How do I approach her?

[nokturn]

Hey guys,

 

I wasn't sure where to post this so I thought I'd do it here. Lately during my free time everyday, I've been enjoying going to bookstores particularly Barnes & Noble or Borders. I've been going almost every day and alternate between the two. I feel like it's been keeping my mind off of things and find it somewhat refreshing by the time I get home.

 

For a little while now, I've noticed a cute girl that works behind the customer service desk at Barnes & Noble. Sometimes she's putting away books/magazines and others she's at the cash register. Not like I'm being stalker-ish, but it's just that like I said, I'm there a lot. I've talked to her once and again today, but "getting help with something" -- although today I really wanted to know if the latest issue of a particular Flight Training magazine was in stock . How do I talk to her and let her know I'm interested? We all know that there's that chance of being rejected which I'm fine with, but would hate for it to get awkward after that since I happen to like going to that particular bookstore. Only two things I can think of going after is 1) getting her number or 2) asking her out. But I mean come on, that's pretty weird and random coming from some stranger that's there a lot. Help please!

[cleverpartner]

This is a bit of a tricky situation, however, you may have a chance. There are a few pre-requisites to making a move on such a girl, but it would take too long to explain them all here, so I'll get straight to the point.

 

You first need to make up your mind and know that before the approach, you DO NOT know this woman and she's not someone important in your life, at least not yet. So there is NOTHING to lose. Second thing is you need to see yourself talking to her before you go up to her. There's nothing worse that going up to a woman and trying to think of something to say, it will get you a quick reject.

 

Depending on the time you visit this barnes and nobles, you need to develop a game plan before you go up to her. Decide on where you would take her, what you will use as a stimulus to entice her, and how you will end the conversation.

 

I would suggest you wait for a relatively quiet time when she is packing away books and go next to her and act like you're looking for a book as well so you have one on one time with her. Tell her how you like coming here and ask her whats her favorite type of book if she reads. That will get her talking. Then you can follow up with, "you know, I was thinking maybe we can talk over coffee sometime, or maybe over lunch". And she will let you know if she's interested and offer her number or ask for yours. If she says yea, then ask for her number and once you get it, don't linger around, say you got to get back to work or go do something, so you will call her later or something.

 

Hope this helps.

[Green]

Hey guys,

 

I wasn't sure where to post this so I thought I'd do it here. Lately during my free time everyday, I've been enjoying going to bookstores particularly Barnes & Noble or Borders. I've been going almost every day and alternate between the two. I feel like it's been keeping my mind off of things and find it somewhat refreshing by the time I get home.

 

For a little while now, I've noticed a cute girl that works behind the customer service desk at Barnes & Noble. Sometimes she's putting away books/magazines and others she's at the cash register. Not like I'm being stalker-ish, but it's just that like I said, I'm there a lot. I've talked to her once and again today, but "getting help with something" -- although today I really wanted to know if the latest issue of a particular Flight Training magazine was in stock . How do I talk to her and let her know I'm interested? We all know that there's that chance of being rejected which I'm fine with, but would hate for it to get awkward after that since I happen to like going to that particular bookstore. Only two things I can think of going after is 1) getting her number or 2) asking her out. But I mean come on, that's pretty weird and random coming from some stranger that's there a lot. Help please!

 

Your afraid to be yourself. You irationaly worry what strangers think about you. If you ask her out and fail it will be like nothing happened. It will only be awkward if you let it be awkward. In fact you could ask her out, fail, things would go back to normal, only to ask her out and have her reward your persistance with acceptance of your offer.

 

The key to asking a girl out is being a respectful gentlemen about it. That way even if she says no she will take it as a compliment and really there is nothing to be awkward about. It's not like you are going to walk up to her and shout "HEY BABY LETS HAVE SOME FUN!"

 

1) You're going to have a short FLIRTY fun conversation that you need to enjoy and she probably will too.

 

2) Then your going to cut to the chase and ASK HER OUT. This doesn't mean putting the pressure on by saying "I LIKE YOU so LETS DATE!" You just casualy suggest taking her out for dinner that night or something like "I know this great resteraunt we should go to, we should go tonight or tomorrow." Then even if she says "no" pull out your phone and have her put her contact info in. (remember the big deal is making plans in person... contact info is only a tool and means nothing. some guys place to much importance on just getting the number as if that means something and ignore setting concreate plans.)

