lilbunny Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Myself and my ex bf saw a psychologist, and every time the doctor saw me alone, he made a point to always bring up the fact that my bf (at the time) would NEVER change, that he didn't want to change (he stressed that anyone can change, if they truly had the desire)... and that I needed to leave him... so the majority of our one-on-one sessions were consumed with him telling me to get out of the relationship. My ex was also physically abusive and is 40 years old, we just broke up last month. I have known him for almost 20 years. I had heard rumors in the past that he was abusive, but what I lived with was far worse than the rumors I had heard about him. From personal experience, I'd have to say their research may have been... 'tainted'? The phsychologist told me that he saw many couples in similar scenario's regularly and he tells them to just get out, run far away. Most stay and try to work on it... but there is nothing to work on because you will always lose and it always gets worse. Said he often got phone calls from people later on thanking him after they do finally break up. I felt like making that call myself after I left, he was right, it only got worse. Silly me. They will drive you around in circles and make you uber dizzy... when you start figuring out their patterns, you try to point out that things are going to get bad... they ignore you, and lo and behold, right when you predicted it..... another 'episode'. thrownaway I am deeply concerned about the professional practice of the psychologist involved and would always suggest a psychiatric referral to assess medication (a psychologist is not a doctor, they can't issue a prescription) and for some patients mood stabilisers and/or anti-depressants are a very successful solution when combined with group and individual therapy. I agree that this is a particular area of mental health that is not easy to treat and it can be difficult for those around them to deal with. You have clearly been in a very negative situation and I hope that you will consider dealing with these issues. I am very sorry you have struggled through this. From what you have posted I am not convinced you were given any appropriate tools to aid your efforts to support a loved one and to look after your own wellbeing. As I have said before this is an illness, it is not chosen, behaviour is not always within the bounds of control, I hope that offers you some comfort. Negative responses to treatment are a part of the underlying condition and a huge barrier to progress. No, not all patients make a full recovery, but to anyone reading this who feels they may suffer from the condition or has been diagnosed, please be assured there is hope and stay with your treatment programme.
Author tell-me-more Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 OK, i'm backtracking on this BPD claim. Maybe she's misunderstood! But why is she texting me? She texted me from a cafe we used to frequent and said that the place doesn't seem the same without me there. And she added that she thinks of me often and always will. Now, I'm not the brightest guy on the planet but if she was happy with her current r'ship she wouldn't send those kind of texts. Put it this way, if I was happy with someone I wouldn't be pinging texts like that to an ex. I'm ready to draw a line under the whole business and move on so I won't reply to her texts. But it isn't easy as I do have feelings for her. I hope everyone understands that part!
Simon Attwood Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 (edited) OK, i'm backtracking on this BPD claim. There is no doubt that this woman has some emotional and behavioural dysfunction. The thing about diagnosis (as per DSM IV, etc) is that it draws a line which isn't actually there. There is no defined line between someone that has a personality disorder and "a normal person". The DSM criteria is to some extent a false/forced criteria. Emotional dysfunction and the more serious catagories of personlaity disorders have all got connections to the HPA Axis and the balance and regulation of the neurotransmitters, dopamine, serotonin and most importantly cortisol. There is a new term coined; cortisol dysfunction. Cortisol dysfunction describes an inability to regulate or manage the bodies cortisol release. Cortisol balance (or lack of it) has been shown to be involved in impulsiveness, mood swings, people more prone to violent behaviour, irrational and erratic behaviour. Our ability to regulate our emotions has clear connections with our ability to regulate cortisol. And before Art jumps in, James Paul Shirley, co author of the "Walking on Eggshells, workbook" is a good friend of mine and we have had long discussions about the taxonomies of personality disorders. The woman described above shows mild signs of behaviours attributed to borderline personality disorder, maybe not enough to be diagnosed as full on BPD, but there are certainly some traits associated with the classification. This could be in her behaviour, or in a slightly biased interpretation of her behaviour, it's difficult to tell without a first hand meeting. Any relationship with this woman will involve constant conflicts. Definitely a walking timebomb and would only be (partly) diffused by some very good therapy. Edited September 3, 2010 by Simon Attwood
