Engadget Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I guess it's because I want a girl to fall in love with and have kids with, so women with kids tend to in my experience have some type of attachment to the father. Even if the father is gone, it impacts the whole thing because they had a kid together.
Woggle Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 (edited) More love from the ladies. http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=3&ved=0CDsQFjAC&url=http%3A%2F%2Fanswers.yahoo.com%2Fquestion%2Findex%3Fqid%3D20100811225753AAmcOfL&ei=CJBjTOawH8OclgeCrOStCg&usg=AFQjCNFBwiDNJuTliZnNkthwHWPEl14gaw Edited August 12, 2010 by Woggle
Woggle Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 These women sure love fathers. http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/49846993.html?page=1#comments
mr.dream merchant Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 It is possible a man is looking for a life partner to share his family and future with, and therefore he may be looking for someone he believes is unique and special to him rather than simply an "interchangable female unit". Therefore, if he finds that unique and special woman and it turns out she has children that come as part of the package, SOME men might find they like both the woman and the child and can see a life with both of them that doesn't seem like "settling for something less". But, as I said, it takes a certain level of mental and emotional maturity to be a man who is capable of both understanding and taking that leap. You're right about that. If I were an older and more accomplished man I wouldn't have an issue with that. But being 21, I'm not even trying to THINK about kids for a split second. That's a one way ticket to "**** all of your goals and ambitions, you're done" at a young age.
torranceshipman Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 When it comes to dating, how important is it to guys in their late twenties and early thirties that the girl never had children? I'm talking about guys who have never had children of their own. I know a lot of guys who only agreed to go out with me after first asking if I was a single mom. This one guy asked me once if I had any kids and when I said no he looked relieved. Is it because they want children of their own or just don't want to be responsible for someone else's chlld? I am a girl, and I always establish that someone has no kids before I would consider dating them. I guess it is just because I want to minimize the potential baggage, and make things the least complicated that I can. Dating seems hard enough without any added complications! Mind you, if I had a friend who I'd known a while and fell for them, I guess the kids thing would be all part and parcel of being with them . But when you are online dating, or whatever, it is easier to have a kind of generic screening criteria.
mr.dream merchant Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 But its understandable as well, if someone has kids. My parents birthed my brother and I at the young age of 22, with no college education and making a low end salary. They gave up alot to make things work, and for that I'll forever be in debt to them. So I actually applaud parents out there who're are making things work against all odds. Which is another reason why I probably couldn't date a single mother. Her life is already stressful enough, I'd rather not add to things (not implying I'm a stressful boyfriend), any real relationship comes with tough times.
a_woman Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I don't date men with children either, regardless whether they live away from him or not. I just find that level of domesticity suffocating and I have no interest in school runs, etc.
zengirl Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 (edited) Not a guy, but I don't date men with kids. I'll date divorced men, especially if they were married young, so it's not a red flag. Just not the stage of my life where I want to become instant-Mommy figure (though I adore kids) and also I had a step-mother and a step-father, and step-mothers usually take it much surer in the teeth from the kids because they have such a strong attachment to their mothers. Just my thoughts there; could be wrong. Surely am in some cases. Who knows if I'll ever change my tune someday? I certainly have surprised myself before. I don't see it as a character flaw, or understand why some people make it into that. I assess character quite well without needless dealbreakers to hypothetically look at it. It's just some lives mesh and others don't. FWIW, my awesome step-father is my Dad. He loves my Mom and always treated me as his own and was happy to fall in love with and marry my Mom with me in the equation. He was a "catch" too, by any objective standards (looks, career, and everybody likes him because he's an assertive nice guy. . . oh, and he's younger than her! Though only a few years. Still sends her flowers for no reason, too.). I sometimes wonder if I was ever seen as potential "baggage" to him, and maybe it's naive, but I really don't think so. My Mom didn't want to have any more kids, as delivering me almost killed her and she had a fear of being pregnant again, and I know my step-father did, as he desperately wanted kids in his first marriage and with her. I remember my mother confessing to me he was worried I didn't/wouldn't see him as a father. Really, he was the best parent -- out of all 4, including my excellent mother -- I had. All the healthiest habits I developed were because of him. So, my point is all sorts of stories happen all the time. Edited August 12, 2010 by zengirl
phineas Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 women you have come across do not represent the majority. Very few women would purposely become single. Raising a kid is expensive and requires two incomes. no it doesn't. All it takes is the father's income according to child support laws. And much more of it than most people actually spend raising kids. The more you make, the more she gets. I've heard enough stories of women trapping men by getting pregnant by people I actually know to make me want to get fixed so I don't have to worry about paying a 2nd woman to take my money & make my life miserable over a 3rd kid. bitter? maybe. but mostly broke, broke paying child support & daycare while STBXW lives off her new boyfriend. I'm 38 with two little ones. I'd date a woman with little ones as long as she had a decent job & didn't expect me to pay her & her kids way.
