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General Survey of that many times analyzed question..Want both men and women response

bunnixkisses

By bunnixkisses
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bunnixkisses Member

bunnixkisses

Posted
Posted (edited)

So, the question is...

Why do people stay in relationships that they are unhappy with? Which kind of correlates with Why do women stay in abusive relationships, why do girls like a** holes, why exactly do nice guy finish last?

 

I have my own psychological theories of it, but I also think that men do a lot more "breaking up" than women do, for the pure fact that they think more with their head than their hearts. Women can put up with more than men can, or they choose to deal with stuff, when men just want to let it go. I'm just curious as what everyone else thinks the answer is?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Engadget Established Member

Engadget

Posted
Posted

I'm getting that you're translating english, so no problem!

 

Why do people stay in unhappy relationships? Under the bad, there is still love that they are afraid to let go of, think they can fix but it may not happen.

 

Girls don't always like a**holes, but what they do like at the start is the unflinching swagger of confidence. Those of us men with that confidence and the mind to not let it control us see it. I know people who love playing tough guy and getting into fights, and I'll admit I've done it too. However being a bit older and slightly wiser, I choose to control that side. It's inherent in all men, it's how we were designed by nature. Be tough, fight off predators, hunt, go to war, etc.

 

Nice guys don't finish last, I think this is an unfair generalization. There is a reason for it though. If you are a self proclaimed "nice guy" or a "beta male", it's not that you're nice that's keeping you from relationships/sex.

 

Shyness, insecurity, introversion and things are what they really mean when they say "nice guy". I'm a genuinely nice, emotional person who cares for people really strongly. I even cry from happiness, or sadness. I like sappy music, love songs and all of that. I grew up reading books, playing video games and getting picked on in school.

 

You just have to be confident in who you are, deep down. Constantly saying "I'm ugly" "Girls don't like nice guys" will affect more than just your attitude. Human beings pick up on emotional states of others, and you will bring down those around you with that thinking. Of course things like depression and social anxiety cause these things, which is too bad.

 

Some people can get past those, but some have the disorders associated with those states and it's too bad. I had a good male friend and an emotional relationship with a girl who were bi-polar. Very, very intelligent but react wrong to certain social situations and cause problems. It's hard to be close to those people, but I always tried.

 

There's a reason my original degree was psychology, but I didn't think the job prospects were good enough for a 4-year in it.

 

I'm done, sorry big on writing/typing today.

harmfulsweetz Established Member

harmfulsweetz

Posted
Posted

There's plenty of reasons people may stay in abusive/bad/loveless relationships that just don't seem to be working.

 

It could be down to their own self-esteem-they don't think they deserve better or can do any better, their self-worth is directly tied to their partner.

 

They still love that person, even if it is not working, they don't want to admit it's failing. They want to fix it, even if they can't.

 

They may have children together.

 

They don't want to face up to the hassle that separation inevitably causes i.e. sorting out the possessions, dealing with mutual friends etc. Deep down, they want it to work because they've built a life together and if they aren't together, will that life fall apart?

 

I wouldn't necessarily say that's an exhaustive list, there are plenty more reasons I'm sure. As a general rule. no one finds leaving any relationship easy, even if the guy/woman beats on you and is the lowest of the low.

 

Are women attracted to a**holes? I'm not sure. See, I think I am. I keep seeming to find them. But I then looked at why I was so attracted to them, and it wasn't that he was a jerk. I never thought of them as jerks. It was the confidence, the upfrontness, the ability to chat me up and get my number without flinching, the way he knew what he wanted. It wasn't him being a jerk to me that made me want him all the more, it was how confidently he handled himself.

 

Self-proclaimed 'nice guys' often aren't so nice. They spend a lot of their time moaning about how they can't get a chick, because they are so nice, and nice always finish last, but don't ever look deeper into themselves about their own character, and their own attributes which may be really off putting to women. They just excuse the rejection with 'I'm too nice', rather than focusing on what may actually be the issue.

 

Most women love the idea of the bad boy, more than they love the reality of him. We want a guy who will treat us right, but do it with confidence, and the ability to keep us on our toes. Typically the 'nice guy' is associated with being a doormat, an introvert, a beta male, I think most women want a man that's in between the two extremes. We don't want a guy who'll sleep with a hundred women behind our backs, or treat us really mean and not call for weeks, but we also don't want a guy who'll be at our beck and call 24/7, 365 days a year. A guy with his own life, and his own mind and an ability to use it and speak it, whilst treating me right works just fine with me.

meerkat stew Established Member

meerkat stew

Posted
Posted
but I also think that men do a lot more "breaking up" than women do,

 

Don't know how to answer the question because it is a highly subjective one dependent on circumstance.

