bigworm23 Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 I am having a serious dilemma...I've been with my girlfriend for just over 6 years. Things are almost always good between us and we are both very loving and respectful of each other. We've been living together for the past 4 years and will be thinking about marriage soon. Here's the dilemma... I do not cheat on my girlfriend, BUT, I have a STRONG desire to have sex with other girls. Not all the time, but if I am out and see a good looking girl, I realllly want to try and have sex with her, but I never do bc I respect my girlfriend. Is this normal? Am I just a regular guy thinking like a guy? I love my girlfriend very much and she is very attractive, she really isn't lacking in that department. I guess I'm just wondering if this is a sign I shouldn't be with her, or something that most guys deal with throughout their lives...
goodgrief Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 I'm always amazed that people firmly believe that sex with just one member of the human race will be satisfying, for ever. If you have yearnings, break up with your girlfriend, and have the honesty and decency to tell her why. Or stay with your girlfriend, and remain sexually faithful to her for as long as your relationship lasts. I think you'll find that these are your two only options, unless she's into open relationships, which would make you a lucky man. Of course, that would mean that she can bosh other fellahs too....
BookerT Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 When I was with my ex who was very attractive and I cared about her a lot I also felt like that. Look it's human nature, or animal nature. Just look at how chimps are, it's in your gene's to spread your seed. However as a human being we hold dear concepts such as loyalty and trust. So if you cheat and she finds out then kiss the relationship good bye. That's the choice we have to make. Supress our primal urges and do the right thing.
Author bigworm23 Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 ha...definitely NOT into the open relationship thing... I mean, I dont want to just date girls my entire life..I'd like to get married and have a family..and she is a perfect candidate for that. She's great, very few flaws and hot, but I still want to have sex with other girls. I guess I'm just wondering if most guys are like this...and are able to have happy, healthy relationships..?
BiAxident Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 That doesn't sound abnormal to me at all. However, if you have found someone in this life that you have shared that many years with, and you get along well enough to discuss marriage, you would be a damn fool to mess it up, IMO.
Author bigworm23 Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 So sounds like something most guys deal with, despite who they are with or how "in love they are"....chalk it up to human nature and NOT that maybe I am with the wrong person? I agree, I wouldn't want to mess things up with her...I dont want to be that 40 year old at the bar still trying to pick up dates (I'm in late 20's now)...I do want to get married...but damn, sometimes that urge is quite strong..
goodgrief Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Many guys may well be like this. Many women might feel the same way too, in a reverse situation. The fact is, a sexual drive is not an even energy across the board, and different things stimulate different people. People have high sex drives, some people have low sex drives. Some people have sex once a day, and call this normal, other people have sex once a month and call that normal. You have to decide what is normal, for you. One thing I would warn you about: If you find this sexual stimulation becomes obsessive, and you find yourself thinking more about screwing other girls, either out and about in public, or worse still, when you're having sex with your girlfriend.....You need to re-examine your situation.
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 LOL bigworm if you didn't feel that way then you wouldn't be normal! Hopefully you will remain strong enough to resist. It's a terrible idea, as hot as it seems. My advice is to not even tiptoe on that line, don't go around hanging out with attractive women one-on-one, don't make friends with the cutie at work, etc. But don't beat yourself up for having those urges, they are completely and 100% normal. Good luck.
Author bigworm23 Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 thanks for some of the feedback..its reassuring.. I've just had it driven into my head by my gf that she "doesnt even want to think about having sex with someone else"...so I was wondering if I was the oddball here and in a bad relationship for myself... lol..i do remember my mom telling me when i was younger, when I meet the right person I will never want to be with anyone else but that person..... I'll chalk it up to them just being women.
someotherguy Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Human sexuality is chaotic, confusing, and sometimes downright paradoxical. That being said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with fantasizing about other women, it's perfectly normal. I have fantasy sex with, I don't know, maybe a dozen different women over the course of a day. My girlfriend fantasizes about being gangbanged. Fantasy is not reality. At the end of the day, she's in bed with me, and she's the only woman I want to make love to. Get worked up however you like, but take your lust home to your woman.
Author bigworm23 Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 Human sexuality is chaotic, confusing, and sometimes downright paradoxical. That being said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with fantasizing about other women, it's perfectly normal. I have fantasy sex with, I don't know, maybe a dozen different women over the course of a day. My girlfriend fantasizes about being gangbanged. Fantasy is not reality. At the end of the day, she's in bed with me, and she's the only woman I want to make love to. Get worked up however you like, but take your lust home to your woman. See, but thats the thing that worries me... you say end of the day shes in bed with you, and shes the only woman you want to make love to.. I want to bang about 10 different women a day...I'm having a hard time deciding if this is just a primal urge, or the sign I'm not with the right person...
