Setting things straight: What do women really respond to?

[zengirl]

I'm good at keeping them around. It's just I seem to go for the bad ones. I should probably read that book about why guys prefer bitchy women.

 

Ah! I suspected that. A lot of your posts make so much more sense now.

 

From the female side: The whole "Why Men Marry Bitches" stuff isn't really about bitches at all. Some of the fundamental psychology is reasonable (yes, most people do like someone who has their own life and opinions, to a degree) but the leaps it takes to give advice are strange.

 

Many of my guy friends are in long term relationships. They are very good at driving overall strategy, but I think women are much better at situational advice.

 

I suppose a good example would be when I want to know when would be a good point in the relationship to ask a woman to move in with me... I ask my male friends. When I want to know the best way to ask... I get advice from my female friends.

 

Does that make sense?

 

Well, I think people in long-term relationships (men and women) are excellent to ask for advice. I can see how something, in that case, might work out as you say: Mainly because the woman hasn't been a man who has asked a woman to move in with him. But a woman has been a woman who understands what way of asking would appeal to her or not. I still think people of either gender could give great or terrible advice on such topics.

 

Is it possible that a lot of it comes down to you trusting the fellows to give you good advice on the first topic, versus not having gals in your life you trust as much?

 

To me, neither of those are really abstracts, and I'd consider them both specific situations if it was about a particular gal. I suppose "When is the best time to move in with someone?" is an abstract, but that's not really giving advice at all. It's giving opinions. Most of my guy friends would (I imagine) respond with something along the lines of, "When you want. Dude, I don't know. . . Do you even have a girlfriend?" Random relationship hypothetical come up far less in actual discussions I have with men, but perhaps they just wait till the ladies are gone to do so. (I know women who will bring such things up, even in mixed company.)

[dispatch3d]

Ah! I suspected that. A lot of your posts make so much more sense now.

 

From the female side: The whole "Why Men Marry Bitches" stuff isn't really about bitches at all. Some of the fundamental psychology is reasonable (yes, most people do like someone who has their own life and opinions, to a degree) but the leaps it takes to give advice are strange.

 

 

 

Well, I think people in long-term relationships (men and women) are excellent to ask for advice. I can see how something, in that case, might work out as you say: Mainly because the woman hasn't been a man who has asked a woman to move in with him. But a woman has been a woman who understands what way of asking would appeal to her or not. I still think people of either gender could give great or terrible advice on such topics.

 

Is it possible that a lot of it comes down to you trusting the fellows to give you good advice on the first topic, versus not having gals in your life you trust as much?

 

To me, neither of those are really abstracts, and I'd consider them both specific situations if it was about a particular gal. I suppose "When is the best time to move in with someone?" is an abstract, but that's not really giving advice at all. It's giving opinions. Most of my guy friends would (I imagine) respond with something along the lines of, "When you want. Dude, I don't know. . . Do you even have a girlfriend?" Random relationship hypothetical come up far less in actual discussions I have with men, but perhaps they just wait till the ladies are gone to do so. (I know women who will bring such things up, even in mixed company.)

 

just because they are in a long-term relationship doesn't mean they know anything about dating. I think you really have to just go on how often their advice lines up with what you experience to be correct/good idea. I think this advice especially holds true for the hot ones, who just have to put on a nice dress and someone will hit on them (even if they aren't interested 90%+

[zengirl]

just because they are in a long-term relationship doesn't mean they know anything about dating. I think you really have to just go on how often their advice lines up with what you experience to be correct/good idea.

 

Oh, true. Never ever just instantaneously take anyone's advice in your actual life. I just find it condescending and insulting when fellows say silly things like, "Girls don't know what they want," or "Never listen to women about dating."

 

I should clarify. To me, someone who is in a successful, healthy long-term relationship is most likely to give me the kind of advice that is going to work for me, since I only seek successful, healthy long-term relationships. Basically, go to someone who is successful at what you want to be successful at is always good advice.

 

For instance, if I want to know what men find attractive in order to improve myself, I'd want to ask both men who I might be interested in (the type I'd want to find me attractive) and women who attract those sorts of men. If I want to know for purely sociological reasons, all answers would be interesting. But I'd need some solid methodology to make anything of it beyond just prompting some thought.

