Chitowngirl Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 (edited) So I am trying online dating again. There are certain things I don't like about it, but I do like that I'm able to run background checks, google, etc before I decide to meet the date. I googled my potential date, and found out he was charged with 2nd degree assault (almost severed someone's arm in a fight, threw him through a glass door) when he was 21, and also served 5 months in jail for a DUI that caused injuries to other drivers (6 yrs ago). He no longer drinks. He said he found God and is a different person, and that I shouldn't judge him. He's 31. Am I being too hard on him, because I have no desire to meet him now. Edited August 16, 2010 by Chitowngirl
OceanTropic Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 You're not being too hard. But you have to understand that all men are stupid when they're 21. Everyone has done something dumb when they're young and reckless. And you don't know what the assault was for, was it self defense? Did a drunk guy attack him? DUI I can also understand when you're young and irresponsible, but you said he stopped drinking right? I wouldn't write the guy off entirely but I wouldn't have a desire to meet him either. There are plenty of men who were much smarter than that even in their young years and knew not to get themselves into that kind of trouble. I would rather pick that guy than the one who didn't care much at all about setting a good future for himself (ie: no criminal record and a good job).
brainygirl Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Well, it was a long time ago, but that is some serious stuff. I read the thread title and was thinking "well, it depends on the crime and the time" This is someone who 1) is capable of physically harming another human being when mad and out of control. 2) Has or had substance issues and is now very religious. I say that its your life and if you don't want to date him, then don't date him. I've decide not to date men for far smaller reasons.
Green Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Unless you really feel something for the guy why move foward... I mean really it is in the past he was 21 the DUI thing would be more concerning to me.... Really if you're not really lusting after this guy just end it.
dispatch3d Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 lol what the ****. Is this a serious question? This guy isn't even "distant friend who I would hang out with on occasion" potential why the **** would you date him.
Green Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 lol what the ****. Is this a serious question? This guy isn't even "distant friend who I would hang out with on occasion" potential why the **** would you date him. Well thats how I feel about this thread... but you know women, love them a bad boy even if they are scared of them.
Confused100 Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I don't think you're being too hard on him. I would be extremely wary going out with someone who had a criminal past. Granted, you don't want to write people off as terrible just because of that since people change... but I'd steer clear.
Author Chitowngirl Posted August 16, 2010 Author Posted August 16, 2010 Well thats how I feel about this thread... but you know women, love them a bad boy even if they are scared of them. lol -- I told him I was no longer interested and he left me a mean voicemail. Guess his violent side came through. 1
robdrm32 Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 So I am trying online dating again. There are certain things I don't like about it, but I do like that I'm able to run background checks, google, etc before I decide to meet the date. I googled my potential date, and found out he was charged with 2nd degree assault (almost severed someone's arm in a fight, threw him through a glass door) when he was 21, and also served 5 months in jail for a DUI that caused injuries to other drivers (6 yrs ago). He no longer drinks. He said he found God and is a different person, and that I shouldn't judge him. He's 31. Am I being too hard on him, because I have no desire to meet him now. So you googled him, just curious how did it come up in conversation between you two? "So i googled you and you have a sketchy past, whats up with that?" And of course he is going to tell you all those things, he's telling you what you want to hear. I wouldn't bother with it, plenty of good people out there that don't have criminal records.
Mad Max Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Forget him. This isn't someone that didn't pay their taxes or failed to register for the draft. He put a human being through a window. I've known people like him before. They are a walking time bomb and it doesn't take much to set them off. As for the DUI, his guy is careless. He might say he's changed, but actions speak louder than words. And he hasn't shown any signs.
Green Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 lol -- I told him I was no longer interested and he left me a mean voicemail. Guess his violent side came through. What did it say... tell me this is funny
sugarmomma Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 lol -- I told him I was no longer interested and he left me a mean voicemail. Guess his violent side came through. I don't do criminals at all. especially the violent ones. That is a no brainer. Real talk!!
meerkat stew Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Disagree with the others. The difference between a 21 and 31 y.o. man are immense in some cases. The fact of the DUI in and of itself says little, a DUI in a metro area for example is more telling than a DUI in a small speed trap mentality town. In the small town where I was raised, cops just gave them out to people coming out of bars and restaurants, pulled people over right outside the parking lot though they hadn't done anything wrong, without probable cause, without even roadside sobriety tests, and rigged the intoximeter at the jail. I got off a DUI at the age of 22, stone-sober because they had brought 14 people in on DUI that night and twelve of them blew the exact same reading on the intoximeter I blew a 1.6 and hadn't even had anything to drink, we were comparing notes in line and everyone was blowing 1.6. The police department was paying BONUSES and giving awards to the cops with more DUI busts. This isn't isolated either, happens everywhere. It's corrupt and unconstitutional but happens thousands of times a day all across the country as part of the DUI witchhunt. A DUI in and of itself, especially now with an absurdly low .08 limit nationwide, says nothing about a person in and of itself other than they got unlucky. Watch how much they drink and how they act with your own eyes rather than trust in a mere DUI record on google. Don't believe government propaganda, just because there is a good rationale for a law doesn't mean it is being well or fairly enforced. As far as the assault, what do you know about that either? What if the other guy started it? What if the other guy was a child of a town commissioner? It has been 10 years. I was arrested about 7 times between the ages of 18-25 for disorderly conduct, public drunk, kid stuff. In fact, I have a kind of mistrust for people who have never had any kind of scrape with the law because I figure they must have grown up under a rock or been repressed. Again, I grew up in a small town with way too many police and way too little real crime, so they picked on kids constantly. Judge people on how they treat you now, not something they did 10 years ago unless you know all the facts. Yeah, leaving the message was rude, and I wouldn't do it, but can't say I actually blame him that much either.
