GF goes to guy friend's house to check on dog once every couple of days/

[maxil]

GF goes to guy friend's house to check on dog once every couple of days. Going to be in a LDR for a year, visiting my gf right now.and she told me that starting tmr she will have to visit a friend's place a couple times a week because he works far from his house, and the dog needs someone to walk/ bring him to go pee, etc while he's working; [he gets home around 7? supposedly and she visits it at 3 pm? No idea on the specifics yet] I also asked if I could come along with her tmr when she gets the keys to his house... and she declined and said it wouldn't be nice to bring a stranger to his place... Does this ring any bells? What can I ask to find out more information without sounding insecure/sensitive?

Edited August 15, 2010 by maxil

[confused192]

Hmm, that does seem slightly suspicious. Do you know if this other guy knows she has a boyfriend? I think the fact that this guy feels comfortable enough asking her to come over to his place and walk his dog indicates that he may not know you are in the picture...I am not sure that a guy would typically ask something like that from a girl with a boyfriend/significant other. Also, why haven't you met him yet if he is an important enough part of her life that she is willing to go take care of his pets once a day? Additionally, the fact that she said you couldn't come is suspicious. That is kind of a BS reason. You wouldn't even necessarily need to come in the house, you could wait on the porch or something while she got the dog and then went on the walk with them.

 

I would not necessarily be sure that something is going on but it is suspicious.

[carhill]

So, invite the guy friend over for some beers after he gets off work. Problem solved

[collegeguy_24]

So, invite the guy friend over for some beers after he gets off work. Problem solved

 

What he said, and be sure to tell your GF about it. Make it a guys night only and see how she reacts.

 

If she reacts negatively, then something is going on, if she doesn't, then you have a chance to make a new friend.

[skydiveaddict]

It seems suspicious to me as well.

[maxil]

thanks for the insight. Will keep you updated.. Think she went out a couple minutes ago to grab keys etc.. But anyways I'm planning to ask her if she told him she has a bf and get some heart to heart time... back to helping her sister with a puzzle

[collegeguy_24]

Your welcome, thats what this forum is for. Looking forward to your update.

[Green]

GF goes to guy friend's house to check on dog once every couple of days. Going to be in a LDR for a year, visiting my gf right now.and she told me that starting tmr she will have to visit a friend's place a couple times a week because he works far from his house, and the dog needs someone to walk/ bring him to go pee, etc while he's working; [he gets home around 7? supposedly and she visits it at 3 pm? No idea on the specifics yet] I also asked if I could come along with her tmr when she gets the keys to his house... and she declined and said it wouldn't be nice to bring a stranger to his place... Does this ring any bells? What can I ask to find out more information without sounding insecure/sensitive?

 

I'm sorry to be the one to tell you but your gf either 1) already is cheating on you or 2) is going to cheat on you.

 

Hmm, that does seem slightly suspicious. Do you know if this other guy knows she has a boyfriend? I think the fact that this guy feels comfortable enough asking her to come over to his place and walk his dog indicates that he may not know you are in the picture...I am not sure that a guy would typically ask something like that from a girl with a boyfriend/significant other. Also, why haven't you met him yet if he is an important enough part of her life that she is willing to go take care of his pets once a day? Additionally, the fact that she said you couldn't come is suspicious. That is kind of a BS reason. You wouldn't even necessarily need to come in the house, you could wait on the porch or something while she got the dog and then went on the walk with them.

 

I would not necessarily be sure that something is going on but it is suspicious.

 

I don't think the other guy cares if she has a bf. The fact that she spends alone time with another guy at his place pretty much means she already has cheated or will be cheating. Either way I would dump a girl with so little boundaries.

 

So, invite the guy friend over for some beers after he gets off work. Problem solved

 

Haha seriously. He can't invite the guy friend over because I doubt he knows where he lives or what his name is even...

 

And who wants to have beers with the guy who is or is about to be fcking your gf...

 

Do you want a violent story of how he got in a fight?

 

What he said, and be sure to tell your GF about it. Make it a guys night only and see how she reacts.

 

If she reacts negatively, then something is going on, if she doesn't, then you have a chance to make a new friend.

 

Basicly he should just say he wants to meet the guy (who cares if he actualy does) and just look for his gf's reactions. Don't let her fool you into thinking you are being jelouse or paranoid... SHES SPENDING ALONE TIME WITH SOME SECRET GUY FOR GOSH SAKES... I mean why did she even tell you about him if you can't meet him.

 

thanks for the insight. Will keep you updated.. Think she went out a couple minutes ago to grab keys etc.. But anyways I'm planning to ask her if she told him she has a bf and get some heart to heart time... back to helping her sister with a puzzle

 

She went to grab the keys at this time of night??? are you in another country where it is the middle of the day now? I hope so... because if she went over there now... you just sent your gf off to get fcked.