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 you say end of the day shes in bed with you, and shes the only woman you want to make love to.. I want to bang about 10 different women a day... Actually he said he wanted to bang about a dozen different women a day, so he has you beat by two! Really, absolutely, no nonsense about it, what you are feeling is 100% normal and nothing to beat yourself up over, as long as the fantasy doesn't spill over into reality (i.e. don't actually fool around with someone else). Enjoy your healthy sex drive and your attractive GF!
someotherguy Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Seriously, I look over at the woman in the car next to mine at a light, and if she's halfway decent, I picture her bent over the hood of her car and I'm pounding her like there's no tomorrow. I go into the break room at work, and there's a cute little secretary sitting in the corner blabbing on her cellphone, next thing I know that cellphone is my d!ck and she's blowing me. I don't think I'm weird. I just channel my desires into incredible sex with my woman.
goodgrief Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 bigworm, is that what you're saying? That you don't think 'banging' your girlfriend will stem this desire? How often do you have sex with your GF? Is this enough for you? Is she sexually adventurous or "vanilla"? Seriously - look at every aspect of your sexual relationship with your GF now. be aware - it WILL change, often with less to come....
MFC Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 How often do you have sex with your GF? Is this enough for you? Is she sexually adventurous or "vanilla"? Seriously - look at every aspect of your sexual relationship with your GF now... +1! These are really good questions to be asking. Sex is NOT going to get more satisfying if you're not communicating. Especially after six years.
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 GG and MFC, are you guys even reading the same thread I am? Things are almost always good between us [...] we are both very loving and respectful of each other [...] I respect my girlfriend. [...] she is very attractive, she really isn't lacking in that department I agree some nice adventurous kinky sex with the GF might be a good thing, but it's not going to make him stop wanting to bang other chicks, and for all we know, they already put on Richard Nixon masks while experimenting with nude oxygen deprivation. Who knows...
Author bigworm23 Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 (edited) We have sex about 5 times a week on average I'd say. It's good sex, albeit not the BEST i've ever had. Sure, I've been with girls in the past who have been absolutely crazy and amazing in bed..but I don't think thats what I'm necessarily longing for. But then again, you nail any chick for 6 years and the "newness" probablyl starts to wear off making even the best sex not quite as good. I just want to screw a bunch of hot chicks, to be blunt. I've probably had about 20ish girls in my day...which I consider a fair number, so I don't think I feel this way because I havent experienced enough different women.....I just can't shake the desire to want to plow every hot thing I see... Edited August 17, 2010 by bigworm23
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 (edited) I just want to screw a bunch of hot chicks, to be blunt. I've probably had about 20ish girls in my day...which I consider a fair number..I just can't shake the desire to want to plow every hot thing I see... How old are you guys? Mid 20's I would guess? 20ish ain't a bad number to retire on my man. I think you're just having a mini internal crisis and will get over it soon (although you will still want to plow every hot thing that moves). BTW if it helps, keep in mind that if you ever cheat you will abhor yourself for years afterwards. I can tell you've got a healthy conscience. Edited August 17, 2010 by WintersNightTraveler
goodgrief Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 GG and MFC, are you guys even reading the same thread I am? The section you quoted gives no indication about their sex life at all... I did check. They are 'obviously' in love, have deep affection and respect for one another - but no sex is mentioned.... I agree some nice adventurous kinky sex with the GF might be a good thing, but it's not going to make him stop wanting to bang other chicks, The better the sex, the more satisfying the lay, the less your mind wanders. We have sex about 5 times a week on average I'd say. It's good sex, albeit not the BEST i've ever had. Sure, I've been with girls in the past who have been absolutely crazy and amazing in bed..but I don't think thats what I'm necessarily longing for. But then again, you nail any chick for 6 years and the "newness" probablyl starts to wear off making even the best sex not quite as good. Hello.....? I just want to screw a bunch of hot chicks, to be blunt. I've probably had about 20ish girls in my day...which I consider a fair number, so I don't think I feel this way because I havent experienced enough different women.....I just can't shake the desire to want to plow every hot thing I see... I don't know... call me old fashioned, but I'm having a hard time seeing how nailing a chick for 6 years, screwing a bunch of hot girls, and plowing every hot thing he sees is very respectful, to any woman....
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 The section you quoted gives no indication about their sex life at all... I did check. They are 'obviously' in love, have deep affection and respect for one another - but no sex is mentioned.... Yes, I meant why so pessimisstic on both your parts? More referring to the other posters assumption they weren't communicating, I should have been specific. The better the sex, the more satisfying the lay, the less your mind wanders. I disagree with this. Terrible sex will encourage mind wandering, but I don't think good or great sex will satiate it and prevent it. I don't know... call me old fashioned, but I'm having a hard time seeing how nailing a chick for 6 years, screwing a bunch of hot girls, and plowing every hot thing he sees is very respectful, to any woman.... Uhh, he's not plowing them. Just thinking about it. If he were nailing them, it would be very dispectful. As it is, he's having needless (albeit kind of sweet) pangs of conscience about his thoughts and trying to find a solution. Pretty high up on my respectable meter. Better sex is a good idea but I don't think anything that suggests he should try to control his fantasies is a constructive approach. It's like herding cats, or fighting the tide.
