So I met him

[carhill]

So, after 127 posts I'm a bit fuzzy...how many *dates* have you been on with this guy? IMO, 'only chance at an LTR' should be the furthest thing from your mind at this point. Dating is about enjoying the company of someone you find interesting and attractive and getting to know them better. If he isn't interesting and attractive, *don't date him*. You'll never run out of 'chances' for a LTR, well, until you die anyway. Then it's pretty much over.

 

The other thing with him is that is just so DAMN easy to talk to.

Yes, I hear this all the time. It means I'm a good *therapist*. It has nothing to do with attraction. Do you want to bang your therapist? Edited August 18, 2010 by carhill

[SadandConfusedWA]

We had one date, and one impromptu meet up where I introduced him to my brother. We spoke every day for a month before the date.

 

I do have emotional issues though, and I need a partner who will understand them.

 

BTW, we already talked about what we want and he is certain that he wants a LTR with me. This not just dating and having fun, the dynamic is different here.

[carhill]

'If he knew the real me, even with all the current disclosure, he wouldn't want a LTR with me'

 

Opinion?

[shadowplay]

The other thing with him is that is just so DAMN easy to talk to. Sure, he might not be incredibly intelligent, but I feel like I can open up emotionally to him. Within 30 minutes of meeting him I told him the whole story of how I was bullied in high school and how hard it was when I moved from Eastern Europe and spoke no English, how I had no friends etc. And he was soooo understanding.

 

I never even felt close to opening up like that on any first (or fourth) dates.

 

 

Ha, there's this really cool, intelligent guy I just started speaking to on OKC but he's from Australia. I should hook you guys up.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Ha, there's this really cool, intelligent guy I just started speaking to on OKC but he's from Australia. I should hook you guys up.

 

Haha - is he hot?

[shadowplay]

Haha - is he hot?

 

Nah, I'd say he's just average, but he's tallish at least.

[temporaryvisa]

RIIIIIIIIIIGHT All the hot guys now do online dating. Lol you think a hot guy needs to resort to picking up girls online?? Also went on 16 dates and didnt even find one compatible person ... picky much??

 

FYI i did not call you ugly , i just said you might not be as hot as you think. You were runner up for miss my country 13 years ago... that is a long time and i am sure it doesnt help that you gained 20 pounds. You should post a pic so we can see u lolz

HEY! So 13 years and 20 pounds can make someone a LOT LESS hot?

[SadandConfusedWA]

'If he knew the real me, even with all the current disclosure, he wouldn't want a LTR with me'

 

Opinion?

 

Truthfully, I don't feel that any guy would want a LTR with me if he knew the real me. So I feel to have any chance at a LTR, the guy needs to be MEGA interested in me from the start.

 

So interested that even when he gets to know my insecurities, anxieties, past hurts etc he won't run away. That's why I am so hell bent on him having a VERY HIGH interest level from the start. Traditionally, the interest always took a nose dive after guys got to know my issues.

[temporaryvisa]

Omg, you are so insecure, it's HORRIBLE. Stop thinking like that. Everyone's got issues! I mean, the guys you date certainly do! I suggest you accept their issues first, (bring em out, show them acceptance) and then leak out your issues later =P

[meerkat stew]

I still haven't decided what to do with this guy. I feel like he is my only chance for a LTR at this point.

 

Not a good reason to stick with him, for either of you. You need to cut him loose cleanly because when you get to the point of asking family what they think, it's not in the cards. Keep patient, you haven't been on the site all that long correct? Keep on there and perhaps start proactively writing men.

[SadandConfusedWA]

HEY! So 13 years and 20 pounds can make someone a LOT LESS hot?

 

I never even said that I am hot. I always said that I am kind of pretty and that's the truth.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Ha, there's this really cool, intelligent guy I just started speaking to on OKC but he's from Australia. I should hook you guys up.

 

 

Thanks Shadow, you really do know what I like

[carhill]

Truthfully, I don't feel that any guy would want a LTR with me if he knew the real me. So I feel to have any chance at a LTR, the guy needs to be MEGA interested in me from the start.