 

3) The best way to get in a romance is to be romantic. This is why KISSING is so important. When you are on the date look for a good oportunity to KISS her. If the date is winding down and you are saying goodbye then its do or die time just KISS her before she leaves. (Don't ask for the kiss or say something lame like "can I kiss you" Just go in for it.) Even if she ends up dodging the kiss or saying "no" as you go in... its still good that you tried because its show clear romantic intent and creates attraction if done right even if they reject the kiss.

 

SO get out of your head. Stop worying about what some stranger thinks of you. Just BE YOURSELF the confident real version of yourself. The fact that she works there actualy makes it easier then if she was a customer. Just have her help you with something and don't be afraid for people to over hear you asking her out... that just makes you cool no matter what her answer is.

 

This is a bit of a tricky situation, however, you may have a chance. There are a few pre-requisites to making a move on such a girl, but it would take too long to explain them all here, so I'll get straight to the point.

 

The situation really isn't tricky at all and actualy sounds quite cliche and easy. Just the fact that this is a girl who by nature of her work is accessable and at a location at a particular time allows him to ask her out with ease.

 

You first need to make up your mind and know that before the approach, you DO NOT know this woman and she's not someone important in your life, at least not yet. So there is NOTHING to lose. Second thing is you need to see yourself talking to her before you go up to her. There's nothing worse that going up to a woman and trying to think of something to say, it will get you a quick reject.

 

Just in general he has to tell himself that what some beautiful stranger thinks of him is based on very limited information and in the end who cares what they think even if they did know him well. There really is NOTHING TO LOSE only GOOD TIMES TO GAIN. I believe in enjoying life even the anticipation of moments like this where you want something but know it might not happen.

 

I don't believe you need to really think about to much to say. Just be yourself the confident version and say what comes to your mind. If Captain America is all you can think of start talking about his shield and how cool it is or what ever. Really in the end it doesn't make a difference what you say when you are flirting as long as you have good time talking. Then after a short conversation get to the romantic point and ask her out already.

 

Depending on the time you visit this barnes and nobles, you need to develop a game plan before you go up to her. Decide on where you would take her, what you will use as a stimulus to entice her, and how you will end the conversation.

 

A game plan? Sounds a little to indepth for me. I find being bold, and impulsive put me in a better mind frame to just be my genuine self and enjoy the situation. He should just go there as he normaly does and ask her out already. He should also be asking out all the attractive women he encounters in his life and not get so focused on one girl.

 

I think something simple is good for the first date. A meal at good resteraunt something local not a shty chain like Fridays.

 

I would suggest you wait for a relatively quiet time when she is packing away books and go next to her and act like you're looking for a book as well so you have one on one time with her. Tell her how you like coming here and ask her whats her favorite type of book if she reads. That will get her talking. Then you can follow up with, "you know, I was thinking maybe we can talk over coffee sometime, or maybe over lunch". And she will let you know if she's interested and offer her number or ask for yours. If she says yea, then ask for her number and once you get it, don't linger around, say you got to get back to work or go do something, so you will call her later or something.

 

Obviously don't interupt her while she is talking to another customer to get her number... but if she is just chatting with a co-worker or doing something on the computer ect... just ask her for some help with a book. Get her to step away from the service area by having her show you where the book is. Flirt the entire time she is helping you, and then after a few minutes ask her out.

 

The phrasing "Maybe" sounds self defeatest in my mind so I wouldn't use it. Almost like you want her to say no.

 

Use something like "Lets" for example "Lets get dinner tonight." Pick a time and place, hopefuly she will work with you if there is a problem "Tonight isn't good but tomorrow is fine"... if she just says "I can't that night" then ask her "Then how about another night or lunch sometime? Help me out her?" just smile and be unaffected whether she says "yes" or "no"

 

Then get her number either way by pulling out ur phone and instructing her to put it in. Then send her and imidiate txt maybe in her presence with your name included saying "now you have my number too" this is so she can put it in her phone so its not an unidentified number calling.

 

Then I agree leave don't linger around more then a minute or 2. Just say "have to get back to work but I'll call you about an hour before our 7 o'clock dinner" Try to pick her up if you can... but meeting her there is fine to.

[Gallaxia]

I like the idea of having her help you locate a book for you. Don't have the convo at the customer svc desk. If a customer comes up she'd have to stop the convo to help them. So get her to help you over in another quieter section. Keep a sense of humor to break the ice, maybe say the book title again and give it a second fof her to look for it and joke that she can't find it either. Try to get a laugh or chuckle out of het. Everything else will become so much easier after a (pleasant) connection is made.

[Psymon]

You've got some good advice so far. Green, I especially admire your desire to kiss kiss kiss the girl real soon. I do that myself. Heck, better to know where you stand early than waddle through the muck of uncertainty.

