Sanman Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 So, the woman I have most recently been seeing for 1.5 months and I recently had a talk. She speaks to me almost everday and around week 3 ended up inviting me out almost everyday that week. We are also in a sexually exclusive relationship. She is heading out of town for a month and I asked her about whether she was interested in an exclusive relationship as I had some decisions to make about dating other people. She said she is unsure of how she feels about me, but would like to keep seeing me when she gets back if I am still available. This conversation got me thinking about previous relationships. I find this pattern of dating/having sex with women who don't want a relationship with me. All I seem to get when I talk to friends is guys telling me to shut up and be happy I am so lucky. However, I hate the games constantly involved in dating and the constant competition. I am trying to figure out if it something in me that makes women want to keep me around, but not be in an exclusive relationship with me. The majority of these women were met through online dating, so that may have something to do with it. Ladies, what would cause you to put a guy in that position?
ConflictedGuy27 Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 It could be the whole online dating thing. Do you see a similar pattern when you look back at relationships you've had where you met through friends of friends or through some other mutual interest?
that girl Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 I think a lot of times it isn't anything the man did, the woman just isn't the type for a serious relationship. Maybe this is who you are attracted to or how you choose to meet women. But I also have to say the fact that you are dating around is probably going to skew you towards those who aren't commitment minded and make those on the fence take you less seriously. I think more commitment minded people would drop anyone else by the time a sexual relationship started, if not before.
TouchedByViolet Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 I think more commitment minded people would drop anyone else by the time a sexual relationship started, if not before. I think so too. Women who want commitment will come out and say it. Anything else you could be walking into trouble.
Author Sanman Posted August 16, 2010 Author Posted August 16, 2010 It could be the whole online dating thing. Do you see a similar pattern when you look back at relationships you've had where you met through friends of friends or through some other mutual interest? I did date a classmate a few years ago that did not want to commit, but I was six years her junior and we both knew that we would eventually move back to our respective coasts. The more recent experiences have all been online. But I also have to say the fact that you are dating around is probably going to skew you towards those who aren't commitment minded and make those on the fence take you less seriously. I think more commitment minded people would drop anyone else by the time a sexual relationship started, if not before. I generally only date around only at the beginning and have no problem being exclusive with a woman once sex is involved. It is usually the women who say they want to get to know me better before committing or want an open relationship. Once that is said though, I generally try to renew dating others as I feel it is not going to end well. I do tend toward dating the more impulsive/fun women as they bring out my fun side rather than my sensible/serious side. However, I contact all types and these are the ones that respond to me. I would like to believe that being adventurous/impulsive at times has to mean they are unwilling to commit.
dispatch3d Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 loll pretty funny how both a guy+a girl post the exact same thing and the girls thread is already up to 4 pages, and yours is on post like 5. I think yours went up first. What does that say about society+gender perceptions?
Author Sanman Posted August 16, 2010 Author Posted August 16, 2010 loll pretty funny how both a guy+a girl post the exact same thing and the girls thread is already up to 4 pages, and yours is on post like 5. I think yours went up first. What does that say about society+gender perceptions? That is life. People can't sympathize with what many might believe is what men want. I have dated bisexuals, had open relationships, and had many other experiences that other people assume all men would want. While I have enjoyed them, it has not been what I look for and is actually more just frustration for me. If the genders were reversed, I know many would say a woman was being used and treated badly by another man after sex.
dispatch3d Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 That is life. People can't sympathize with what many might believe is what men want. I have dated bisexuals, had open relationships, and had many other experiences that other people assume all men would want. While I have enjoyed them, it has not been what I look for and is actually more just frustration for me. If the genders were reversed, I know many would say a woman was being used and treated badly by another man after sex. lol there's another thread, and that is exactly what they are saying. Go look at my posts there they probably pertain to your problem as well. With my job example in that thread, another issue may be in job 1 the job pays say $50000 dollars a year the second one only $20000 a year. Obviously you want job 1 more than job 2. You may have a problem where you are really good looking but don't come off particularly strong personality wise. Hence women are mostly looking to use you for the sex because they don't find you interesting enough after the fact? I'd suggest getting some in depth interests, read some books, etc. (ie. become more substance) if that is in fact your problem. That could be one reason. The other could be you are accidently setting things up so that they don't want more. I have no clue how you'd manage that though (as an accident).
Author Sanman Posted August 16, 2010 Author Posted August 16, 2010 lol there's another thread, and that is exactly what they are saying. Go look at my posts there they probably pertain to your problem as well. With my job example in that thread, another issue may be in job 1 the job pays say $50000 dollars a year the second one only $20000 a year. Obviously you want job 1 more than job 2. You may have a problem where you are really good looking but don't come off particularly strong personality wise. Hence women are mostly looking to use you for the sex because they don't find you interesting enough after the fact? I'd suggest getting some in depth interests, read some books, etc. (ie. become more substance) if that is in fact your problem. That could be one reason. The other could be you are accidently setting things up so that they don't want more. I have no clue how you'd manage that though (as an accident). I'll have to check out that other thread. Actually, I would say I pull women in more from my personality than my looks, though I am not bad looking (6 foot, broad shouldered, muscular, average body fat) I also happen to be sexually adventurous and really enjoy pleasing my partner sexually. I usually have to talk my way into a woman's bed/heart, women don't jump on me just by looking at me.
