First dates at coffee places

[TouchedByViolet]

Today, was my first time taking a girl to a coffee place for our first date. I don't think the environment is best for dating but she suggested and was excited so I thought great. Additionally, I met her online if that matters.

 

We spent a little over an hour chatting, drinking, and munching on banana walnut bread (yummy). It was a fun time, where I learned about her, cracked some jokes, exchanged experiences etc. A lot of good conversation I guess, but I do have one big problem with that environment.

 

At the end of the date I could not gage if she was INTO me. I try to keep first dates somewhere with an activity where I can tell how physically a girl is into me. Somewhere where she can touch me in a flirty way or give me a look that says "I want you". Conversing over coffee just falls so flat, especially for me. I'm just a decent conversationalist. I can't wow women with my words. If I was a natural charmer I wouldn't have trouble finding women. I need an activity or something to shine.

 

Anyways, I don't think coffee places are a good first date idea for me (or most men). How do you all feel?

[Engadget]

A study showed coffee makes people more open to suggestion. it should work well.

[WintersNightTraveler]

Somewhere where she can touch me in a flirty way or give me a look that says "I want you". Conversing over coffee just falls so flat, especially for me. I'm just a decent conversationalist. I can't wow women with my words. If I was a natural charmer I wouldn't have trouble finding women. I need an activity or something to shine.

 

Anyways, I don't think coffee places are a good first date idea for me (or most men). How do you all feel?

 

Clarify what would be a great first date? Bars and stuff increase the likelihood of touchy/flirty/feely but a lot of people are uncomfortable in such places on first dates. If you mean something like mini golf, I think a lot of people are worried if they go to such an involved activity, they can't quickly bail out of a first date gone bad.

 

Personally I think coffee shops are great, since you can easily tell how well you converse with the person (no shouting over music or a noisy bar), there is opportunity for some physical gestures (I just disagree with you here, I think people can easily work in a little brush of the hand or whatever), and if it sucks there is an easy escape.

 

I usually try to set up something like this, or the tried and true dinner date.

[TouchedByViolet]

huh... well, I dunno.

 

Things I like to do, take a girl rock climbing (very easy stuff, nothing crazy, its something I really enjoy), a walk at the beach (i live near the coast), local art festival or museum or aquarium. The coffee shop sounds good as a plan but I just feel like interaction is limited.

[Sanman]

Coffee is good for getting to decide whether you want to see the person again. You can leave the physical for date two or plan on being near the beach/something physical so that you can move the date there if you like each other and want to continue the date.

[AverageJoe]

Coffee is good for getting to decide whether you want to see the person again. You can leave the physical for date two or plan on being near the beach/something physical so that you can move the date there if you like each other and want to continue the date.

 

This.

 

Its just your first outing man, a gauge for each other so to speak.

[MyNameIsJonas]

First dates are normally filled with some degree of awkwardness in the beginning because 9 times of out 10 you two don't really know each other all that well. So once you accept that and take the pressure off of yourself, things get easier.

 

Coffee date isn't bad, but I've found the only difference between a coffee date and a bar date is the presence of booze. General setting with both: you two are sitting across or next to each other and the only activity is talking. You two could be soulmates but eventually you will run out of things to talk about. This is why I am huge fan of the active "day-date" in the start. If your date is focused on activities other than just talking then you two get to spend time together (which is the point, right?), plus you have stuff to talk about aside from the normal stuff.

[TouchedByViolet]

I agree with you guys. Its just after reading a lot of other threads on this site seems like women are very picky with their men and simple conversation isn't going to make most stand out from the crowd. Maybe I've been reading too much LS

[carhill]

If she's attracted, you munching on banana walnut bread and slurping down coffee ain't gonna matter.

[TouchedByViolet]

If she's attracted, you munching on banana walnut bread and slurping down coffee ain't gonna matter.

 

You know how to keep things in perspective sir

[carhill]

LOL, many years of fine dining and wildflower bouquets under the bridge of unhealthiness.

 

I'm still looking for a woman to burn up my Starbucks card. They all seem to go for lunch

[yah]

If I was a natural charmer I wouldn't have trouble finding women. I need an activity or something to shine.

 

You must be the man-version of me. I am the same way. I met my bf online (first time with online dating + first guy I met on there). For our first date I suggested we go rock climbing. I'm really shy and can hardly think of anything to say to someone I don't know so doing activities is the best way for me to open up and crack a joke or something. We ended up meeting up over coffee. Most awkward hour of my life. It turned out really bad but we decided to give it another go with a second date (arcades). It was the 2nd date that we started to get to know each other.

 

So yup, totally agree.

[kdark]

Let me know if anyone else has tried this, but I have had GREAT success with a hookah bar as a first date. It's unique, relaxing, great atmosphere, and it's the perfect combo of an activity date and a talking date. And suprisingly, I have met so many women who are diehard against cigarettes but LOVE hookah bars.

[Tres]

Let me know if anyone else has tried this, but I have had GREAT success with a hookah bar as a first date. It's unique, relaxing, great atmosphere, and it's the perfect combo of an activity date and a talking date. And suprisingly, I have met so many women who are diehard against cigarettes but LOVE hookah bars.

 

What kind of stuff do they smoke there? How does it make you feel?

Is it expensive? How to find them?

[Philetus]

Today, was my first time taking a girl to a coffee place for our first date. I don't think the environment is best for dating but she suggested and was excited so I thought great. Additionally, I met her online if that matters.

 

 

Anyways, I don't think coffee places are a good first date idea for me (or most men). How do you all feel?

 

For the first date after meeting someone online, I'm a HUGE fan of the coffee place.

