Confused100 Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 I think I've gained some valuable insights these past few months. One thing I've learned is that it's pretty much impossible to be just friends with someone you're very attracted to. That being said, I still don't have a clear idea on how to approach girls on campus. My biggest problem so far has been: become friends with a girl; wait to ask her out until the attraction/lust/infatuation/etc reaches a critical mass; get rejected; feel like crap because I lose a friend and get rejected simultaneously. So, let's say there's a girl I find attractive in one of my classes. My guess is that I should just go ahead and ask her out? Or is it better to cultivate a small relationship first before asking? One of my older buddies has been giving me some tips recently and he said that he never really asks girls for dates, but is more assertive. Is this the correct approach? How do you ask to exchange numbers without it coming across as awkward? How would I possibly approach girls with whom I don't share a class? It seems weird to approach some random girl walking around, for example.
Mike B. Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 (edited) Weird to approach a random girl walking around? I never actually heard it worded like that. I guess it is what you are used to being around. Growing up in a big city, this is how the guys approached women in my experience. Me and the boys would be walking up the street, saw some girls on the other side of the street. We crossed the street and started talking to her or them. It never felt weird to me but I always remembered doing it this way. It is how we got girlfriends. I think it is best to set the stage right away for a woman that you are interested in. If you find a girl attractive in your class, talk to her and build up a rapport quickly and then ask for her number. I wouldn't let too much time past in college since this is the time where things are moving sort of fast and wild. A more aggressive guy in your class won't waste time and he will have her quick. I wouldn't waste my time trying to be friends to a woman I am attracted to. Why throw yourself in the friendzone intentionally? You hear som much about the friendzone but I just don't understand someone's plan to start from there. It's quicksand. It's torture. You can pretend like you are her friend but all you are going to do is imagine screwing her every time you are with her. Torture. Now, if you somehow find yourself in the friendzone for whatever reason, I wouldn't completely walk away. I would keep in some contact because you never know what can happen in the future. If you walk away completely, nothing definitely would happen. Just don't start getting chatty on the phone and things of that nature. So approaching girls on campus is like approaching them at the beach, the movies, the junkyard, the mall, the park, and train station. You walk up and say hi and introduce yourself and start talking. Edited August 8, 2010 by Mike B.
Green Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 I think by being impulsive and not listening to your fear driven excuses that drive you to inaction you will have more sucess with women. I think I've gained some valuable insights these past few months. One thing I've learned is that it's pretty much impossible to be just friends with someone you're very attracted to. That being said, I still don't have a clear idea on how to approach girls on campus. First it's not that its imposible to be friends with girls (which it probably is) its that you shouldn't expect a relationship you treat as a friendship to some how turn into a romance. You know what you need to do so start trying BOLD things. BE YOURSELF FOR A CHANGE AND KISS THE GIRL. It's about actualy trying things. Don't just come on here and ask for advice. Come on here with recent examples of how last week you asked a few pretty girls out and how you tried to kiss them and stuff. Don't tell a girl how you feel, SHOW HER with a KISS and by TOUCHING her and FLIRTING. My biggest problem so far has been: become friends with a girl; wait to ask her out until the attraction/lust/infatuation/etc reaches a critical mass; get rejected; feel like crap because I lose a friend and get rejected simultaneously. NO your BIGGEST problem is YOURSELF. YOU ARE YOUR OWN Worst enemy. Stop being so hard on yourself and ENJOY meeting women. Touch them, flirt with them, KISS THEM. Be yourself NOT some lame fake castrated friend who just acts friendly.. BE ROMANTIC if you want a ROMANCE isn't that logical. STOP BEING AFRAID OF REJECTION and stop taking this all so seriously... its not life or death. ITs supposed to be fun and they want to have fun. The best way to make them have fun is for YOU to have fun because that is all you can really control. So, let's say there's a girl I find attractive in one of my classes. My guess is that I should just go ahead and ask her out? Or is it better to cultivate a small relationship first before asking? One of my older buddies has been giving me some tips recently and he said that he never really asks girls for dates, but is more assertive. Is this the correct approach? How do you ask to exchange numbers without it coming across as awkward? "lets say theres a girl I find attractive in one of my classes" isn't it more like there are plenty of girls you find attractive all over the place all the time? Lets not make this hypothetical because it is real. Only you can learn this stuff. No one can really give you any advice other then try. Thats why I try to keep it simple. 