Author Chitowngirl Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 I wish there was a tool where I could upload his voicemail... He said I shouldn't judge him, and that he's sure I wasn't an angel, blah blah. (Actually I've never even gotten a speeding ticket, and I grew up in CHICAGO, and he grew up in New Jersey) And that he was honest with me and I rejected him anyways. He was pissed. He told me to lose his number and he'd lose mine. I didn't respond and have moved on...
jamesum Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 I thought women were crazy over the dangerous kinds.
InceptorsRule Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Dating someone with a criminal past? Don't. .........................
InceptorsRule Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 I wish there was a tool where I could upload his voicemail... He said I shouldn't judge him, and that he's sure I wasn't an angel, blah blah. (Actually I've never even gotten a speeding ticket, and I grew up in CHICAGO, and he grew up in New Jersey) And that he was honest with me and I rejected him anyways. He was pissed. He told me to lose his number and he'd lose mine. I didn't respond and have moved on... This @hole hurts people. Sounds like a really mean, nasty, stupid drunk to me. Remember, for every crime that a sociopath gets convicted of, they ordinarily have committed hundreds of others that go undetected or that they simply get away with. Assault = strike one DUI which injured people = strike two and maybe strike three Nasty voice mail left for you = strike four There's only four strikes allowed in softball honey, not dating. You REALLY dodged a bullet. This guy sounds exactly like the type that will come home drunk and put the gf through the plate glass window. 1
dispatch3d Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 if you are over the age of 20 and get a DUI I would say that's enough. Even if you don't serve hard time. Doesn't matter. This shows a poor sense of character. Period.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Getting a DUI shows a lack of judgment in character, which is even more easperated in his behaviour when he decided to cuss at you for canceling on him. You should be glad you dodged this one.
meerkat stew Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Don't. This shows a poor sense of character. Period. Getting a DUI shows a lack of judgment in character, Guess Officer Friendly's visit to your class in fifth grade really set in on you people. Hopefully none of you, nor your family nor friends will ever get railroaded by the cops nor judged summarily, without all the facts, for something that happened a decade ago.
Mad Max Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Guess Officer Friendly's visit to your class in fifth grade really set in on you people. Hopefully none of you, nor your family nor friends will ever get railroaded by the cops nor judged summarily, without all the facts, for something that happened a decade ago. Read the OP a bit more carefully. The guy was charged in more than one crime. If it only happened once, maybe you can give him the benefit of the doubt. But, this happened more than once. A DUI and an assault by throwing someone through a window. Either he's sick in the head, or he's a moron for putting himself in a situation like that for a second time.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 He said I shouldn't judge him, and that he's sure I wasn't an angel, blah blah. (Actually I've never even gotten a speeding ticket, and I grew up in CHICAGO, and he grew up in New Jersey) And that he was honest with me and I rejected him anyways. He was pissed. He told me to lose his number and he'd lose mine. I didn't respond and have moved on... Different people have different tolerance levels for these kinds of things, and it was dumb of him to call you. Does he think he's going to change your mind? He only made himself look like more of an azz.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Am I being too hard on him, because I have no desire to meet him now. No. Why in the hell would you want that in your life??? (but alas it would be illegal to discriminate against him for a felony conviction were you a prospective employer)
meerkat stew Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Read the OP a bit more carefully. The guy was charged in more than one crime. If it only happened once, maybe you can give him the benefit of the doubt. But, this happened more than once. A DUI and an assault by throwing someone through a window. Either he's sick in the head, or he's a moron for putting himself in a situation like that for a second time. I've been arrested for obscene display of person in a public place, a class A misdemeanor equivalent to flashing old ladies at a shopping mall. Someone looking at an internet criminal history would think I commited a sex crime and would never know I got caught peeing behind a dumpster at 2:30 AM in college. A high school friend of mine did indeed throw a man through a plate glass window... after said man grabbed his mother's ass in line at a fast food restaurant. Can't remember if he was actually arrested or not, but he probably was. Never judge someone without all the facts, especially with respect to things that happened a decade ago. Or rather judge whomever, however you like, just don't complain when it happens to you or yours. Cops and prosecutors are not your friends and they don't just go after "bad guys." OP can nix someone for whatever reasons she likes of course.
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