 

I think this advice especially holds true for the hot ones, who just have to put on a nice dress and someone will hit on them (even if they aren't interested 90%+

 

This is the part where I think you fall apart. Why shouldn't people who have a pick of the people they date because they are desirable be potentially good at saying what is desirable? They might not be able to empathize with the struggles of others who want to be hit on more, even by undesirables, but that doesn't exclude them from giving good advice on other things.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Ah! I suspected that. A lot of your posts make so much more sense now.

From the female side: The whole "Why Men Marry Bitches" stuff isn't really about bitches at all. Some of the fundamental psychology is reasonable (yes, most people do like someone who has their own life and opinions, to a degree) but the leaps it takes to give advice are strange.

 

I don't really start threads on something unless its really making me nuts. Actually I don't even use this site much unless I'm between relationships.

 

I've never read the book and I think it's targeted to women, thanks for the warning on it. Most of the self help books targeted to men are pick up artist crap.

 

I don't know why but I tend to gravitate towards women that are controlling, and insecure... despite the fact that I am very secure and very independent.

 

Well, I think people in long-term relationships (men and women) are excellent to ask for advice. I can see how something, in that case, might work out as you say: Mainly because the woman hasn't been a man who has asked a woman to move in with him. But a woman has been a woman who understands what way of asking would appeal to her or not. I still think people of either gender could give great or terrible advice on such topics.

Is it possible that a lot of it comes down to you trusting the fellows to give you good advice on the first topic, versus not having gals in your life you trust as much?

To me, neither of those are really abstracts, and I'd consider them both specific situations if it was about a particular gal. I suppose "When is the best time to move in with someone?" is an abstract, but that's not really giving advice at all. It's giving opinions. Most of my guy friends would (I imagine) respond with something along the lines of, "When you want. Dude, I don't know. . . Do you even have a girlfriend?" Random relationship hypothetical come up far less in actual discussions I have with men, but perhaps they just wait till the ladies are gone to do so. (I know women who will bring such things up, even in mixed company.)

 

This is going to sound really odd... but a lot of my female friends tend to ask me for advice on things. I'm usually pretty good at deciphering why people do what they do.

 

Your guy friends sound very funny!

[Green]

Women like men who are tall, strong, healthy, and who have money, fame, fun, are mature, with good hair, and a good face.

 

If you have any 2/9 things I mentioned you will do fine with women. obviously things like being short, weak, unhealthy, poor, unknown, boring, and childish, bad hair, ugly face, unconfident will pull against the posotives.

[Engadget]

Confidence is the biggest one, and it's the great equalizer. An ugly guy can get a good looking girl if he's confident. Problem usually is he knows he's ugly and allows it to hold him back.

[skydiveaddict]

Confidence is the biggest one, and it's the great equalizer. An ugly guy can get a good looking girl if he's confident. Problem usually is he knows he's ugly and allows it to hold him back.

 

 

 

True but an ugly guy must also have money

[Engadget]

True but an ugly guy must also have money

 

I wouldn't say always but it doesn't hurt.

[skydiveaddict]

why would I take dating tips when in a relationship?

 

 

 

Exactly my point. I'm not disagreeing w/you. Since you are in a relationship said dating tips are no longer relevant to you

[zengirl]

I don't know why but I tend to gravitate towards women that are controlling, and insecure... despite the fact that I am very secure and very independent.

 

Well, from what little I know of you, I'd suggest some of your archaic gender stereotypes are part of it. Not that there isn't a gal who might fit with them who happens to be secure and independent, emotionally, or that the opposite can't happen with gals that don't fit it. But you're just more likely to find gals that aren't with that view. Especially if you're also factoring in looks. Probably not the whole of it, of course.

 

This is going to sound really odd... but a lot of my female friends tend to ask me for advice on things. I'm usually pretty good at deciphering why people do what they do.

 

Your guy friends sound very funny!

 

Doesn't sound odd to me. I ask my guy friends, too. The fact is that while my female friends give excellent advice as well, it's far easier to predict. (They still have different perspectives; it's not like all women -- even all women who are friends -- think the same, but I'm always going to think a bit more like them than my male friends. And I appreciate diverse viewpoints.) And, yes, they are funny.

