Kass Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 I met this guy called Abdoul at the Ivory Coast Independance Day last night. I was introduced 2 him by my brother in law who is also Ivorian. He was really sweet and asked me 2 dance and got me drinks. At the end of the night he asked me 4 my number and I gave it 2 him. He text me 2day and asked me out 2moro evening & I said yes. The problem is I'm almost 18 & he's 30. He seems like a nice guy & my brother in law knows him & introduced us so he cant be a creep or anything. Should I go through with meeting up with him? If so could any1 give advice on what 2 say & do? I dont have much experience with older men. God thats sound wierd. Lol!
brainygirl Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 I tell my kids they aren't allowed to date until they can write out the "to" in all words that contain it . . . . .
Author Kass Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 I tell my kids they aren't allowed to date until they can write out the "to" in all words that contain it . . . . . How do you mean?
jadedone Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 I met this guy called Abdoul at the Ivory Coast Independance Day last night. I was introduced 2 him by my brother in law who is also Ivorian. He was really sweet and asked me 2 dance and got me drinks. At the end of the night he asked me 4 my number and I gave it 2 him. He text me 2day and asked me out 2moro evening & I said yes. The problem is I'm almost 18 & he's 30. He seems like a nice guy & my brother in law knows him & introduced us so he cant be a creep or anything. Should I go through with meeting up with him? If so could any1 give advice on what 2 say & do? I dont have much experience with older men. God thats sound wierd. Lol! Are you 17? Are you from The Ivory Coast? Most western people will say that a 17 year old and a 30 year old are incompatible, but it truly is a cultural thing. If you trust your brother in law, and he truly has your best interest at heart I don't see the harm in going on the date. Be cautious, but have fun.
a_woman Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 what is the rate of HIV+ on the Ivory Coast? Same as in Southern Africa around 35%. Is he married? He is 30 which is old enough in Africa so I'm guessing he is.
Author Kass Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 Are you 17? Are you from The Ivory Coast? Most western people will say that a 17 year old and a 30 year old are incompatible, but it truly is a cultural thing. If you trust your brother in law, and he truly has your best interest at heart I don't see the harm in going on the date. Be cautious, but have fun. I am 17 but I'm not from the Ivory Coast. I'm Irish. Thats my opinion 2 but I cant trust my own so I need a 2nd 1.
Author Kass Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 what is the rate of HIV+ on the Ivory Coast? Same as in Southern Africa around 35%. Is he married? He is 30 which is old enough in Africa so I'm guessing he is. I'm actually not sure if he's married. My main reason 4 goin is to figure him out a bit more.
a_woman Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 I am 17 but I'm not from the Ivory Coast. I'm Irish. Thats my opinion 2 but I cant trust my own so I need a 2nd 1. You sound very naïve and young and completely unfamiliar with African customs. He maybe looking for a second wife or just a bit on the side.
brainygirl Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Your misuse of 2 and to is making my eyes bleed. As for the age gap, my God's honest first thought was if you are not mature enough to write out a two letter word than you are probably not ready to be in a relationship with a 30 year old man who you just met last night. My point exactly.
a_woman Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 I'm actually not sure if he's married. My main reason 4 goin is to figure him out a bit more. He will lie to you if necessary.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Well aside from hormones and puberty, what do you hope to get out of a relationship with a 30 year old? It's tempting to date someone older than you but it's also not wise stepping something that might eventually prove to be quicksand in disguise. I suggest you think long and hard about the consequences of dating a man twiceyour age and question what his angles are and why he felt the need to approach an underaged girl.
a_woman Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Well aside from hormones and puberty, what do you hope to get out of a relationship with a 30 year old? It's tempting to date someone older than you but it's also not wise stepping something that might eventually prove to be quicksand in disguise. I suggest you think long and hard about the consequences of dating a man twiceyour age and question what his angles are and why he felt the need to approach an underaged girl. She wouldn't be seen as underage there. Kass, I spent a year and a half in Africa and please understand that you are out of your depth there. Women are viewed very differently and you are getting involved in something you don't understand
Author Kass Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 My sisters been married to an Ivorian for over 8 years & she's knows everything to expect and has warned me. If I meet up with him & ask the important questions & I find out he's lied its obvious what I'll do but then again you cant tar everyone with the same brush. I'll definitly know if he's lied because he's a good friend of my sisters husband. Thank you all for your opinions though.
jadedone Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 She wouldn't be seen as underage there. Kass, I spent a year and a half in Africa and please understand that you are out of your depth there. Women are viewed very differently and you are getting involved in something you don't understand Agreed, this is why I was curious about her exact background and pointed out that it(the age gap) doesn't work in western culture, but is totally different in Africa. Men in Africa seem to fall into extremes. Either very sexist/chauvinistic of women or very respectful and traditional. This is based on my time in Africa.
a_woman Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 My sisters been married to an Ivorian for over 8 years & she's knows everything to expect and has warned me. If I meet up with him & ask the important questions & I find out he's lied its obvious what I'll do but then again you cant tar everyone with the same brush. I'll definitly know if he's lied because he's a good friend of my sisters husband. Thank you all for your opinions though. The number of times I heard this... Assume your sister lives in Europe rather than in the Ivory Coast. Hope so for her sake. Good luck
a_woman Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Agreed, this is why I was curious about her exact background and pointed out that it(the age gap) doesn't work in western culture, but is totally different in Africa. Men in Africa seem to fall into extremes. Either very sexist/chauvinistic of women or very respectful and traditional. This is based on my time in Africa. I am yet to observe 'respectful' but have seen extremes yes. Women are seen as property.
Author Kass Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 The number of times I heard this... Assume your sister lives in Europe rather than in the Ivory Coast. Hope so for her sake. Good luck She actually does live in Europe. She lives across the road from me with her husband and 3 children.
jadedone Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 I am yet to observe 'respectful' but have seen extremes yes. Women are seen as property. No question they are always considered property, and "respectful" can be relative, but many treat their women better than many western men treat their women.
NeoGen85 Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 I'd say anything can happen. If the results are positive then that's cool. But if they're not, you might fall hard. What a lot of young people fail to realize is that they have more options then they think. And doing what you want to do is not always the best option. In the U.S. many young people would rather take out an insane amount of loans for the full 4 year "college experience" at university rather then spend 2 years at their local community college and then transferring to a 4 year school which is cheaper. Upon exiting college if things haven't worked out the way they planned the payment on those loans start kicking ass. My girlfriend is 5 years younger then me which the age gap is definitely smaller. We do have a lot of things in common. But truth be told, our age(or maturity) definitely shows how different we are sometimes. If my girlfriend was dependent on me for "everything" she would not be my girlfriend.
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