Tres Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I'll have to check out that other thread. Actually, I would say I pull women in more from my personality than my looks, though I am not bad looking (6 foot, broad shouldered, muscular, average body fat) I also happen to be sexually adventurous and really enjoy pleasing my partner sexually. I usually have to talk my way into a woman's bed/heart, women don't jump on me just by looking at me. What is your financial/job situation? It is an important issure for choosing a serious BF/husband.
Author Sanman Posted August 16, 2010 Author Posted August 16, 2010 What is your financial/job situation? It is an important issure for choosing a serious BF/husband. Broke at the moment, soon to be doctor.... Though, the women I date are similar professionals. The one mentioned above is a few years behind me in the same career path.
cleverpartner Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I hope a wide variety get to read this post as it is important for both men and women. I've dated nurses, doctors and lawyers and I find that these kind of women seem to have their lives figured out already. They set a time frame for fun and after fun, then they find a different guy to really settle down with. They have a generally busy structured schedule and will fit you into their schedule for fun and relaxation and busy the next. I would say, if you are truly looking for a serious relationship, you need to start something to that effect at the beginning of the 2nd or 3rd week of dating/seeing that person. This way they will either turn the other way or continue in your direction. One of the misconceptions of dating is that women always want commitment, which is just a fabricated myth. Don't be discouraged, take it at a more slower pace and do not proceed to sex without a mutual agreement as it relates to the direction of the friendship. If you happen to kiss, you need to set a point at which you break the question of what the other person wants or is looking for.
Author Sanman Posted August 16, 2010 Author Posted August 16, 2010 I hope a wide variety get to read this post as it is important for both men and women. I've dated nurses, doctors and lawyers and I find that these kind of women seem to have their lives figured out already. They set a time frame for fun and after fun, then they find a different guy to really settle down with. They have a generally busy structured schedule and will fit you into their schedule for fun and relaxation and busy the next. I would say, if you are truly looking for a serious relationship, you need to start something to that effect at the beginning of the 2nd or 3rd week of dating/seeing that person. This way they will either turn the other way or continue in your direction. One of the misconceptions of dating is that women always want commitment, which is just a fabricated myth. Don't be discouraged, take it at a more slower pace and do not proceed to sex without a mutual agreement as it relates to the direction of the friendship. If you happen to kiss, you need to set a point at which you break the question of what the other person wants or is looking for. That is an interesting take on it. It may be that the women I am seeing are not settled in careers/life and just want to play. Of course, I am a bit ahead of many my age careerwise, so I don't have as much of a choice not to.
dispatch3d Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 That is an interesting take on it. It may be that the women I am seeing are not settled in careers/life and just want to play. Of course, I am a bit ahead of many my age careerwise, so I don't have as much of a choice not to. if you are the common denominator then it's safe to say the problem isn't most women aren't looking for a long term relationship (in this frame you are the victim), but that you are doing something to make them think an LTR with you is a bad idea/not what you both want/etc.
Author Sanman Posted August 16, 2010 Author Posted August 16, 2010 if you are the common denominator then it's safe to say the problem isn't most women aren't looking for a long term relationship (in this frame you are the victim), but that you are doing something to make them think an LTR with you is a bad idea/not what you both want/etc. It isn't that most women don't want an LTR. I'm wondering if I simply attract those types of women that do not want an LTR or is it that I send this signal out while we are together that gives them this idea.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 What's your overall personality? Are you cocky at all? I previously and met a guy who was great on screen ( online dating) but conceited in person. He was sarcastic to the extreme and I couldn't really put up with him. We tried having sex on the 1st date and while he had a great body, he overexaggerated his skills as I got bored an hour into sex.
Author Sanman Posted August 16, 2010 Author Posted August 16, 2010 What's your overall personality? Are you cocky at all? I previously and met a guy who was great on screen ( online dating) but conceited in person. He was sarcastic to the extreme and I couldn't really put up with him. We tried having sex on the 1st date and while he had a great body, he overexaggerated his skills as I got bored an hour into sex. I am confident, but not particularly cocky. Then again, I have a biased opinion of myself . I have rarely bragged about my sex skills, but I do like to do what I can to ensure my partner has an orgasm. I have to assume I am not that bad if all of these women have repeatedly had sex with me. As I mentioned in the original post, this is not a one time thing. The last relationship lasted 5 months and I am 1.5 months into this one. These women initiated contact regularly and wanted to see me. They simply have not wanted exclusivity with me. These last two were both bisexual, but it has happened with a straight girl or two.
Recommended Posts