ItBurns Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 (edited) Hey guys. Stumbled upon this awesome forum after searching for clues on female behavior. Heres my scenario: I got a message on FaceBook from a co-worker who i had only rarely spoken with; asking me out for a drink (I'm Male, and it's a She). Quite suprised by the invitation (i don't get asked out a whole lot); i of course agreed. We chatted and texted each other like crazy for about three days before our date. She actually annoyed me at one stage with how much she was texting me. Few days later we head to the local for a few quiet drinks and a bit of a 'get to know you' session. We seem to hit it off and have heaps of eye contact all night. The 'date' went for about 5hrs of just talking; with some minor foot play under the table. Walked her to her car and shared an awesome kiss; before I said good night and she went home. She sent me another text while driving, saying how much of a good time she had with me and cant wait for the next outing. Understandably, I'm pretty happy and I head home myself. The next day we chat a bit via txt and everything seems cool. I asked her out for a second date - this time to dinner. I got a 'maybe - will let you know' reply and well, never did. At this point i figured maybe it was too big a step - maybe we should do lunch instead. Again - avoided the invitation. I basically stopped talking to her at this point, as I figured she wasn't actually into me. Then i get messages asking 'why are you so reserved lately?', 'are you mad at me?' etc. I told her that I know I can appear a bit needy sometimes (i rush into relationships a lot) and was just giving her space. She said she knows i like her, she likes me and wants to take it slowly. I totally understand that - but why am I getting SO frustrated when she doesn't appear to want to see each other - or take so long getting back to me? On one hand she says she likes me and enjoys being with me; but on the other hand she avoids invitations. When I like someone, they're on my mind all day and I enjoy talking to them as much as possible. She appears to rarely even think of me. Am I justified in going with my gut and thinking she just isn't into me? Or is she playing hard to get? Edited August 17, 2010 by ItBurns
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 I doubt she wants you to "take it slowly." My guess is she likes the attention, wants to feel like you are kind of out of control for her, and was dissapointed you weren't more physically aggressive on date 1. She may or may not have turned you down if you were more aggressive, but wanted the opportunity to decide and feel desired. But there are a bunch of possibilities, in all of them though the whole quickly bouncing from hot to cold thing is a red flag. Really I think you need to get a handle on your own issues (you mentioned neediness) for something like this to get above the whole games playing thing (which is what's happening on both sides).
Fire Salamander Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 I used to be the same way. Now I just let them contact me after the first date. That way you won't be in an ambiguous situation, where you're questioning her interest level. Anytime a girl says, "Maybe we'll see," I automatically next her. I know she isn't interested. I'm not going to waste my time. Next time a girl asks you why are you so reserved, are you mad at me? You shouldn't respond, let her stew for a few days. She knows what the deal is, let her know you're not some chump. Also don't ever admit to being needy or that you were giving her space. You need to give off the notion that you were busy with your life, possibly with other girls. Don't think of these as games either but... the best course of action in order to achieve the result you want in life.
Author ItBurns Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 Ok cool thanks for the replies. Basically I decided this morning that I'm not going to initiate the conversations from this point forward. If she is still interested, I figure she will make contact.
Fire Salamander Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Ok cool thanks for the replies. Basically I decided this morning that I'm not going to initiate the conversations from this point forward. If she is still interested, I figure she will make contact. Great, don't initiate anymore. She's evidently not interested, otherwise she would have been receptive to dinner/lunch. If she does make contact it'll only be because she's bored or isn't used to having a guy not giving her the attention she craves. I just wouldn't respond at all. If she truly becomes interested then she'll show it through her actions and not her words.
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