise to pay half of the abortion expenses, and ask them directly if they intend to see that their son meets his obligation.

 

I'm very hesistant to do anything at this point that could be construed as harassment. Knowing my ex, he would probably try to file a restraining order if I contacted his parents, and I don't need that on my record. Actually, I'd be surprised if he hasn't looked into it already.