GF goes to guy friend's house to check on dog once every couple of days/

[meerkat stew]

Agree with others in light of the other thread, even if everything is completely innocent, don't you deserve better treatment than to be referred to as a "stranger in the house," or a "stranger going to some guy's house" after 2.5 years? You need someone who is going to put you first in their life, especially after that amount of time, to fight for your comfort, others be damned, just as you should do the same for her. Assuming complete innocence, this girl is just concerned with her own comfort zone.

 

And to the posters who said "well she offered to pay or the room" in the other thread c'mon really? Was that ever going to happen?

[EYECANDY000]

you need to ask your gf some questions and follow up questions.!!!!!

[maxil]

My gut feeling was she was seeing her ex. And when she left to see the *dog* i called his cell and asked for her.. She was there.. I pretty made her confess [and she confessed to everything{cheating emotionally/sexually} after saying that I had proof,etc].. Told her she's a whore and I'm taking first plane back. Told the guy that he sure got a nice "prize" cause I don't want her anymore. Acted all calm. she rushed back to her place, cried/broke down, and still had the nerve to ask if I won't tell anyone. I called a whore again, told her I'm going to give her 2 days to tell me what to do with her stuff at my place in toronto [or else I burn it all/chuck it out] Booked a taxi, changed flight and gtfo. Back in toronto now. Still a bit broken down when I think about it . But I'm better off without this cheater.

 

EdiT: Thanks for all the replies, be it good or bad.

Edited August 16, 2010 by maxil

[robdrm32]

must have felt good to kick her out like that, consider yourself lucky.

 

some never get that moment of satisfaction of telling someone to F*ck off.

 

gl to ya

[maxil]

I really don't know what went wrong. I got cheated on by her skinny highschool diploma ex... I feel so defeated. That's all I have left about this relationship. I guess I should stop dwelling on stupid things.

[meerkat stew]

she confessed to everything

 

Man, heart goes out to you, very sorry you have had to go through all this.

 

But soon, you are going to look up at the sky grinning because you got something few ever get. YOU CAUGHT HER RED-HANDED. So many who are cheated on go to intense lengths and never get to the truth. You got it with relatively little hassle. You got to the truth. You have no more uncertainty. This has got to be a huge weight off your shoulders.

 

Have been in your exact situation, and can offer a little more advice. Do not write her or take her calls no matter what. Anything at all you write to her or say to her you will regret. I actually listened to mine post-breakup, ended up building sympathy for her in all her tears. They were just crocodile tears at GETTING CAUGHT, not tears on YOUR behalf or for the relationship, but because she knows everthing you are saying about her is true. Don't spoil the silence, it is your power and control, don't give it up. Don't give in to the temptation of laying into her more of even listening to her self-serving BS. Doing so in my case cost me about a month of recovery time in a very similar situation. Don't repeat my mistake.

 

And one final thing, just imagine if you had gone back to LDR status with this woman, you staying loyal to her for more than a year while she continued to carry on. She couldn't even keep it in her pants long enough for a short visit, imagine the lies she would have stacked upon lies while apart from you, what kinds of things she would have told you to manipulate you and keep you in the dark. You have dodged not a bullet but a full-blown artillery shell, sir. Someone just gave you a year of your life and freedom back that you needn't now spend. That should start to make you very happy sooner rather than later. Best wishes.

[maxil]

You are so right. Thanks for that. Just one more thing... She still has stuff at my place.. Should I just say "f*ck you" and trash it? Should I not even pick up her phone? I don't know which path to take for me to get over her fastest. The thing I HATED the most was when she confessed to cheating but didn;t seem fazed by it. MADE THIS whole stupid story about how only she can decide when a bf is a bf and she doesn;t have to tell anyone.. so according to her messed up head/ story telling. When she developed feelings for her ex again, I became the third wheel.. Lmfao. Most selfish and dumb person I've ever met.

[that girl]

You are so right. Thanks for that. Just one more thing... She still has stuff at my place.. Should I just say "f*ck you" and trash it? Should I not even pick up her phone? I don't know which path to take for me to get over her fastest. The thing I HATED the most was when she confessed to cheating but didn;t seem fazed by it. MADE THIS whole stupid story about how only she can decide when a bf is a bf and she doesn;t have to tell anyone.. so according to her messed up head/ story telling. When she developed feelings for her ex again, I became the third wheel.. Lmfao. Most selfish and dumb person I've ever met.