[that girl]

For the OP, a large part of it is looks but it isn't really it as simple as "a guy must be at least a 7 on the international guy rating scale." It is highly personal. Seeming genuinely interested in me as a person is vital, so is seeming smart (I tend towards the dorky) and having basic manners (a lot of guys don't, some of them probably think they are cocky). I think sharing a sense of humor and feeling he has passion/motivation in life are important in forming a relationship, but they don't have to show up in the first interaction.

 

I can't be the only one who thinks it's incredibly arrogant, misguided and condescending when male posters snark about how women in general don't know what they want or will lie about it if they do, can I? Every time I read that I think, well, now I know why THAT one is having trouble with women.

It is way more than arrogant, it is literally misogynistic. It shows a hatred of women. I think some of these guys are posturing and repeating things they're read elsewhere, but it is still hateful.

 

I myself for example tend to be attracted to women who superficial and controlling. I absolutely hate to admit that about myself... but it's true. I've thrown myself into some terrible relationships because of that

This is a reason why you shouldn't be trusted to give relationship advice, not why women as a gender shouldn't be trusted to give relationship advice.

 

When it comes to gender and advice, I think the opposite sex can give you perspectives you wouldn't ever think of yourself. But people of both genders can be wrong.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Well, from what little I know of you, I'd suggest some of your archaic gender stereotypes are part of it. Not that there isn't a gal who might fit with them who happens to be secure and independent, emotionally, or that the opposite can't happen with gals that don't fit it. But you're just more likely to find gals that aren't with that view. Especially if you're also factoring in looks. Probably not the whole of it, of course.

 

How would my gender stereotypes play into it at all?

 

My last GF was an image obsessed career woman. She had no motherly instincts and no nurturing tendencies. In fact if I talked about feeling ill she would accuse me of just trying to get sympathy. I like to think I date women not stereotypes.

[Stung]

 

My point was that we often don't want to admit to ourselves or others what are bad tendencies are...

 

I myself for example tend to be attracted to women who superficial and controlling. I absolutely hate to admit that about myself... but it's true. I've thrown myself into some terrible relationships because of that.

 

Does my comment make more sense now?

 

Sorry I wasn't quite clear on that post. I was not trying to imply that emotionally healthy women don't know what they want or will lie about it.

 

My point was that in my experience most women are not emotionally healthy... and men too, and that asking their opinion on this topic is pointless.

 

Now that you have clarified, I don't necessarily disagree. At least I see where you're coming from and have experienced similar, although I'm not convinced interpersonal/emotional blindness remains the vast majority as people mature.

 

However, your earlier actual post read as just another version of a sentiment that has been echoed across these boards again and again, that women are too foolish to know their own minds, that women are shallow, manipulative liars. Women in general, not in specific. I have seen this belief parroted repeatedly on this board by the same male posters who either A) consistently complain about not being able to attract women, or B) can attract women, but view them as kind of ambulatory sex dolls, mentally-unfathomable objects to score, and then wonder why they can't sustain meaningful, high-quality emotional relationships.

 

I appreciate your clarification.

[zengirl]

How would my gender stereotypes play into it at all?

 

My last GF was an image obsessed career woman. She had no motherly instincts and no nurturing tendencies. In fact if I talked about feeling ill she would accuse me of just trying to get sympathy. I like to think I date women not stereotypes.

 

Well, I was going off the claims you've made about how you prefer women to act. . . of course, if you're not applying that criteria to dating, it has little to do with it. Many people do apply their claims and preferences to dating; I've no way to know if you do or don't. I was just speculating since you brought the topic of picking the wrong gals up and used "insecure" as one of the verbs. (Not that all insecure women are the need-a-man types, by far, but far more of the pretty ones are. To be a pretty girl and think you absolutely need a man to support you in life---any man (not a specific fellow you like)----often leads to the most warped versions of the kind of gals you laud (a subgroup I'm sure you don't like and not indicative of the whole group). I've no idea why you choose them. It was just a theory. I just figure that everything a person believes plays into everything they do. In different ways, of course. (Kind of like the "But I wasn't acting insecure on the date" doesn't really make sense if a person is insecure, it's going to affect things.) Generally, I believe if someone is attracting bad partners, it's because of something they believe. I was just taking a stab.

Edited August 7, 2010 by zengirl

[Untouchable_Fire]

It is way more than arrogant, it is literally misogynistic. It shows a hatred of women. I think some of these guys are posturing and repeating things they're read elsewhere, but it is still hateful.

 

Your way off on this one. Your off in a galaxy far far away.

