Ms_Sweetness Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 So I have been wondering what the guy I've been dating for 3 months wants from me. I have been so afraid to ask because I fear rejection, but today I just HAD to know. We spent this entire weekend together and he told me how special I am to him and how he knows that he will never find another woman like me. We went to his friend's party and he introduced me to his best pals. So today I asked him "what is this that we have". He said that he doesn't know and asked what I wanted. I told him that I just want to know what to expect from this dating thing we've been doing. He proceeded to tell me that he was in a relationship several yrs ago that really hurt him, he says he is over it, but that he has a few things that he wants to work on before he gets into a relationship again. So I'm still basically in the same position I was in before. I'm still not sure of what to do with him. I've decided to try my best to not like him so much. I'm going to date other people and keep myself busy. I feel that if you really like someone, you want to hold on to them and not risk losing them. What do you all think?
Pyro Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Sounds like he is just being precautious. He did introduce you to his close friends so I'd say that is a good sign. Just keep things as they are and hopefully he will come around. As far as how long you should to see if he fully comes around? Well that is up to you to decide.
meerkat stew Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Date others, in all likelihood he thinks he has you. Dispel that illusion of his . You sound like a class act and approached it in the right way, but would keep your options open and don't focus on this one guy. If he sees you dating others, and wants a relationship with you, he will shape up fast.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I don't know I think 3 months is long enough to decide if you want to give a real relationship a try or not with some one. Op I don't mean to pry but are you two sleeping together? If yes then your obliviously sexually compatible and hes already told you how much he cares for you so maybe he has some commitment issues? If so that would need to be dealt with before he could even be healthy enough to have a serious relationship. I would do as you have said and not put all your eggs in this mans basket right now. He knows wither or not he likes you enough by now so somethings fishy I wouldn't sleep with him any further if you have already? until hes willing to make some kind of a commitment as well..
frenchgirl Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 If he treats you respectfully and you are happy with him, keep going... There are real jerks out there but there are also guys who have been hurt and genuinely want to play it cool.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 If he treats you respectfully and you are happy with him, keep going... There are real jerks out there but there are also guys who have been hurt and genuinely want to play it cool. Yeah I generally would agree but this guy said "it happened several years ago" and now hes been with the op for 3 months already. Hes clearly happy but yet he still hesitates to me that shows hes still not healed and still can't trust. Sadly hes still "broken" until he decides to confront his issues from his past he will continue to be that way no matter how nice of a guy he may be.
SadandConfusedWA Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I am generally a cynic but if I were in your position, I would hang in there. If you really like him and he treats you well - that's pretty rare to find. He may come around later. If you are getting closer to a year mark and things are not moving forward - it's time to reconsider.
Author Ms_Sweetness Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 Thanks for the responses! I really like him and I feel that he is being genuine. I guess only time will tell. I'm going to date others and I won't lead him to believe that I am waiting on him. We will just see where it goes from here.
AverageJoe Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 So you asked him this. He is still the same person, yes. Now that you have what has changed? Whats the difference between yesterday and today?
Eeyore79 Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 He told me how special I am to him and how he knows that he will never find another woman like me. We went to his friend's party and he introduced me to his best pals. ... He proceeded to tell me that he was in a relationship several yrs ago that really hurt him, he says he is over it, but that he has a few things that he wants to work on before he gets into a relationship again. Several years is long enough to have gotten over something and be ready to try again; don't let him use that as an excuse for not offering you the relationship you deserve. When he said he has things to work on "before he gets into a relationship again", that means he doesn't consider you two to be in a relationship now! In that case, I don't think you should be having sex with him. He introduced you to his pals, but as what? His girlfriend? He's sleeping with you, so imo you have a right to ask for exclusivity; in fact you owe it to yourself to not risk disease by sleeping with a man who's sleeping around with other women. You can broach the topic by saying you're concerned about STDs, and if you're going to sleep together you need to know that he's been tested and your sexual relationship is exclusive. Personally I wouldn't have progressed to a sexual level until the guy was tested and offering exclusivity, but that's just me. Maybe I'm paranoid, but it sounds like he's avoiding making any real commitment to being in a relationship with you. I'm not saying he has to promise to marry you or anything, but he should at least say "You're my girlfriend and we're exclusive". I think you need to dial back your involvement (particularly your sexual involvement!) until he offers an exclusive relationship. If you take away sex and he stops seeing you, you know what he was really interested in!
Author Ms_Sweetness Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 We stopped having sex a few weeks ago simply becaue we wanted to get to know one another without sex interfering with any feelings.
that girl Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Three months isn't enough time to know if you are going to marry someone, but it is plenty of time to know whether or not you want to exclusively date someone. I think you need a hard answer on what issues he needs to work out and how long he thinks it will take him. My guess is he has no idea and that is a very bad sign. If you want a relationship, I don't think it will happen with this guy.
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