 

I'm sorry to be blunt but I really don't see it any other way. Remember you don't have to find proof... the fact that she has some guy who she doesn't want you to meet and is so worried about offending with your presence should be enough for you. What kind of wimp are you that you just let her go there alone... cmon you should have made a big deal about this and dumped her.

[zengirl]

GF goes to guy friend's house to check on dog once every couple of days. Going to be in a LDR for a year, visiting my gf right now.and she told me that starting tmr she will have to visit a friend's place a couple times a week because he works far from his house, and the dog needs someone to walk/ bring him to go pee, etc while he's working; [he gets home around 7? supposedly and she visits it at 3 pm? No idea on the specifics yet] I also asked if I could come along with her tmr when she gets the keys to his house... and she declined and said it wouldn't be nice to bring a stranger to his place... Does this ring any bells? What can I ask to find out more information without sounding insecure/sensitive?

 

In general, nothing wrong with her helping a friend out with the dog.

 

I get the idea of not wanting to bring a stranger into someone's house, but were I her, I'd just ask the guy, "Hey, is it cool if I bring my fellow along with me?" Since she's doing him a favor, any decent person would say "Sure."

 

So, yes, while it may well be nothing, something sounds odd here. Meeting the fellow and becoming a not stranger sounds like a good idea.

 

Green I don't think the other guy cares if she has a bf. The fact that she spends alone time with another guy at his place pretty much means she already has cheated or will be cheating. Either way I would dump a girl with so little boundaries.

I've spent plenty of time at male friends' houses, even some by myself with them, while single or coupled. Never cheated. That said, it's no big secret, and as soon as it's acceptable for a fellow to meet my friends, they're welcome to meet any of them (as happens naturally) male and female. No secrecy about it. The secrecy in the girl's actions is what red flags it for me.

 

ETA: And you're the fellow who had issues with the sister not wanting you to stay over right? This girl sounds like she has some weird issues with strangers and her friends/siblings finding you to be a stranger. I would find it odd if my SO was considered a "stranger" to my friend even if they hadn't yet met. It's not like it's some Random Guy. It's my SO.

Edited August 15, 2010 by zengirl

[maxil]

yes I'm going to have a good heart to heart talk with her. and yes I am visiting her place for 2 weeks.. I came here fully prepared to end the relationship and book an early flight. I'm just not going to leave until I find out what's happening.

 

PS: Yes to Mr. Kermit there I am acting a wimp. but I've always been a more sensitive person and I'm working to be less inquisitive/sensitive to some things. I did some info searching on the guy, etc. have his address , number everything. Not that it matters... if this was years ago I'd have smashed his face if I found out he was fooling around with my girl. But i'm past that.

Edited August 15, 2010 by maxil

[Feelin Frisky]

Ahh, the old just-checking-the-neighbor's-dog bit. Another reason not to like dogs.

[that girl]

Am I really naive? I'm assuming your girlfriend has a flexible schedule and likes dogs, so she probably is just helping someone out. If someone is going to cheat, they're going to cheat. Working late might be a clue to that, but I can't see how walking his dog when he is at work is.

 

The fact that she spends alone time with another guy at his place pretty much means she already has cheated or will be cheating. Either way I would dump a girl with so little boundaries.

Isn't the point that he isn't there to walk his own dog?

 

be sure to tell your GF about it. Make it a guys night only and see how she reacts.

While I think the OP has the right to meet this friend, I would consider it a pretty major boundary cross if a boyfriend hunted down some friend of mine he didn't know to check him out. Just ask me.

 

I came here fully prepared to end the relationship and book an early flight. I'm just not going to leave until I find out what's happening.

 

Over the dog? Really? It sounds like something else is going on here.

[TaraMaiden]

GF goes to guy friend's house to check on dog once every couple of days. Going to be in a LDR for a year, visiting my gf right now.and she told me that starting tmr she will have to visit a friend's place a couple times a week because he works far from his house, and the dog needs someone to walk/ bring him to go pee, etc while he's working; [he gets home around 7? supposedly and she visits it at 3 pm? No idea on the specifics yet] I also asked if I could come along with her tmr when she gets the keys to his house... and she declined and said it wouldn't be nice to bring a stranger to his place... Does this ring any bells? What can I ask to find out more information without sounding insecure/sensitive?

 

 

I am a dog behaviourist and this sounds completely normal. And even though I've done this for a friend, and been given a lift to the house by my partner, he's never come into the house with me, because (1) it's not his place to do so, and (2) it unnerved this particular dog....