 

Do want to point out, though, that the above quoted passage is factually incorrect, in both relationships and marriages. Women do much more dumping and divorce filing than men do.

Engadget Established Member

Engadget

Posted
Posted
There's plenty of reasons people may stay in abusive/bad/loveless relationships that just don't seem to be working.

 

It could be down to their own self-esteem-they don't think they deserve better or can do any better, their self-worth is directly tied to their partner.

 

They still love that person, even if it is not working, they don't want to admit it's failing. They want to fix it, even if they can't.

 

They may have children together.

 

They don't want to face up to the hassle that separation inevitably causes i.e. sorting out the possessions, dealing with mutual friends etc. Deep down, they want it to work because they've built a life together and if they aren't together, will that life fall apart?

 

I wouldn't necessarily say that's an exhaustive list, there are plenty more reasons I'm sure. As a general rule. no one finds leaving any relationship easy, even if the guy/woman beats on you and is the lowest of the low.

 

Are women attracted to a**holes? I'm not sure. See, I think I am. I keep seeming to find them. But I then looked at why I was so attracted to them, and it wasn't that he was a jerk. I never thought of them as jerks. It was the confidence, the upfrontness, the ability to chat me up and get my number without flinching, the way he knew what he wanted. It wasn't him being a jerk to me that made me want him all the more, it was how confidently he handled himself.

 

Self-proclaimed 'nice guys' often aren't so nice. They spend a lot of their time moaning about how they can't get a chick, because they are so nice, and nice always finish last, but don't ever look deeper into themselves about their own character, and their own attributes which may be really off putting to women. They just excuse the rejection with 'I'm too nice', rather than focusing on what may actually be the issue.

 

Most women love the idea of the bad boy, more than they love the reality of him. We want a guy who will treat us right, but do it with confidence, and the ability to keep us on our toes. Typically the 'nice guy' is associated with being a doormat, an introvert, a beta male, I think most women want a man that's in between the two extremes. We don't want a guy who'll sleep with a hundred women behind our backs, or treat us really mean and not call for weeks, but we also don't want a guy who'll be at our beck and call 24/7, 365 days a year. A guy with his own life, and his own mind and an ability to use it and speak it, whilst treating me right works just fine with me.

 

100% agree, and I said much of the same from the male perspective. All very, very true.

 

The rare guy that women want is confident, unflinching and sure of himself while also being genuinely nice, and kind deep down.

 

Honesty and openness is necessary for keeping this going as well if you want a LTR.

InceptorsRule Established Member

InceptorsRule

Posted
Posted
So, the question is...

Why do people stay in relationships that they are unhappy with? Which kind of correlates with Why do women stay in abusive relationships, why do girls like a** holes, why exactly do nice guy finish last?

 

I have my own psychological theories of it, but I also think that men do a lot more "breaking up" than women do, for the pure fact that they think more with their head than their hearts. Women can put up with more than men can, or they choose to deal with stuff, when men just want to let it go. I'm just curious as what everyone else thinks the answer is?

 

For the same reason that people stay in jobs they hate, live in places they hate, watch the same crummy T.V. shows rather than change the channel, and otherwise approach life in a passive manner.

 

It's because change is difficult and risky.

 

Better the devil you know than the devil you don't.

MrNate Established Member

MrNate

Posted
Posted

I think it can be summed up by an awesome quote I heard from a friend on facebook:

 

"It's funny how people spend more time planning vacations than they do planning their lives. Probably because escape is easier than change."

runner Established Member

runner

Posted
Posted
So, the question is...

Why do people stay in relationships that they are unhappy with? Which kind of correlates with Why do women stay in abusive relationships, why do girls like a** holes, why exactly do nice guy finish last?

 

 

generally speaking, it's called co-dependence. lots and lots of written material on this single issue.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

We are becoming a society that runs on disfunction. We can't live without it.

Chubbi Established Member

Chubbi

Posted
Posted (edited)

One of my aunts stayed with her abusive husband for over 25 years. He used to beat her. The only way it ended was because he died of a disease.

 

This same aunt now is married to an extremely possesive, obsessive, wifebeater yet again. And she still lives with him. She tells him she's going around to block the visit her mother, and every single time she goes, he goes by unannounced to make sure she is where she says she is.

 

I have no idea why she permits this kind of treatment. She has her entire life though. We ask her why but if we try to intervene then she just backs away from us entirely.

Edited by Chubbi
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