Ms_Sweetness Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 So I stayed patient with the guy that was having a difficult time performing in bed. We had relations this weekend and it was amazing! I always felt that he was interested in me, but now it seems to be even more so. I'm sure the sex played a huge part in this, but I don't want him to think we can only have fun when sex is involved. How do you tell a guy that you will only continue sexual relations with him if you two are at least exclusive? I know this is a conversation that should have happened BEFORE sex, but it didn't and now I need advice. I want to know whether or not he is just in to me for my body. He compliments me ALOT on how sexy he thinks I am and how great the sex was. However, we still have conversations about other things such as work, life, etc. How should I approach him with my concerns?
Katie29 Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 So I stayed patient with the guy that was having a difficult time performing in bed. We had relations this weekend and it was amazing! I always felt that he was interested in me, but now it seems to be even more so. I'm sure the sex played a huge part in this, but I don't want him to think we can only have fun when sex is involved. How do you tell a guy that you will only continue sexual relations with him if you two are at least exclusive? Stop having sex with him. Don't wimp out. I prefer the straight forward approach. He's thinking "why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free"
Author Ms_Sweetness Posted August 10, 2010 Author Posted August 10, 2010 Thanks Katie, you're right, I hate that I started the sex but if I take it away and he runs away, then I have my answer. I 'm not sure why it's so hard for me to confront him about this, normally I don't have a problem.
spookie Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I disagree with Katie. Going backwards in any relationship is always dangerous territory. Stopping the sex now that you've started just screams mind games. I would do what I did at the start of my R and just let him know that he can't sleep with anyone else if he wants to keep sleeping with you. If that makes him run, you've got your answer.
phineas Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Don't cut him off. Any man with a set of balls will next a woman if he thinks she's using sex as a tool. Just tell him if he wants to keep having sex with you the two of you need to be exclsuive. If he likes you, he'll agree. It still doesn't mean he won't tell you he "needs space" a few months down the road though if he finds another woman.
USMCHokie Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I disagree with Katie. Going backwards in any relationship is always dangerous territory. Stopping the sex now that you've started just screams mind games. 100% agree with this. In the early stages of dating and from a guy's point of view, any backward movement signals that the girl is either not interested or wants to play stupid bullsh*t games. Insta-LAUNCH.
mr.dream merchant Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I wish most women would stop taking the ultimatum approach. I've actually had a girl try to use sex as a way to get what she wanted out of me. She literally told me what Katie had recommended the OP do. The problem with that is, the guy you're saying it to may equate that with a manipulator, a woman who plays mind games and uses what she has to get what she wants....in a bad way. Sometimes that guy may choose to end the relationship the way I did, by deleting her number. If you want the man as a boyfriend, try going out with him and having fun in other ways. Don't just sit him down and tell him no sex until he makes you his GF. Dude is surely gonna be upset, confused, and may find you a bit audacious. You may not know of why he hasn't asked you to be exclusive yet. Would you want him to sit you down and tell you that he's not gonna treat you right unless you get to work with your mouth? And that he didn't mean talking? See what I'm getting at here? That approach is a bit on the powertrip and douchebag side. Go for ice cream, go for a romantic walk. Use the atmosphere in your favor. Then talk about it.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I agree with the other posters. You can have sex with him only if you like having sex, but ultimately you'll still want to bring onto the the table the matter of " exclusivity". Some guys think as long as a girl is putting out, they don't need to put in any effort. You said so yourself, you are not easy. So don't make it easy. If he's not even making an effort to " date " you then you know he's only only after one thing. How long have you two been dating?
cdt76 Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Dating is the key. I slept with my last GF on the first date but I was so into her that I made it a priority to take her out to a nice dinner, drinks, played pool. Then we went back home and shagged like rock stars. You don't have to cut off sex just to tell a guy you want to be exclusive. Do you even know if he is sleeping with anyone else? This is the thing about women, you assume too much. Be direct. Ask him about other girls and if he says he is seeing others then mention that you don't feel comfortable becoming physical if he has multiple partners. Or you could just not say anything at all and try and date him, talk to him, engage him. My last one, it was just automatic. There was no question about dating others (hahaa...till the end)
Gattica Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 You don't have to cut off sex just to tell a guy you want to be exclusive. Do you even know if he is sleeping with anyone else? This is the thing about women, you assume too much. Be direct. Ask him about other girls and if he says he is seeing others then mention that you don't feel comfortable becoming physical if he has multiple partners. Also make sure his actions match what he is saying.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Dating is the key. I slept with my last GF on the first date but I was so into her that I made it a priority to take her out to a nice dinner, drinks, played pool. Then we went back home and shagged like rock stars. You don't have to cut off sex just to tell a guy you want to be exclusive. Do you even know if he is sleeping with anyone else? This is the thing about women, you assume too much. Be direct. Ask him about other girls and if he says he is seeing others then mention that you don't feel comfortable becoming physical if he has multiple partners. Or you could just not say anything at all and try and date him, talk to him, engage him. My last one, it was just automatic. There was no question about dating others (hahaa...till the end) Your example doesn't necessarily apply to EVERY "date/sex" situation because half the men out there are already wining and dining women to get into their pants. But I agree, action says everything.
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