 

The time seems fine. She's telling you she will be there when he won't be... That makes sense...

 

One point, However: I'm asking myself who takes care of the dog the rest of the week when she ISN'T going round there....

A dog needs taking care of 24/7. if she only goes a couple of times a week... what happens the rest of the time?

I'd be less suspicious if she were to say, "I have to go there every day for a couple of hours to walk the dog and let it pee...." Come with me, and we could go for a walk together...."

 

OK....Check it out.

But brace yourself: It might - just might - be true......

[collegeguy_24]

I am a dog behaviourist and this sounds completely normal. And even though I've done this for a friend, and been given a lift to the house by my partner, he's never come into the house with me, because (1) it's not his place to do so, and (2) it unnerved this particular dog....

 

The time seems fine. She's telling you she will be there when he won't be... That makes sense...

 

One point, However: I'm asking myself who takes care of the dog the rest of the week when she ISN'T going round there....

A dog needs taking care of 24/7. if she only goes a couple of times a week... what happens the rest of the time?

I'd be less suspicious if she were to say, "I have to go there every day for a couple of hours to walk the dog and let it pee...." Come with me, and we could go for a walk together...."

 

OK....Check it out.

But brace yourself: It might - just might - be true......

 

Trust this person, I can't belive I forgot how much work it takes to take care of a dog, and I have Three!.

 

But still, talk it over with your GF, just say how uncomfortable you are not about her walking the dog, but your uncomfortable about how she refuses to be upfront with you when you bring the topic up and she is just not communicating properly.

[Green]

yes I'm going to have a good heart to heart talk with her. and yes I am visiting her place for 2 weeks.. I came here fully prepared to end the relationship and book an early flight. I'm just not going to leave until I find out what's happening.

 

PS: Yes to Mr. Kermit there I am acting a wimp. but I've always been a more sensitive person and I'm working to be less inquisitive/sensitive to some things. I did some info searching on the guy, etc. have his address , number everything. Not that it matters... if this was years ago I'd have smashed his face if I found out he was fooling around with my girl. But i'm past that.

 

Well stop acting like a wimp and just BE YOURSELF. Ask her all the questions and points that you are making on here. Really just realize that she will continue to make you paranoid and that an LDR plus a girl like this will not work out even if she isn't cheating... which she really could be

 

I am a dog behaviourist and this sounds completely normal. And even though I've done this for a friend, and been given a lift to the house by my partner, he's never come into the house with me, because (1) it's not his place to do so, and (2) it unnerved this particular dog....

 

The time seems fine. She's telling you she will be there when he won't be... That makes sense...

 

One point, However: I'm asking myself who takes care of the dog the rest of the week when she ISN'T going round there....

A dog needs taking care of 24/7. if she only goes a couple of times a week... what happens the rest of the time?

I'd be less suspicious if she were to say, "I have to go there every day for a couple of hours to walk the dog and let it pee...." Come with me, and we could go for a walk together...."

 

OK....Check it out.

But brace yourself: It might - just might - be true......

 

It would be less suspicous if she wasn't making such a big deal about him comming along to pick up the keys. Really who needs a LDR with such a suspicous girl.

 

Trust this person, I can't belive I forgot how much work it takes to take care of a dog, and I have Three!.

 

But still, talk it over with your GF, just say how uncomfortable you are not about her walking the dog, but your uncomfortable about how she refuses to be upfront with you when you bring the topic up and she is just not communicating properly.

 

Whats to trust... she refuses to bring him along when she is simply picking up the keys??? Who cares if she is cheating this is just BS... Dump her

[florence of suburbia]

Maybe you should check the dog's collar for lipstick.

[collegeguy_24]

Whats to trust... she refuses to bring him along when she is simply picking up the keys??? Who cares if she is cheating this is just BS... Dump her

 

Perhaps I should have clarified, I meant about the dog situation. If she was watching the dogs and only checked every couple days then that is cause for suspicion cause they need more care then that, but if she checked everyday for a week then its not as suspicious.

 

But Green is right in the aspect that you just need to question her with everything you posted on here and stop waiting around. Do it as soon as possible otherwise it will eat at you and make you more miserable.

[carhill]

Haha seriously. He can't invite the guy friend over because I doubt he knows where he lives or what his name is even...

 

And who wants to have beers with the guy who is or is about to be fcking your gf...

 

Do you want a violent story of how he got in a fight?

 

His GF knows where the guy lives. She walks his dog. This is how men handle things, directly with each other. No violence necessary, yet. Sure, I have no problem with violence and use it, when necessary. Ask Stbx. She can tell a few stories. This is called asserting territorial dominance. Other *men* understand it.