 

This sucks, I'm sorry.

 

As for her stuff, either mail it to her now (just put it in a box and mail it somewhere you know she will get it) or throw it out. I will say that while throwing it out might be cathartic, mailing her stuff is a cleaner break. She or someone she knows will come looking for her stuff and if you've chucked it, you'll be in for a fight.

[Blade Runner]

Sorry to hear that maxil. But good news that you actually caught her red handed, leaving that stress and worry off your mind. You deserve better, and this is probably great in the long run. Go get someone who's worth your time.

 

All the best.

[collegeguy_24]

I say mail it to her. It puts you in a better light. While acting vindictive can be satisfying, this is the point where you need to hold your help up high and be the better person. Its not about her man, its about your self-respect, and someone mentioned a cleaner break, that can also be a good things about mailing.

[meerkat stew]

She still has stuff at my place.. Should I just say "f*ck you" and trash it? Should I not even pick up her phone? I don't know which path to take for me to get over her fastest. The thing I HATED the most was when she confessed to cheating but didn;t seem fazed by it. MADE THIS whole stupid story about how only she can decide when a bf is a bf and she doesn;t have to tell anyone.. so according to her messed up head/ story telling. When she developed feelings for her ex again, I became the third wheel.. Lmfao. Most selfish and dumb person I've ever met.

 

As others say, pack it and mail it, but get it done fast, don't let it linger, and make sure nothing is left. If you have the means, anything that is too large, put in a self storage and tell her you have paid for 30 days, send her one key and you keep one, and if you go to the place in 30 days and her things are still in there, you are gonna dispose of them as you see fit to recoup your past travel and storage expenses. This is fair while not letting her yank you around by saying "I'm coming sometime next week to get it" and then dragging it out. Get the stuff out ASAP. You will be glad you did. Remove that excuse for contact. Look at it as cleaning up dog ****, you don't want dog **** in your house do you?

 

As far as the irrational stuff she is saying now, she is saying that deliberately to hurt you. She knows good and well it's nonsense, and is lashing out hostilely despite that she may even be crying while doing so. Every exchange you have with her from here on out will be like that, every one. Keep the silence where at all possible. Don't respond to her crazy emails and calls, keep your phone off, don't even look at it. Hearing her at all for the next few months will damage your self esteem because as you hear her unravel into ridiculous claims and rewriting history, you will begin to suffer damage to your own self-esteem in the vein of "how could I have been so stupid as to waste time with this quality of person? what's wrong with me?" Don't go there, it's her, not you. She is the cheater, not you.

 

Hearing her crazy babbling right now will only slow your progress and make you feel bad. Above all, don't write her anything at all, no matter the temptation. It will make you feel good in the moment, but when you look back at it months later, you will feel foolish, maybe even childish for even engaging her or insulting her. Just get out and get done as clean as you possibly can and you will be back out looking in much less time. Draw it out and you will end up dealing with this for months more than you need to. Be firm, strong and good luck. Enjoy your freedom.

[collegeguy_24]

Exactly what meerkat said, get it done quick. Letting it linger will only hurt you.

[Gattica]

THIS is what doesn't pass the sniff test. If he works til 7 every day, why is she only helping "every couple days"? I could see every Wednesday, or every Thursday, or Tue and Thu, but not every couple days. If multiple people are helping, they are not all want to go along with an "every few day" schedule.

 

 

The last guy I was seeing has his brother check in on his dog 3 days a week, while he is at work, and the other 2 days the dog is at Petsmart's doggie daycare.

[Gattica]

I just read the rest of the thread. Sorry to hear about the cheating. I would personally just throw all of her stuff out.

[InceptorsRule]

Mail it back....except: You need to keep one small keepsake, like a keychain, a small item. This will be your "totem" to remind you of what you went through and how truly LUCKY you are to be well-rid of her.

 

Yes you did dodge a bullet as some of us end up marrying our cheaters because we don't catch on as quickly as you did.

 

Good show.

 

By the way screw this LDR sh*t, if you live in Toronto there must be like 100,000 women there.

[maxil]

About the people suggesting the dog guy. Nah I'm sure the dog guy is her *NEW* bf's friend. or it was all a lie.

 

 

Anyways......