 

This is a reason why you shouldn't be trusted to give relationship advice, not why women as a gender shouldn't be trusted to give relationship advice.

When it comes to gender and advice, I think the opposite sex can give you perspectives you wouldn't ever think of yourself. But people of both genders can be wrong.

 

Actually I'm very good at providing relationship advice, because I have emotional distance. There have been a few threads where I take it seriously and provide extremely good advice.

 

When I'm too close to an issue I often can't see the forest... just a few trees.

[K'aycie]

So I guess my question is: Ladies, what genuinely attracts you physically/sexually to a male?

 

 

It varies and it's all subjective.

 

For instance -

 

I was physically attracted to someone, because he danced like Justin Timberlake and I thought it was hawt.

 

Another because he was a gentleman, very sweet and very sexy...

 

Another because of his facial expressions when we were together, which I was quite drawn to for some reason.

 

Another because he was very tall and masculine.

[Pyro]

Exactly my point. I'm not disagreeing w/you. Since you are in a relationship said dating tips are no longer relevant to you

 

and like last time, I mentioned that I was referring to when I was dating.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Well, I was going off the claims you've made about how you prefer women to act. . . of course, if you're not applying that criteria to dating, it has little to do with it. Many people do apply their claims and preferences to dating; I've no way to know if you do or don't. I was just speculating since you brought the topic of picking the wrong gals up and used "insecure" as one of the verbs. (Not that all insecure women are the need-a-man types, by far, but far more of the pretty ones are. To be a pretty girl and think you absolutely need a man to support you in life---any man (not a specific fellow you like)----often leads to the most warped versions of the kind of gals you laud (a subgroup I'm sure you don't like and not indicative of the whole group). I've no idea why you choose them. It was just a theory. I just figure that everything a person believes plays into everything they do. In different ways, of course. (Kind of like the "But I wasn't acting insecure on the date" doesn't really make sense if a person is insecure, it's going to affect things.) Generally, I believe if someone is attracting bad partners, it's because of something they believe. I was just taking a stab.

 

Well, what woman is going to conform to a preset image in my mind? I prefer to take her as she is and toss the image away.

 

The last particular relationship I thought was going well. There were some things that irritated me... she tried to be controlling at times, also sometimes seemed cold... but also very warm and loving at other times. If you had told me 1 month before I caught her cheating that it would happen... I would have been shocked. However, I knew it was going to happen within about 2 weeks of it actually happening. Though the signs were there from long before they just were not as obvious.

 

Anyway... sometimes don't read too much into what I say on non-specific threads. I'm still trying to work through some emotional garbage before I go onto the next relationship. I don't know if you've ever been through it... but it takes some time to get over cheating... and it seems each time gets harder.

[zengirl]

Well, what woman is going to conform to a preset image in my mind? I prefer to take her as she is and toss the image away.

 

The last particular relationship I thought was going well. There were some things that irritated me... she tried to be controlling at times, also sometimes seemed cold... but also very warm and loving at other times. If you had told me 1 month before I caught her cheating that it would happen... I would have been shocked. However, I knew it was going to happen within about 2 weeks of it actually happening. Though the signs were there from long before they just were not as obvious.

 

Anyway... sometimes don't read too much into what I say on non-specific threads. I'm still trying to work through some emotional garbage before I go onto the next relationship. I don't know if you've ever been through it... but it takes some time to get over cheating... and it seems each time gets harder.

 

I see. That preference is a very healthy attitude. And surely the emotional garbage stage isn't fun.

Edited August 7, 2010 by zengirl

[dispatch3d]

Oh, true. Never ever just instantaneously take anyone's advice in your actual life. I just find it condescending and insulting when fellows say silly things like, "Girls don't know what they want," or "Never listen to women about dating."

 

I should clarify. To me, someone who is in a successful, healthy long-term relationship is most likely to give me the kind of advice that is going to work for me, since I only seek successful, healthy long-term relationships. Basically, go to someone who is successful at what you want to be successful at is always good advice.

 

For instance, if I want to know what men find attractive in order to improve myself, I'd want to ask both men who I might be interested in (the type I'd want to find me attractive) and women who attract those sorts of men. If I want to know for purely sociological reasons, all answers would be interesting. But I'd need some solid methodology to make anything of it beyond just prompting some thought.