 

This is really positive information. You've actually identified a component of your people-picker.

 

The not so good news is that changing this perspective takes some focused work on your part, away from the distractions of relationships. Accepting your issues and that you are worthy of a loving LTR with a healthy *and* attractive man isn't going to be fixed by finding the 'perfect' man. There is no perfect man or woman. There is a compatible man or woman. Given your current perspective, you're showing us what 'compatible' currently looks like and this apparently distresses you.

 

If you were attracted to this man who you've spilled your guts to and he still wants a LTR with you, he'd be the most beautiful man in the world right now to you, wouldn't he? Think about that. He's still the same man. TBH, I hope he teaches you something about yourself, even if nothing comes of the dynamic romantically. One more step along the path

[gypsy_nicky]

one member here mentioned average guys dont approach hot women.

 

I seriously disagree as its the majority of these duds, oops sorry dudes that do the approaching and get the rejecting. I can count the numerous times where Ive seen Joe Average been shot down, be it at work, or in university.

 

They approach differently and usually covertly- usually acting as confidants or as 'friends'. Then you'd be surprised as to why many attractive women have many guy 'friends'. Most of them are still waiting and hoping. Most are still trying to get out of the friendzone.

 

Oh and most average dudes think theyre hot guys

Edited August 18, 2010 by gypsy_nicky

[carhill]

They approach differently and usually covertly- usually acting as confidants or as 'friends'. Then you'd be surprised as to why many attractive women have many guy 'friends'. Most of them are still waiting and hoping. Most are still trying to get out of the friendzone. Oh and most average dudes think theyre hot guys

Though never considering myself 'hot' in any way shape or form, I do have experience with that methodology and its unhealthiness was a component of the bitterness I felt during that period. It was an improper romantic approach and time and failure showed a different path and, with those changes, bitterness faded. Investing less and caring less, even if not identified clearly at that time, did foster a more positive attitude, one which likely was why I ended up getting married. Formerly, the bitter wimpy 'friend' would have had no such chances.

[SadandConfusedWA]

one member here mentioned average guys dont approach hot women.

 

I seriously disagree as its the majority of these duds, oops sorry dudes that do the approaching and get the rejecting. I can count the numerous times where Ive seen Joe Average been shot down, be it at work, or in university.

 

They approach differently and usually covertly- usually acting as confidants or as 'friends'. Then you'd be surprised as to why many attractive women have many guy 'friends'. Most of them are still waiting and hoping. Most are still trying to get out of the friendzone.

 

Oh and most average dudes think theyre hot guys

 

100% agreed. Below to average men don't have guts to approach hot women? PLEASE. And also this person said that if a below to average man approaches you that must mean that you are at most average looking. I truly can't believe people can write absolute rubbish like that.

 

 

Ha-ha-ha. I have known so many men that are a 3-4 on the looks scale, yet they think they are an 8-9. Thus, they approach 8-9s because they believe that they are the same.

 

Approaching women, hot or otherwise has more to do with confidence. I have seen very good looking men that are terrified to approach women (hot or otherwise) and it was because they lacked in self-esteem.

[shadowplay]

Thanks Shadow, you really do know what I like

 

I knew you'd like his profile I'm excited, and hope you guys get to meet.

[PJKino]

one member here mentioned average guys dont approach hot women.

 

I seriously disagree as its the majority of these duds, oops sorry dudes that do the approaching and get the rejecting. I can count the numerous times where Ive seen Joe Average been shot down, be it at work, or in university.

 

They approach differently and usually covertly- usually acting as confidants or as 'friends'. Then you'd be surprised as to why many attractive women have many guy 'friends'. Most of them are still waiting and hoping. Most are still trying to get out of the friendzone.

 

Oh and most average dudes think theyre hot guys

 

Probably because theyve been fed bs about women that looks dont matter much and its all about "confidence" when its not its mostly about looks..

[threebyfate]

Probably because theyve been fed bs about women that looks dont matter much and its all about "confidence" when its not its mostly about looks..

No one needs to mercy date anyone who looks like Quasimodo. You have to at minimum, not be repulsed.