 

If it's obviously not going to work out for whatever reason, you can get out quickly and cheaply. That's the best reason to go to a coffee place.

 

Here's how I tell if the woman I've JUST met for coffee is into me...

 

If the date goes beyond an hour and you've both finished your coffees? She's into you. Set up that second date.

[that girl]

The good thing about a coffee date is if there is no connection, either person can end it fairly quickly. Some coffee shops have games available and comfy chairs. Those types of places lend themselves to a longer date than say Starbucks.

 

I need an activity or something to shine.

 

The rock climbing suggestion stood out to me because it isn't something I'd generally be interested in and I wondered if you do it so you can show off what an awesome rock climber you are.

 

Personally, I'm not looking for the guy to shine. It is about a mutual connection not him impressing me.

[kdark]

What kind of stuff do they smoke there? How does it make you feel?

Is it expensive? How to find them?

 

I don't know where you live, but they can usually be found in any major city, and especially around college campuses. You smoke flavored tobacco out of a long water pipe. Very relaxing and very tasty. At the place I go to $15 gets me an hours worth of hookah. And that was with three people constantly passing the hose around.

 

Just look online and see if there are any around you. I have yet to have a negative reaction when I suggest going to one. But you might want to feel her out and see if/how much she is against smoking.

[Green]

Today, was my first time taking a girl to a coffee place for our first date. I don't think the environment is best for dating but she suggested and was excited so I thought great. Additionally, I met her online if that matters.

 

We spent a little over an hour chatting, drinking, and munching on banana walnut bread (yummy). It was a fun time, where I learned about her, cracked some jokes, exchanged experiences etc. A lot of good conversation I guess, but I do have one big problem with that environment.

 

At the end of the date I could not gage if she was INTO me. I try to keep first dates somewhere with an activity where I can tell how physically a girl is into me. Somewhere where she can touch me in a flirty way or give me a look that says "I want you". Conversing over coffee just falls so flat, especially for me. I'm just a decent conversationalist. I can't wow women with my words. If I was a natural charmer I wouldn't have trouble finding women. I need an activity or something to shine.

 

Anyways, I don't think coffee places are a good first date idea for me (or most men). How do you all feel?

 

You're meeting a girl off the internet... don't be so shocked if you wind up in a coffee place. What was stopping you from suggesting you guys take a walk after you finished the coffee. Why didn't you sit on the couch with her and touch her arm gently.

 

WHY did you not try to KISS her. Please tell me you set up a second date in person>>>

[meerkat stew]

Anyways, I don't think coffee places are a good first date idea for me (or most men). How do you all feel?

 

Couldn't agree more, it's part of a silly female vetting process that you can always short-circuit just by being the man. Find fun, inventive, inexpensive active first dates where you can play off each other, take control when they suggest crappy ideas like coffee dates, and you will find you are beating the hell out of the coffee shop boys pretty much always. You can munch yummy walnut bread in a Starbucks or have them munching you in public or pulling you off into a cranny somewhere, your choice. Get to be best friends with the websites in your area that list things to do and say buhbye to coffee dates forevermore.

[meerkat stew]

Let me know if anyone else has tried this, but I have had GREAT success with a hookah bar as a first date.

 

Well you get to see how she does sucking on something, so that's a plus, but then you may end up kissing a hookah breath, so that's a minus, but you get to see her sucking on something, that's a plus, but she may be allergic to smoke which is a minus, but you get to see her sucking on something, which is a plus...

[TouchedByViolet]

You must be the man-version of me. I am the same way. I met my bf online (first time with online dating + first guy I met on there). For our first date I suggested we go rock climbing. I'm really shy and can hardly think of anything to say to someone I don't know so doing activities is the best way for me to open up and crack a joke or something. We ended up meeting up over coffee. Most awkward hour of my life. It turned out really bad but we decided to give it another go with a second date (arcades). It was the 2nd date that we started to get to know each other.

 

So yup, totally agree.

 

Yes, yes yes . Things didn't go awkward for me (luckily) but there was no spark either.

 

I have a second date planned for rock climbing, she will be out of town till next weekend so I'll have to wait a little but I'm looking forward to it.

 

Let me know if anyone else has tried this, but I have had GREAT success with a hookah bar as a first date. It's unique, relaxing, great atmosphere, and it's the perfect combo of an activity date and a talking date. And suprisingly, I have met so many women who are diehard against cigarettes but LOVE hookah bars.

 

I'm not a hookah person, but I guess if its an interest of both people sure.

 

The good thing about a coffee date is if there is no connection, either person can end it fairly quickly. Some coffee shops have games available and comfy chairs. Those types of places lend themselves to a longer date than say Starbucks.

 

 

 

The rock climbing suggestion stood out to me because it isn't something I'd generally be interested in and I wondered if you do it so you can show off what an awesome rock climber you are.

 

Personally, I'm not looking for the guy to shine. It is about a mutual connection not him impressing me.

 

I like climbing because I am good at it, I can teach others about it, and regardless of your skill level it is very fun. Its not like we are going to be constantly climbing either. We can have conversations while resting and what not.

 

You're meeting a girl off the internet... don't be so shocked if you wind up in a coffee place. What was stopping you from suggesting you guys take a walk after you finished the coffee. Why didn't you sit on the couch with her and touch her arm gently.

 

WHY did you not try to KISS her. Please tell me you set up a second date in person>>>

 

I did not kiss her but did schedule another date. I just didn't feel the connection enough to kiss her. Plus we just met for coffee. I hugged her when I saw her and when she left. If the second date goes well, I'll get myself a kiss.

[TouchedByViolet]

Find fun, inventive, inexpensive active first dates where you can play off each other

 

Exactly