 

Anyway, in this situation, like Green said, it doesn't matter who hears or see you talk to her. Since she's at work, the thing to remember is that she won't have much time to listen for long chunks of time. So I'd talk to her for a little, let her work for a little, talk for a little...you get the picture. Find something you like about her and tell her. Find out her relationship situation, then get her contact info. It'll be difficult to take her out on a date then (she's at work ), but that's why you get her number, so you can ask her out later!

[Green]

You've got some good advice so far. Green, I especially admire your desire to kiss kiss kiss the girl real soon. I do that myself. Heck, better to know where you stand early than waddle through the muck of uncertainty.

 

Anyway, in this situation, like Green said, it doesn't matter who hears or see you talk to her. Since she's at work, the thing to remember is that she won't have much time to listen for long chunks of time. So I'd talk to her for a little, let her work for a little, talk for a little...you get the picture. Find something you like about her and tell her. Find out her relationship situation, then get her contact info. It'll be difficult to take her out on a date then (she's at work ), but that's why you get her number, so you can ask her out later!

 

He doesn't have to talk a little and let her work a little. Just do it all in one fowl swoop. If she has a seriouse boyfriend or what ever she'll let him know. So no need for him to figure that out.

[Psymon]

I see where you're coming from. Doing it in one fell swoop would be much smoother than anything I've ever done. Then again, I'm as smooth as sandpaper.

 

I still think he should ask what her relationship situation is. That way he can decide how he wants to proceed. He should also get comfortable talking about relationships with women. If he's cool with it, the women will be cool with it as well.

[denise_xo]

I second some of cleverpartner's suggestions for how to make contact - in addition, especially if there are lots of customers around, why don't you quietly slip her a little card/ piece of paper with a romantic note and your phone number?

[meerkat stew]

Short circuit the analysis, she's just another person, try not to stand around waiting for the perfect opportunity, just go the instant you see her, "I'm X, the flight magazine guy, and have been meaning to ask you if you'd like to get a drink after work, and by the way, what's your name? [laugh]" She knows exactly who you are, and knows exactly what she is going to say. If she is interested, saying anything other than belching in her face is going to get a "yes," and if she's not, you aren't going to charm her away from "no." The cards have been dealt already, you are just seeing what they are.

 

That doesn't mean be hurried and babble it out, think of yourself as being very mildly sedated in the timing of it, speak just a little slower and more clearly than usual without sounding like rainman or a concussion case. Keep eye contact, then look down for just a sec, then look back into her eyes and smile. Once you get it out, shut up, don't say another word until she says something, don't cut her off or interrupt this, nod your head a bit to encourage her to say more. This is very important to do even if she says yes, as you will be able to start "learning" her for future hypnotism and bending her to your demented, Svengali-like will.

 

If she likes your looks she will help you, if she doesn't she may act like you have committed some unpardonable sin (see the diner scene in the movie "Adaptation" for the latter), either way NBD, even if she says yes, go out and do it ten times more while you are on a roll (not in the same store though )

[Green]

I see where you're coming from. Doing it in one fell swoop would be much smoother than anything I've ever done. Then again, I'm as smooth as sandpaper.

 

I still think he should ask what her relationship situation is. That way he can decide how he wants to proceed. He should also get comfortable talking about relationships with women. If he's cool with it, the women will be cool with it as well.

 

Its all about being smooth and keeping it simple. No reason to build this up to more then it is. Just have a small fun silly conversation and ask her out. You don't have to drag it out between different conversations.

 

Also I think it is very lame when a guy asks "Do you have a boyfriend." It's pretty obviouse why the question is being asked. It only serves to create an awkward situation. Might as well just ASK HER OUT and then just assume she doesn't have a seriouse boyfriend if she says "yes."

 

Eventualy after a few dates if you've decided to make the relationship seriouse you need to make sure that she isn't seeing anyone else. But no need to ask about if she is dating any one before you ask her out.

 

I second some of cleverpartner's suggestions for how to make contact - in addition, especially if there are lots of customers around, why don't you quietly slip her a little card/ piece of paper with a romantic note and your phone number?

 

That sounds like something a woman would do. Slipping her his phone number on a piece of paper puts all the pressure on the girl to contact him. This makes him lose all his power and greatly reduces his odds of sucess.

 

If girl came on here asking for advice on how to get a guy... the slipping the paper with a number on it might work... but really he would have much better chance of getting a date if he just asked for one insted of just slipping a piece of paper with a number on it.

