gungho Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 So I'm new to dating sites and I am trying OKCupid. I've messaged a few ladies who the matches say 80% or above on. What is appropriate for the first message sent? Keep it simple like "I was looking at your profile and I see you like spaghetti! Me too!" Or should I make that first approach more in depth?
carhill Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 LOL, 'I've got the noodles if you've got the sauce' as a somewhat colorful line to the "I like spaghetti" dynamic. Really, IMO and IME, what happens is, if you catch a woman off-guard with something different than she's used to, that momentarily catches her attention. She *might* click on your profile to see what you *look like*, then, if she likes that, read your profile, then go back and look at the little ditty you sent her. Takes about a minute. At that point, you're either in the garbage can or assigned a ladder position, dependent on her overall impression. When I've answered ads, I pick up on something in the woman's profile (assuming her profile is substantive) and apply my unique and individual perception and humor to it, reflective of who I am in real life. If that, and what I *look like* resonates with her, I *might* hear back. I don't count on it, but rather enjoy the process. I'm older, so perhaps what 'works' with your age group will be different...
Author gungho Posted August 7, 2010 Author Posted August 7, 2010 Thanks Carhil, lol. I'm not sure if I'm ballsy enough to say that line, even over the internet, lol. I am trying to keep it simple, yet give them enough they can respond back. I'm not just sending messages saying, "I think you are pretty". I usually pick up on one or two things in their profile that I found intriguing and hopefully that gives them 2 options for their response. I also don't want to go into depth so much that person is like "Whoa, creepazoid, he's spilling his entire life in the first message. Ignore". I'm 25. I've not dated anyone since I was 16. So I'm not sure what those my age are interested in either.
carhill Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 IMO, Go with an abbreviated version of how you express yourself in real life... My example above, if a woman of my age was compatible, would appear a bit kinky (there is a sexual component to noodles and sauce) and not entirely clear. It could be taken a number of ways. It would get her attention. If, OTOH, she's not compatible, she wouldn't get it, think it was creepy, strange, looserish, etc. The clear imperative is not to focus on the failures but rather to seek success. You can't control how a woman responds to your approach. Are you looking for dating experience or a LTR? If your noodle is looking for a nice Alfredo sauce, then read up on the dating and PUA books and go out and get that experience. There's a method to getting dates that doesn't necessarily reflect who you are. It's one methodology. When you're looking for a life partner, other factors enter, including being attracted to and attracting a *compatible* partner for a LTR. That's a far different can of worms than getting dates. So, work out what you want and proceed with that in mind. What I like about online dating is the ladies who list their ads are at least *saying* they're unattached. That isn't always true, but it narrows the odds down a bit. Have fun
Author gungho Posted August 7, 2010 Author Posted August 7, 2010 Not looking for long term. I'm looking for short term, getting to meet women to go out and have some fun.
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