1) FLIRT: you know silly conversation "nice shirt it looks really cute on you" just say what ever seems fun... you know tease them in a fun way for the BOTH of you (not a mean way) and just have silly conversation with pretty girls 2) ASK THEM OUT: no need to have a long drawn out battle plan... just ask them out after flirting for a few minutes (DONT JUST WALK AWAY WITH OUT ASKING THEM OUT that means you let fear win... even if the girl looks uninterested still ask them out) all you have to say is "we should get coffee" (or whatever) then even if they say no or yes doesn't matter still try to get their contact info by pulling out ur phone and instructing them to put in their number... If a girl says no you can always ask again as long as they didn't say "NOT IF YOU WERE THE LAST MAN ON EARTH" 3) When on a date with a girl just try to find way to touch them... like sit next to them and have ur legs touch, touch their arm when you make them laugh... maybe even there knee then some time before the date is over you MUST KISS THEM ON THE LIPS... DONT ASK JUST GO IN FOR THE KISS... It is the most important part and the part you are most likely to talk urself out of... JUST KISS HER EVEN IF U ARE SCARED AND ENJOY IT Other then that basic avice you have to figure it out on your own which isn't hard if you stop caring so much about what girls think of you and you be more confident. How would I possibly approach girls with whom I don't share a class? It seems weird to approach some random girl walking around, for example. You JUST DO IT. You just walk up and start being a creep. AND YOU HAVE FUN. Imagine her naked if you are to afraid to do it. YOU JUST DO IT. Just to give you a little background on myself I went through high school and college never even kissing a girl. Then the summer I graduated college I had enough and asked a pretty girl out and to my suprise I even KISSED her on the date. Wow it was all so easy all I had to do was TRY I had been so afraid of REJECTION that I just acted like some asexual loser. JUST BE YOURSELF, YOu already know what you need to do and want to do but you are to afraid of rejection. JUST DO IT. You see a girl you like, awkardly walk up and push yourself through it. With every rejection and every loss YOU WILL LEARN and YOu will become better VERY QUICK. COme back with actual stories of how you ASKED GIRLS OUT and how YOU tried TO KISS THEM. And then I will know you are actualy trying. RIght now all you come here with is hypothetical and stories of how being a girls friend doesn't lead to romance. Doesn't that sound like common sense that being a girls friend doesn't some how magicaly lead to romance. ROMANCE LEADS TO ROMANCE. thats why you have to just KISS. ROMANCE IS ACTION NOT WORDS ... nothing romantic about just saying "I like you" and then standing there expecting the girl to just love you for that. KISS HER... KISS HER
Author Confused100 Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 Weird to approach a random girl walking around? I never actually heard it worded like that. I guess it is what you are used to being around. Growing up in a big city, this is how the guys approached women in my experience. Me and the boys would be walking up the street, saw some girls on the other side of the street. We crossed the street and started talking to her or them. It never felt weird to me but I always remembered doing it this way. It is how we got girlfriends. I think it is best to set the stage right away for a woman that you are interested in. If you find a girl attractive in your class, talk to her and build up a rapport quickly and then ask for her number. I wouldn't let too much time past in college since this is the time where things are moving sort of fast and wild. A more aggressive guy in your class won't waste time and he will have her quick. I wouldn't waste my time trying to be friends to a woman I am attracted to. Why throw yourself in the friendzone intentionally? You hear som much about the friendzone but I just don't understand someone's plan to start from there. It's quicksand. It's torture. You can pretend like you are her friend but all you are going to do is imagine screwing her every time you are with her. Torture. Now, if you somehow find yourself in the friendzone for whatever reason, I wouldn't completely walk away. I would keep in some contact because you never know what can happen in the future. If you walk away completely, nothing definitely would happen. Just don't start getting chatty on the phone and things of that nature. So approaching girls on campus is like approaching them at the beach, the movies, the junkyard, the mall, the park, and train station. You walk up and say hi and introduce yourself and start talking. Does it matter if the girl is in a group with her friends? Should I just go ahead and start chatting anyway? I guess I felt like it might be weird because everyone may be trying to rush to class. You're absolutely right. It is torture. I quickly learned that. Thanks for the advice. I'm just overthinking things, I guess.