 

 

 

This is the part where I think you fall apart. Why shouldn't people who have a pick of the people they date because they are desirable be potentially good at saying what is desirable? They might not be able to empathize with the struggles of others who want to be hit on more, even by undesirables, but that doesn't exclude them from giving good advice on other things.

 

To the first part. Ahhh what if girls don't know what they want? Like seriously half the **** I read about "what girls want" in this thread or others are things they have seen in an ex. Did they like these things beforehand, or did they go out with the ex, find out he liked these things, then backwards rationalized it? It could be either one!

 

The hot ones isn't where my arguement falls apart. You go on to talk about how the hot ones can tell you how to attract guys - well no ****! I was talking about getting relationship advice from them. Lots of them cheat. Lots of them who want to cheat don't, and lie to themselves they like the relationship. Lots of them are in relationships so that they aren't single. I much more respect a girl who is capable of being single than the ones who DEFINITELY wouldn't be single ever (ie. they'd find a new one before they dumped a previous one, or they'd just stick with a bad relationship).

 

The other thing is girls don't spend all their time hitting on other girls. Why would they? They figure out ways to get the guys they want interested in them. Then they date those guys. Sure they can say I liked the fact he was smart, or that he did stuff, or blablabla. This has nothing to do with getting a girl to want to have sex with you.

[zengirl]

To the first part. Ahhh what if girls don't know what they want? Like seriously half the **** I read about "what girls want" in this thread or others are things they have seen in an ex. Did they like these things beforehand, or did they go out with the ex, find out he liked these things, then backwards rationalized it? It could be either one!

 

Okay, I agreed earlier that unhealthy women (like unhealthy men) don't know what they want often. However, unhealthy women and men often don't know what other people want either. This makes unhealthy people a bad source of advice on all things.

 

It is still crap to write "Girls don't know what they want" wholesale because (a) It is not true of all girls, (b) You probably don't know what they want either, and © It's just plain insulting.

 

There are people of both genders who have no idea what they want in a mate. I have no arguments there.

 

The hot ones isn't where my arguement falls apart. You go on to talk about how the hot ones can tell you how to attract guys - well no ****! I was talking about getting relationship advice from them. Lots of them cheat. Lots of them who want to cheat don't, and lie to themselves they like the relationship. Lots of them are in relationships so that they aren't single. I much more respect a girl who is capable of being single than the ones who DEFINITELY wouldn't be single ever (ie. they'd find a new one before they dumped a previous one, or they'd just stick with a bad relationship).

I'm in 100% agreement with you about Vines. (That's what I call them---swinging from one to the next.) But. . . uh. . . Men do that too. Also unattractive people do it too, and many "hot" people don't. I am confused how the points collide at all.

 

The other thing is girls don't spend all their time hitting on other girls. Why would they? They figure out ways to get the guys they want interested in them. Then they date those guys. Sure they can say I liked the fact he was smart, or that he did stuff, or blablabla. This has nothing to do with getting a girl to want to have sex with you.

I can't tell you anything about every girl in the world any more than any man can (Really, nobody can), but I'm assuming every woman who answers on this thread is talking about her personal experiences. I find it quite lame and insulting when someone says I have no idea what makes me want to sleep with a guy and/or date him. And just plain untrue. I know very well. It's not always quantifiable in words (I started my post with the mention of pheromones, which I do believe play in, as do looks, and interaction, which are evaluated case-by-case, in some ways, as many women have pointed out), but to say, "Just listen to that man over there. Women don't know anything about themselves," is just plain insulting. I'd never say that about men. Or any other group or person individually. Edited August 7, 2010 by zengirl

[dispatch3d]

The stuff that you can't put into words is the stuff that actually matters the most. Yeah girls definitely give some very good advice/can put into words some of the stuff they like. They also give a bunch of junk advice that is a reallllly bad idea. The guys who are very good with women - well they don't ****up. They know not to do x, or do y, or whatever. You'll get more consistent advice than from virtually any woman (like their advice will be good around 80-90%). I'm talking about guys who are actually really good with women, rarely single, etc.

 

You're just taking it as too absolute. I'm not saying girls have no idea, and I don't think the other guys are either. I would say lots of woman give good advice maybe 30-50% of the time. A lot of it can't be put into use (like be more confident). And then some of it isn't good at all, maybe 20-34%.