 

I mean the paper with number is better then nothing... but not by much. Why not be cool and just ask her out and give himself the best odds of getting a date if he ever had a chance in the first place.

 

In the end the worst that most likely can happen is she will say "no" there will be no akwardness if he just doesn't let it get to him. There is no reason not to just smile and move on with life if he gets a "no" when asking her out.

[nokturn]

Thanks everybody for your responses. Green, you're right. Maybe I'm just thinking way too much about this. I should just go up there and just do it already

[Green]

Thanks everybody for your responses. Green, you're right. Maybe I'm just thinking way too much about this. I should just go up there and just do it already

 

Do it TODAY and give us a detailed updated... either way you'll learn and have a good story. The only way it won't be a good story is if you come back without ASKING HER OUT. Then just remember... KISS her on the date

 

Remember a phone number means nothing... Just ASK HER OUT then get her phone number. Ask her to a specific time and place thing.. in the near future like that night or the next day

[cleverpartner]

I understand Green's direct way of thinking, however, some women will find this dry and boring. There are very few women I or my friends have ever encountered that like a guy being direct, or "cut n dry".

 

The point of the initial approach is to "make an impression", not to see if she likes you. A woman, most of the time does not like a guy by looking at him, she needs to hear how you approach her and if you are someone she can have a conversation with or makes her laugh. Women LOVE to talk, its no secret, so if you can get her talking and/or laughing before plunging in and asking for her number, its a big plus.

 

Again, I am not bashing green, some of his advice I do agree with, however I would rather approach more on the slower and tactical end rather than a full force straight ahead type approach.

[nokturn]

I understand Green's direct way of thinking, however, some women will find this dry and boring. There are very few women I or my friends have ever encountered that like a guy being direct, or "cut n dry".

 

The point of the initial approach is to "make an impression", not to see if she likes you. A woman, most of the time does not like a guy by looking at him, she needs to hear how you approach her and if you are someone she can have a conversation with or makes her laugh. Women LOVE to talk, its no secret, so if you can get her talking and/or laughing before plunging in and asking for her number, its a big plus.

 

Again, I am not bashing green, some of his advice I do agree with, however I would rather approach more on the slower and tactical end rather than a full force straight ahead type approach.

 

Both yours and Green's methods are definitely good. The tricky part is that every woman is different

[Green]

Both yours and Green's methods are definitely good. The tricky part is that every woman is different

 

The tricky part is you have to stop being scared/worried or caring about it.

 

You ever here that saying that when you stop looking you get a gf... In a way that saying is true. Because not caring (not being scared of rejection) is very attractive.

 

the key is to just go aproach this girl and try something. Be yourself. Stop being scared and stop caring. Just do it. Its been so many days... please UPDATE us that you did something.

[nokturn]

Well, here's a little update -- not much of an update actually. The last few times I've gone there with the intent to talk to her, I noticed she hasn't been there Maybe she's going back to school or something? Anyway I was thinking of a "plan B" which is to ask one of the people she works with about her? Lol, not sure if this seems creepy or not. Yes, yes maybe I'm thinking about it too much again.. but what's everyone's take on this?

[Green]

Well, here's a little update -- not much of an update actually. The last few times I've gone there with the intent to talk to her, I noticed she hasn't been there Maybe she's going back to school or something? Anyway I was thinking of a "plan B" which is to ask one of the people she works with about her? Lol, not sure if this seems creepy or not. Yes, yes maybe I'm thinking about it too much again.. but what's everyone's take on this?

 

Everything seems creepy to girls. Just ask anyways, I always say you're on the right track if what you are doing could be considered creepy.

 

But don't get to focused on this girl, I hope you've been asking other women out. I mean how many beautiful customers must you see at that bookstore and all the other places as you do your day to day activites... don't be blind to them... make a move... Stop being afraid to just be yourself and do and say the things you would if you had NO FEAR.

[denise_xo]

Well, here's a little update -- not much of an update actually. The last few times I've gone there with the intent to talk to her, I noticed she hasn't been there Maybe she's going back to school or something? Anyway I was thinking of a "plan B" which is to ask one of the people she works with about her? Lol, not sure if this seems creepy or not. Yes, yes maybe I'm thinking about it too much again.. but what's everyone's take on this?

 

Hey, if a hot guy showed up where I work and asked about me, I wouldn't be sad. Just do it

[nokturn]

You're that girl arent you?

[nokturn]

Update..

 

I finally talked to the girl last night.. Got her name, had a little small talk. Finally I went in for the "kill" but she's seeing someone. I closed the night in a comfortable way I thought. Just said, see you around and nice meeting you!