Looking back on it and talking with my parents.. I realized some of the stuff she left over could be important to her [ie something her mother/grandmother gave her]

I somewhat regret telling her the 2 days thing but I said it right as I left her place and calling her a whore. [Right before I went to airport]

 

Should I continue with torching her stuff? how can I let her know that I'll give her more time or not torch anything of importance? {without sounding like I'm going back on the 2 days/ making her feel better, cause she sure as hell better feel guilty.}

Edited August 17, 2010 by maxil

[carhill]

IMO, don't contact her at all. If she contact you and wants her stuff, box it up, have her send a FedEx call tag and pickup request and give the stuff to the driver. She can deal with any customs, etc stuff. Not your problem

[maxil]

yeah but if I don't contact her, she might think the stuff is gone.

[carhill]

Not your problem.

 

I still have some of stbx's 'stuff' out here and hell will freeze over before I'll be her delivery boy. She's hoovered me enough, amicably. She can come get it if she wants it bad enough, just like she did (with me as the pickup boy) with her last husband. Heh..

[maxil]

I sent her an email about how some family stuff, etc i can't decide to throw away, etc..... Her sister told me that this morning my ex booked a ticket to come to toronto for 3 days to take her **** back @_@

Edited August 17, 2010 by maxil

[meerkat stew]

I sent her an email about how some **** i can't decide to throw away, etc..... But before my email was sent, her sister told me this morning she booked a ticket to come to toronto for 3 days to take her **** back @_@

 

OK, not to sound too harsh, but you are really slipping here. Forget what her sister says, forget the sentimental value. People don't leave truly valuable stuff out and about.

 

YOU ARE STILL IN SHOCK! ADHERE TO THE FOLLOWING OR FACE IMMINENT PERIL! YOU ARE CLEAN BUT DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO DIRT!

 

1) STOP CONTACTING HER

 

2) BOX THE **** UP AND GET IT OUT IN THE MAIL.... FAST!! THEN SEND A TEXT SAYING YOU HAVE DONE SO AND TELL HER SHE NEEDN'T COME AND NO REPLY NECESSARY.

 

It's like the mafia guy says, "we can do things the easy way, or we can do things the hard way." You are still in "easy way" land, but are dangerously close to the hard way. This whole scenario has been a dream of people cheated on, you found out previous to a big commitment, caught her red-handed, and she fessed up. Stop right there and end this clean while you are ahead.

 

You know and I know that she isn't flying all the way to Toronto just to get her stuff. She knows she got outmaneuvered and it is tearing her up inside. The idiot she was lying to and laughing at suddenly spun around and gave her a beat-down. She wants you back in the web so she can then pull the GIANT WHAMMY on you. She didn't get out "on top" and regardless of what she says, that's her goal.

 

It's very obvious that you want to see her again, think of that voice as the devil voice on your shoulder. Don't make a deal with the devil. You are so close, don't mess up now. Don't hate f_ck her, don't see her, don't talk to her. BOX IT UP. Please for the love of god just box it up! :lmao:

[maxil]

No I'm dead certain she's coming... Like DEAD. her sister has always been on my side. I can't send it out anymore. My friends are coming over to drink tomorrow... all girls 1 or 2 guys... I'm supposed to be passed out and they tell her to gtfo... is what my friends told me I should do.... Please comment~

[meerkat stew]

It's very HARD to avoid the mistake you are about to make. I have only been able to avoid it myself -once- out of many relationships over the years. But that one complete successfully clean break took only one month to get over, which is why I am yelling at you like some crazy jackass.

 

The ones where I played silly back and forth games and let them come to my house and get stuff? where I engaged them and talked to them and let them weasel their way back in? 6-8 months.

 

Save yourself some angst. You are clean right now and it doesn't feel good because you are still in shock. You will thank me in two months though, if you manage to stay clean of this cheater who lied to you like you were her own personal buffoon. Right now -she- is the buffoon, don't you want it to remain so?

[carhill]

Hope she enjoys peering into an empty house

 

Go to a friend's house and drink. You don't want to be drinking nor be around if she does show up.

 

If you don't listen to me, at least listen to Meerkat. You have no idea how a woman in this position can f*ck your mind. Save yourself. Stay away

[maxil]

I've thought about doing that. but like. Can't I get in trouble with the law even if I was busy and couldn't get her, her stuff while she visited?