[Krytie TV]

One point, However: I'm asking myself who takes care of the dog the rest of the week when she ISN'T going round there....

 

THIS is what doesn't pass the sniff test. If he works til 7 every day, why is she only helping "every couple days"? I could see every Wednesday, or every Thursday, or Tue and Thu, but not every couple days. If multiple people are helping, they are not all want to go along with an "every few day" schedule.

 

This means... she's going to walk the dog on the days they're both horny.

 

And she's not "just starting" to help. She has been doing this for a while, but now that you're in town, she is using the story that it's just starting. She didn't go to get keys at all.

[meerkat stew]

This is called asserting territorial dominance. Other *men* understand it.

 

Agree partially, but going on another man's property to assert dominance is never a good idea unless you -like- enclosed spaces or really need some new orifices in your body.

 

The key to using violence or even its appearance and getting away with it is doing it somewhere where there are no obvious property rights or trespass issues involved, making sure you aren't setting yourself up to be an unarmed participant in a knife or gunfight before asserting anything, and doing it with no spectators around at all.

 

Even then, it's one of the most risky things you can do in your life, with a host of unforeseen outcomes. Google "eggshell rule" for more detail. I don't think OP said anything about mounting a hostile confrontation, just saying generally.

[InceptorsRule]

Maybe you should check the dog's collar for lipstick.

 

It wouldn't be the lipstick on the dog's collar that would concern me.

[carhill]

Here's what happened before he showed up

[InceptorsRule]

GF goes to guy friend's house to check on dog once every couple of days. Going to be in a LDR for a year, visiting my gf right now.and she told me that starting tmr she will have to visit a friend's place a couple times a week because he works far from his house, and the dog needs someone to walk/ bring him to go pee, etc while he's working; [he gets home around 7? supposedly and she visits it at 3 pm? No idea on the specifics yet] I also asked if I could come along with her tmr when she gets the keys to his house... and she declined and said it wouldn't be nice to bring a stranger to his place... Does this ring any bells? What can I ask to find out more information without sounding insecure/sensitive?

 

LOL, BOY did your GF screw up!!! Think about how she characterized you and what that actually means.

 

You're not a "stranger" to her, are you? Of course not, you're the bf.

 

So who would you be a "stranger" to? Why the guy who has the dogs, natch.

 

But, your gf and this guy are friends. So if you're a "stranger" to the Dog Man, that means your gf has never mentioned your existence to the Dog Man.

 

(Even if she hadn't, if no funny business was going on, why wouldn't she want her good friend Mr. Dog Man to meet her "boy friend", you?)

 

The only possible conceivable reason that your gf has never mentioned your existence to Dog Man, and does NOT want the two of you meeting, is that because the Dog Man thinks HE is the boyfriend.

 

Now why would the Dog Man think HE is the boyfriend?

 

Well, no matter, your are "LDR" man, you'll be outta their hair soon enough anyway.

 

Seriously OP there is no doubt she's actively cheating on you with the Dog Man.

 

You probably needn't bother even getting into any kind of discussion or argument with her because it will just be a complete waste of time. However I'd be very curious as to why the Dog Man doesn't use a pet care service or a male friend to take care of his dogs. WHY does it HAVE TO BE your gf?

 

Also, when she came back from getting the keys the other night, did she smell of Dog? Or Dog Man?

 

Ask her random questions like what kind of dog food do they like; what color the dog(s) are; what color is the leash; what color is the collar; do they bark a lot; what kind of dog toys are lying around; what kind of a dog bed do they sleep in.

 

These questions would all be easily answered if she's telling the truth.

 

Oh yeah what are the dogs' names?

 

Me thinks if you bothered asking this series of questions you would get a blank stare or a "Humina humina humina" to rival Jackie Gleason when caught sneaking out going bowling with Art Carney by Sheila McCrae instead of working an extra shift at the bus depot like he said he was going to.

[amerikajin]

Checking on the dog is fine, but it is weird that she doesn't bring you along. Maybe there's some context missing here, but how did you pose the question? Have you had jealousy issues before?

 

The more important thing is, how has the relationship been going? If things are really good, there's probably no need to be vigilant about it unless you sense that something's off. On the other hand, if you guys aren't communicating and she's pulling away, then address that. I would stick to relationship issues more than this issue of visiting the guy's house.

[amerikajin]

Here's what happened before he showed up

 

Ah, now I get it. There's more context.

 

Dude, having read a little more, I have to be straight with you: I think your girl is jerking you around. I think she wants to break up with you but doesn't know how to do it gracefully. I think you should prepare yourself for the worst and just have a good old fashioned talk with her to clear the air.