mr.dream merchant Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 no it doesn't. All it takes is the father's income according to child support laws. And much more of it than most people actually spend raising kids. The more you make, the more she gets. I've heard enough stories of women trapping men by getting pregnant by people I actually know to make me want to get fixed so I don't have to worry about paying a 2nd woman to take my money & make my life miserable over a 3rd kid. bitter? maybe. but mostly broke, broke paying child support & daycare while STBXW lives off her new boyfriend. I'm 38 with two little ones. I'd date a woman with little ones as long as she had a decent job & didn't expect me to pay her & her kids way. Damn bro that sucks, I'm sorry to hear that. The justice system definitely needs to revisit that whole area because it is not just. I know a couple women living real well off of their XH's child support. One of them is like 40 years old still clubbing. How great is that? She's sticking the man for child support but barely taking care of her own kids. Smgdh..
Sphere Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I wouldn't rule out dating a woman with a child/children. If she was an awesome woman who I found to be of great company, had a great character than I would definitely give it a shot.
a_woman Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 bitter? maybe. but mostly broke, broke paying child support & daycare while STBXW lives off her new boyfriend. I'm 38 with two little ones. I'd date a woman with little ones as long as she had a decent job & didn't expect me to pay her & her kids way. yes I heard stories like that from others too. it must really suck
Engadget Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Damn bro that sucks, I'm sorry to hear that. The justice system definitely needs to revisit that whole area because it is not just. I know a couple women living real well off of their XH's child support. One of them is like 40 years old still clubbing. How great is that? She's sticking the man for child support but barely taking care of her own kids. Smgdh.. It's an unfair part of the justice system that's for sure. Right now, more men have been laid off than women in the recession/depression. So, women should be paying child support if anything with joint custody.
InceptorsRule Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Women with children? It depends. If the mom is say a hot 37 or 38 with an even hotter 18 or 19 year old daughter then yeah I'm down with it--that's a "two fer." You can always trade up to the daughter if mommy's not cutting it in the sack.
InceptorsRule Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Thank you!! I raised this issue during a thread about childfreedom. Everyone laughed and said it wasn't true, except for one husband who admitted it. Yeah it pretty much forces you to go anal but the lady might not be down with that so it's a bit of a dilemma.
2sure Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 When I was a single mother and dating (I had one child) I noticed I seemed to have more opportunity than my peers who had more than one child. Also I noticed that among my peers who also had one child , the one with the most well behaved child scored more dates. It wasnt me.
InceptorsRule Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 My parents birthed my brother and I at the young age of 22 Wha? You mom gave birth to a set of 22 year old twins? That must be some kind of miracle or something.
dispatch3d Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I wouldn't date a girl who had a kid for that reason. I'm 25. Too much commitment out of the gate.
phineas Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 yes I heard stories like that from others too. it must really suck I have my kids half the time so i'm litterally paying for them to grow up in two households. Hence, if I date another single mom it has no chance of going long term unless she is screwing her baby daddy as much as my STBX is screwing me. At least then i'd have golf money if we shack up.
phineas Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Women with children? It depends. If the mom is say a hot 37 or 38 with an even hotter 18 or 19 year old daughter then yeah I'm down with it--that's a "two fer." You can always trade up to the daughter if mommy's not cutting it in the sack. I knew someone who did this. He was living with them & for some reason didn't think he'd get caught. She was making serious cash. He had it made.
jennifer4 Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Wow, I should have avoided this thread. Going through a rough few weeks and this isn't helping : ) I am a single mom of 4. I was married when I was 20, had 2 children, divorced at 28. Remarried at 29 and had 2 more children. Divorced at 32. It sure is tough finding a man willing to date me. I'll hold out hope, that's all I can do.
brainygirl Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Just another way to sort the men from the little boys . . . . . I have three children and support them myself. i don't carry any more baggage than anyone else in the world. I only communicate with the Ex about kid stuff like visitation. I get maybe 50 dollars worth of child support a month. Yeah, I'm really screwing him over.
somedude81 Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Women with children? It depends. If the mom is say a hot 37 or 38 with an even hotter 18 or 19 year old daughter then yeah I'm down with it--that's a "two fer." You can always trade up to the daughter if mommy's not cutting it in the sack. That's awesome. Though in my case I'd date the 18 or 19 year old and let her mother "seduce" me
Mutant Debutante Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I am young and I am raising a kid and it's expensive and a struggle, and there are some guys who have a problem with it. In fact I just had a breakup largely because of her, which was depressing. But overall while it makes my life more complicated and dating can be harder, I haven't noticed a really steep dropoff in male interest. More like I'm pickier about who I spend any time with because of the potential problems. My situation is a little different though as she is my sister, not my daughter, and so there's no baggage with an ex or anything in the picture.
Mutant Debutante Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 So I actually applaud parents out there who're are making things work against all odds. Which is another reason why I probably couldn't date a single mother. Her life is already stressful enough, I'd rather not add to things (not implying I'm a stressful boyfriend), any real relationship comes with tough times. You think her spending decades being lonely and celibate is somehow less stressful than going through the normal tough times in a relationship?
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