torranceshipman Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I've been thinking about a relationship I had almost 10 years ago and I break out in a cold sweat even now..... It was a 3 month r'ship which was a disaster from start to finish and I eventually ran for the hills. I'd stop short of saying she was a psycho but she was hard going. I'm going to "list" all the key red flags and you can tell me if she's a walking time bomb. And let me be claer in saying that I'm far from perfect myself!! 1 Her father beat hell out her mother and left when she was 2 years old 2 She didn't meet him again till she was 22. No other male was in the mother's life. 3 She was in an abusive r'ship all her teenage years. 4 She's now in her 40's and has had many many boyfriends 5 Has 2 kids to 2 fathers 6 Never married but twice engaged but not to the fathers of her kids 7 Has been pregnant to two other guys ( plus trying with one other ) 8 On our first date, she told me how her son was conceived ) Seriously! 9 No real internal filter re personal sex details 10 Very mannerly one minute then swears like a sailor the next 11 Very cold with some people and loved up with others 12 Neurotic about her body ( she was a stunner ) 13 A sexual goddess. No sexual barriers whatsoever 14 Very anal sex play. Every intimate encounter involved her butt. 15 In the last 10 years she's had 12 relationships with 9 guys ( 3 guys twice, including me! ) 16 We hooked up earlier this year but dropped me for someone else I could go on but that'll do for the moment. She could be lovely company but then again she could be truly awful Needless to say, I never intrduced her to my family! So, what do you think. Misunderstood or was I right that she has BPD? And despite all that you STILL dated her again!?! Maybe YOU have BPD, lol. Why would you go there?! Points 12-14 I'm guessing, lol There is no point trying to understand whack jobs. Just accept they were a whack job and stop thinking about them immediately! And honestly, don't get hung up on trying to diagnose someone. Sometimes someone is just a shmuck, and that is the simple truth.
torranceshipman Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 OK, i'm backtracking on this BPD claim. Maybe she's misunderstood! But why is she texting me? She texted me from a cafe we used to frequent and said that the place doesn't seem the same without me there. And she added that she thinks of me often and always will. Now, I'm not the brightest guy on the planet but if she was happy with her current r'ship she wouldn't send those kind of texts. Put it this way, if I was happy with someone I wouldn't be pinging texts like that to an ex. I'm ready to draw a line under the whole business and move on so I won't reply to her texts. But it isn't easy as I do have feelings for her. I hope everyone understands that part! Oh man just move on, she is a classic drama queen, she just loves people like you running around after her. She will always love the drama. She is playing you. Avoid, avoid, avoid!
EasyHeart Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 OK, i'm backtracking on this BPD claim. Maybe she's misunderstood! But why is she texting me? She texted me from a cafe we used to frequent and said that the place doesn't seem the same without me there. And she added that she thinks of me often and always will. Now, I'm not the brightest guy on the planet but if she was happy with her current r'ship she wouldn't send those kind of texts. Put it this way, if I was happy with someone I wouldn't be pinging texts like that to an ex. I'm ready to draw a line under the whole business and move on so I won't reply to her texts. But it isn't easy as I do have feelings for her. I hope everyone understands that part!She is terrified of being alone. Most of us enjoy a little alone time, but BPDs are terrified of it. By contacting you, it helps alleviate some of that fear of being alone. It has nothing to do with her current BF or how 'happy' she is with him. She literally can never get enough male attention. And if you were her boyfriend, guess what? She would be texting/calling/emailing other men to get her attention-fix. No matter how good you were to her or how much time you spent with her, it would never be enough. She would be constantly seeking out more male attention and (in her mind) feel completely justified in doing so.
Author tell-me-more Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 Lordy Easy Heart....do you know her! And that's why Im steering clear of the texts... every chance that this new guy isn't up to much so she's just keeping in touch to see if I'll take the bait. I'll leave her alone for a while and see if she gets in touch. And she will.....could bet my house on it
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