 

As far as the vines and things go we are saying the same thing. Get advice from people who you judge to be good at dating. Not people who happen to have a lot of relationships/are in a long term relationship/etc. I enjoy the term vines, pretty funny actually. I find them difficult to interact with though. They'll say stuff like "I really like talking to you", and I just think uhhh you have a boyfriend? I can't be the only guy whose like this either...

[zengirl]

The stuff that you can't put into words is the stuff that actually matters the most. Yeah girls definitely give some very good advice/can put into words some of the stuff they like. They also give a bunch of junk advice that is a reallllly bad idea. The guys who are very good with women - well they don't ****up. They know not to do x, or do y, or whatever. You'll get more consistent advice than from virtually any woman (like their advice will be good around 80-90%). I'm talking about guys who are actually really good with women, rarely single, etc.

 

You're just taking it as too absolute. I'm not saying girls have no idea, and I don't think the other guys are either. I would say lots of woman give good advice maybe 30-50% of the time. A lot of it can't be put into use (like be more confident). And then some of it isn't good at all, maybe 20-34%.

 

As far as the vines and things go we are saying the same thing. Get advice from people who you judge to be good at dating. Not people who happen to have a lot of relationships/are in a long term relationship/etc. I enjoy the term vines, pretty funny actually. I find them difficult to interact with though. They'll say stuff like "I really like talking to you", and I just think uhhh you have a boyfriend? I can't be the only guy whose like this either...

 

The stuff you can't put into words that I'm talking about is the stuff guys can't put into words for other guys either. I'm talking about basic chemical things with that. . . not actions. So nobody can give advice on that. And actually it's pointless to try. The advice is for the other, controllable stuff. I think as a female poster above said it is endlessly arrogant for men to say men know more about what women like. Take advice from whomever you like, personally, but it's downright rude to try to make up some random percentages about how much women know about themselves, versus how much men know about them.

 

I believe people who are best at dating are the people not dating anymore and who have reason to believe they'll never date again -- because they're happily partnered in a reasonably permanent partnership. But that's my view of dating, as I said. What applies to me won't apply to others.

 

At any rate, there is no reason to go around saying, "Women give crappy advice. Don't listen to them" unless you're trying to be a jerk. People are individuals and what attracts them will be an individual thing. I don't see why the thread had to be polluted by people coming in and saying women's thoughts and opinions aren't valid and warning everyone not to listen to them, as that's just a crappy thing to do. That's where I'm going to leave it.

[bac]

IMO it depends on balance of all qualities that a man has.

The balance should be positive. The more good qualities a man has the better.

There are many qualities that make a man attractive such as:

an attractive face,

nice hair

a good body

normal height

a nice fashion style

a normal-looking male genitalia

a good libido

being good at sex and ability to have erection

good financial situation

having things/interests in common with a girl

good communication skills

an ability for empathy and understanding girls

general mental health with no personality disorders, mood disorders, anxiety disorders, drugs addictions or other problems

Perhaps smth else .....

[Untouchable_Fire]

Now that you have clarified, I don't necessarily disagree. At least I see where you're coming from and have experienced similar, although I'm not convinced interpersonal/emotional blindness remains the vast majority as people mature.

However, your earlier actual post read as just another version of a sentiment that has been echoed across these boards again and again, that women are too foolish to know their own minds, that women are shallow, manipulative liars. Women in general, not in specific. I have seen this belief parroted repeatedly on this board by the same male posters who either A) consistently complain about not being able to attract women, or B) can attract women, but view them as kind of ambulatory sex dolls, mentally-unfathomable objects to score, and then wonder why they can't sustain meaningful, high-quality emotional relationships.

I appreciate your clarification.

 

Those guys when they post stuff like that are not often thinking about women in general.... commonly they are thinking about a specific woman who has caused some kind of emotional pain... and they are applying that to all women.

 

It's like when you eat a berry and it makes you violently ill... and so you apply that bad experience to all berries. Guys are very prone to that kind of thinking.

 

In regards to me... I don't have problems getting women. I don't technically have problems keeping a relationship going. However... I seem to get cheated on A LOT! I can't figure out why.

 

The last GF started up something with a coworker twice her age... who has a drug habit... and has banged half the girls in her office... and one guy too. He isn't rich, or funny, or all that smart... He is good looking... but I'm actually better looking... so, I just don't get it. Why? Why does that happen?