Author Confused100 Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 I think by being impulsive and not listening to your fear driven excuses that drive you to inaction you will have more success with women. I think you're right. That's been my problem--fear. NO your BIGGEST problem is YOURSELF. YOU ARE YOUR OWN Worst enemy. Stop being so hard on yourself and ENJOY meeting women. Touch them, flirt with them, KISS THEM. Be yourself NOT some lame fake castrated friend who just acts friendly.. BE ROMANTIC if you want a ROMANCE isn't that logical. STOP BEING AFRAID OF REJECTION and stop taking this all so seriously... its not life or death. ITs supposed to be fun and they want to have fun. The best way to make them have fun is for YOU to have fun because that is all you can really control. You're right here too. "lets say theres a girl I find attractive in one of my classes" isn't it more like there are plenty of girls you find attractive all over the place all the time? Lets not make this hypothetical because it is real. Only you can learn this stuff. No one can really give you any advice other then try. Thats why I try to keep it simple. 1) FLIRT: you know silly conversation "nice shirt it looks really cute on you" just say what ever seems fun... you know tease them in a fun way for the BOTH of you (not a mean way) and just have silly conversation with pretty girls 2) ASK THEM OUT: no need to have a long drawn out battle plan... just ask them out after flirting for a few minutes (DONT JUST WALK AWAY WITH OUT ASKING THEM OUT that means you let fear win... even if the girl looks uninterested still ask them out) all you have to say is "we should get coffee" (or whatever) then even if they say no or yes doesn't matter still try to get their contact info by pulling out ur phone and instructing them to put in their number... If a girl says no you can always ask again as long as they didn't say "NOT IF YOU WERE THE LAST MAN ON EARTH" 3) When on a date with a girl just try to find way to touch them... like sit next to them and have ur legs touch, touch their arm when you make them laugh... maybe even there knee then some time before the date is over you MUST KISS THEM ON THE LIPS... DONT ASK JUST GO IN FOR THE KISS... It is the most important part and the part you are most likely to talk urself out of... JUST KISS HER EVEN IF U ARE SCARED AND ENJOY IT Other then that basic avice you have to figure it out on your own which isn't hard if you stop caring so much about what girls think of you and you be more confident. Thanks, this helped a lot! Will do.
Mike B. Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Does it matter if the girl is in a group with her friends? Should I just go ahead and start chatting anyway? I guess I felt like it might be weird because everyone may be trying to rush to class. Yes it matters if she is with friends. It's more complicated with friends. You either have to initially engage them all as a group and then quickly focus on the one you want. This sort of neutralize the friends and they will be more cooperative with you going for their buddy if you bring the charm. The other option is to somehow break the friends attention away. This is where your wing man comes in handy. Without him, initially engaging the whole group is your best bet then smoothly just keep talking to the one you want. The smooth transition of your focus is key in that situation. It isn't high school so college students are generally not rushing to class as if they are trying to beat a bell. If you have someone effectively engaged, they will be willing to be a couple of minutes late. Expect it to be a little awkward in the beginning. I don't do it like this often anymore since I am quite a bit past my college years but I recently had a bunch of my male cousins came to visit me and we hung out in this new city that I moved to. We went out on the town and had a blast. We are all in our 30s. Once all of the bars and clubs started closing, the streets were filled with hot women just hurrying to their cars or other destinations and there were my cousins and I, on the streets getting their attentions individually. All of us where only within a few feet of each other grabbing the attention of the women who walked past us in droves. It was a great feeling. I felt like we were the same young guys in our old neighborhood back in the day. We never thought anything of doing this as kids and after all of this time, we didn't think any thing of doing it that night.