 

But once you hit a reasonable level of attractiveness, while it helps to be good-looking, no amount of attractiveness can offset spastic behaviour.

[PJKino]

No one needs to mercy date anyone who looks like Quasimodo. You have to at minimum, not be repulsed.

 

But once you hit a reasonable level of attractiveness, while it helps to be good-looking, no amount of attractiveness can offset spastic behaviour.

 

Of course it cant be looks alone but there has to be a level of physical attraction to get your foot through the door for either gender..

 

Im not blaming women for not going with Men they dont find attrtacive at all i just think Men have been fed that looks arent that important to women and if a women isnt attracted to you "confidence" and other bs will make her...

[threebyfate]

Of course it cant be looks alone but there has to be a level of physical attraction to get your foot through the door for either gender..

 

Im not blaming women for not going with Men they dont find attrtacive at all i just think Men have been fed that looks arent that important to women and if a women isnt attracted to you "confidence" and other bs will make her...

Be realistic. When people first lay eyes on each other, how can they gauge anything beyond the physical? Beyond that, confidence does matter.

 

My favourite pet peeve is Hugh Laurie. If he has no expression on his face and stands still, he's quite an attractive man. Get him in action and IMO, yuck. He's spastic, overly-expressive with his facial expressions and moves like a bird, too quickly and erratically. It denotes a lower confidence level. As far as his House characterization, the character's neurotic.

[PJKino]

Be realistic. When people first lay eyes on each other, how can they gauge anything beyond the physical? Beyond that, confidence does matter.

 

.

 

Of course my point is if someobdy isnt physically attracted to you then theres nothing you can do..

 

Confidence is such a overused cliche vague word used in the dating world that people usually use for somebody there attracted to at first..

 

It sounds better to say hes a very confidencet person and thast what drew me to him then hes 6'3 had amazing abs and makes 300g a year...

[threebyfate]

Of course my point is if someobdy isnt physically attracted to you then theres nothing you can do..

 

Confidence is such a overused cliche vague word used in the dating world that people usually use for somebody there attracted to at first..

As if one trait is the sole trigger for attraction. Confidence is very important in the world of dating. But it doesn't drive everything, just like being incredibly good-looking doesn't drive everything. Can you not see it from a bigger picture perspective?

 

As an example, let's define attraction as 100 points where we classify a set amount of categories. Keep in mind that these categories are subjective.

 

Example woman A wants:

 

Looks (subjective bar) = 25

Intelligence (subjective bar) = 25

Sense of humour (subjective bar) = 25

Confidence (subjective bar) = 25

 

Total = 100 points

 

Example woman B wants:

 

Looks (sb) = 5

Intelligence (sb) = 60

Sense of humour = 20

Confidence = 15

 

Total = 100 points

[PJKino]

As if one trait is the sole trigger for attraction. Confidence is very important in the world of dating. But it doesn't drive everything, just like being incredibly good-looking doesn't drive everything. Can you not see it from a bigger picture perspective?

 

As an example, let's define attraction as 100 points where we classify a set amount of categories. Keep in mind that these categories are subjective.

 

Example woman A wants:

 

Looks (subjective bar) = 25

Intelligence (subjective bar) = 25

Sense of humour (subjective bar) = 25

Confidence (subjective bar) = 25

 

Total = 100 points

 

Example woman B wants:

 

Looks (sb) = 5

Intelligence (sb) = 60

Sense of humour = 20

Confidence = 15

 

Total = 100 points

 

I agree with that,i just dont like people who use the word "confidence" as if its something magical that can make most people attracted to you who otherwise wouldnt be..

 

Looks may not be the only factor but if you cant stomach ever making out or having sex wit the person then it doesnt matter if that person is the funniest person alive with the heart gf gandhi or mother teresa..

 

Looks gives you a chance for a person to want to see if you bring those other qualities as well..

[WintersNightTraveler]

Looks may not be the only factor but if you cant stomach ever making out or having sex wit the person then it doesnt matter if that person is the funniest person alive with the heart gf gandhi or mother teresa..

 

Haven't you ever heard of David Spade?