Does Video Chatting Tell You Anything About Chemistry?

[zengirl]

So, I’m curious at any experiences people have had with chemistry and video chatting with someone before you meet them.

 

See, I’ve done online dating, but I’ve always met really quickly, within a few messages. . . but, due to physical restraints (being in Asia and repatriating in 1 week), I happened to meet a fellow in the city I’m moving to for my next job. Anyway, I’m starting to break my “rule” of expectations, man, because he seems kind of awesome. We started off just messaging, and I figured nothing would come of it until I got there and we’d have the cursory first meet and see if anything worked out, but somehow we wound up IMing on SKYPE and then Skyping (video chatting). It’s become a fairly regular thing. Not every day or anything, as it doesn’t always work out as possible. It turns out we have a couple mutual friends, and I guess we’ve even been in the same place before (though never formally met), so it’s not so much, “OMG, this guy will turn out to be a douche bag” because I asked a few of the people I know that know him about him, and it sounds like he’s a good guy and pretty much just what I thought from talking to him. And he’s seen me before, and remembered seeing me at a few events but I guess he’s rather shy and never came up to talk to me (I had a boyfriend at the time anyway). So, I know he likes the way I look. I don't remember seeing him, but he's cute on video chat.

 

But chemistry! Ugh. This is why I hate jabbering on with someone so much before meeting someone. We seem to have chemistry in writing messages (not IMing, but I find chemistry in IMing impossible) and video chat definitely feels fun and flirty. As much as such a thing can. Not that I’ll be able to do anything if there ISN’T chemistry, and at any rate I'll find out in a little over a week, but. . . I’m just wondering since I know some folks do a lot more phone-talking and even video chatting before meeting someone offline, and I’ve no experience with it before, what experiences have you had?

[zengirl]

My current SO and I started off as friends, we had met through an online friend of mine who was his real life friend. The first night we chatted on MSN for more than 3 hrs. I knew he had Skype and so I installed it that night, added him as a contact, and called (I was sick of typing ) It was extremely awkward for maybe the first 5 minutes, but after that it was very natural. Our chemistry was great.

 

Keep in mind that we had no pretensions of hooking up, though. We were both just looking for friendship and someone to talk to. He had been in school for two years, had made no friends, was very lonely. I had just gone through a major split, was also in school, and very lonely. Neither of us approached each other as a potential mate, so I think that helped alleviate any awkwardness and the chemistry came natural. I think if it was a social dating thing it would have been different, and being that we are both shy by nature, much more uncomfortable.

 

We skyped every single day save for 2 weeks in the summer from then on. Then we met twice before becoming a couple. So yeah, went in with no expectation of having a relationship and came out with the one that will hopefully last until the end.

 

I am actually surprised when people say they are uncomfortable with talking on the webcam. I think video chatting can enhance the chemistry between two people because they are able to see each other, but there definitely has to be a level of comfort involved.

 

Good story. It's interesting how many people meet (not just romantic) online nowadays. Funny.

 

I'm not uncomfortable video chatting. . . just never done it before in this context because it seems like a needless step if you're actually in the same town. I chat with my friends back home all the time, so used to Skyping. And Skyping this fellow is never uncomfortable in the least. It's the opposite. But I'm mostly getting nerves about actually meeting him now. Normal, regular, jittery nerves I think. Probably just trying to procrastinate on packing! I don't think I've liked talking to a fellow this much in years, so it just has taken up too much brain space.

[zengirl]

I think I know what you are talking about. My SO and I became a couple and decided we needed to see each other asap. Since we were in the middle of a semester we had to wait a month (he is LD). Meeting him after we became a couple was like meeting him for the first time all over again. I was actually more nervous to see him that time than the first time I met him.

 

Zengirl, are you afraid that the chemistry you two have online will not translate into real life? I know you mentioned you two knew each other from before, but were never really in close contact. That could be a reason as to why you are a little nervous.

 

Do you have plans on spending some time with him when you get back to your hometown?

 

He's not in my hometown. . . he's in the place I'm moving to, several states away from "home" but it'll be my new home, as I already have a job at a school there. I used to go there for work a few times a month when I was in a totally different job, so I have some friends there. He's pretty good friends with the couple who own a music venue, which is a part of a downtown complex I used to rep back in the day when I was in advertising. I am still in touch with them and the gal is a pretty good friend. I guess her husband is one of his best friends. He saw me at events when I was there for work. Part of my job used to be hanging out at various events in the downtown area. Advertising is a weird field.

 

At any rate, the distance will be moot shortly. But, yes, I'm a bit nervous that the chemistry won't translate into real life, and that will be annoying because I like talking to him a lot and find him quite cute now. I have a crush. It's just against my better judgment, to a degree, because of the not-meeting-him-in-person thing.

 

I suppose I also wonder why I never noticed him, if he remembers seeing me (because he is totally my "type" in a lot of ways), but I did have a boyfriend at the time, so it could be I just wasn't noticing anyone. I don't know. It's hard to remember.