Author Confused100 Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 Yes it matters if she is with friends. It's more complicated with friends. You either have to initially engage them all as a group and then quickly focus on the one you want. This sort of neutralize the friends and they will be more cooperative with you going for their buddy if you bring the charm. The other option is to somehow break the friends attention away. This is where your wing man comes in handy. Without him, initially engaging the whole group is your best bet then smoothly just keep talking to the one you want. The smooth transition of your focus is key in that situation. It isn't high school so college students are generally not rushing to class as if they are trying to beat a bell. If you have someone effectively engaged, they will be willing to be a couple of minutes late. Expect it to be a little awkward in the beginning. I don't do it like this often anymore since I am quite a bit past my college years but I recently had a bunch of my male cousins came to visit me and we hung out in this new city that I moved to. We went out on the town and had a blast. We are all in our 30s. Once all of the bars and clubs started closing, the streets were filled with hot women just hurrying to their cars or other destinations and there were my cousins and I, on the streets getting their attentions individually. All of us where only within a few feet of each other grabbing the attention of the women who walked past us in droves. It was a great feeling. I felt like we were the same young guys in our old neighborhood back in the day. We never thought anything of doing this as kids and after all of this time, we didn't think any thing of doing it that night. Alright, this makes sense. I think I'll probably avoid the group situations for now, then. Until I build up some more confidence, that is. I guess one fear I have in asking out girls from class is that it'll be awkward if I get rejected, since I'd see them everyday. Am I incorrect in this assumption? Is this just another fear I need to get over?
Mike B. Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 I guess one fear I have in asking out girls from class is that it'll be awkward if I get rejected, since I'd see them everyday. Am I incorrect in this assumption? Is this just another fear I need to get over? Definitely another fear you need to get over. Keep in mind that girls rejects guys all of the time. It isn't a thing to them. It's another day in the big city unless you get creepy on them. Don't get creepy on them. Using my story above for an example, one of my more aggressive cousins actually grabbed the hands of a woman who was walking past him to stop her so she would talk to him. This has worked for him on occasions but this woman definitely wasn't feeling it. My cousin turned away from he after she rejected him and he almost immediately started walking across the street to his next target. After so many years of approaching women, he is almost immune to rejection. It's part of the game. You have to take the good with the bad. Try to not look at it through a guy's eyes. When some men get rejected they feel like hiding under a rock but the woman who rejected him could be all up in his face the next day like nothing happened. It's nothing to her. Don't let it be anything to you. It's kind of hard to explain but it's almost like losing your pride when it comes to rejection but not losing your overall dignity. What if you got rejected by someone at work who you had to spend hours working with each day? This has happened to me more than once and I really didn't give a damn. Showed up to work each day with a smile, spoke to and maybe laughed with the person who said "no" to me. It's nothing man. It's nothing at all. Embrace it. If you show that it gets to you then that would be a problem.
Green Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Does it matter if the girl is in a group with her friends? Should I just go ahead and start chatting anyway? I guess I felt like it might be weird because everyone may be trying to rush to class. Look you are never going to find some girl just standing by herself staring at a wall holding a sign saying "COME TALK TO ME." The girls will always either be doing something like reading, or talking to some one, or eating something... So stop using EVERYTHING as an excuse. Some times you just have to approach a girl in a group. In fact some times its harder when its only a group of two girls because then its harder to pull one girl away. I've talked to groups of girls and got the number of the girl I liked. You will also encounter girls out by themselves doing stuff durring the day. When I met my gf she was with two other girls. It didn't stop me from flirting with her a little, then inviting her to a party I was planning on going to. She actualy turned me down but I got her number and we ended up dating any ways. Yes it matters if she is with friends. It's more complicated with friends. You either have to initially engage them all as a group and then quickly focus on the one you want. This sort of neutralize the friends and they will be more cooperative with you going for their buddy if you bring the charm. The other option is to somehow break the friends attention away. This is where your wing man comes in handy. Without him, initially engaging the whole group is your best bet then smoothly just keep talking to the one you want. The smooth transition of your focus is key in that situation. It isn't high school so college students are generally not rushing to class as if they are trying to beat a bell. If you have someone effectively engaged, they will be willing to be a couple of minutes late. Expect it to be a little awkward in the beginning. I don't do it like this often anymore since I am quite a bit past my college years but I recently had a bunch of my male cousins came to visit