goodgrief Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Yes, I meant why so pessimisstic on both your parts? More referring to the other posters assumption they weren't communicating, I should have been specific. I'm sorry if I appear pessimistic. But as the thread has evolved, so has the information. We can never hope to get a full picture form a 1st post. I get what you mean about the misunderstanding though. I disagree with this. Terrible sex will encourage mind wandering, but I don't think good or great sex will satiate it and prevent it. Hmmm.... we may have to agree to differ on this one. Personally, I think the more satisfying the sex, the less your mind will wander.... I think even the OP alluded to it in his post, which I quoted..... Uhh, he's not plowing them. Just thinking about it. If he were nailing them, it would be very dispectful. I'm not so much considering his actions, I'm thinking of the terminology... it's all very coarse and basic...I just find that a little....cavalier....? I would hate any man I'm going out with to refer to having sex with me as either banging or nailing me. Both have somewhat violent and aggressive overtones to my ears.... As it is, he's having needless (albeit kind of sweet) pangs of conscience about his thoughts and trying to find a solution. Pretty high up on my respectable meter. Call me a cynic, but I think that possibly, his motive in checking how 'normal' such thoughts are, may be a preamble to how tempted he's feeling, but it is understandable, as it's natural....? Better sex is a good idea but I don't think anything that suggests he should try to control his fantasies is a constructive approach. It's like herding cats, or fighting the tide. These aren't fantasies, they're ingrained desires, he's already admitted this. he really wants to do it.
MFC Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 .....I just can't shake the desire to want to plow every hot thing I see... It sounds like you need to have more sex, simply put. Is five times/week your idea, or hers? I can't help but think if you were really satisfied sexually, you wouldn't want yet more sex. Like eating. If you had a satisfying meal whenever you wanted it, you wouldn't be staring at every menu you passed on the street. This is just opposite what WNT writes above, but it's my experience...you mileage will vary. Neither of us is likely to have your exact needs diagnosed, nor know what will keep you happy. That stuff can take a long time to figure out... Re: communication--I haven't seen any statement from the OP on how well he and his GF communicate, about sex in particular, so I don't know whether they've broached this topic. Hence my words above on communication. ...just my $0.02...
OceanTropic Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Its normal but to an extent. Its completely normal to fantasize about other women, but a desire that strong? I'm thinking you aren't sexually satisfied. How is your sex life with your girlfriend?
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Hmmm.... we may have to agree to differ on this one. Personally, I think the more satisfying the sex, the less your mind will wander.... I think even the OP alluded to it in his post, which I quoted..... I think if you had a penis you'd understand. Normally I hate that kind of gender oversimplification, but this is one case where I think it applies. Sometimes when I've having great sex regularly, it just boosts my libido more. I can't figure out any real pattern of appeasement for it, and most guys I talk with about it can't either. It is intuitive to think it would work the way you describe, but it doesn't. In terms of appetite, being a man is more like an being a chronic overeater than being someone with a modest healthy appetite that is sated with the proper meal. I'm not so much considering his actions, I'm thinking of the terminology... it's all very coarse and basic...I just find that a little....cavalier....? I would hate any man I'm going out with to refer to having sex with me as either banging or nailing me. Both have somewhat violent and aggressive overtones to my ears.... LOL well good thing locker rooms are generally segregated by sex! It's pretty standard. Call me a cynic, but I think that possibly, his motive in checking how 'normal' such thoughts are, may be a preamble to how tempted he's feeling, but it is understandable, as it's natural....? These aren't fantasies, they're ingrained desires, he's already admitted this. he really wants to do it. I agree some kind of self justification is possible but I don't think so, something about the post charmed my normally cynical approach... Wanting to do something, and then not doing it anyway because you know it's the wrong thing to do, is a sign of good character, not a sign of a character flaw. I think you may be a bit naive about how commonplace and strong male sexual fantasies are. Most of the guys you would consider normal and good guys have them too, but are classy enough to just keep a lid on it when appropriate.
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 It sounds like you need to have more sex, simply put. Is five times/week your idea, or hers? I can't help but think if you were really satisfied sexually, you wouldn't want yet more sex. Like eating. If you had a satisfying meal whenever you wanted it, you wouldn't be staring at every menu you passed on the street. LOL! We both used the eating analogy! If 5x is something the poster considers low, then I agee more sex would help. But he seemed to paint it as a reasonable, albeit not perfect number, for him. My thought is once you hit a reasonable number, that's about as far as you can go "appeasing" your desire to bang everything that moves, and more sex won't help. If you are below your own "reasonable" standard, then it will be more tempting.
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