[nokturn]

Ok so here's how it went.

 

I walked into the bookstore and to my surprise, she was there. I thought she was no longer working there these past couple of weeks I went where I didn't see her. I waited for the "right time" so that she would be alone. Finally I happened to catch a glimpse of her putting away books and decided IT'S GO TIME. I went up to her and politely asked her if she could help me find a book.

 

Me: Excuse me, I was wondering if you could help me find a book.

Her: Sure, what's the name of the book?

Me: It's called Airplane Flying Handbook.. I believe it's in the Transportation section

 

So she brought me over to it and looked around for it as I "looked" for it as well. At this point she decided to go to the computer and check. While she was searching for it she asks "So, you're learning how to fly?"

 

I thought this was a good conversation starter so I just went along with it. Told her I was working on becoming a flight instructor (which I really am) and she seemed pretty interested. After that, she decided "Let's double check it" and brought me back to the section. By this point, I was preparing to just go for it. Lol, I started feeling the anxiety and the butterflies building up. Eventually, she apologized for not being able to find it, but suggested another store location where it might be available. Then we had some small talk, and she actually asked how much flight lessons cost -- which was pretty cool because she really seemed interested. So I told her all about it. I started getting really nervous for some reason and just wasn't able to pop the question. So as I sensed the conversation coming to an end, I decided to say "I'm sorry, there's this other book also..." to lengthen the conversation.

 

She was happy to help me look for it again. So I decided to tell her how helpful she was being and asked her for her name. I introduced myself right after I got her name, and at the same time she offered to check it on her computer again. So we went back there and she checked. As I was following her back to the desk, all I could think of was (WTF are you doing???). So she's looking for it on the computer and some guy came out of nowhere and asked for help on something. Damnit, I thought. He's interrupting! Lol so she told me it actually wasn't available at that particular location and suggested another store. I wasn't about to give up. I told her I had another question, but offered the guy to just get in front of me. So she told me to hold on a minute, and that she'd be back. This was my last chance I thought.. When she comes back, I BETTER do it! Finally she got back and I asked her where books on watch collecting were, Lol. So we get there, find them, and I decided to go for it.

 

Me: Oh, here they are!

Her: Oh look at that!

She found some book that was about to fall off the shelf and a sticker was hanging from it. It was one of those Hello Kitty stickers. She jokingly said, "here, would you like a free Hello Kitty sticker?" I took it as a sign of flirting. This was precisely when I popped the question. As we were about to "part ways" where I would say thank you and she would get back to what she was doing:

 

Me: Hey, thanks again for helping me out today.. You're awesome!

Her: Oh, no problem! Glad I could help!

Me: Hey, would you want to get dinner with me sometime?

Her: =( I seeing someone right now. I'm sorry!

Me : Oh (with a smiling "eek" look on my face), well it was really nice to meet you though!

Her: You too!

Me: Thanks again, have a good night!

 

So at this point she went back to what she was doing. I went to the restroom shortly after that, and as I walked out.. There she was, in the aisle lined up with the restroom door, putting books away. I just walked on by and gave her a friendly "I'll see you around! Have a goodnight and thanks again!" She acknowledged and smiled as I went my way.

 

So there you have it folks. It felt pretty good having done all that, regardless of how it turned out. For me, what was more important was FINALLY doing that. It was an accomplishment on my part. Although just like anyone else, I began to analyze every little detail. How did I come off? Did I do/say everything right? Did I look too nervous? Was I being too forward? No matter though, I'm just happy overall that I finally did it! Tell me what you guys think!

[Green]

I did analyze every detail but I'm to tired to write it all out. (not that its important but it probably would have entertained u... in the end analyzing every detail is your enemy)

 

First congratulations on asking her out... really as a single guy you should be asking out A LOT of women every week...

 

Things I would have done differently is I would have more insisntently asked her out... something like "you have to try this great ______ resteraunt I know, I'll take you tommorow night"

 

Also when she said she was seeing some one you should have been a dick and said "then just give your number" if she had said "no" to that then ask "I must now is it seriouse, because if he lives far away or you've only been dating a short time say a few months then why not give me a chance"

 

yes those are dick questions but really if those questions sound fun to you then believe me being yourself and asking this questions pays off. If asking these questions seems like to much then you did the right thing.

 

I'm proud of you, if you keep this up you will get a date soon... you just take way to long to ask 1 girl out. but once you get a date make sure you KISS the girl on the date sooo important.