me and we hung out in this new city that I moved to. We went out on the town and had a blast. We are all in our 30s. Once all of the bars and clubs started closing, the streets were filled with hot women just hurrying to their cars or other destinations and there were my cousins and I, on the streets getting their attentions individually. All of us where only within a few feet of each other grabbing the attention of the women who walked past us in droves. It was a great feeling. I felt like we were the same young guys in our old neighborhood back in the day. We never thought anything of doing this as kids and after all of this time, we didn't think any thing of doing it that night. I agree when you aproach more then one girl its more complicated but no reason not to try. I think having a wing man is FUN but it is in no way needed and usualy involves one person working for the other which is hard to convince some one. Its better just to rely on yourself. I love your story of how you and your friends had fun attracting the attention of women... IT MAKES A GREAT POINT> Its about having fun. Why does this guy want a gf in the first place FUN! so he needs to stop worrying about what may or might happen and just enjoy the moment. Enjoy trying to get the attention of women. Stop worrying about the result and just enjoy the sillyness and fun of being young and talking to girls and trying to kiss them ect. Alright, this makes sense. I think I'll probably avoid the group situations for now, then. Until I build up some more confidence, that is. I guess one fear I have in asking out girls from class is that it'll be awkward if I get rejected, since I'd see them everyday. Am I incorrect in this assumption? Is this just another fear I need to get over? Stop thinking about it all so much. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. ANy time you have a fear you should face it and get over that fear. You only fear it because its what you want to do. THE GIRLS ARE MORE SCARED THEN YOU ARE> Thats why guys are the ones who have to do all the asking out. Plus YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE the girl will act like nothing happened, you'll be tempted to ask her out again... and heck why not unless she said something like "NEVER!!" or you just get bored. Lets see, if a girl says "NO" then it will be over as soon as you stop caring. But the girl has so much to lose. If she dates you and has sex with you she might get a reputation as a SLUT a thing guys don't worry about. Plus she has to worry about the danger of RAPE/ATTACK/PREGNANCY/REPUTATION.... YOu have nothing to worry about. YOu just have to have FUN. GIrls are way more afraid of awkwardness... USE Thier fear as your tool. A girl if put on the spot SAYS YES some times just to avoid the awkwardness of saying no... Then once you have KISSED them on the date they fall for you and now they REALLY like you for real. SO PLEASE FLIRT AND ASK OUT GIRLS in class and groups and STOP comming up with EXCUSES. YOU KNOW what to do so please JUST DO IT TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO it today!!!!! and I want your next UPDATE to be about SOMETHING YOU ACTUALY DID. SItting here and just asking us questions only makes MORE FEAR. THINKING IS YOUR ENEMY. JUST BE YOURSELF AND DO THE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BUT KEEP TALKING URSELF OUT OF. NO MORE (it will be awkward) NO MORE (I don't know what to say) NO MORE ( she looks busy or she is in a group) NO MORE ( I don't want to look like a creep) JUST DO IT. 1) FLIRT 2) YOU ASK OUT (DONT WALK AWAY WIHTOUT ASKING 3) GET CONTACTINFO 4) YOU DON"T LET THAT DATE END WITH OUT A KISS DO IT TODAY. I gaurantee!!!! you will see attractive girls today if you so much as look out your window. SO GIVE US AN UPDATE OF HOw YOU ASKED A GIRL OUT and your already well on your way. Every time you ask some new question about how "won't it be awkward" you are giving into fear. Definitely another fear you need to get over. Keep in mind that girls rejects guys all of the time. It isn't a thing to them. It's another day in the big city unless you get creepy on them. Don't get creepy on them. Using my story above for an example, one of my more aggressive cousins actually grabbed the hands of a woman who was walking past him to stop her so she would talk to him. This has worked for him on occasions but this woman definitely wasn't feeling it. My cousin turned away from he after she rejected him and he almost immediately started walking across the street to his next target. After so many years of approaching women, he is almost immune to rejection. It's part of the game. You have to take the good with the bad. Try to not look at it through a guy's eyes. When some men get rejected they feel like hiding under a rock but the woman who rejected him could be all up in his face the next day like nothing happened. It's nothing to her. Don't let it be anything to you. It's kind of hard to explain but it's almost like losing your pride when it comes to rejection but not losing your overall dignity. What if you got rejected by someone at work who you had to spend hours working with each day? This has happened to me more than once and I really didn't give a damn. Showed up to work each day with a smile, spoke to and maybe laughed with the person who said "no" to me. It's nothing man. It's nothing at all. Embrace it. If you show that it gets to you then that would be a problem. Basicaly not fearing rejection, and not caring or basing your worth on a womans opinion of you is very attractive. The girls get over it quickly you should too. The picture you have painted in your mind of what it is like to be rejected is worse then the reality. Life goes on and NO ONE CARES.
Engadget Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Frank Zappa once said something about college being the easiest place to get laid. It's very true.
Recommended Posts